ValiantSalvatore

The more I observe the more painful it get's as it's the same level of enjoyment, in 100% areas of my life and the point is I was barely supported in this and I barely can act it out, as my physical body is just hindering me currently. I don't know what to do I might ask the doctor tomorrow.... let#s see maybe he has some tips...

The point is my psychologist was very correct in with these things it's tricky to meet someone on an eye level. I do have a date tomorrow I am not very happy about it at all. As she is not the healthy type of liberal I am currently searching for. I looked at the stuff from Leo and I notice how tricky it is to get rid of the energetic conditioning I've had and the new stuff with happiness, as different stuff works for me totally, yet I could not leverage it. It's also exhausting I bet to see older members in a sense, also this game type stuff god. It's so obnoxious, yet this is also one thing that gave me more depth&happiness and meaning to go out and meet others and create a shared experience. I lost a lot of happiness in different ways working on stuff. I am currently so lost. A lot of what I've been building is lost due to injury, and for me also different things work. Learning game and this stuff how can you not be a player and do game and then this is under the gaslighting video? There are some fundamental issues I currently have also because of this Andrew Tate stuff, and also the dissociative politics. It's quiet tricky, I've read all of the books at the beginning of this journey to find what makes me happy, and what I can say is mostly very deep contemplations. The point is it's been a longtime since I've found someone I can connect to verbally, I mostly feel lost from what Leo talks about, and when I see the groups now that I am in. Most of the stuff that made me happy, has often been taken away in my life. So I often feel weird about this the thing that made me the most happy is having the connection towards god.... exercising and meditating.... I hope the doc tomorrow has somewhat of a good news for me.... I also miss hanging-out with friends, also the desire to impress others. Be a role model all of this has been heavily corrupted now that I've got into game and I learn all of this shady? Stuff it's not even shady the characters who are doing it are somewhat shady, some are just as lost as I am and yearn for a better life, the point is there is plenty of stuff that is wrong with liberals and I notice it and it's mostly the false and hoaxely lazy mentality that has been dripping for to long, it does not work when the whole globe is not at green.... I miss proper intellectual discussions and reading as well as working on the "hardcore" end. I legit lost a lot of it. I've worked with trauma therapist said I was fine just work with anger.... I also loved to channel that towards god.... I again have tears in my eyes typing this fully knowing how superfifical 90% of you are even if you claim to be deep. You suck. This is also what I fundamentally mean with baseline intuition currently. Fundamentally I miss the higher developmental work and just the reality of having to play animal..... we are such pathetic fking creatures I saw it today in the gym. I am legit so happy for a.i you would not believe it. I never liked humans, I also love to outpace others... as well as getting away the trash.... I miss my old friend you would just understand this part. Listening to this a bit.... a lot of stuff that made me happy... does not make me happy. The point is I might just be a bitch for consciouness. The point is dude I just miss stuff...... LORD man......

I just have to see certain stuff. Currently I am not as happy. I really don't enjoy human activity if I can't partake properly. Also I do have to do shadow work again at animalistic blue I don't know how often I revisit that stage it's an annoyance, this is me in absolute fking arbiter mode, yet healthy panic. It's incredible how fast I do learn at times, especially when I can move and integrate and I have music in the background.

I am just out and doing stuff, I am not happy with this dating shit and so many bullshits I don't know what to say I could stop drinking coffee for all at least not as much I am cursing and cursing at the inabillity to simply exercise. The two remedies I need exercise and non-violent communication .

