Emerald

The things you're mentioning here are compatibility-related things and avoiding deal-breakers, which are important for both partners to be clear on before entering into a relationship. Now... not every man is going to feel the same way that you do about sex nor will he need the same amount of sex as you to have his needs met. And not every woman is going to be compatible with your sexual values and needs. So, if you want those needs to be met in a relationship, you'll have to find a woman who is compatible with you in that way. That said, with the last post you made, I'm going to caveat this with the reality that your philosophy on sex will turn sex into a chore she does for you which will likely kill her libido and lead to less sex... because it will be less fulfilling sex for her. But the reason I'm posting all this is because the OP was asking what is the equivalent "female game" and strategies that women can do to keep a man. And my point that I've been bringing up is that the only strategy a woman can use to keep a man is to find a man who loves her and wants to live his life with her. Otherwise, there is no other strategy that will work. The woman has no control over keeping a man... other than to pick a compatible man that loves her and wants to be with her. In regard to the certainty thing... of course, nothing is ever certain. But I am personally not worried about certainty or strategies for keeping a man. I feel pretty settled in my relationship. I am merely sharing best practices for women who might stumble across this section of the forum and get confused by all the ineffective advice around "how to keep a man." The only real way to win the game is to choose not to play with someone who doesn't love you and/or isn't right for you. For women, the best strategy is to separate the wheat from the chaff... and employing strategies that work within the Masculine attraction framework aren't going to work.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it's a sure-fire way to get her feeling like sex is a chore she has to do for you to keep you loyal. And this will put her in her Masculine energy and using sex a strategy to keep you as opposed to a beautiful mutual experience to share... and it will create resentment and kill her libido. I was with a guy like this before (minus the threat of cheating as he really valued being with me and wasn't a completely terrible guy). But he did view sex as a chore I was supposed to do for him. And he had this idea that if I didn't give him sex... then he wasn't going to cuddle with me or give me attention because he would say "There is no difference between sex and cuddling because this is how men feel loved." And he thought that it should be an even exchange where if he cuddled with me that it should lead to sex. But this whole dynamic was a huge turn-off as he would withhold cuddling and affection because he felt I was withholding sex. And anytime I wanted to cuddle with him, he would immediately take it to a sexual place. And he'd get angry and resentful if I told him that I just wanted to cuddle for a while. But the problem is, that I need non-sexual cuddling and affection to feel valued and loved. And this in turn is the thing that turns me on as it relaxes me and gets me in the mood. And I never had the opportunity to get into that mood because engaging in cuddling meant that I would be expected to get to work within the next 30 seconds or he would get mad. So, from my perspective, the whole sexual dynamic became like doing the dishes or vacuuming. And it was just exhausting. And it lead to me avoiding cuddling and sex for months at a time because my body was just closed up to it. And after 2 or 3 months of avoiding sex, I'd force myself to have sex with him by pretending not to be there or imagining I was with someone else. And my whole entire being was screaming "I DO NOT WANT THIS!"

Like I mentioned before, sex (and money for that matter) is something that there needs to be compatibility around in order for a relationship to work out. Sex isn't what's going to keep a man there as the only thing that keeps a man there is love and a desire to live his life with her. And no amount of sex will convince a man to stay who doesn't already love her and want to stay of his own volition. So, it's not a good idea for a woman to view sex as a strategy she employs to keep a man or as a part of "female game". Instead, she (and he) would be wise to find a partner who is already sexually compatible so there aren't any issues or deal-breakers around this topic. With relationships, there are things we need from our partners in order to be compatible and feel good in a relationship. And this will be different for different people. So, getting the compatibility clear at the outset of the relationship is essential for avoiding a painful breakup down the line. But the issue with the idea of women "using game" to keep a man is that the only way for her to win the game is to remain in the frame that there is no need for her to play the game... because she is already the prize. And then to eliminate men from her consideration that don't recognize her as the prize.

