Steph1988

@jasonjp1016 Thx a lot for the inspiring story i am in the same situation. It feels like the hardest thing in my entire life it probably is not but it somehow feels that way. I've come from almost rock bottom overcame depression, solved most of my video game addiction,stabilized my finances and got in decent shape but this one still kind of haunts me because i took too little action and i feel a little bit guilty. Oh and the missed opportunity's haha they hurt! I can't put the finger on it why i have lack of confidence in this i am not shy i am generally confident and i'm not dumb. I am 28 now this story gives me hope but that is not enough i must overcome it like i overcame the rest of my problems with much determination. thx again!

@Lai haha so long ago since i heard that one jeugdsentiment!

@tashawoodfall haha why can't i find girls like you on tinder ! maybe i need to train a six pack and put that as the first photo maybe that would work. If you are trolling you are doing great .

@Peace and Love No don't leave u made great posts! But consider we are simply animals with our DNA hardwired from 100.000's years evolution and yes you can transcend stuff i guess but to say that looks are not important is delusional, accept the cold hard reality there is no such thing as unconditional love ( at least i never seen that ) but that is no big deal it is what it is. If you think that men are just after looks are bad ( and i don't think they are BTW ). What do we have to think about all the woman who reject men for the most obscure reasons. there is a whole industry set up to help men pierce the chinks in the armor ( RSD for example and countless others ). I'm sorry but the world is not fair. Contemplate this and unconditional love is a fairy tale for now ( i hope someone can debunk me on this one but i never saw evidence for it ). Accept the painful truth and from there it can only get better. But i don't think you should leave because u will be hurt again on another forum or in real life no matter where you go you cannot escape it you can only try to understand where things come from and why they happen and that will be hugely relieving. I wish you the best

@Key Elements Ty will at least check it out and read a summary as i am busy on 2 other books atm but gonna check it

@Key Elements iv'e read it good job that is a clear example. actually a good question what do you tend to do in free time but the answer might not be something you are able to monetize within less then 10 years or at all. I notice myself for example endlessly researching all kinds of topics i guess i just want to know everything. @Shin hahaha you should totally do that forget the enlightenment for now that can come later.

That life purpose thing is hard i think because what is asked of you is to specialize, to put most of your time into one thing that means automatically you can't do something else and without this sacrifice you will not be good enough to compete with the others who do it. Then we live in an information age with also the possibility of endless cheap entertainment and distraction which makes it even harder to make a choice and stick to it. Sometimes i am jealous of a medieval peasant or artisan their small world was much more clear. Maybe the calling/life purpose whatever you want to call it is seeking you instead and all you can do is to solve short term problems which you think need attention that gives you at least a reason to get out of bed early and some meaning to your life and then hope for the best. so i am voting interpersonal for now with the life purpose being some kind of holy grail. @Key Elements that is perfect logic but what if you just cannot nail it down you will be in purgatory forever .

That despite working hard and doing everything right i will still not make my goals because i am somehow cursed. I am dead serious that is in the back of my mind and i am aware how irrational that sounds. Oh and spiders ...

@Lai interesting how so? i am curious what did you learn there? how long did you go? what attracted you to this particular country? I am asking because i want to see more of the world myself in the future and you did go alone i find that brave and it kinda intrigues me.

Yes you have to be honest at least to yourself at all times if you're not u are harming yourself and others in sneaky indirect ways i experienced. Actually u can't even begin to comprehend the evil and damage done with with lying to yourself and u can argue that it is the source of all evil that sounds over the top maybe but i think there is some truth to it. it is bad really bad that i hear adults in their forties say these little lies and fooling themselves but no surprise in a culture that by default does not offer any guidance. I catch my parents on these things all the times and i sometimes wonder how much did it indirectly damage my early development all tough i forgive them. i think it is very good to take that vow.

Very good question yes i have seen that often that lots of bosses and managers are actually simpletons ( generalizing of course here ). I don't have answer ready for it either i would like to know why that seems to be a trend.

@Lai U did go there awesome. did you go alone? how did you spend time there?

Can you explain more?

Incredibly intense guitar solo. Gary Moore is probably the greatest inspiration for my playing. Such emotional playing totally inspires me.

I play path of exile i find that somehow incredibly relaxing not meditative but just relaxing. And strategy games like i am a huge fan of the total war series it relaxes me completely. if i don't play too much that is because i had and still sometimes have a little bit of a video game addiction alltough i have it more under control now because then it will not relax me but tire me.

Conformity/dishonesty/false politeness/fake people who hide behind a facade/cowardice and clubs and bars! sorry i just could not name one thing

@Socrates Lots of people have at least the potential of something positive in a conversation or whatever u can connect with them by indeed playing games watching football etc there is nothing wrong with that i enjoy some friendships just for the doing part and it is important to be able to appreciate that on some level. I am still young but in my experience if u begin to read philosophy,religion, watch debates etc after a few years and thousands of hours in u will be so ( sorry i have to say it) superior in your reasoning and thinking probably so that the people you can connect with in that regard will be very rare But that is unlivable so u will have to be willing to lead a slightly schizophrenic life so you simply try to have fun again like a child has pure fun and no other worries u will have to switch mindsets sometimes u just have to find the right balance. yesterday i was drinking beers and joking around for example and today i watched a discussion on religion vs atheism The reason it is worth it for me is that i would just be unhappy without people around me although i am an introvert we are made to be around people i think and to have an intimate relationship. some people may try to transcend it in some way but i do not want to short circuit the system like that it is a huge gamble to me to put an immense effort into transcending so many desires but perhaps i'm wrong. So i guess adjust just enough but be completely free in your own mind and aware. these are my 2 cents. excuse my English

Never i feel i have to lower my standards for conversation most of the times anyway so this self improvement thing is almost a secret schizophrenia

Maybe it is part of a realization that we don't know why we are here and what the hell we are ultimately doing and thus seeing the potential absurdity in everything.

@Loreena I agree although the situation may be more nuanced this a good guideline to live by.

@MochaSlap A world without music would be a terrible mistake. i play it myself, i listen while working out, i listen when i come home from work to chill out. When u listen or make it how does that make you feel? that is the most important question. And everyone has their own subjective taste of course but that music is a positive force is self evident so go for it .

@Huz Couple of questions hooking in on the idea that it might be fear. - What do you fear in socializing? - Is it only with certain people you have that anxiety if so what kind of people are those?

I am not into alternative healing and i know nothing about it, i am also very skeptic about it. But the day before i had my driving exam i was very nervous and my driving instructor recommended doing a session with a reiki practitioner. So i went and i expected nothing from it except as a funny thing to try. But i felt something strange, he used his hands to go around my arms and legs and he did never touch me his hands were like 10 cm from me at all times but at the place he had his hand i felt something i can only describe as if electricity went through that place. when i was done i did not feel weird at all and i was still nervous the next day i made it however on my first try although i don't know if that has anything to do with it. I try to be both skeptic and open minded at the same time with this. I still cannot explain this weird sensation can anyone explain to me what that is? has anyone else experienced it?

@Peace and Love Thank you for the explanation! That sounds like it is a kind of superpower i am gonna do some more reading in the other post if it works that well. U claim it cured u of your phobia's and some serious trauma in one hour and that was your first experience with it that sounds awesome. It raises this important question tho, If it is that powerful and easy to learn why don't u ever hear about it and why is it not practiced en masse? it should be mainstream then. i might try and visit him one day again maybe.