Baotrader

@Leo Gura if you think this post is too negative, just close it. I just want to have an honest discussion. I have been having suicidal thoughts after quite a lot of meditation. I am beginning to wonder if suicide is better for some people? Some pp are in extreme suffering. They put their body under tonnes of pain just to make money to live by days. Isn't it better to kill yourself if you live in such conditions? And after my self-inquiry i have realized the reason those people don't commit suicide is because they are afraid of the physical pains they would have to go through to meet death. Most countries don't allow guns anyway. If people are honest i bet most will admit they wish they would never have been born into this miserable world. If anyone is angry at the last sentence feel free to throw that on me

First I'm sorry for casting unncessary negativity on this forum but I really hope someone here could tell me what I should do. I sincerely hope someone would care. In my previous post (true story) noone cares (I thought so before having it posted though) and I did wrong. I have driven my pitiable cousin to suicidal thoughts. In my previous post, I shared the story of my cousin who has fully recovered from serious mental illness ( And it was confirmed by everyone I know, even doctor). After that, he realized he's got a talent for being a good actor and that's what he's always loved to do without knowing due to that God-dammed mental insanity - his mother has realized his talent since his childhood too but cannot help because he AREALDY self-harmed himself (leaving untreatable scars on his left hand) he got zero chance to do what he loves. Mixed luck I would say, I have an acquaintance whose job is a experienced female actress. Seeing how unhappy my cousin was, I told him to muster all courage to meet the actress because I already helped set up a meet and told her about his scars. She's quite impressed with my cousin's gift after having him tested. Reluctantly though, she took him to the director so he could give it a short (acting under carmera with other actors). and after the Day 1 the director was pretty impressed asking why the female actress did not introduce my cousin earlier. However, yesterday when the character my cousin acts has to wear a T-shirt and the director (and the producer (boss/investor too) saw the scars on my cousin's hand the director immediately refused to let my cousin continue. The producer ordered the guard to throw us out right after. My friend (the female actress) tells me she got scolded severely. She's not angry with me though because she recognizes my cousin's acting talent. However, my cousin got existentially depressed for it. I'm not exaggerating the problem. He's not crying though but gets into total silence. I could see the helpless depression in his eys. He's not talking with anyone, just a short answer to every question. I said sorry to him and he gave the answer: "It was not your fault, prior to this event I already thought if I cannot do what I truly love to do, why not leave this world for good. because I really cannot find fun in activities like foods sex drinks, the things others find fun in". I truly regretted for what I have done. However, is it really that BAD? Is Not being able to work at the job you love according to your talent really that depressing? Honestly I have never felt it that way before until now. Maybe it was because I was always poor and had to work at whatever jobs to make and money. Every time I got a little more than needed I spent it on party with friends, travel and sex. I truly love my cousin. I never thought I'd drive my cousin to this dangerous situation. If he commits suicide, my entire life would never be peaceful Please, Can someone on this forum tell me what to do. Should I leave him on his own or intervene and in what way should I intervene?

FB has been responsible for drowning people in dopamine that harmfully contributes to exploit mental illness and all kinds of human's shadow side: Jealousy, Anger, Sexual Abuse, Lust for Rape leading to all kinds of sickness and perversion And now it wants to wear the moral mask facing the world. I don't know when people will wake up seeing true colors of Mark Zuckerberg before he does much more harm in the next decade

Can your dad find a way home? There's no rational reason to die along with those insane people

I don't get it why Putin wants to invade more, have more power. He's exceedingly wealthy now. Why doesn't he think about what he really wants to do in life. Just a little bit curious

