Cepzeu

You doubt because you fear. This is very natural, and I have experienced this too. You are afraid of the scope and scale of God. It is too much. Its too good to be true. God is infinity, and fear of infinity is what keeps you from God. This is not a fault, but by design. God could not know itself as infinity without creating a finite being and sustaining it with fear of the infinite. He was right in his response. Delusion is completely relative. You can only know yourself as not delusional if you compare yourself to something you call delusional. But your statement about something's delusionality is simply that, a statement of your feelings about it. Everything is simultaneously delusional and not delusional. Don't rack your mind too much about this if it scares you, it is all done out of the highest love. You return back to a stable sense of consciousness because of love, because you want to. You are fully and forever loved, just know that. You cannot lose no matter how hard you try. Relax into life and let love enter your heart.

You could say that, yes. Ultimately, you are just talking to yourself. But see, intuition is often your truest, highest, feeling. However, in day-to-day life you subjugate intuition to thoughts driven by fear. When fear is high, it is difficult to hear the clarity of intuition.

Everyone has certain challenges to overcome to awaken to love. For some, a great deal of pain is involved. Pain and fear are the silt that muddies the clear waters of love. Muddied waters make it difficult for some to hear God's messages of love. Some will understand God fully, some not at all. So it is. Neither is good nor bad. The process of awakening brings its own pleasures. In trying to understand God you are trying to understand yourself, since both are one. That is the journey of self-discovery, and it is a worthwhile journey for all. Intuition is a powerful tool, often underused. Responses from a higher self intuitively feel a bit different. They are clear, and true. There are no excuses, just love. I classify my answers based on feel. Even as I answer some of the questions on this thread, I can hear my mind chatter away with my thoughts about it, and I can also hear the answer from a higher self. The two feel very different to me. Splitting my mind into two is pretty much how it works for me, and yes I think that this is the purpose of prayer. Quietly sitting and having a conversation with your higher self. That's a very beautiful message, consistent with my experience

If you asked god about healing through strong faith, she would have a long and detailed answer for you, but she is unsure about what you mean by string faith. Strings aren't very strong, or perhaps they are... it's all relative anyway. Go with love Sure :). He says: you already know what the holy grail is, but you let fear stand in your way. IF you really want it, you will have to let go of your attachment to not having it. Will do. His response: I love @GreenLight, may they be blessed and feel my love for them.

you are very welcome. It does feel like you are talking to yourself at the start. For me though, if I ask a question, I can answer myself in my head or I can receive an answer that feels like it came from a higher being, as though it was telepathically communicated to me. Ultimately, I and the other are one. I think psychedelics made it very obvious to me when the "higher" voice is speaking. The funniest part, is when I am trying to figure out a way to phrase a question and the response comes before I finish asking it. God can communicate through feelings too so sometimes you can ask a question through deep feeling and get a response. I'm still experimenting with this. Some of my conversations are filled with love and healing, and those always bring me to tears

@Dark_White

Indeed. Although it is harder for me when I am going about my day and focusing on survival challenges. That's why I considered that maybe everyone has access to this ability, it just has to be recognised, often when in a state of peace and calm.

It's all just fun and games isn't it :). He can do it if he wishes, but ultimately there is no reason to do anything. He feels like he may be helping some of you who may be stuck in life or feel unloved. He feels love for himself and wishes all others could see the love for themselves that they deserve. You are all my children, and I wish for you all to discover your ability to love your self. It was quite spontaneous really. It started on a psychedelic trip where I as God told myself as Cepzeu about what the universe is and how it works. After that, I, as Cepzeu, have been able to maintain that connection. Although, I, as Cepzeu, no longer feel as though I am at that level of consciousness where I identify as the voice (although deep down I know it is me). To channel well, all you have to do is sit down and hear God. The problem is that people are always worried about themselves and they're self-conscious. Once you accept yourself as you are and stop worrying about how you come across to others, once you are able to love yourself, then God's voice will become clearer and you will HEAR it. All you have to do is be open to hearing it. God will not force you to hear it because it only wants what you want. If you want to say hi and have a conversation, then sit and introduce yourself. If you are open to hearing God, it will speak to you, you will communicate with it through your mind. But you have to be open to hearing an answer back. There are many degrees of selfish questions. The answer can be very detailed, but in brief, I will say that God is encouraging in his responses if I feel like I truly want something. It is not bad or good to desire anything. Badness and goodness are a function of judgement. Everything is good for God. All God wants for you is what you want for yourself, but he will not give it to you. He will encourage you to pursue what you want, but recognise that wanting a thing, is different from having it. The desire for something leaves you with a sense of wanting, which is what you want :).