Fundamentally it's tricky to combine so many ends, also the stuff from lower cultures and people who associate themselves with it make a such a tricky business to deal with these hypocritical notions. I will certainly might never date people from certain cultures, it's very tricky and a dynamic I don't enjoy. All in all I speak often with my mother about this in terms of just more social feedback from older people. The younger generation at times is very odd. I know certain stuff also. The point is after today I saw the issue of why I don't like beign in Germany, at times with to much stage purple stuff and I see more stuff where I eventually approach on the campus the new group, gives me the dog experience that I apparently am, and that is already a teacher, it's also insane how low class these humans are so the higher approaches don't fully work and I swear the more I do this stuff, the more these women want to tie me down, but apparently I am just integrating the animal? So how you do that huh? But, you have the priviledge to call borderline because of upperclass? I don't know I am glad I am making for me some achievements and go through this shit, I have no idea what it is. I don't enjoy the fundamental "black = cool" dynamic as it's attracts the dumbest possible trash possible. Where my disregard for humans and contempt will utterly arise, because of collective projections and the digustment that I have with some dynamics. Exercise and sports just generates health, if you are to lazy to do some of it. I just can't consider you dating material etc. I might date the other girl tomorrow, see what I can do in terms of TFP-Shootings etc. --- This is fundamentally it I do have to solve more stuff, it sucks to have dating not fully working and the issue of many ends. As well as this external value stuff etc. It's still not easy, and I am very limited to get something more normal, because of the injury partaking in volleyball etc. All of these activites etc. Is just constricted... I am glad the guy I meet kept it real. Although he fundamentally is in business mode, I will just see what happens. I am not making any progress if I am not including new pictures and building muscles etc. Despite all shit they tell me, some stuff just works differently, and just to cohere to one source is stupid. I still have to stick to the rules, so I will just see I still learn. But fuck it's annoying to go through all of this. Also my old psychologist and the other stuff here just is correct. Non-violent communication is something I could learn, also just other stuff, yet right now. I hope I really learn, although each shadow work session I grow immensely. I should not have stopped for such a longtime. The point is, also how odd all of this stuff is and still stay human.... you legit become more god-like... and so/sp qualties sort of.... it's very odd how much you should not be fazed with etc. I do some strategical stuff also, right now I will see and work hard. Continue and smart. This was just a small tool for reflection currently. I wasted so much time and it really sucks to be twharted by emotional stuff at times. I am just letting go and continue....and work hard I still have several issues etc. All I can do is ask for feedback and integrate this is all a bit to much at times, yet it's not possible otherwise I miss the flexibility thanks to the injury what gave me plenty of mental health and the biggest loosers attack you etc. Let's just see.... I remessage some girls and see if we can hang-out listen to advice etc. Integrate etc. The point is my vision feels so untenable at times, I don't even know anymore what it is after the injury. Let's see what the doctor says tomorrow.

The last thing as I will just not study today, I will also just do more health, when she is ready to meet up we are doing this in my terms, fuck this comprimise thing this is not healthy from all I saw. She also just complied because of stuff. Also my lifestyle generally sets the bar already high I feel, because it's more of the subtle introverted sigma point with legit valid activities. I don't enjoy learning this to much, yet it is what it is, I am going to be happy working today and learning some new stuff... the point is all of the applications and organisational stuff that triggers me and the effort of this 6'ish type thinking and demanding. I am also cock-blocking myself at times, I enjoy young women way more than older women maturity is not that sexy for me, I had enough of this. Also of this type of brainwashing. I will study hard, this is mostly also just feminity and beauty, the issue is when I see an asian women she cares about persevering youth and also about creating something that is beyond children it's mostly the regressive ethnic enjoyers who are shaming you based on the notion of not re-producing. Fuck you. Clearly fuck you and your manipulation and gaslighting. I don't enjoy this family type power dynamic this does not mean I am against having and creating a family, yet it's about creating a family not about duty to the civilization to reproduce how dumb do you have to be? Seriously, man, women trans a like. Boah, this is really the oddest phase I've been. A lot of women see this expert stage blue thing in me I don't know why, it's a bit of an annoyance that these humans project perfection at times. I AM NOT a 1w9 and or 1w2. Anyway I just continue and study smarter currently. This is good at times. But oh fuck humans man.

