Viking

I want to know because I want to tell people that I love them, in case I actually do. That's important. I'm not sure what I feel. I don't have close friends, I don't have a girlfriend, i'm not communicating enough with people and I don't have meaningful connections in my life. Those are basic needs and I miss them in my life. I'm trying to get a girlfriend on dating apps but it's tough. Regarding friends, it's very challenging for me to meet new people, I dont know how and there are very few social activities in my area and the few that exist have people that i cant connect with. Anger I feel extremely rarely. Fear I feel sometimes. Joy I feel rarely. Gratitude I feel sometimes. I also feel sadness, often feel the need to cry. Mostly I don't feel anything though.

i have seen that video but it wasnt helpful. I guess I could love my family. I guess I also loved videogames and tv shows back in the day but now I stopped. i feel also that my love for those things was momentary, its just things i did and i loved them a lot sometimes, but mostly i didnt. right now i dont feel like i love anything in my life except maybe my family but thats why im asking the question. im not sure, how do i know?

because spirituality is all about

I cant handle the notion of initiating a conversation with a stranger, but if for example someone starts speaking with me, ill be able to go along. If the person who approached me is slightly non normal, i would be immediately wary of him and think he wants to hurt me in some way. I also dont believe in people's goodness. anytime I see people, any kind of person, do anything "good" I would start doubting him as to why did he do it and what are his true intentions. Like all people are hiding something. Basically the uncertainty is fucking me up, i cant handle it, so im staying as far as I can from strangers.

but then theyre not doing something good for someone genuinely, but just to feel good, for them. makes me feel even more alienated from them. there are some people that do good not for the emotions or for their own sake, but from the understanding of their unimportance and of understanding of the struggle of others, being humble. that is very rare in people though. lmao yeah im an NPC, did you mean anything deeper behind that remark?

im not disagreeing with what you said. i think its true that if youre a good person you will notice more good in people. but the good and also the bad exist in people, cant deny that. what i said is true too. i may not see the good because to the human mind negative always overpowers the positive. im always seeing the good i guess when i make myself less conscious, when i dont care.

Are you kidding me, I dont trust myself to do whatever pops into my mind. I would start insulting and offending people left and right. I dont think a person should be in a state of total abandonment, thats how you get all those hippies who run around naked and spit on people. I know personally a few people like that, they're hurting themselves and others, I dont want to be like that. At least not yet, while im so young and lack wisdom. I think even if I'd be mother teresa I would see other people as evil, because they're mostly all devils, all selfish, its obvious. most people I interact with, who I wouldnt consider awful people, in fact very high quality, are completely absorbed in their own devil bubble. dont usually care about what others have to say, they only care what they have to say. they only care about their life, they dont give a shit what happens to other people, even if their "public opinion" is to be a good loving person that cares, thats just devil bullshit. From all the people I know only 1 person truly cares about other people, and that's because he had quite a few enlightenment experiences. even he though, with that quality, has tons of other devilish qualities. i learned some in the past, and i felt like it was a huge waste of time. In order for it to actually be effective you have to attend lessons weekly for decades, otherwise when it comes to real situations you reflexes wont be built well enough. The problem is that i cant skip them, im afraid of them, i dont know what theyre going to do and my emotional reaction to hostility from others is very intense so im even afraid i might cry during a confrontation.

@pluto8 The fact that you took it personally just shows how much of a devil you are

i feel somewhat shallow when i judge girls solely on their physical appearance but a lot of women just disgust me when i think about touching them in a sexual way. what is the high consciousness view on this?

probably because you climbed up maslow's hierarchy and are now in the the self transcendence stage. im pretty low in the hierarchy as i have low self esteem and dont have any good friends/intimate relationship. im not even interested in self actualization at this point, the only real desires i have are for an intimate relationship and good friends.

hm okay. i guess i care more about the personality, if shes fat it usually correlates to mental issues, being lazy or irresponsible

what things?

so what i would do is stop self inquiry and restart it after a few months. But i think it depends on the level one is at, because at the same time it could kill one's "catching on fire" as shinzen young said. or maybe not, i dont know. i know im not at that level so it doesnt matter for me.

Recently ive stopped filling my mind with spirituality and self development. By that i mean i stopped using the forum, stopped watching spiritual videos, stopped reading books, stopped journaling, didn't stop meditating however. Counterintuitively, I noticed that my understanding of spirituality and self development has increased dramatically compared to to when i was studying this stuff. The reason for that I think is that i got out of the thinking patterns i was stuck in when studying spirituality and self development, so i was sensitive enough to look at life from different perspectives, so the knowledge i gained from studying integrated better. this is not like "Theory vs practice" that Leo has made a video on, the point of which was to study theoretical concepts and then practice them in daily life. here im talking about abandoning completely self development thinking patterns, during the "practice period" too.

nonduality is true science

it has been scientifically proven that when you force a smile you feel better.

bruh #onlyzehut

for the last few months ive been sleeping for around 10 hours a day, because i cant force myself to wake up. i dont want to wake up in the morning because sleeping is much better than living. my daily life is not suffering though, its just kinda lame. i dont have to wake up at 7am or 8am because my classes start at 10am or 12am. i wake up leaving just enough time to eat breakfast, sometimes i dont have time for that and then i need to buy food during the day. i want to meditate too but i dont manage to wake up early enough for that, every day i somehow manage to convince myself not to wake up. i also need to run in the morning for health and dont have time for that too. how do i make myself wake up?

would you say to start the theory videos from scratch too? or just the exercises?

i bought the course about a year and a half ago, but dropped it because it was too hard and time consuming. on the values alone ive spent a few weeks of daily contemplation. and they got out to be very messy and inaccurate. i will continue it once i have time (in a few months when ill finish the degree)

i guess youre right in some places. i do have some victim thinking due to past experiences, ill watch the video. but in some places the reasons i gave are more reasons why i dont want something rather than why i cant. like i could get a girlfriend probably, but it would take a lot of effort and time which i would rather invest in my studies.

ive done that plenty of times, but i guess not in a daily fashion. ill try, thanks. do you have any tips? i noticed its very hard for me because i got led to believe that happiness is about not wanting anything etc. also i basically just want good vibes, but i dont know what causes them. and all i really want right now is a girlfriend because i never had one, but its impossible due to men rich environment and lack of time. also i heared i should spend my 20s on my career and not women

drive i think is not something i could gain by insights or watching some motivational video. i think its something that builds over long years or months of action, which has to be directed towards something, but im way too young to know what to look for. also im a student so my only goal is to finish the degree (so im in a bubble)which im about to do, and then ill be able to find drive, when ill have more experience of whats possible. im afraid in the moment its not possible because as i said im in a bubble, with a very limited amount of people i can talk to, with whom i dont connect, because of age difference. edit: please correct me if you think anything is wrong

haha, i tried it, but i just stop the alarm and go back to bed. and i do have a routine, i just dont. overall i think the solution is to go to sleep earlier.

if i had any friends or interesting things to do i wouldnt sleep that much