kieranperez

@Joseph Maynor funny you mention toastmasters in the city. I lived a couple houses down from what I think is the main toastmasters in SF in Hayes Valley. I'm in Jersey right now though through the end of August/mid-September. Doing a job out here where hopefully I can earn and save up enough money to move out. We'll see though once I'm back!

This is all be directed to YOU. Yeah I know. Keep bitching and moaning to mommy and daddy about how unfair they are and how you don’t need to do anything because you think you’re entitled to freedom and a great system and a society that coddles you so much that you take it for granted. Be lazy and do nothing rather than drop your dogma and accept the consequences that come with that. Laisez faire by definition is an ideology.

You will do anything to avoid self reflection lol Youre like a spoiled rich kid who doesn’t understand how good you have it and so you bash and shit on your system because it doesn’t fit the fantasy you think it should be. Not knowing that the only reason you’re making those complaints and whining about how mommy and daddy are unfair (and they are... and so are you and everyone else - all out of divine Love) is because you take it for granted and how entitled you think you are. You and I fund it all regardless even if there weren’t taxes. Do you think about the devilry you fund when you pay for your smartphone? When you go to the grocery store? No. It’s easier to put that on the government. It’s easy to be lazy and complain about others rather than turn inwards as well and see the more complete picture. Because hey, that would mean we’re all part of the problem in some way. Not just the people at the top. Realizing that might actually mean taking responsibility and change and require some humility to be like ‘yeah, I’m part of that very problem. What would be a more responsible and honest worldview here that I have been failing to see that elevates our entire system as a whole?’ But hey, that doesn’t serve your survival mechanism.

Your mind

@Norbert Lennartz I suggest you slow up your ideological and dogmatic attitude towards people on this thread by trying to demean all because they have a difference in a opinion (a more conscious one at that) than the dribble your regurgitating on here. This nonsense that taking part of a system you’re part and paying back to your tribe that keeps other devils from coming in and slitting your throat and creating a total dictatorship is somehow the equivalent of taking responsibility in your mind is 1. Just utter selfish and delusion, 2. Flat out untrue. You’re (and everyone else on earth) just as much as devil as the people you criticize. All of the comforts you have the privilege of utilizing these days for your own selfish indulgences and survival is because there’s a system thats allowed to survive because the people in that system are paying for that. I’m not fond of the devilish selfish actions most governments do, particularly as an American with the American government. The fantasy though that the way to combat that is by not paying though is just that, a fucking fantasy. Policy change and change where that money goes and the way we get that is by people evolving. The only reason you’re able to make this childish complaint is because there’s a system that has enough infrastructure around you so that yor survival is taken care of which is funded by the tax dollars of others. You take your survival for granted. You’re part of that mafia. More true - you are that mafia.

I don’t need to prove a fucking thing to you lol. You don’t know me nor do you know anything about me lol. You have a few posts from me on here and now you think you have me figured it out. Stay in your lane lol. Your entitled to believe whatever your mind comes up with though. Best of luck.

I’ve thought about that too for sure. I definitely find that plausible. Or he may have just forsaken spirituality at this point. I think I recall him saying on a Rogan rapidly that he doesn’t meditate as much as he used to. However I could definitely be wrong. I honestly just get confused where he stands as a lot of his realizations he’s communicated in say Waking Up don’t mesh with the materialist paradigm he often is known for putting out. He’ll point out for example that consciousness is all there is in yet still seemingly operates under a materialist worldview and still sells the idea that consciousness is a by product of the brain. My only 2 hunches are: His realizations just weren’t deep enough at all He won’t walk back his prior assumptions and is just milking his audiences worldview for the sake of getting caught up in success. I think it’s mostly likely the first one... also I want to give the benefit of the doubt and not just assume he’s some total con artist.