Another point when I riff of this sadness.... I really would like to embrace my feminine side and emotions more I feel it's generally more healing the point is it suck when women are at this stage orange competing with men and get indoctrinated with this modernity/conservative nazi facsim? Adolf Hitlerian, Riggidi-bo type of phenomena, I don't know how dumb you have to be to embrace that. Yet for sure. I could be wrong, yet cursing this away makes me feel less rigid. Let's see there are different type of vibes till now arabic and asian, especially chinese/taiwanese women seem to have a crush on me, as well as nature loving girls. It's the oddest thing. Only women with openes scores at approx. 90 enjoy me. In real life it's easier, yet without real life it's tricky. I am not studying this morning early, I do have do digest this I see if I say no tomorrow to the date. The point is with beign a 4, the more attracted she is the more I push, the less attracted she is the more I pull. When it's in harmony it's either on and or not etc. Nothing is very linear here, it's all dynamic, yet I might set hard limits I am to much of a quality guy, in many areas. I should not let myself be disrespect for one huge obstacle etc. All in all this was nice to destress, yet when I get into panic shit is lost. I really also need the time for studying and beign consistent the injury gives me a huge physical excuse which I can't get rid of at times.... it does not feel well. The point is I also might never be in a relationship with a german women etc. This creatures are heartless bastards. It's insane, I grew so cold with these humans. I do have to integrate more of "their animal nature". I don't think German women also know what emotions are. It's a very animalistic culture and brutish, maybe it's just tiny birds who want to be fed and organized. I dunno I still have to learn this more orange type game. None include vision so far, so they are not functioning as high value men from yellow. Still the group is better than 90% of the garbadge out there apparently.

Issues I have with society while dating: The date I had was healthy green, I presume with some shadows I was not physically attracted to her also because of western beauty standards. Current feminism lacks any feminity and is a rigid bitter place for women who lack a masculine partner might even worse than Andrew Tate in terms of energy not collective progress How much status and looks play a role in dating online The lack of asian american women in Germany and asians in general here, as I just have better connections with them The liberterian type of thinking which works, yet it's so odd man and if not it turns bitter I legit heared that at least yesterday Personal issues with dating: The embrace of sexuality that was within my family and the issue of beign respectful, when the healthy memory comes back.... Overall to timid about social things that are fine kissing, hand holding etc. -> mostly JP observerations and influence the more "conservative back in the day physical escalation norms" Modern excess of porn etc. Leaves to many questionable boundaries The pattern of new. Every new chick on the dating app likes me and the issue of "beign to perfect" currently and seeming to perfect. I don't know what is happening. Why she said no yesterday I got some solid feedback non-toxically where someone grifts of the fear I have, even the disgusting liberterian types don't play this dynamic out, and it's again a toxic power holder from my pov, who started this. I'll also not pre-study today. I potentially cancle the date tomorrow and just work on myself, I can't open up emotionally and dating on OkC would generally give me the few games at green+, yet the liberal degenecary and the liberterian degeneracy are just an issue. The point is I see why some enjoy social circle game, as well as why nobody wants the yellow pill / essentials for dating for men. It's to though women are beign empowered and benefit from a society that utterly thrives on communication. From a shallow analytical standpoint, while men do all the hard engineering work mostly who constructed this, it's odd to see this. As well as the burden of beign masculine and giving without expecting to receive, this is the pinnacle of masculinity from blue truth IIRC. I don't know how to play out my masculinity as I seem like very masculine on the outside? On the inside I'd say I am 70% there, not 100% the playfulness is missing and the diving into healthy feminity. All in all I worked pretty hard at stuff despite all obstacles I should have let myself be helped, yet at times the cynnical attitude of region and family caused a lot of inhibitions in terms of stuff.... I hope I can be the killer and womenizer I yearned to be, yet it's sort of true that women have no clue what attracts them. I am glad I am somewhat intutive it could be way worse.

The point is I never fitted well into society and when I get more into stage turqouise groves I really have the desire to extract myself. I also actually despite all obstacles prefer a relationship, and this stabillity/security stuff is an annoying dynamic that causes a lot of shadows, especially as women see me as this daddy figure at times, I do better with lesser types of brats. I still have the best experience dating mostly asian women. There is more harmony orientation still the healthy and strong red masculine principle is what every women seems to crave which I have no idea how to build when everything is in constant flux/flow. It's heavy how this plays out as a teenage dynamic mostly.