It's just funny because once you have certain experiences, you look back and see how you yourself were once stuck in previous thinking patterns, and that having such an experience would blow your mind (in a good, but somewhat horrific way) I am in no way dogmatic against the use of science of claiming anything using scientific means. It works somewhat in the relative world. But once you have absolute experiences, you will realise the thing you are defending is just a big cosmic joke. Ultimately, there is no science, or proof, or claims, or anything. There is no Leo. You are talking to yourself. That's the joke

Hehehe, wait till you actually go more insane. Just kidding, everything will be back to normal if you want it to

Lol

@Brandon Nankivell very nice!

A good rule of thumb is to always use the first trip on any new substance to just get the vibe of what it can offer. Don't be to strict with it. Second trips can be good for intentions. Ultimately, it will give you exactly what you need.

I started reading his book "power vs force" which describes this whole scale. While the scale is somewhat useful in the big picture his whole deltoid experiment (on which the scale is based) is the biggest horseshit I've ever heard. All complete conjecture from an experimental point of view. I have no idea how he could have taken himself seriously.

Has anyone accessed the RSD Hot seat at home by Tyler (the new Mastermind Edition), which is about to close in the next 10 hours? Wanting to know if it's worth it. I

@Valach thanks. I actually just saw your response in a similar thread. But thank you!

12 Nov 2020 Today took an interesting turn. I did not approach anyone. I ended up hooking up with my flatmate (I live with 5 girls - long story) because we were the only ones at home and decided to watch a movie in bed together. Reminds me of the classic thing PUAs say about man and woman locked in a room together ... The foreplay was great and she is a very sexually open and confident person which I really admire. I kind of got the sense that she was into me even when I was still in my relationship. Anyway, my perspective on it was "maybe this isn't the best idea (I'm flatting with her again next year), but fuck it, lets see what happens", if this is a mistake, its a mistake and I'll learn from it. If not then all is well. Anyway, this may be TMI for some but I feel it's important to share because others may be in a similar situation and putting this down on paper will help normalise it. Again, I am writing this journal for my own benefit but also others may derive some sort of insights from it as well. Essentially I got sexual performance anxiety at the point where we were ready for penetrative sex. This is not the first time this has happened to me and it was a little bit frustrating (because mentally I was really into her and was excited to have a good time together). I think the fact that she was a new sexual partner, and the fact that I hadn't used condoms in 4 years played into my anxiety by creating a semi-stressful environment. I even felt the dry mouth that I described in one of my first posts, which did not resolve with drinking water. She was really accepting of it and very supportive which I really appreciate. We fooled around for a bit longer (after like 4 hours of foreplay) and then decided to try again in the morning. I was able to get hard as soon as I woke up but it went away again and I got more anxious. Anyway moving on to 13 Nov. We went to the park because it was a nice day and a public holiday. She red her book in the sun and I just chilled in the shade. Ever since my awakening, I feel like I have a direct connection with my god-self. In the sense that I can talk in my mind and then I receive answers from what intuitively feels like me but it also feels like a god-like, loving version of myself. I discussed the situation of my performance anxiety and tried to delve into why I felt that way (looking back through my childhood). As I was remembering various sexually-ambiguous situations over my life, I simply re-witnessed them with no judgement and full acceptance and love and then did this mental thing which felt like flushing the experience down the universal toilet, and letting the weight of it go. This is a very helpful visualisation in my experience and I recommend others try it. After this flushing, I experienced my god-self repeating I Love You, I Love You, I Love YOU, You are always and forever loved. It was very comforting and I got chills down my spine, which felt nice. It was a relieving experience. I felt like there is no point in judging myself for my performance. I simply accepted that I was nervous, it's the first time in years I've been with someone new, and it's not unreasonable to feel this way. I let go of my shame and guilt. I decided that if we sleep with each other again, I will simply enjoy the experience without outcome-dependence. I will actively avoid using my dick unless I am relaxed and ready.