Hello everyone, it's been a long time since I last visited actualized.org. I've got a true story of awakening curing a mental illness that I want to share with you guys. My cousin got an awakening that cured his mental illness But before I get into that, I think I get to say awakening is probably ( I'm not sure) not good in this case. I have a cousin that I really love. His mother and I recognized from his childhood that he had the potential to become a good actor but he unluckily inherited a mental illness from his father . He's been suffering from his childhood, worse by time. He's been lying unneccessarily just to enjoy himself by talking nonsense, causing trouble and all kinds of stuff, not working to earn money. He lived an unhealthy life, being impatient like an animal, wasting his money like a rich kid while in reality his family is poor, though he never got into heroin or cigarrette or any drug of the sort. People could still communicate with him. If you just talk with him 2-3 times you would not realize he got a mental illness. You would even probably think he's an interesting guy. He never admitted ( probably even to himself) that he was an insane man even though his parents told me 1 female doctor have told him directly. About three years ago, he self-harmed himself by cutting his left hand (below the arm but above the palm) and therefore that led to a lot of scars on his hand. He sadly said he just wanted to bleed to death. What a stupid action and I heard it. How could small injuries lead to death by bleeding, ceartainly the body would heal them. It only resulted in him looking ugliness. His hand is now like a tree, not a human's hand. I told him to try meditation. And in 2021 Oct he somehow got awakened. He finally admitted he was insane his whole life. Now he's got a more healthy life, really healthy. However, after his mental illness was cured, he became very sad for having remembered he himself created all those scars on his hand. Prior to this, he never cared about those scars. He's got a temporary job now but always worried the boss would fire him if they know about those scars. Only heroin addicts would self-harm themselves but in fact he NEVER did drugs. He's still meditating now but honestly in this case, I feel that it would have been better if he just committed suicide because he himself because he tells me to him living is just like a dragging to grave. There's zero chance he can become an actor when he has those scars and he's facing the possibility of being fired if the boss saw those scars. He's got zero work experience. So, is awakening from a mental illness really good? I have reverence for life but honestly I think the people who have mental illness and ALREADY self-harmed themselves like my cousin should receive euthanasia. Having realized you yourself self-harmed and destroyed your life is more detrimental than anything. Surprisingly, my cousin forgives his father for passing insane genes on him. He's told me an insane person does not know he's insane. Only healthy people can recognize insanity in mad people. Therefore, he instead hates his mother more for having married a madman.

@Dazgwny I once became conscious that I was a monkey. However, I've never cognized or got a glimse of some past live that I was beaten to death or lying on a street living the life of a beggar

I don't know the right verb: crumple or cripple or some other verb to correctly describe it @Leo Gura can you help me? Yesterday I sat in meditation for 12 hours and I lost my senses. I could not tell it was day or night and the strangest thing was there were times I had to take a few seconds to distinguish myself from a wall in front of me. I became the wall@!! And I was damn awake. So scary experience

Hi all, I'm very excited to share this even though this is not my trip. 2 or 3 days ago I don't remember surely, I again hanged out with her - a heroin addict who I wanted to know why heroin addicts find it too hard to quit their addiction. We were in a coffee shop and she honestly said she pretty much wanted to quit her addiction for heroin but every time her body wanted it the chest felt empty and that emptiness tortured her so badly. I believe her because she does not show any signs of a pretty bad girl and her description makes sense. Feel the emptiness is extremely torturing. Right at that moment her body felt lacking heroin. I decided to give and recommend she took a pill - a tripping substance I managed to create. I brought it along intending to trip in a park that day. I told her to wait for 40 mins in case the coffee might interact with my substance and caused something dangerous. After taking the pill I told her to be mindful of whatever part of the body felt empty and imagine talking to it, tell it "there's life in the body now, you can take it". It was her luck that in her case it was her chest that felt empty not the forehead so it was easier. Her addiction was cured!! I did it!! She did it!! We set a proper expectation that she will have to take my substance everyday for a week to cure it completly. I'm quite sure she will be clean given her genuine desire to quit heroin. Trip report: Aside from this, what she saw in that trip was intersting. She saw many colorful circle that came to her nonstop. She had to move her eyes to another direction to avoid that. The second thing she saw was a big yellow bird in the ceiling that was many times bigger than normal birds. I don't see it. Most importing was consciousness making its presence to her. She was conscious she was living the FUCKING present moment sitting in a coffee shop. It helps release the emotional baggage inside her. She always reprimended herself for trying heroin. She realized she got no control whatsoever. The person that tried heroin was not really her. However, the side effect was a short-lived feeling of depression. I attribute it to her experience of having no control.