Meditated for 30 minutes: Will not meditate deeper. As I will study more, it's still very dejecting to do all of this as well as see toxic excesses at every end and a lack of healthy humans. I am grateful for new matches and more seemingly healthy women, who also take feminity into account and are not acting like neutral assholes. I am grateful for meditating 30 minutes as well as making some moves and not beign rejected I am grateful I can let go of some of the hard degenercies and hyportical aspects of liberals and as well that I am more conscious of evolution than ever without having much read about it. Consciouness gave a direct insight into this. I am grateful for more positive vibes and outlooks in general as well as for the group, even with it's slight toxicity I do have to trust some aspects of this I am grateful I am learning more about the wild animal side of humans without putting it into shame, yet don't ask me for kids if we don't play with that energy you're ridiculous as well as lack self-control. I am thankful I can see myself as a high value man, even when injured despite 10k projections and notions to are not spoken about Everytime I enter something everything changes, most of you lack consciouness to support me, I notice everyday. It's a few 10% who can, the rest is beign dogmatic and rigid. I am becoming cleaner and more purified everyday and week. Thank you for that. Let's see I learn some juvenile dirty stuff that works, as well as not any stuff that does not work, I don't like doing it. It still shows me plenty, plenty of stuff I hopefully can read upon I do have to dive into the dirty pragmatics I am not getting anything on my level, besides the chinese girl and she immediately wanted a relationship. I did not feel to attracted to her like yesterday I should have made out etc. I am seeing also where I can go with language, as the black community is not serving me well, as well as you have this typical libterian type modernity stuff, post-modern women are extremely picky. I am glad I had the healthy psychologist, and I see what I truely crave. I legit would prefer dating full asian girls, as I get more opposite and equals ingrained into the relationship and healthy work ethic, with simply stage blue. As well as arabic type women I get more healthy red,orange and possibly other stuff. All in all I am meeting individuals, I am still very critical of society. This is mostly it... dating is a huge issue, I am glad I am fixing it. It's dirty work like any type of fixing. This strong women power thing and indpedence is stage orange marketing, you should never fall for that shit it's horrible they don't integrate teal besides maybe in some marvel scenarios. One of the biggest issues I have is how much I subtely digest when I am getting into social contagion. I am somewhat of a purifier, like a plant, yet the wrong triggers especially w1's who don't see the perfection in this cause huge triggers. To much idealism sucks.