@throw-22 I definitely wouldn’t do 5-MeO anytime soon. I think mushrooms might be good but don’t go for anything existential. I would honestly start light. Raise your baseline level of happiness first. I wouldn’t go about trying to transcend the self. My first 2 (and only 2) psychedelic trips were LSD this year (one a week and a half ago) both realizations of God and although it’s very freeing and you can integrate SO MUCH, even just on the psychological level, coming back down is the hardest part for people who are very emotionally wounded and have low self esteem. Don’t underestimate that like I do. Both my acid trips were only 1 tab (I have a ridiculously low tolerance to pretty much any substance I touch across the board) and now I’m cutting back to half a tab or quarters. Not because I can’t handle a bad trip, going insane, or God per day but because it’s so much progress I can’t sustain it. If we have a happiness spectrum of 1-10 and 1 is horrible and suicidal and 10 is unconditional happiness, and I’m at a 4 but then I have some God trip or even get other heavy insights (existential or personal) or just PROFOUND psychological integration and I rise to a 10, the problem is that I can’t sustain that. So between falling back down and the ego backlash it was just so much you couldn’t really do anything with it anyways. I personally have low self esteem and definitely a good amount of trauma. My last trip was the first time I ever truly loved myself, accepted myself, integrated so much shadow material, realized I’m God, that I’m pure Love, that I created everything, and that my purpose was to become God in my own life and inspire, lead, and awaken people to God... and then I come back down to my own self and circumstances. It’s so much I couldn’t do anything and also it’s so demoralizing that it actually can hinder one’s growth a bit. So then it goes from being at a 4 to a 10 and back down to like a 3 and you’re just all over the place. Youre hobestly makibg good progress man. My ex gf was a hard coke addict and I helped her get off (and a bunch of other shit) and man is that a fucking cycle. Good on you man. Acknowledge your progress. Look yourself in the mirror and actually love what you see. Even if you feel some shame still (I know it takes time) do what you can. Keep running, keep meditating, build up your productivity. You’re killing it man. Happy for you. Don’t take your progress for granted. I know how easy it is to neglect that. Much love ❤️

@CreamCat take whatever advice you like and find useful and toss the rest. Like I said, I’m communicating something I think I’m seeing occur in a bunch of posts. I don’t know you, nor do I pretend. I’m making an assumption and acknowledge as such. Careful there lol don’t pretend.

LOL

@Javfly33 I've had what you're describing in several long runs, hard track workouts, easy runs, etc. This is common in MUT running (mountain, ultra, trail running). I had this I remember 2 weeks after I ran a 5K PR at the time and was doing an 18 miler with 3,500 feet of gain and I was dead coming back down the mountain and all of a sudden I was gone, effort dropped, and it was just effortless running for the last just short of 2 miles at 4:55 pace (just a little quicker than my 5K PR 2 weeks prior) at the end of a good long run on the mountain I was on and closed on a semi flat road. Totally present and hyper aware yet I wasn't controlling anything and it was totally effortless and I could feel everything. Yet also disorienting too. A lot of that is because it tends to happen once you're exhausted to the point where your mind just gives up and that in it of itself is what turns it around. Same though in strong determination sitting. You can learn to make that every run but that requires deliberate work on your skill as a runner and also general development as a runner. I can assure you Buddha wouldn't be able to do that LOL Running for me is pretty much just my preferred version of pranayama if you want to think of it that way. Go for even an easy run or run up a good hard hill and then stop at the top and slow down your breathing when you get to the top. Same thing as far as my own experience goes.

