alyra

I do not throw away a tool just because there is a better one.

so there is no infinity in no-thing? the lack of existence is finite and measurable?

I grasp at something with my mind, that's for sure

honestly, everyone has this issue, getting missunderstood. some people are more aware of it, some people are more sensitive to it. I think it is realistic to find that some people more frequently run into the issue or some people it is a bigger deal, like that the misunderstanding is ona more impactful scale. but that everyone just gets misunderstood constantly. after all, words are symbols, the understanding is in the individual's perspective, and there's no way to communicate the understanding. we can only transfer the symbol, and hope that it means to others what it means to us.

Thanks! It's nice seeing you and some others I recognize posting around. I'll still post and ponder, just... I'm making a move to shift the focus and frequency of that study and contemplation. I removed my avatar because I'm working on focusing on my existence rather than my identity. The purpose of this thread's posting was half for the sake of me "feeling" the finality of a decisional shift, but also to get my thoughts on the forum so anyone who is interested in hearing the perspective has an opportunity to be a critic tbh my presence on the net will be more noticed on the other sites I frequent moreover than on this one. I dunno how often I've been posting here but I will still visit this site once in a day or in two at least, but for less time and with less posting. but I couldn't express my purpose in this shift on the other sites and like I said. I enjoy thinking through conversation pondering existence as if we can know it, or as if our experience of it can become better or more true. mmhm yea this I suppose this concept has many facets to it and I've found a new one. I was at first thinking "wow lookit this I can find authenticity and tell my ego to go away and find new ways to more often and more fullly see existence as infinite and without self and I can ponder who "I" am but then I realized - oh. There is no self, but perception. there is no infinity, but that which I cannot know. These things are the yin and yang. as long as I see one, the other is there too. I do not need to find the other, because all finding it reveals is that the one I see now is no more untrue than the one I cannot see. but the duality will always be an inherent necessity in the nonduality. I think this is along the line of my thinking - that I was trying to be just like Leo. I wanted to be like him - even though I continued on knowing that I was "me" and not him on anyone else here - I wanted to follow Leo's path and follow the path others have laid out. And now I see the path that lies before me, which is not their path, and is not a copy of their path. it is not "mine" per se so much as it is the steps I am taking. it's so weird saying "I" and "me" and "mine" lol. The understanding of these words I hold in my head, but it does not get held in the word itself.

I'm noticing that some things, if I try to be aware of them they just disappear! it is so weird. it is as if they are on the periphery of my awareness! I can only fully experience them if I am focusing my awareness on something else - and that isn't the same thing as direct awareness! anyone else experience this before, know what I'm talking about?

it's eh. kind of annoying. they are always moving - and when I lean over to pet them, they are surprised. or they jump onto me or ask me for attention, and i am surprised. it doesn't feel like a consensual situation. I do not understand why people love pets so much - it is an abusive relationship at its finest. what is the name? Stockholm syndrome.

Thank you for the links and informative posts @Peace and Love It is all very helpful, thank you!

I also noticed he mentioned success habits. what are those? I do not imagine those. I build up habits that succeed in producing outcomes. and I test new habits to see if they stick. in a way, I am unfocused on my habits. he mentions then, the example of a writer, and how if she is to succeed then she has a habit of sitting down and writing. In a way, the goals which I do not achieve, I do not break them down where they can be thought of as a habit. it is difficult to imagine a habit that applies to a 15-minute task however, and often I procrastinate simple 15-minute tasks. however wait - it is possible to establish a habit of doing a 15-minute tasks. Currently, I work in washing dishes into the routine of eating - if I prepare a meal, then I wash dishes. comparably I could say - after looking at my journal which lists my intended tasks, then I will first complete a 15-minute task right away. the longer-term or more complex plans, I will do second, to make sure I do a small task right away in the morning. of course I love his advice at the end of the video don't really need to comment on it, he says it pretty effective.

this video is striking me as very important for me right now. I mean, there are a lot of important things regarding actualization! just, this one is really hitting home. I've been having a lot of difficulty with, focus, motivation, being on track, having a sense of purpose. It is bed time so I will finish it tomorrow. but I'm going to write some thoughts down now that are on my mind. one of the things about life purpose that's been beating me down, is my lack of feeling a purpose. I think someone on this site was what pointed the way to this idea or maybe it was in this video but - l am thinking, that life is not 100 years. life is NOW. life purpose is NOW purpose. Life is the now moment. So right now, my purpose is to get myself in the motions of earning money to fund for my endeavors. so that I can make endeavors, which require money. this is my life purpose. in some other now moment, it will be a more deeper/inspirational purpose. but in the now moment I am in, this is my purpose. I am driven by it even! but in thinking with the wrong perspective, I have been undermining it. the other thought on my mind is - trying to understand what Leo's going on about in the beginning of the video - maybe re-investigating this upon waking tomorrow, or when watching the video and completing it, might help clarify my thoughts but - the question is - long-term v short term laziness - and the lazy person in the basement binging shows and trashy food, versus the highly accomplished person losing motivation - and Leo's self-example of taking the day slow not really feeling into doing the work he's laid out for the day - and my own laziness, which isn't directly any of those things, but also is all of those things. I do a lot of reflection and contemplation - but not forming meditation habits, not focussing. even when I do lay out tasks for me - if I'm productive, it's doing other tasks on my mind that I haven't laid out. or, I run into obstacles of resistance to acting. which, has been something I've noticed elsewhere - when talking with that one psych who wanted to do a breathing technique with me, I didn't want to act it out right there and then. or on the phone when anticipating a phone call - I know that it is frustrating and resist doing it. these are the things on my mind - not framed in a good question, and what's running around in my mind isn't in words so I haven't really expressed my thinking exactly well for you the responder to my post, sorry so to frame the responses - understand that this is mostly me making a note in a way that will be where I'll run into it if I need the note by the time I visit this site again, inevitably, there will be someone who's quoted or tagged me, and so I'll beall like "OMG RIGHT FOCUS TEAGAN FOCUS" thanks for the assistance also, all thoughts, ideas, relatabilities, and jokes are welcome of course.