Went out with the date yesterday, not getting into discussions learning a lot about a lot of hypocritical stances etc. As well as stage of development regardless if men/women. All in all I will stay away from bitter women, who are unable to see and play with biology and are fundamentally worse tyrannes than many men will ever be, if they don't properly act based on what I've read. It's a horrible attitude, yesterday gain I saw the dark side of feminity where I received a lot of emotional damage and healed it also. This is where you can see how conscious a women is as well as reading some of the liberterian stuff showed me some stereotypes that are working for the level appropriately up to Green. I am still working from teal+ mostly, the point is a lot of women seem to enjoy stage red power drives and assertivness as we are very primitive creatures. It was interesting yesterday to me, I was not attracted to the girl all to much, although I liked her. This is a briefer review for a larger dynamic as well as how coercing it feels when many are dating based on hypergamy standards and then act like real cu***, and shove it down the throat of others. I don't think this will get you very far in dating, and is also just stuff acted out of bitterness and fear. Doing game and listening to the 528hz stuff gave me more freedom in this area. All in all it's heavy how German women seem to be the biggest assholes I saw so far in the dating market, as they are utterly about power in an unhealthy sense, besides the few very sensetive women. It's similar to russians, yet offline it's not as superficial as online, you can see where the healthy purple is as all lines have to be developed. I will not be very interested in dating an unhealthy stage purple girl, that would be the detriment of any relationship. As a constant regression. To hit consistent turqouise currently is difficult with the injury all in all I act from Teal+ still. This women in power thing is very bad, as men and women belong together, nothing against women who are healthy and holistic and in power, yet I don't think it does well if it enforces even stronger hypergamy standards, it's still interesting to observe, when I danced yesterday with the girl social proof gave me a lot a lot more attractive girls came my way, two were very bitter, some projected this Andrew Tate stuff because it's so easy to take 0 responsibility for emotions to not be shamed in any sense and they were also just making fun. 2 women acted very bitter, while my girl was really enjoying herself that day, yet I did not know her very well and I see more patterns, of why I am reading this if this enactment just happens. Guess that is my inner conservative, yet it's true how heavy that is. Let's see I enjoy feminism etc. Gives more freedom to women, the point is the unawareness of biological drives that has been happening for ages now and the reverse role of relationships instead of opposite and equals. Makes for a very bitchy and feisty dynamic, besides at teal+ as this does not faze you as much. Will meditate 1h. I don't have this red edge currently, all in all I am learning. The point is women from all observerations are security seeking creatures, if I dance with a girl 3 girls arrive because I am by physical standards the most manly they just come to me - cuz warm. Then some other dude grabs them, they stand there ... like chicken? I wondred who they were with and why I am the only one escalating besides the 6w5'ish type of guy with the 9w1 girl, who acted like he watched to many movies, and I bet he did, yet he did so well. I was happy for the two. The funny thing is that I realized girls are wild creatures, next shadow work session will be about animals. Currently I still attract mostly arabic and asian type of women basically the more rare stuff, I don't seemingly do well with German women, as they just look for my income and money or for this psycho stage red, which I don't have without the routine, as this is still a sigma male country and not alpha male for the most part. ---- Also the more ethnic you are the better you're chances if you're manly, the more european you look the more class/professionalism is projected. It's funny how the more ethnic the guy is who controls me, the more he will act classy as he is from a lower class possibly, and or shamed from parents etc. While I am a military kid, I forgot how much power is a healthy masculine principle and this will happen if this country shifts more towards an so/sp style of living. Maybe we get so/sx in the next years. All in all let's see there is not much high quality women outthere the far and few between are busy creating healthy lives etc. Even if they sell themselves as high value, they miss stage turquoise fundamentally it's high value selling mostly at orange. Not even Green, some Green, yet it's being shamed to much to flourish imo. So there is less possibility for swapped roles = divorce? I might riff of to many maps, yet this is what I perceive for now. I do get dejected if things do not work out. As well as I noticed this group I am in makes healthier fun of men, as here. It's a good ego touch and not this gaslighting shit that happens here, even if they are low integrity creatures. It's better than having someone act like a power god, when he clearly is an imbecille and an asshole for no other reason. I do have to look out, healthy men groups are essential, I don't like to be tormented by toxic feminity for stuff I can't take responsibility for. I am glad my mother is not a slut like many possible other women. Legit put this into a rap song.

At least I am posting it here, I am out technoing.... I'll just see stuff etc. Hope I will get the girl and get laid, the liberterian forum/group I am in is hard to swallow at times, hope dumb and "intelligent" you can be. Most stuff is rationalized just for power? I dunno some stuff is good etc. and the feedback possibly, yet I seem to strick them in an odd way. etc. This happens generally, which is an issue at times.

Last post again, when I get such top notch girls at times, with such a lame profile it says a lot. Let's see I skipped gym etc. I hope I don't burn out and do the correct things.... let's see let's continue to build momentum. I recalled that I still can go to the gym, and train chest and back. If squats become to much of an issue etc... Maybe I do outwit myself at times at the demise of what usually works. Feeling that healthy edge again ?