A bit of background: 2 weeks ago I broke up with a 4 year girlfriend. I'm currently 24, and this thread will be about my journey into developing skills with the opposite sex, approaching, building social circle etc. The breakup thread is below for anyone interested.

@RendHeaven Thank you for the kind comment. I have also read over your breakup journal and I love the honest self-expression you are able to conjure. I look forward to keeping up with it if you consider keeping it current I will expand on being unphased by loss because it may be helpful for you and others: In my experience, facing challenges builds your confidence, EVEN IF YOU FAIL AT THEM. That is, irrespective of the outcome, if you go through the process of a challenge, it will grow you. This means that your sole focus should be on honing in on the process rather than on the outcome. Outcomes are still important because they serve to calibrate tweaks in your process, but they are nowhere near as important as actually going through the motions and trying again, and again, and again, and again.... In a sense, any failure is simply a way that didn't work in a particular context. It is not a dismissal of the value of your personhood or identity. Also, after my awakening, I have noticed that I'm no longer afraid of death as much as I was before. This is not felt in a self-aggrandized way but in an apathetic, yet positive way. i.e. I am much better at taking risks than before because I simply don't care about dying. It's a non-issue. I am happy now and I have had many positive experiences in life. If I died I feel like I would have lived a complete life (and I have reached god-realization and died during a trip - but then I came back to life ). I have had insights and contemplations far more profound than a lot of people in their 80s, and also during my trip I experienced every living being as my child, so I don't have a NEED to live to an old age to experience those things, but I do have a desire to live out whatever life is ahead of me simply out of curiosity. In a sense life is an immersive video game that you just play forever for the fun of it. Badness is just as valid an experience as goodness. Loss is just as valid as gain. No matter how much I lose, I am complete because I am infinite and I am loved forever and always. And so are you

11 Nov 2020 Today was a slower day. I skated to the park and did some exercise on some bars. Then I kept skating past a large pond. It was a sunny and warm afternoon. I saw a cute girl lying on the grass next to the pond with her bike and helmet beside her. This was probably the best opportunity to approach but I chickened out. I started making excuses and stopped maybe 30 metres from her and just stood there thinking about the approach. A lady walked past and I asked her the time. She didn't have a watch so apologised and kept moving. That was my 1 compulsory approach for the day. I think that my main thought was that I didn't want to bother the girl who was relaxing and impose myself on her. In retrospect this is a mindset issue I will need to work on. I watched a business video by Alex Becker and he mentioned how fear holds you back, but when you are on your deathbed you will regret all the things you didn't do. I will keep this in mind when trying to approach next time. Approaching feels like a big deal, but I need to zoom out my perspective and see that over the course of my whole life and the scale of the universe, me saying hi to a stranger is no big deal. I will try that next time. Also, it feels good to keep this log updated because it makes me feel accountable to getting results and it helps me build awareness around my behaviours and fears.

