kieranperez

I really do agree with @Leo Gura's last point on over idealization. This work we're involved with is a culmination of so many different realizations, truths, things to embody and transcend, etc. One realization of who you are existentially doesn't mark the finish line of our work. There is no finish line. There is no one and only one "magic truth" that will solve everything.

@Leo Gura that's pretty much been my train of thought. I've been spending some time contemplating and have a rough outline of establishing a base of "success" since I still need to move out and what not. Build up finances and really establish myself where I can support myself because trying to turn my life around in terms of earning and generating basic success while going through withdrawals I know I would be experience just doesn't work ever for me based on personal history of trying to do so. So my thoughts are establishing general success but really being 100% committed from now on till the day I die about meditation. Once I got my feet under me and am supporting myself then I think I can really make this a priority in regards to getting off all these medications. I'm already struggling with studying for my real estate license exam. Withdrawal will just make that virtually impossible. The great side though is that I can build a great foundation of meditation and consciousness work leading up to when I can finally work on getting off all this junk which I can imagine would really help in the withdrawal process. Also I think I'm going to make a habit of living mindfully daily to build up my awareness. I can imagine that in it of itself would be a huge supplement to this work of detoxing. Gotta be strategic right? haha

You've talked about Neurofeedback in the past. Do you think this could be a good tool to transition off of these? Believe me, if I can get off them in a way that doesn't mean I can't do anything and not function, then I'll do it and works towards it in a heartbeat. Plus, I'm tired of going to CVS lol

@Leo Gura pretty much I guess lol

Is there a difference between paralyzingly low self-esteem and being a victim?

What kinda PsyTrance do you listen to?

How do you guys embody 100% responsibility in your life? Give some example(s) of how you own this principle.

Hey guys.. So I've really been looking deep into why I have the following issues with people... Why I always get into altercations with people Why I have such a strong sense of defensiveness that causes these altercations with people Why I don't let anyone in anymore Why I choose to avoid people more than ever now List goes on and on... Well here's what I came up with... Due to the fact that I've always struggled socially and used to get picked on a lot, I've developed such a strong insecure sense of defensiveness simply because it's my way of keeping myself intact in some way. If my ego feels threatened, I tend to lash out now just to protect myself out of insecurity. However, I'm so sick of always getting into problems with people that I simply avoid people now. This has really hurt me because it's lead me to having such horrible interpersonal skills with people now. I feel so uncomfortable that I'm afraid to just be myself and I can't stop lying to people too now. Now onto the title of this post - I struggle so much pursuing my career (real estate) because I just want to avoid issues with people now. I'm 1 Final Exam away from earning my Real Estate license but since it's a career involving people and contributing to clients, having great EFFECTIVE interpersonal/influential skills, and what not... I avoid doing anything towards it entirely. I've developed so many enemies with people and feel so uncomfortable with people and don't trust my people skills and so much more that I don't know what to do to get past this and really grow in this area of my life.

Hey guys. So this is a psychological road block that has me feeling like such a victim. I know and acknowledge that this is an internal obstacle I'm creating. However, that almost makes it feel more impossible to conquer. Anyways... So I've been struggling with working on this real estate license since May of 2015... Yes, 2 1/2 YEARS. To go into more detail, what I really mean is that I'm struggling to get through the work mentally and grind or whatever label you wish to use. Before I go on though I want to preface these crucial details before I get back onto the real estate (not in the mood to structure this grammatically "to a T")... I feel so incompetent right now. I'm really stuck in victim mindset right now. I spend much of my day so frustrated that I'm not doing anything that I literally don't end up doing anything. I half ass training in my sport that I love so much and that's about it. I sit around taking a few 1-2 hour naps at home and just sitting around in the silence literally just being angry, sad, and frustrated at myself. Also keep in mind that I'm still living at home. I don't even go out to parties and hangout with people anymore because I'm tired of people asking what I've been up to, how I've been, and what I'm doing with my life and I just get tongue tied because I legit don't have an answer simply because I do nothing now. When I try to be productive, think positively, get myself motivated and try to be determined, etc. I know it's just some fake pump-up that isn't going to last. Which just leads me to feeling more incompetent because now I don't take any of my positive thinking and determination seriously. Back onto the real estate - I feel so stuck with it because part of me 1. doesn't want to change, 2. feels like even if I do change, I just have this intuitive defeating feeling inside my gut that tells me I still won't be happy even if I turn everything around, 3. feels like I'm lying and kidding myself, so on and so on. I end up getting so overwhelmed by all of this that I actually end up getting so sleepy and distracted and defeated and lose all my hopefulness that I just can't do any studying for my Final Exam (I literally just need to pass the Final Exam and then I have my license and I've been putting it off since Spring 2016). Keep in mind... this is all in a course of just a couple of minutes. It's not that I don't believe I can get a real estate license and that what I want in life is impossible. That's the weird and tricky thing... I know I can achieve amazing things. Athletic potential wise, I KNOW I have the talent to be among those at say an Olympic Trials level of competition. So it's not that I don't believe I'm not capable. I KNOW I'm incredibly good looking and have a great body and great smile and just a very attractive dude. What I'm experiencing feels like such a deeper issue that I can't seem to get past. It feels like an internal conflict I have no idea how to resolve, much less work through and cope with while I still get shit done in my life and achieve the results I need to achieve right now. I'm not in a luxurious position where I can just sit back all day and introspect either. The more I don't do anything each passing day, the worse this get's. Sometimes I'll get these anxiety attacks and I grab my hair and yell "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!" Which I think is a hint of some sort. I could really use some help with this... anything helps!