Did this 55 minutes, I notice serveral things, the coffee stuff is great for post day work alertness the first 3h I usually can work in a pretty subtle flow state. The 528 frequency is by far the frequency that creates the best and the most outwards positive changes, I don't know why, it's just what seems to happen, it's like the late summer vibes of abundance are coming to me, despite all obstacles and even during failure. Current biggest obstalce is dropping coffee and directly purifying karma, Friday I have more intel because of health. When I do this I generally work through the emotion of apathy fully, and this frequency absolutely burns this deep for some reason. I am grateful for beautiful and new matches with arabic type and persian type women. I am grateful for any possible deep synchronicities and for humans who help me without a gleeful attitude for their own pleasure to create gaslighting effects of type where I doubt my sanity I am thankful I am burning through the sanity to insanity, as well as connect deeper internally even if it's very subtle I am thankful for great weather and having joined the new group chanelling this power control stuff more heathily embracing both the liberal and the liberterian in me, I embraced the conservative before, and I made gains there. This is also fun! I am embracing the value of freedom&autonomey through marketing and networking and optimization I never noticed. Let's get the conservative liberal channel -> health buff Let's get the liberterian & liberal channel -> get laid Let's channel the liberterian -> get good at coding Let's channel the conservative liberterian -> get good at finding a job, talking to people. Let's see, how much scum will turn into gold. Burn it!

Slept very long, I am seeing how far I can get to stuff, I would most likely already be a bit advanced if I would not injured so I most likely shock some people to some extend, yet this vanity narc shit is no joke at times. Till now I am not toxic, I just use a bit of the language, my language often times is already quiet foul. I am meditating today for 1h, and then report, last day where I sleep long and hard. I do have to do other strategical moves, and reading this heartise book certainly gives me insight on how not to be and what works. I never thought I'd had to read this it's legit learning darth vader moves in a sense, and then not abusing them. Certainly power.... is the next shadow work session also. I don't prefer not having control.... as well as the golden shadow of stopping work when I am joyous and celebrating a bit to much. Will report the session and then study the whole day till I go out.

I dunno maybe I am immune as long as security is not threatend. I don't like panic it's worse than terror... I ordered ashwaganda and I am testing it now. Let's see how far I can build the life that I enjoy, I never thought I would had to integrate power as a masculine principle. I dunno also somehow people like to help me, sometimes even the guys who make fun of me want me to succeed odd world.

I wrote another application to some stuff, after seeing the cebit this year, every company is hot on ChatGPT, as well as beign biased and myopic for sure you can improve it. I dunno what will happen I also just recently got into this field, and can't fully leverage learning more about neuroscience, I can dovetail into data science to some level and NLP? Yet I will see I am out... I apparently have a date tomorrow, dancing with techno.... Ridiculous, it's heavy how many are stuck at orange/blue and create A.I I wonder what will happen in my masters program at least the humans seem yellowish, yet with to much diversity from lower stages the whole stuff entirely breaks appart. I dunno what to say currently, stuff is as it is.... Applied to some more stuff, I get rejected, as I dove into a different area and was dissuaded to pursue A.I I loved the dysotopian reality of it when I first saw it with 14-16 in animes etc. Still I hope it can be used to good, when I see how humans evolve there is no other option most likely, I like to keep my humanese as much as possible even when I hate it at times a lot. Anyway, I am not a scientist in this area. I am learning a lot currently I hope the perfect dovetailing will happen. I can't bitflip my genetics into correcting my knee injury, yet some level of this shit most likely will happen in the next 70-200 years or so. I wish I had a somewhat decent background. I dunno I also gained 135 elo in bullet chess for some reason, because of this music.

It helped me to fix my electronic table where I don't have a manual anymore. I don't know if I wrote this, yet it's beign used to judge in China, wether or not a person can get a discount in a supermarket, if he/she did not get one before. As well as my intel is correct. I don't think after having a taste of what consciouness is that humans realized what they created if it can automatically assume that state. It would be way beyond us imo. Besides a few rare individuals. Also these communications in 3D would be very interesting, if you can even communicate to some level at this state/share insights etc. If this thing is fully autonemous, I wonder what will happen, I dunno as far as I know in robotics bi-pedalism is not solved? Chat-GPT with a robot dog, and voice recognition would be funny as hell. I don't think any research I've seen might realize what consciouness is unless he/she took DMT etc. All my current Profs are Green and or below many can regress due to life circumstances (students/researchers), A.I security should certainly exist similar to having this within the police etc... It'll be some endless arms race, yet I am also a hopelessly lost romantic for dysotopian settings. One element is missing I did not see any pure yellow people, besides the students themselves at times. They either lack moral or emotional SD charateristics... I do believe we first need some healthy green a.i to support the planet. Working on lower stages, like production for food etc. such analysises and classifications etc. I am still a newb, so no idea, yet if companies invest in such ideas with data, more could be possible....