Along with the principles in the videos on ending addictions, what are some very practical tips I could do to break free from a strong addiction to media, internet, smartphones, etc.? I really can’t take how much this is destroying my own cognitive functioning, not even performance. Basically thinking alone has become an incredibly hard task at this point. Much less critical thinking and meditating! I’ve deactivated Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, etc. multiple times, some of which I’ve stayed off, some of which I keep coming back onto. I don’t watch TV or even go on social media that much but I notice I compensate all of that with YouTube (binge listening to Actualzied.org and other channels and also a bit of low consciousness stuff but not much), Podcasts, the forum here, self deceptive “research” which is just a distraction from my fear of action because I feel to insecure in myself, etc. The rationalization I kind of have to not blocking certain websites and what not is that the ones I go to are good stuff but the problem is how I’m using them as a crutch. Same with my addiction to YouTube with a lot of the content I listen to. I feel like cutting back on the “good and healthy” still gives me enough to leeway indulge my toxic intent. Same with the internet and smartphones. It’s pretty much impossible to really kick the internet or smartphones out of the life of someone who lives in the first world. Tips? I seriously want to kick this shit because it’s really destroying my psyche on top of my already bad cognitive issues with ADHD. Internet, media, etc. for someone with ADHD is like giving a guy who has a gambling problem a slot machine he can play with for the rest of his life.

The only thing you should be focused on in your own personal development journey right now man is your own moralizations. All of your posts reek of toxic moralism on yourself (which often get projected onto others in many of your comments and posts). If I were you, I would make my goal to be free of all this shit man. Your posts are riddled with victim mindset and the identity of a victim, low self-esteem, and toxic moralism. All of which are hogwash. I know this because I still deal with 2 out of those 3 (low self-esteem and victim mindset) and I'm seeing that in your posts. I suggest you probably drop nondual enlightenment stuff for a bit because I see in your posts you using it to beat yourself over the head with it and also to create an entire victim narrative. I do both of those things a good bit and it's really an addiction but one that's worth dropping. I don't want to go into talking about how you're God and you're Love and all of this stuff because if that's never been a direct conscious experience for you (I've only little tastes and seen dandruff particles of the Ox) it's really just you lying to yourself and breaking integrity. By the way, it doesn't need to be a conscious experience for you right now. How about you learn to just enjoy and be grateful for the food you get to eat regardless of what time it is? You have food to eat man. That's fucking awesome! I know it doesn't seem fucking awesome because I'm usually the sour intellectual asshole that dismisses all of that just to not change because I think I'm smart but guess what? That's bullshit. You can enjoy your food without having to be fulfill some fantasy of some hyper-disciplined enlightened fantasy that you and I have. Learn to enjoy your life. I'm saying this as someone whose going through this very endeavor. Not someone whose trying to talk down to you. I also suggest maybe taking time off the forum. It doesn't seem to be helping and it's turning into an outlet of projections and a place just to vent about how much you're disgusted with yourself. Changing this is hard because you gotta learn to be okay and accept who you are even as a personality and ego despite how much you may not feel like you deserve it, how much shame you may have feel when you look at yourself in the mirror, etc. It's hard because that's what I'm doing. Doing that though requires concrete actions and a willingness to both change and go through a process of change and at the same time accepting yourself. You need to find that balance for you.

What needs to be corrected is where and what that money is invested in. You are part of a system whether you like it or not and it is a necessary creation and system (that you created... out of Love - not going to go there though). One that needs to have both more consciousness and "upgrade" in a more evolved and holistic perspective needs, values, etc. Americans don't appreciate just how low our taxes really are. When people on the right bring up examples of how JFK reduced taxes by 21% they don't admit or are just ignorant of the fact that the tax rate was at 91% and he brought it down to 70%! If our species, other species, our environment, and our planet our going to survive despite the damage we've done onto it and ourselves, it will be largely because we change our system and one of the only ways we're really going to change our system in practice is through how and what we invest our money in. This world of unchecked capitalism where Amazon pays NOTHING for taxes isn't going to fly. Everything that you do in this system, somebody is paying for it.

Psychedelics

What if I, you, we have a Will? It’s not free. Yet we still have a Will? So it’s not that we don’t have Will, it’s that we don’t have free will. Was wondering this after @Leo Gura video on the Purpose of Life and Becoming God... I also wonder about this because you’ll notice if you ask very deeply enlightened masters, they don’t give you a single “yes” or “no”. It tends to be a “yes” and “no”.

