puporing

Thanks @Leo Gura for being the catalyst/guide/pioneer in guiding me reaching this point.

@Michael Jackson <3<3<3 Thank you I'm glad to hear it resonated!!

3rd 3.5g Golden Teacher Mushroom "Trip" (lawl): Words cannot describe the profundity! I broke down in tears of joy, crawling on the floor, screaming This beautiful body I have created and experiencing through I created it I created Leo, Yasu, Brian, Louis, Aaron, my parents, this floor, the neighbors, this phone, everything Look at the hands, the face, the hair Holy fuck I’m just imagining it and calling it reality and "myself". My “crushes”, my “pains”, my "sexuality", my "gender" questioning, led me to this truth of who I am This grand illusion to deceive myself in order to experience and express myself This truth was inside of me all along, like the music I yearned to express Did Brian know? The mushroom lady, did she know? I am literally everyone, I cannot contain this absolutely endless stream of consciousness I am now able to perceive There is no one else but me I am all there is I had created such a convincing dream And it’s so beautiful and perfect I fooled myself I had to be fooled in order to experience through this facet of creation totally and deeply, this dream But I knew something was up, something fishy! And now I found out the fucking truth This body is not what it seems This avatar is just a lens I am expressing and seeing through I created this as part of myself expressing and knowing myself Mushrooms and Leo and Actualized.org, what the fuck that was so genius I laugh at the thought of “buying mushrooms” to return to my true nature Are you going to doubt this once this "trip" wears off? You're just going to call it a "trip" No. The dream, my life as I knew it, was the trip, it's been flipped! How the fuck was I able to access this? I feel so deeply loved to know this directly

@Razard86 I think OP just wants to connect, like face to face. It's all good.

@thisintegrated He's saying you can't always count on changing the way reality operates to the way you want it to, but that you may still be able to get what you want through another means.

@KoryKat Sends you a *virtual hug* . Side note: Kuddos for speaking up for what you want - seems like much growth happened for you since your post about "saying no". Also you could always start your Meetup group with a focus and see if anyone in your area shows up.

I'm thinking maybe it's even a very practical thing too... Like opening yourself up to legal liabilities for things you had no oversight over.

Um yeah, I do agree about the disappointment at least in not being able to advertise about local meet-up groups. Mostly I just give up on the thought and appreciate what is available. Other "spiritual communities" are equally inaccessible (in person) unless you have lots of money lol. Maybe it's easy for things to "get out of hand"? Also he stresses about going beyond Actualized.org.

Y'all should just do what Leo says. It becomes awkward when the guy is expecting the girl to make lots of "moves" (happens too often). Side note: I think many men (and women) need some kind of therapy/self-therapy to be truly great on dates. One of the main hurdles I run into is just guys who go on and on about themselves and put in little effort to connect. Dates are like their therapy sessions with hopefully a happy ending lol.

?

Haha, from a high level yeah, the other stuff usually comes with being highly conscious. High consciousness = love, presence/awareness. And that is that which all the other stuff can come out of that others have mentioned.

High consciousness.

You have to tell them somehow eventually.. things like that you want to be left alone, live your own life apart from theirs, that you struggle to relate on things, will see them from time to time to the frequency that you're comfortable with. Yes it can be very hard to talk about this and bracing for their reaction especially if you came from a culture where this is deemed "taboo". But sounds like it's not sustainable for you to not say anything either.

It's pretty common with women who had trauma and not healed this yet, and wanting safety first and foremost (ie through committment). Also a ton of conditioning around this. It's not your fault or her fault or anything. Just a bit of a tragic state of where humanity is at mostly right now - where most people are acting from a highly insecure place - trauma, lack of quality connections, loving presence, self-realization etc. I'd say.. try to be gentle on her in your heart, and to your desire to explore as well. I guess it does help to be a bit more explicit somehow from the start - saying things like: I am still exploring, not sure about a long term thing yet but seeing how it goes, but I do feel (this) way about you, I am hoping we could have a nice experience together...etc. Just being honest helps because some assume something long term right off the bat (it seems). It's better to communicate this and you're learning from this experience - than to "accidentally" get someone's hopes up and then you have to clean things up.

What is in this "Matthew" experience that you want more of? Look into that some more. And also love yourself more. Matthew needs love too and that is also part of your expansion/growth process. Don't skip over it just for the sake of getting into expanded states! It's calling to you for a reason. And then you can choose to zoom out and exercise that muscle whenever it feels necessary/helpful to you.

Not to be a pain in the ass but you don't need psychedelic experience to transcend ego, mental models/constructs, even god realization, and most of the things mentioned. You can get very far through sheer will/deep questioning and being with "discomforts". ? Anyway I think you're doing great : ).

I didn't mean as a "negative" when I said no one in your life gets you/it. It's actually perfect and all good (deep down), and yes one is at peace with where people are at usually. You can empathize because they are where you've been. Being occasionally frustrated is also okay and just part of you trying so hard wanting to "help" someone see beyond/grasp something truer, and relieve them from their suffering/limited self. With a balance of accepting people where they're at. And occasionally/often demonized/misunderstood for what you say especially when it's very divergent from the mainstream paradigms. But this all could be done a bit automatically and doesn't need to be some "plan". You could also have a bunch of awakenings and continue life as it was (externally) or that seems no different from the outside. All depends on what you're called to and choose each moment. Also you can have awakenings but still blind spots in certain areas you're not willing/ready to deconstruct..yet.

Well at the end of the day it's all a model and words. It's helpful to see the potentials and possible roadmaps, but not very helpful when alot of attention is put on "getting somewhere" instead of where we are now. What directions do you want to go into? What excites you now? Is it from a genuine place or conditioning around me? (Not asking for your answers here, just pointing). Those are the more important questions for me each day. You should trust/listen to that voice in you, more than what anyone says here. : ) And then just go live it! With no apology for the path you're taking.

@Eyal Bor It's possible to find someone who is open to/wanting that structure of a more open arrangement while spending whatever amount of time is needed together on this path. The key is that it coming from a genuine place of love. The thing is if that's what your heart genuinely wants/have discovered (because you know you want to be open to self-growth and experiencing and learning from other entities), strict monogamy (when forced on you) would not feel right and probably won't last very long.. unless it was something you know was just for a period of time to focus on this one person that would help you with your growth and self-realization.

Well... What are you going to lose from just trying it out? You'll be okay I promise ?.

@Eyal Bor Well, consider the possibility that it is in your hands to "figure this out". It's often hard to differentiate what was long term conditioning foisted upon us vs what our true and empowered selves desire. By long term conditioning I mean things like the social matrix, the adopted insecurities from childhood, internalized shame and guilt, etc. There is a possibility of a more empowered state from which we can love and relate to others. But this you would have to contemplate for yourself and deconstruct to where you feel comfortable with. I guess I'm trying to say, you are free to choose what style of relating you ultimately want, regardless of what society operates on (it may be more difficult undeniably if what you arrive at falls outside of the mainstream paradigm). If this is all going over your head just ignore what I said ? and trust the process.