I think the challenge here is that men don't tend to fantasize about loving a woman. So, they're not aware of how they actually fall in love... especially if they've never been in love with a woman before. They fantasize more about "getting good" with women and being desirable to women... and having lots of sex with women and getting female validation. They like this idea because their main bottleneck is being able to find ways to be attractive to women. So, these fantasies are novel and empowering and exciting to them. So, they will get really turned on and excited by the idea of their women (or women in general) treating them as the beloved... and having tons of sex... and getting all the female validation... and having a woman with a super submissive nature who is pliable and listens to his beck and call. All these ideas are exciting and novel to a man precisely because he's not living them. But these fantasies don't have anything to do with how men actually fall in love and what really keeps a man committed. In fact, when men fall in love it goes against this whole entire fantasy.... as the fantasy has to do with feeling a sense of power and control in the face of women (that they often feel disempowered in relation to since women are generally the more selective sex). So, falling in love is often a dreaded experience to many men because it goes against his conscious agenda to realize this fantasy... even as his conscious agenda towards this fantasy can accidentally lead him to love. And because of this, men will give women advice on how to keep a man by telling you what their fantasy is and what they like... and they're not lying. They really do think that this would keep them around because it's their fantasy. They LOVE the idea of the fantasy. But their fantasy is just what they think would keep them around. In reality, they would lose interest in a woman who does these things very quickly like the dog that caught the car. Men are more likely to fall in love with a compatible woman who invests in herself, has a high sense of self-worth and strong boundaries, and who's willing to challenge him from time to time.

Most of these things won't help a woman keep a man wanting to stay with her. However, (with the not nagging/pestering thing) everyone has their breaking point no matter how much love and attachment there is. So, that could become a deal breaker if taken to an extreme. However, this post isn't about avoiding losing a man (as everyone male or female has deal breakers)... it's about what keeps a man wanting to be with a woman. Also, it's important to note here that everyone has certain compatibilities and incompatibilities that are important to work out in the initial attraction phase. So, when it comes to the topic of KEEPING a man, it's already assumed that the compatibility (sexually or otherwise) has already been established. But beyond establishing sexual compatibility (along with other forms of compatibility), being constantly sexually available to a man isn't going to keep him. The only thing that keeps a man is if he loves you and wants to be there. And no amount of strategy or game will keep a man there that doesn't already want with all of his heart to be there. And if he doesn't, the best strategy is to let him go. Now, being in the Feminine energy creates softness and space for him to get closer to you. So, there is truth in this one. If you aren't able to shift into the Feminine energy and be the beloved, the bonding won't really have a chance to happen.

Definitely. You can tell when someone's just repeating what an influencer said. And Psychhacks is always framing things in the way the guy writing above is talking around women having to make herself useful to the guy and how men have all the options. I can see how that would be comforting for a man who feels disempowered in his dating life and feels like women hold all the cards as it presents a narrative that turns the tables and presents men as the selectors/rejectors and women as the ones that are contending for male approval. The problem there is that flipping the Masculine/Feminine dynamic from male lover wooing a female beloved over to female lover wooing a male beloved creates structurally unsound relationships where the woman is trying to win over the wrong guy and the wrong guy is just receiving what she's giving (when men don't fall in love by being given to). And this creates a particularly unstable kind of relationship where the woman is over-activated and feels unsafe and the man is detached and uninterested. It's a terrible environment to raise children in because it's an insecure dynamic.

It's probably Psychhacks. It reminded me a bit of his schtick, which is all about spinning a narrative that frames men as the ones that are ACTUALLY holding all the cards in dating/relationships. And it gives men with insecurities about dating/relationships/sex/women the comforting illusion that they out-gun women in every significant way in the romantic sector. But it really just gives novocaine to a deeper feeling of shame and insecurity. At any rate, real life doesn't actually work that way. And functional relationships don't work that way.

That makes sense. I do think there are signals that we all unconsciously send out that tend to be more or less magnetic to people with certain orientations to things like commitment.