Leo talks of Cycles, and projects cycles that are 2, 3, 5 years - this was startling. the cycles I had noticed are only within the time length of a few days, week, or month. also, earlier I had commented about how right now my life purpose is in the Now timing, moreover, within the next few months and year. In both these regards, I am focusing on a much shorter term than is being suggested. I do not think it is smart for me to just up and expect that to change - let alone that it is necessarily the path I take. For the time being my habits and skills operate on this short term - and even this is longer-term than I've been operating in the past. I do wish to increase my depth of vision into the future - but it is a very interesting point to compare it to my laziness. My drives dissipate too quickly.

there would be, posts which inquire, and posts which offer potentially useful information. and some posts would do both

it is a curious thing, that we have profiles and reputations. why not just have all posts be one user :3

no money. I would use the course. I needed a printer this month, and next month my spare money will be tied up in something else too. I need results now I am hoping awareness is curative - but even my awareness is unpracticed. good tips on both accounts, thanks to both.

but it's true tho! we could answer any question infinitely.

there was one time when I said I needed touch because it was proof that the other person existed. but that was when I was younger. I wonder if that same kind of feedback would still happen for me, despite my enlightened perspective regarding that question of existence. (this was referring to, light touch during a conversation - not cuddling, specifically. I also do not know if it is the same as cuddling. wait - ) I guess, that my assumption that I'd find cuddlign to be boring/annoying actually, is not based on intuition, my mistake! it is based on the logical mind. not necessarily a false assumption - but as was referred to by @Shin, my intuition is pushing me towards the idea of cuddling, even if on a level that isn't very strong. (I may be a person naturally inclined for intuition, but I'm untrained in the area regardless, lol.) naturally, I do not "know" now what cuddling is like and cannot "know" without direct experience. but - hm, I dunno what to say next. the question really goes deeper than I'm willing to discuss. thanks for the input (and I am happy to accept any more input too if people find the topic and wish to post still)

'cause I'm on another forum where everyone loves cuddles. so it's talked about a lot.

actually myself, I had to teach myself to think in forms. I used to think without form at all. It was hard to keep up in school and in conversation and in reading comprehension, because of it. but - it created a huge groundwork for abstract and intuitive thinking.

fuckin love the soundtrack to last of the mohicans. omg

I was thinking, that removing one's profile name and avatar, would actually only be exhibiting false growth. We would not be doing anything by it, except exercising our own ego in it! lol! of course, true anonymity would be a certain interesting experiment. IDK about 4chan, because the interest of that forum has been established to something which is counter to our interests on this site... of course that site would have huge egos. but then -we have huge egos on this site too. we all jump in to clarify when someone misunderstands our post - and we post to begin with, in the idea that we can help or that we have the right words.

I mean, emotional things. like, the simple act of awareness makes some of them go away, so it's difficult to be mindful of them for observation, because in my attempts to observe the sensation, it fades out right away.

@Captain Flint actually, I'm going to meditate in that posture now. it appears to be beneficial to my back and shins, and I'm gonna figure out why!

go right a head and be angry. I advise being mindful of yourself whenever you can.

Maybe I am making assumptions but often it seems as if the nature of duality is to deny what is being observed as real. but such an approach is like taking the black shadow out of yin and yang. it is still there. duality is nonduality in a way. nonduality is duality in a way. there's not really a good way for me to explain this that I know of! isn't that curious :3 I don't know what to say. and I don't even know how to think of it. hehehe....

I guess then really the question I am asking is. why is enlightenment not just an transcendent mask of ego? losing perception of a thing is only a lack of object permanence. What really is Ego but a sense of self - and what is nonduality but a sense of self? letting go doesn't cease the existence of the object - only the attachment to it. But both the Sage who speaks his mind shows he is attached by his insistence to share it - and the Sage who holds silent shows he is attached by adhering to the principal he imagines up to explain things away. Thought is not limited to words and images and sensation. Awareness is thought too. literal being is thought, as we can experience it. Experience itself is the ego - It has been recommended to be in the moment, to be aware of the direct experience without judgement without allowing the rational mind to rationalize the experience. I do not deny the inherent meaning in such an activity - but it is like in quantum mechanics - the measurement itself changes the existence. True existence is necessarily unknowable - because knowing AKA direct experience is limiting existence to a measurable state. awareness is our most authentic tool of measuring the world around us - but measurement itself is why duality "exists" = measurement itself results from the "influence" of ego. in a certain way, "true" or however you name it - enlightenment is in ceasing to be aware altogether. we cannot escape our existence - only transcend it - and to transcend it does not leave the existence behind in any way. that existence is still there. to return to the discussion at hand - we name certain thoughts and experiences. in this way we create duality. Both in asking if he glimpsed nothingness, and in answering - we all have forced the topic to be about somethingness. Nothingness cannot be remembered - and we cannot be aware of it. There would be no experience in nothingness - and no sensory input - no awareness - no consciousness - no body and no mind. Nothing that we can imagine* can be nothingness - we can't even look at it sideways with our periphery. I am not yet familiar with the neti-neti method. but any method is not nothingness. this is not to say that we are futile to attempt to pretend to glimpse at it - but instead the intention is to reveal the practicality in releasing the need to ask if we've got it. the answer will always be no. It is only something we learn from in pursuit of, but never something we reach - and if we believe we've reached it, we are fooling ourself by means of ego. *or be