Loreena

is this the same book ?

What book is that ?

Can give examples ?

I hop.

@Prabhaker Well saide brother. Your comment should be the "comment of the century."

You're such a nice guy. I sometimes feel empathy for criminals. Because they could be doing wrong things without a genuine intention to cause harm. Maybe the circumstances made them do what they do. Maybe they never got a chance to transform themselves. Maybe they were messed up in their childhood. I feel punishment is like "two wrongs don't make a right." What do you think ?

I have realized I am gradually turning into a monk. Feels good.... So far, so good... no side-effects.

@BeginnerActualizer it could be due to stress. I have suffered sleep paralysis a few times. I felt like I was held down by a Dragon. In my case, I have realized it's caused by sleep deprivation. The days when I get good sleep, its usually doesn't happen. But I have to say, whenever it happens, it feels absolutely terrifying.

Well I never meant to say that you should have to completely change your sense of self. You should be your true self. But not too stubborn. You may lack certain things that others admire and acquiring those is just a part of growth and development and does not translate as "allowing others to rule." Maybe my words were a bit misleading. I shouldn't try to be a people pleaser or a magnet nor should I be a stubborn egotistical mule resistant to change and not ready to budge even a little. I shouldn't be exactly how he wants me to be, but developing certain skills or qualities that he admires is not a big deal if I really like him. It means flexibility and balance.

I only eat carrots. I somehow survived up until now.

@Shane597 You might try it. You might find one. But don't waste too much of yourself into it. Life is about living. Let go if you don't get. Don't lose yourself in the artificial race created by society.For the same reason, lot of guys turn into monks, because they are fed up of losing themselves in the mindless illusions created by society. Remember Leo's 30 ways in which society fucks.....my fav video. You have to be able to dissociate yourself from social pressure and realize when something is too much. Don't get blinded in the run for life (and girls. ) Your time is valuable and your life is too precious to waste in a never-ending chase for stuff. My only advice is - you have to develop yourself and become a better person to attract someone. But you don't need to lose yourself, compromise with your values, or completely change your being to get something. It's not worth it. Don't give into peer pressure and lose your identity. That never helps.

@Shane597 Yeah... that's unfortunate though.

That's true mate.

When did I say that I never tried to attain it. Obviously I should work on myself as well. That's why we are here for PD (and for other reasons like career etc) That's wrong man. You mean to say a blind girl should not marry a guy with normal eyesight. It's all about expectations. Relationships are supposed to be complementary, not a race or competition of comparative qualities. It's not some matching game. If I am happy with a guy, that's all that matters. But there are certain things I might find attractive and certain things that he can find attractive as well. Your way of suggesting it is as though an ugly guy should never think of having a relationship with a beautiful girl, that's very close minded. Both should work on their abilities and qualities and not expect the other to just like them. I said that I like a guy with certain things. But I never said that he should like me or accept me despite (me) lacking things he wants in me. He is free to reject me just as I am free to reject him. But it's wrong to say that a person should not expect something. If they find something attractive, they find it attractive whether they themselves have it or not. If I want to attract a particular guy, I should be as he wants me to be, so he can like me and I should try to attain it and not expect him to like me just because I am approaching him. And I should not be seeing what he has or has not, because it is me who is trying to attract him. And likewise, if he wants to attract me, he should try to develop what I want in him, whether I myself have it or not. It's mutual. I hope that cleared up what I was trying to say earlier.

Not sure. Maybe I don't.

@electroBeam imo, the other skills are more important than the bedroom skills.

@Dead_Mouse @electroBeam While juggling your acts, try repairing a car, or changing light bulbs in the house sometimes, or fixing the plumbing.... or extracting teeth like a dentist, or fighting a case like a lawyer, or playing music like a seasoned pianist, or counseling like Freud....that would do it. Try not to be an asshole, a punk or a juvenile manchild walking down the street with his pants sagging down...that can help.