Why do you so confidently assume that about me?

So I've really I rooted out the issue... EXTREMEM low self-esteem. To shortcut though I guess to my question then is... what are some practical techniques to raise self-esteem? I read The Six Pillars of Self-Estesm from @Leo Gura's booklist and am doing the sentence completion but I'm not going to lie... I truly don't see how simply doing free flowing conscious sentence completion work is actually going to be an effective technique that makes a difference in raising my self-esteem...

title speaks for itself lol i need to get better and improve my social skills and get better at getting along with people. i also need to be more effective in my communication skills in particular as well.

Lol another friend of mine

So I'm becoming more and more aware how I'm getting more consistently irritable. Not only that, I feel like I just don't want to get along with people. It's like I have this angry defense mechanism that has been leading me to getting into the DAILY altercations I have with people. It's almost like I look to try and get under people's skin as a way to retaliate against something. I do notice an internal dialogue that says, 'I don't take shit from people anymore.' I'm becoming more and more mindful of my common unconscious visualizations about even getting into fights with people and getting EXTREMELY violent with people. I have a hard time relaxing around people at this point because I tend to be way too asseetive even just in casual conversations. It feels like that attitude of 'don't fuck with me asshole or you'll find out what happens.' How do I unwire something like this? What could be causing this? Resources? Books? Advice?

@Mad Max to give you an example of how extreme this can be I'm gonna quickly mention that this can be taken so far where Ive been in my car and have a consistent highway rage problem where I'm cutting people off, hitting 140, and numerous times have had NDE's and even worse, almost killed people. Now, that's a very extreme example which usually causes me to drop back down to realize how damaging this is. My point with this example is that I do get your point. However, a lot of things need to have a direct approach in getting rid of certain behaviors and anything along those lines. I think what needs to be understood is that I'm not in a situation (multiple situations really since you've seen my other posts) where I can afford being so passive. This stuff needs to be cut out now and I need to start getting results with my life.

So I'm 22, still living at home with quite literally no money. I have no college degree. I know my life purpose 100% but I'm so stuck in victim thinking. I just don't feel compelled enough. Even though it's my life purpose, I still don't feel motivated to advance my life. I'm just so depressed right now where I'll get motivated for a short bit to try and lay out a plan to work to move out but immediately I feel like I get shot in the heart because Im so depressed that I don't believe moving out will really change how I feel inside. I don't really feel compelled enough to do anything. I feel stuck in this sense of hopelessness. I'll ask myself, 'okay, what do I honestly want right now? What do I want to shoot for?' In yet nothing comes to mind. I can't think of anything that seems both attainable or simply something I truly want. I'll think about moving out and I'll be like, 'great. I'm gonna move out but now I'm gonna work some shit job AND be living alone and still depressed.' I just don't know what to do...