I don’t think I really made my question that clear. I think there miscommunication on my part on what I meant or misinterpretation. Either way, if this could be closed, that’d be awesome. I wasn’t posing a debate on or trying to suggest that my ego has any sort of free will, which it seems that’s how it came off.

God I wish I had this when I was 15 lol

I’m really confused on why releasing hasn’t seemed to be working for me. Hale Dwoskin uses the example of letting go as holding onto a pen tight and then letting it go. I’m trying to really practice that with emotional upheavals, reactions, etc. and will go through the questions and try to let go after I really feel what’s there but there’s being had... like if I feel a surge of anxiety, anger, or even something mild, I’ll feel it in my body but for some reason Im not able to release it no more than I can release a stomach ache. It just feels like “it’s just there”. If that makes any sense? I don’t really know what it is I’m supposed or am likely to feel after I release either. Is there something I’m missing here? I’m not trying to make this more complex than it has to be or is meant to be but I’m just really confused as to where I may be going wrong with the technique

It’s always interesting when I really think about my sort of vision for awakening and how deep I want to go with it. I always like to entertain the thought ‘if I truly went as deep as I could possibly go with awakening/enlightenment and made that my impact... would I really be doing a genuine service to the world long term? Jesus (assuming he was a real person - which I doubt) would probably be rolling in his grave if he saw what was done in his name. Who could blame him for wanting to throw people in a lake of fire (jokes)?’ This is what @Leo Gura post on unconditional love really struck in me... is embodying your own Godhood really what elevates mankind as far as impact? We have thousands of years of history that show just how much these great beings have been thrown out of context to commit all sorts of devilry over the course of human history. Rather than merely just inspire people to awaken for themselves, they (through no fault of their own) end up being worshipped and revered. It’s like looking at such a bright beautiful sunset while driving. It’s rays are so beautiful and awe inspiring that you forget your even driving and drive yourself of the road and into a ditch. A pretty apt metaphor for how people have treated the works of the world’s highest sages and mystics. So it raises the question, is it still worth it? Is it still an impact worth having?

@mandyjw thanks! Quite ironic that I’m trying to break a YouTube addiction by going on YouTube...

@Space I’m literally listening to the audiobook now lol

@Shiva way to highlight that point on different audiences. That’s how you know you have a more integral sage. He can address different perspectives and people at different stages and meet them where they’re at. In doing so he’ll be more appropriate as to what and how he communicates and says.

Oh god how did that turn out? @okulele what a beautiful post! I am so with you on the East’s way of portraying nature. Very deeply inspiring and also healing. Taoist and Chan and Zen arts portrayal of the “enlightened relationship” between mankind and nature is deeply moving to me cause I definitely feel that when I’m out there not even meditating per say. Gotta ask since I got 2 tabs of LSD on me, what were you meditating on in terms of direction of concentration/contemplation?

I dare to you say that to an enlightened master in person while trying to look him/her in they eyes LOL you damn devil. Of course you think you don’t have any responsibility in the matter. Just another a sign that shows that all of this for you is all talk with no real genuine insight - much less the humility. You don’t give two shits about truth. Only whatever serves your own selfishness to not take any action and recognize your responsibility. Neglecting the world is neglecting yourself. Let me make this clear before more additional dribble: I am not enlightened. I am not awake. I’m still a fool. However, I recognize and am honest about what I have not become conscious of but also that which I do know and understand and what I have learned displayed from people who’ve devoted their lives to this work for thousands of years up till today. I’m not saying I’m more awake than you. I’m not here to play peacocking games. I am here to say though that what you’re reguritating is nothing but talk. You’re dribble about nonduality is just more lazy neoadvaitan garbage. I suggest you toss that and take responsibility for your life and humble yourself to the task at hand.