@Socrates I don't like rsd. Controversial. Teaches men to think that it's all a game. Just the other day I was reading an article about rsd by rooshv, he is popular and I completely agree with him on his opinions about rsd. It can raise the egos of women exponentially. It lowers the value of men. Both genders are equally essential. And there should be nothing wrong in a woman approaching a man. It's all useless social conditioning. I don't even want to be approached and bombarded by many men. If I find a guy who matches the criteria on my list and if he is even slightly attractive(It's okay if he isn't good looking) , I'll probably approach the guy myself. But social conditioning is so fucked up, that the "guy" would think I am being needy/forward/slut/oversmart/nymphomaniac bla bla bla and he would probably take me for granted and dump me because I approached him. I don't find any problems in a woman making a choice for her soulmate. Both men and women can do the same. Dating shouldn't be a game. It should be about falling in love ( consciously falling in love and not blindly) and developing skills to sustain a relationship than just obtain it. Plus when you approach a dozen women a week, you're not gonna fall in love with each one of them, so it kinda makes you lose the genuineness of it, the genuine feeling of love is lost, instead replaced by a mundane need for sex and relationship (developing into an obsession like shopping for clothes)and the need to be a god at the game...Ha. Relationships are so difficult even for the gods of dating. Because anything that demands quality requires labor. Most guys who put so much labor into getting a girl, don't put half as much in keeping the relationship. You don't even need a 10 out of 10 on either side. You can select an average and maintain a healthy stable relationship and be happy. If feminism is making more women unavailable and fucking up society, then it's not the fault of men, it's just unfortunate and women would suffer as well, not just men. There should be a healthy balance between men and women. Neither feminism nor patriarchy. None should dominate. It should be a moderate dominance from both sides. To a certain extent, male dominance is preferable though, but not extreme. The whole thing is messed up because of skewed gender balance, feminism, the princess syndrome, unhealthy social conditioning, brainwashing by a brutal media, excessive peer pressure, over-emphasized gender needs ..... etc. Or else dating would have been much easier and smoother. Now it has been turned into a frustrating hunting process. The need to have a relationship should exist in both men and women, and not just in men. That pretty much sums up everything.

NO

hmmm...why

When a guy has multiple skills the attraction is just irresistible, at least for me.

When a guy has multiple skills the attraction is just irresistible, at least for me.

When a guy has multiple skills the attraction is just irresistible, at least for me.

Judging others is so bad. When you feel like people around you are judging you and you know you did nothing wrong. And they keep telling you it's your fault all the time. Positive criticism is okay, But someone who doesn't really understand you, doesn't have the right to judge you. Have you ever encountered such experiences with your family, friends or coworkers. Has that impacted your performance or job in any way. I think these days we see a lot of celebrities being targeted unfairly on social media twitter and instagram for the comments they make, even for the clothes they wear. One of the reasons why being on social media is so tough. I like this quote that says a friend is a person who listens. It's so true. In our struggle to keep toxic people away, we have to be careful around judgmental people and avoid them at best, There's no point in constantly trying to defend yourself when nobody understands or cares. So how do you deal with such situations if you are currently experiencing them or have encountered them before. I personally try to avoid and not give a damn. But sometimes it's not that easy. The other day I came across this video and it resonated so much with whatever I have experienced often, although on a much much smaller scale. But when such small experiences are magnified, look what they can lead to - damage to reputation, lawsuits, lost endorsements, lost jobs etc. Even when this nba player in the video didn't do anything, people judged him beforehand, even without waiting for the real story to come out he lost so much because of stupid accusations made against him. He eventually was back on track, but he suffered needlessly. This video is so important because it opened my eyes to how judgmental people can be. And how it can impact someone's life seriously so it's not just about "who cares," you have to care when your reputation and money is on the line. It's so easy for people to make accusations and just run to the law, like the girl here never understood the consequences of her actions and what impact it would have on the guy's career. She went public even before trying to verify things and sorting it out. In a scenario, when we judge people(even before hearing them out ), we only have victims and no winners. I think the real victim in the above story was Chris and his story reflects the nature of things in society, He must have never dreamed that such a small thing would lead to such a big issue. This case and similar others is a representation of a society quick to judge. I think that some initial investigation and verification would have easily prevented the damage Chris suffered but it was all blown out of proportion because everyone involved never really cared to hear the other side or even check the facts. It's important for society to be more open-minded and adopt a more neutral attitude towards each other, instead of being quick to point fingers. We need to create healthy societies, and for that we need to be understanding. We shouldn't be getting too much into each other's businesses especially when we know nothing about the facts or the people involved on a closer level. In the end, the philosophy or the approach that people need to draw out of all of this really boils down to this "You mind your business and I'll mind mine." Until that doesn't happen, we can't expect change and incidents like these will continue.

@Prabhaker oh god, you shattered all of my imagination in under 15 minutes of posting the question. Could have waited for some more time lol...nevertheless I like your perspective on this...