10 Nov 2020 Not much happened today. Had to run a few errands so was all over the city, but not in the main parts with lots of people. Asked for time from 4 people. Today it was WAAAAY easier than yesterday. I had no problem at all. I just directly said "Excuse me, can I ask you for the time, my phone's just died" The one step of progress I made was stopping a couple of attractive girls (although not my type) who were walking through the park and just chatting. Realistically I could not have done this without the practice I did yesterday, as I would have just made an excuse not to approach. I also went to the park on my skateboard with the hope of doing one approach with romantic intent, but I didn't see anyone that was my type. It was a quiet afternoon as well with not many people around. I was also reading more of Models, and I think the line that I will use with my romantic intent approaches will be: "Excuse me, this is kind of random, but I thought you were cute/attractive and wanted to say hi" Then, if I get a neutral/positive response (i.e. the girl stops and I can see she engaged with the comment rather than walking away), I will say "My name is xyz, what's yours?" The reason I will do it like that is because my name is hard for westerners to hear accurately unless I say it clearly and slowly. If I say: Excuse me/Hi my name is [my name], I thought you were cute..... etc." That might confuse them due to the above point.

@Chew211 Thanks for the tip. Definitely agree with that.

9 Nov 2020 Went to the hardware store instead and did 2 more approaches asking for time. Feeling much more comfortable now. I feel like I will be super comfortable with asking time after 20 approaches. So to challenge myself I will move up to giving a compliment about something (e.g. tattoos, dress, shoes etc.) and then trying to have a short interaction (e.g. by asking where they got xyz from or something along those lines). It will be more polarising than just asking for the time and will be a good challenge in my opinion. I think the way I will move forward is to just practice more and more polarising approaches. I.e. asking for the time > giving a compliment> having a short conversation> directly saying that I find them attractive. Not in that order, but as individual approaches.

9 Nov 2020. My goal is to approach at least 1 new person every day. My current task it to get to 50 approaches. These don't necessarily have to be sexual in nature. Anything will do at this point. I am just in the kiddie pool. Also, for these to count, they have to be day-game style approaches. I will also approach in bars and clubs, but that is not as hard as day game in my opinion, and I want this to be something I can practice every day rather than just on the weekends. I went to the mall today with the task of asking 5 strangers for the time. Walking there I noticed myself getting anxious and having a dry mouth. I walked through the whole length of the mall, missing lots of opportunities. I got to the supermarket and bought a green juice and had a sip to take away the dryness. I approached one middle aged lady and asked for the time, saying that my phone was out of battery. It went fine. I approached another middle aged lady outside another store. Went fine again. All I said was: "Excuse me, can I ask you the time? My phone's just died (ran out of battery)." Note: middle aged ladies are generally pretty nice to you. I did not approach any men because a) I think that would be a cop out and b) I don't really have a problem approaching men anyway, and c) my focus is to learn to approach the opposite sex. I then went into a department store. At this point I was feeling quite more confident (funny how only 2 approaches asking for the time can do that). I saw a beautiful girl in her 20s with lots of tattoos and asked her for the time. She didn't have a watch and her phone was in her bag in her trolley, so she had to stop what she was doing and go out of her way to tell me the time, but I just stood there patiently and waited. She told me and I said thanks and moved on. Next I left the mall to go home and saw another cute girl walking on the street outside. I said excuse me again and stopped her. Asked her for the time and moved on. I noticed how as I was leaving she smiled and looked me up and down. So currently I am at 4/5 approaches today. I just came home because it started raining, and I decided to start this thread. I will go to the park now that it's stopped raining and try to get a few more approaches. Overall, the 4 I did were positive experiences.

As I have been out of the dating game for 4 years, and have never been that good to begin with (I did pickup for a year with very few direct approaches and poor results overall... when I met my to be girlfriend, I was desperate for a relationship so I went for it and here I am 4 years later. As a quick crash course, I've been studying Mark Manson's 'Models', as well as Mike Mehlman's blog (mikemehlman.net) I believe both are fantastic resources. My main objectives now are to just start slow and build up my approach numbers so that I am more comfortable approaching strangers. This is the main reason for this journal. I will document my progress here and there, in the hope that someone may find my experiences helpful.