Just had the date, it's odd I got invited to a techno date tomorrow instead of going for the cat stuff, I am also getting quality feedback, yet the amount of stuff that I am doing in that sense really opens my eyes, as well as the application process and other stuff, I certainly have to be chill on dopamine tomorrow. The date today I could have physically escalated, it showed me some other stuff of the more liberal issue and why this techno scene is even existing etc. I don't know also. I get quality feedback, it's insane. It's also ironic that the most intelligent guys seem to be good at it. I will do some stuff etc. Then I will see and continue studying harder... the date today should have been a lay? I don't quiet get the feedback it's odd all in all.

Gratitude Journal and a couple as well as multiple things: I am grateful for having a date today, and joining the game group where I see the reality of how dating has turned into a wild festival at times I am thankful for having new friends and generating hope and generally more hopeful strategies and content. I am thankful that the professors are kind and nice to me as well as do not heavily discriminate as some others are willing to do because of peer pressure I am thankful I can learn more about getting better with women and see what I can integrate and learn I am thankful I solved a couple of tasks and that I can let go of bitterness more and more everyday and stay clean from to purple pill tendencies and ideas Thank you for all of this today!

Happy birthda Leo! I often think you have birthday in May for some reason. Hope you enjoy the day and continue to deliver great content. Even when I am toxic at times I don't know where I'd be if it would not be for actualized.org. Thanks I hope the .org becomes cleaner and cleaner as every year it seems to be the case. Thanks for your work and inspiration!

Did 1h of this. I overslept on purpose to relax as I solved some stuff yesterday and was a bit overwhelmed from a lot of the nice guy conditoning I received from my parents both sides, as well as my aunt and the anti-deconditoning stuff and just the sheer issue of development. These guys can help me with the orangeness where I've been bullied and not frame it into a looser mentality I notice. This was the briefest 1h meditation I've ever felt. I do have a date today with a more compatible girl, I notice a lot of this stage red drive which I've got rid of still in my mother because of her justice warrior tendencies and this inner asshole of my family that I inherited with the issue of anger and scorn as well as cynecism.

I am now officially in some game group, I see why some call it game and why some are PUA till now. I am now officially also the scum of humans on earth. Great. Unsure what to say I at least go further in the coding and mathematics stuff.... I don't have that much time to talk and get girls, also an entrepreneurial lifestyle just seems to get girls for whatever reason, most likely because of the masculine drive of survival.

Beign pro-active is still a huge gift, it's rare when someone consciously helps you very rare. I act on these "synchronicities" often when I share something and or need something in a critical moment I can't reach anyone in my family. I don't know how to break this pattern, it's only broken most of the time, when I finally achieved that exact goal. Also I still make some fundamental mistakes when I message girls, when I am open and vulnerable I feel played with at times, and I don't enjoy it. I lost a lot of the abillity to be playful for many it's also to much.... let's hope for the best... I do have 3 dates?????? So.... yeah yet I don't get the type of women I would appreciate more.... I don't know what to say currently. Things are moving forward. I made a joke that the cat looks evil and I thought she might rif on it.... lord.... have mercy. I could have taken a more polarity hardstance as a feedback and say no I don't like dogs I prefer cats, I dunno I will see and continue...

It was also nice that many psychologist when I looked for them just said you're young and intelligent why are you here. I still find it massively tricky to find someone I can be with. Many told me I am fine, I don't know at times I've found so many answers. I hope this risk and all other stuff will workout. I am very unhappy at how I managed stuff and how I received help etc.