@Leo Gura Honestly, I think women are partially to blame because women nowadays nearly always put money first

@Leo Gura First, I would like to thank you for all the content you provide. You are one of the most compassionate human beings i have known. The content is just too valuable. I have made up my mind to leave this world. I do not make this decision out of the ego but through serious thinking. My family and I have been slaves to money our entirely life. I don't want to be a part of this any more. We have gone through great deals of suffering just to maintain current conditions, not to achieve anything better. I see no reason to continue it further. I have no talent to change it anyway. Since my childhool my father has made it clear ( I also realized it myself though ) he gave birth to me because he wanted to have someone to take care of him when he got old or could not work anymore. The same went for my mother. The reason I have been hesitating to end my life is just because the pain I would have to go through. As if there's a way to have a peaceful death. I might have to go through physical pain anyway or try sleeping pills with alcohol. Hoping there would be no asshole to bring me to the hospital @Leo Gura Your upcoming videos are one of the things i will miss the most

I can at best (to my ability) describe it like it's a colorful place but it's unchanged. I opened my eyes to not see it (just to try) and closed my eyes again and I saw it again. This feature is not exclusive to this indescribable thing. I once hallucinated an air-conditioner above my head and l looked elsewhere then looked back and the air-conditioner was still there.

Hi guy, What happened to me in this weird trip is what I kept to myself for so long. Now I want to share with you guys. In this trip I see a man hugging his girlfriend on a bed. It gets weirder when I (for no reason) know the man I see is the son of a wealthy man in country even though I just saw the body of him, not the face. I met that lucky heir in person in a restaurant quite long ago. Is this just a hallucination or some sort of seeing the future?

There was another visual hallucination that I could not tell what that was. Seems like I saw something from another world than our physical world. And this is not the first time I saw something I could not tell what it was. This phenomenon occured to me once in one of past trips. Total: 2

"Mentor"? This guy and his brother are too useless money wasters. They've got nothing to teach anyone. They are the "heirs" I know his facebook but just to see photos of expensive cars lol. Starting a conversation with a rich person that you don't know at all is never considered a proper act. This rich kid always turns up his nose at others. I've got no interest in him. What makes me wonder is why I foresee his future of someone I really don't care. I hacked my brain because I wanted to see my future and family's but instead I saw the future of another person I mega-dosed that time for nothing valuable for myself

His networth is at least 100 million usd. How can I come to him? I met him in his family's restaurant. And maybe what I foresee is his future. In that case he cannot validate

If she was a normal person, I would not be afraid of coffee. Heroin has made her a dopamine-high person. Coffee is extremely dangerous for such a kind of person. My substance shares a common property with any psychedelics which increases ( not by much) dopamine in the user's brain. Therefore, interaction with coffee can make a person have negative thoughts, even sucidal thoughts. No joke

Because for 99.999% of all people it's mind that is considered the master to listen to and follow. Of course I have to respect genetic limits that programme people that way although they do not want it

My parents think I need a doctor because I told them I hallucinated an air-conditioner and a fan when I tripped. They think I'm crazy. Can anyone teach me how I should explain to them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM0IKLv7KrE

@alchemizt I've decided to give you a clearer description. I was hesitant because I was afraid it could possibly mislead you. The first time I surprised a doctor because my tuberculosis was almost completely healed. It was more surprising to me because I did not take medicine for a whole month. I stopped taking meds after taking it 1 month because the medicines affected my functional ability for my job. I did not tell the doct I quitted taking meds. I decided to continue taking meds after my parents persuaded me. However this 1st time of healing was not done at will. It just happened to me. A very pleasant feeling came along with the healing. The second time my third eye was not opened yet but something occured at that area and for no reason I knew I could heal myself. I healed all the muscle discomforts in the body. Pretty much likely it was relead to the third eye There are many degrees of healing I guess. I don't want to present the steps to do healing right now because I am still trying to perfect it. Like I said I cannot heal the scars in my arm.