I don't think you really get what I'm saying here. I'm 35 years old, and I've been around long enough to understand. And I've never had any trouble finding men who love me and value me. And I've tried it your way when I was much younger, and it was a bad strategy. If a man loves you... he will want to be with you. And no extra incentive is necessary because you will be the incentive. If a man has his heart set on you, he will crawl through the mud to help you if he absolutely has to. And he will hate the idea of you crawling the mud for him because he loves you and wants what's best for you. And any man who wants you to crawl through the mud for him is a huge red flag that is wise to sort from consideration immediately. If a man doesn't love you... he will never want to be with you. And if a man sees you as just another disposable woman... he will never be happy with you and will never be the right guy. And it doesn't matter if you crawl through the mud for him... or hold your breath and jump on one leg. A man who doesn't value you that way will never value you that way. And if you crawl through the mud for him, it won't mean a thing to him. And there is no extra incentive necessary or needed. And to try to incentivize things strategically just puts a woman in her Masculine energy trying to attract the wrong men for her. Like if I tried to create incentives for a guy to stay with me who sees me (and women in general) as disposable and fungible and who expects me to crawl through the mud to incentivize him to stay with me... think about the terrible and unstable relationships that I would get into by attracting that sort of guy. It's best to use the strategy of select and reject and sort someone out who is going to think like that... because he would be a low quality partner. Instead, it's a far better strategy to recognize my value and only form a deeper romantic bond with a man who really loves and values me. That's the only necessary strategy because the wrong man will never become the right man.

I'm not sure I would characterize the men I'm referring to as specifically being Masculine. Nor is it really about them rejecting a type of woman... as every woman (regardless of who it is) will have some percentage of men who feel this way for her. I tend to be attracted to and attract men who are a mixture of Masculine and Feminine and are integrated between both poles... though leaning more towards the Masculine. Sort of an inverted mirror to myself who is mostly Feminine but somewhat Masculine too. It's more like a sense of a man being the type of guy who's looking for a long-term relationship and wants to live his life through with a partner (who isn't that interested in hooking up with lots of women and getting validation from women)... and that this specific type of guy happens to also value me and my personality/beauty in particular. There are also other elements like integrity, chemistry, and compatibility that come into play. And it's sorting out the guys who don't fit the bill to make space for the guy who does fit the bill. And I find that there's a vibe when I can tell a guy is a match to that... which has been helpful for finding men who really value me and stick around. Out of all my past long-term relationships, I've only been broken up with once. And even with him, I know he really valued me and loved me... but the dynamic between us triggered some things in him that were emotionally untenable for him.

The only incentive that makes a man want to stay with you is if he loves you and wants you in his life. A man who loves you will walk through the fire to be with you. There is no other incentive that works to keep a man... not looks... not marriage... not giving him sex... not with-holding sex for a more opportune time... not cooking skills... not anything else. If he doesn't feel that way, he just doesn't feel that way. And you can't do anything to make him feel that way. He either loves and wants you in his life or he doesn't. And there is no strategy for making him stay. Just be the best version of yourself. And as a side effect, you will attract in the men that are compatible to you and who value you. And then reject all the ones you don't like... and reject all the ones who don't recognize your beauty/value... and reject all the ones who aren't available for a relationship. Trying active attraction strategies is a masculine way of going about things and doesn't work for women. Instead women need more passive strategies around selecting the right man and rejecting the wrong men. It's only when you reject the men that don't love you or value you in particular that you tune yourself in to a man who loves you in particular and wants to be with you in particular. That's a much better strategy for women. And when you use this strategy, you don't have to use sex or marriage as a man-trapping strategy because there is no need to. You can have sex because you feel like it or wait on sex because you feel like it. Or you can get married because you want to or avoid marriage because you don't want to get married. Anytime you're trying to devise a plan to get a man to commit... you're already using the wrong strategy. A man who wants to commit to you always will. And a man who doesn't want to commit to you always won't. And if he doesn't... let him go. That's the most powerful strategy.

Here's the thing. If you're a woman who is strategizing on how to keep a man... it's already a bad strategy from the jump. Find a man who already loves you and wants to be with you that you feel the same way towards. And that's a good strategy for a lasting relationship.