Before I go on I also want to add that I don't even think my Life Purpose would likely even work out... I've just set myself for what feels like such a miserable situation for myself. I'm 22, didn't go to college or anything. My life purpose is to be a coach for elite/professional + sub-elite runners. I have no credibility. I have quite literally $2.27 in my bank account. I'm horrible with money. I feel like I can't break out of my victim mindset. I'm still living at home. I have no real skill sets so the only real work I can get is just low end shit which isn't enough to live on your own in the San Francisco Bay Area... and I live arguably the most expensive district in the heart of San Francisco. I'm tired of doing shit work. Out of 3 years of retail and 6 months of washing dishes at a pizza joint, I've had so many instances where I cry on my breaks because I thought I'd be so much more than this. How I'm so upset that I let myself get to where I am. I cry and just feel so disgusted and upset with my life. I currently don't even work now because I don't want to keep working feeling so fucking miserable where I cry on my breaks and hate my life and myself. In yet, I don't really have another way of making money now. Even if I did work enough in those shit jobs to move out, my ultimate passion right now is wanting to actualize my ultimate potential as a runner myself. I have the capability to qualify for an Olympic Trials most likely in the next 7 years but I know if I go down this path of shit work and misery, I'm going to inevitably sacrifice my running. Why is that the case? Simply because I already commit myself to running 90 miles per week and additional strength training every single day, watching nutrition, stretching, waking up early as it, running mostly 2 times per day, etc. This takes up SO much time and emotional energy. I'm already struggling with my running because I'm so depressed and sapped out of mental and emotional strength and energy. Topping crazy hours of work on top of it where I'm going to be even more fucking miserable is just going to make everything crash even harder? Why? It happens every time. I'm in the prime years of my life and it feels like it's all going to go to waste. I don't want to sacrifice my Life Purpose and my own personal running but I don't see how this is going to be worth it, much less possible. I feel like I'm in such a hole right now and don't know what to do. I keep watching @Leo Gura's videos such as How To Stop Being a Victim Part 1 & 2, took the Life Purpose Course, 100% Responsibility, etc. This cost of hating my life more and more, sacrificing my running, and not even living my Life Purpose for so many years just doesn't seem worth it anymore. In yet, I don't feel like I have any other options...

@Gabriel Antonio that was beyond helpful man. Got chills reading that. Thank you so much (:

All good

@thehero this isn't just about maintaining health. Elite marathoners usually tend to put in 100-140 miles per week + daily strength work that takes awhile + naps + a lot more stuff. I'm talking about maximizing an individual's potential in this specific domain of athletics. Kobe Bryant trained 8 hours minimum everyday while in the NBA. You want to be one of the best in the world? That's what it takes.

Yeah man haha I'm friends with his son, Nick, who went to my neighboring high school in Marin County!

@Mad Max been doing that for years...

My old neighbor in Marin and occasional running partner

@SFRL coach. Not personal trainer.

I know this is really basic stuff but I just feel so dumb when I try to even get myself to do personal development because I have VERY successful friends in so many different fields who don't do this stuff. When I say success I'm talking about financially, athletically, socially, relationship/sex wise, etc. I also don't mean on the mega scale that we can call success such as being multimillionaires and even billionaires that I know. I'm referring to success on pretty much all levels above where I'm at. I'm just not going ANYWHERE with my life and everybody is telling me this self-help stuff is just a distraction. Normally I would overlook that criticism. However, in the part of my life I know I need to advance the most right now, I can't help but feel like they're right. Like, how many people who achieve anywhere from moderate to high levels of success do the stuff we're talking about? I mean, I don't even work right now and I'm still living at home and feel like I'm quitting on my life and I will be honest enough to say that yes, I am ACTING like a victim. However, I don't think it makes sense to only model those whom are orders of magnitude ahead of where I am and not look at those who aren't the most successful of them all but are still doing much better than me. None of whom do personal development. Even my father as an example. Yes, he has a ton of neuroses and what not. However, he is successful without a doubt. He could make 1000x more money if he wanted to. However, he doesn't feel the need to go to such extremes just to achieve a certain level of material success. I bring him up though because he constantly get's on me on how all this stuff is a waste of money and a waste of time. How, this isn't something he needed to do to get to where he is. He and I both of ADHD to pretty much the same degree, and yes I do have depressive disorder on a clinical level, but still. There are plenty of people in my situation or much worse that aren't stuck like I am and don't do stuff like affirmations, visualization, contemplation, subconscious reprogramming, meditation, journaling, read self-help, etc. So I feel so conflicted because I can't help but feel like they're right to a very large degree, given what I need to work on right now. I'm not talking about overall. I'm talking about this area of my life in terms of what we can call "success" at least on a general level. Keep in mind - I'M INTENTIONALLY LEAVING OUT LEVELS OF FULFILLMENT, HAPPINESS, & SUCH! I - I want to make that very clear so as to assure you all that I'm not overlooking that nor taking those important things out of consideration.