In order to show off some validity of my post I present the first insight I got from 40 trips first. Reasons why I did the monster 100+ trips and the substance I used are presented afterwards. I got insights related to the mind, healing, women-sex and politics. I summarised all insights into 4 things: MIND, HEALING and the requirements to do healing, WOMEN, POLITICS First 40 trips: 1) The structure of the mind is magical. So magical that it becomes unique, individual. You can accurately write down the basic difference between 2 mind types or multiple mind types making lazy people admit that it's because of their laziness that their life is shabby, murderes and criminals admit to themselves they deserve their penalties but you cannot penetrate in one's way in a "technical" way in order to understand why they function the way they function. There's a simple but hard to accept reason for it which is the intelligent resistance - the wall God creates for his "complete" product. To a lesser extent, we can call it one's comfort zone even though it's just half true. "Resistance is the truest name". God puts resistance upon the mind at the last step. The mind is completely created. Mind becomes God when this resistance is pushed too much and gets destroyed. My language is abstract and I know it but I actually don't want to diminish the value of the insight by simple description. Intro : Reasons why I did 100 trips in 20 days, preparation and settings. It feels like it is intelligently predetermined as fuck, in other words, Reality is the intelligent push to me (1) Honestly I have not reached the level of consciousness where one becomes conscious of (1) yet. I just feel it may be the case. 1st reason: it's a long story but I don't want to waste your time hearing me brag about my accomplishment. I tripped with the substance I created. The excitement was irresistible. I never thought I could accomplish it since I don't know much about chemistry. It was not easy but I did it! The money I had to spend to do tripping went down a lot. I somewhat regret having shared a formula to create this substance with an acquaintance even though it's not guaranteed he can create my unique substance. It's obvious I am still a selfish ego. Albeit it's partly because there some dangerous side-effects about the substance and I am afraid other people cannot handle them. Some properties of my substance: For people who trip for pleasure my substance can fill their mind/brain totally with suicidal thoughts. ( no joke ) One "ironic" yet but interesting property of this substance is at a small dose one the side-effect is hardest to take but one can keep his selfish ego to avoid visual hallucinations but valuable insights still come to his dualistic consciousness in the unique way that he can clearly know those insights are not from the thinking pattern his brain does but what he becomes conscious of. My 1st rule is never take this substance when I am sad. 2nd reason is Sadness and frustration. I violated my 1st rule but it's what happened. Corona crippled businessess around the world. I have been out of work for 20 days. I feel pretty sad because I am already poor. Right now 2 dollars is the maximum I can spend a day. After having cried a few days I decided to do tripping. I think it's the legitimate way to feel better. My careful preparation and settings for the trip remained the same though. Enough for the intro, I will tell you guys what I got from 100+ trips ( I always prepare questions I need the answers for before I trip) 40 trips (2): You can have healing ability after the chakra in your chest is opened. This chakra is love chakra. I opened it and healed my bone injury and all the muscle discomfort. However, I don't like to love everything so I wished it to close and it closed. Don't be deluded into thinking this healing is omniscient. I still could not use it to completely heal my scars. My healing ability has not totally lost after this chakra is closed. I am still using it to heal my scars and there are signs it works. Muscle discomfort is healed pretty fast. I guess there are degrees of healing ability. And right now I cannot heal others yet. I'm trying to achieve it following the formula I got from tripping. The 1st requirement for healing to work is you have to truly love the injured part on your body. )For someone who severly hates his life and thinks about suicide all the time healing ability never comes to him). 2nd requirement is you have to really respect the alive nature of that body part, treat it like a person, a person that got hurt because of your fault. My substance is not the substance I got healing ability from. It just strengthens it. I believe if you are serious enough about healing, you can get it through other psychedelics. (3): Woman is a duality that already exists inside a man. An ordinary man does not know the priorities of woman types he himself already set. So usually men loves to have sex with a lot of women but in the end he still feels suffering. A woman would like to show her body to a man who show signs he's not interested in her body but for a man who uses petty tricks to look into her shirt she looks down on him. (4) Politics: Good results from a policy usually go unseen by majority of people even though they benefit from it. I got many insights about political tactics used by politicians but this is a sensitive area so I will not present them here

@Leo Gura I am annoyed at my parents thinking that because they already saw me cure myself of tuberculosis and yet still think I have serious mental issue

What I can tell you is my substance gives you (your limited ego) the power to direct dopamine to what you put it first. So my stupid cravings cannot torture me mentally. And even after the trip I can somewhat maintain the control. I once open my the chakra in my chest and it gave me the healing power which I consider even higher than my current healing ability. Healing ability has degrees. It's hard to explain by words. It's like your injury does time travel. I don't have love for everythink and that's it. Can't explain why

Today ago I read Buddha's health teaching. It's worth reading. I don't know its English translation. He clearly got some juicy insights. However, I find it hard to believe he was the son of a King. How could people came to know that? The Buddha possibly did not tell anyone his status if he was the king's son unless he wanted to put himself in danger.