None of this is relevant if you find a man who loves you and wants you in his life. Doesn't matter if you have sex with him on the very first date... or if you wait until marriage. If he wants you, he wants you. And if he doesn't he doesn't. And there's nothing you can do (or should do) to try to change his mind on the latter. There's no strategy you can employ to make a man stay or value you... other than to choose the man that loves you and wants you in his life and to reject the men who don't love you and/or aren't that into you and are just keeping you around to avoid loneliness or for easy female companionship and sex.

Thank you! I'm glad it resonated.

If I remember correctly, the study had been conducted with men and women all over the world in different economic brackets. And it makes total sense because it all pertains to what's healthiest and gives the biggest advantage to offspring in a given environment. Keeping weight on and being strong/muscular and masculine/unemotional is going to be very helpful for surviving in difficult and lean contexts. But in contexts of plenty (with lots of high calorie foods constantly available and less hardship), the healthiest people for the environment are leaner and more integrated with the Feminine and emotionally sensitive.

<3

It was definitely trippy. Especially with the exposure to infinite knowledge. It was like a movie where every frame is a different movie.... but multiplied exponentially to the point of absolute chaos. Needless to say, I'm glad to have chosen to forget it. Right now, I can only remember a symbolic understanding of what it was like.

Thank you! And you're welcome!

I'm glad to hear that! <3

You're welcome!

Thank you! I'm glad it resonated.

It's shown me that my path is a more Feminine path related to embodiment and embrace of the Earthly and ordinary.

I was thinking about this the other day that the thing that makes a social system more or less corrupt is how unfocused or focused it is toward its ACTUAL function. For example... the function of the military is defense. And to the degree that it deviates from its purpose of defense (towards extra concepts like offense) is the degree to which it slips towards corruption. And the function of an economic system is to disseminate value across society. And to the degree that it deviates from that purpose (towards extra concepts like deserving and undeserving) is the degree to which it slips towards corruption. And the function of the criminal justice system is to protect society from detrimental actions. And to the degree that it deviates from that purpose (by adding in extra concepts like punishment) is the degree to which it slips towards corruption.

I feel like a lot of this is pretty obvious if you have a general understanding of biological signifiers of attraction. That said, regarding size of a woman, studies have shown the attraction changes based on economic factors. They gathered a bunch of data on it, that I read about some years ago. (It also changes for men). So, it isn't likely to be the pregnancy suspicion thing. In economically poor areas, the attraction preference is towards bigger women and more hyper-Masculine barrel chested men with small eyes and a protruding brow. (Think Lizzo and Joe Rogan as ideally attractive in this context) In economically rich areas, the attraction preference is toward thinner women and men who have bigger eyes and a combination of Masculine and Feminine features. (Think Florence Pugh and Timothee Chalamet as ideally attractive in this context) And these conditional attractions make sense because they are signifiers of optimum health and adaptivity to the given environment.

Men don't stay because of looks or any other specific quality for that matter. And if a woman tries to work to make a man stay, this isn't going to work. Also, a man who is interested in women mostly for looks will only look to "collect them all"... which makes him poor husband quality as he won't stay through the aging and the ups and downs of the cycles of life. And to go through the motions of looking good to impress or please him only puts a woman in the masculine role of trying to "win" his affection which doesn't bode well for her. And she'll usually be doing these methods to keep the wrong man who isn't that into her. So a woman should only doll herself up if it pleases her. And she should do this or that or the other thing that a man might find pleasing, only if it pleases her. This keeps her in her Feminine energy when she lives her best life for her and her alone. And it has a side benefit of maximizing her magnetism. In truth, a man will only stay if he loves you and wants you to be a constant in his life. If he doesn't love you, he won't stay. If he loves you, he will. And a woman should just be true to herself, so that she functions as a beacon to call in the right men that want to love you and repel the wrong men who won't. And the only way to have a man stay is to repel and reject the wrong men while sending her authenticity out into the world to attract the right man. Only the right man will stay. This is why men's #1 dating strategy is to attract. And women's #1 dating strategy is to select and reject. When women try to use the masculine "attract" strategy, this only works to attract the wrong man and puts her in the Masculine role of trying to win him and please him.