puporing

@Javfly33 It's tough. I've only experienced "unconditional" love once through a therapist, (though ironically paid), and that changed/healed me a lot. I was doing so much inner work but still spinning wheels and not getting too far. Sometimes you do need an 'intervention'. Even just a single interaction was profoundly healing and shook me, it was the first time I felt like I've come 'home' and I didn't know that was what I was struggling for my whole life. Mind you I went through 5 therapists until I found this one. And I did have to exit eventually for other reasons.

I'm sure you've thought of it, but I'm guessing no answer from the docs?

@Thought Art Injuries are also common with practicing musicians, I have to manage one too. But I know what you mean if hearing is not clear..

@John Paul some things like leafy greens or if I'm juicing something.

I don't know if this helps.. but I could only get my life together and start doing music at 28 and feel like making progress right now. And for others who did start young, many have to teach in order to keep working on their craft. Depends on what you want to do also... Here's an interview with a classical musician that may affect your beliefs around age:

Bit cliche but, love the other as though they're yourself (also true).

You're just on a harder mode of life.

@blankisomeone because there are still tons of room for self actualizing and truth seeking, and one cannot really do so with such a stronghold of religion and family they're serving. Basically the happiness is at the cost of growth and truth.

The unhappy people are probably more motivated to change things, within themselves and outwardly. Someone can also be happy and not happy at the same time... ie being at peace with their life but also sensitive to the suffering that exists around them. Part of the problem is that we're not taught how to relate consciously with one another, with respect. Things can easily be exploitative and intrusive when you lack boundary skills or get upset for being on the receiving end of someone wanting boundaries. Even therapists are awarded boundaries, you can only talk to them during the session and you cannot just rant either which some have a tendency to. In my experience members from the family and racial groups are the worst for boundaries, many feel like they own your time and subjugation especially if you're younger/female. At least this is the reason I would shy away from people in general. It's incredibly hard to find people who are respecting of another's autonomy. Self actualizing individuals require a lot more autonomy than what alot of cultures currently can accept.

Sounds like to me he needs unconditional love.. Something most people are not good at giving because very few people are shown this. Unconditional love is so incredibly healing but the paradox is that you can't expect him to be something else by giving that. Unconditional love is the answer to a lot of psychological problems... Is there a single person in his life where he can feel unconditional love around, that's the question, now it's reached a tipping point, so many of us don't/didn't have this growing up.

@Tristan12 @Gianna I feel both 'aloneness' and 'oneness' are simultaneously true.

Maybe truth require risk taking. So if you're a truth seeker, got be ready to 'lose the life as you know it' and that is a big risk to the ego self and can be quite 'inconvenient' in a practical sense. You can choose to struggle against what's being presented, or surrender to it and investigate further, with the understanding that it could alter your view and sense of what's true. I don't have books on the top of my mind specifically..

Heavy metals is one factor. There're other substances too that you probably don't want to ingest (pesticides/herbicides, BTEX, PAHs, etc.. not that organics are free from this in absolute terms it can vary a lot by location.. the location's history..current proximity to toxin sources both air, soil/water, nearby farms spraying stuff). I guess it's like... there is a certain way organic produce is farmed that may reduce toxins, but we can't know how much as a shopper in the grocery store without some kind of hard measurements because it's going to vary by the farm..

It feels like you're feeling uninspired at the moment. Find the inspiration again and again and the rest are tackled to meet your vision. I guess if you want to be financially afloat, sometimes that vision has to be met 'aggressively' like an OCD perfectionist. All depends on how much you want to keep doing it/have the money to keep doing it. Burn out is real too. It's also possible you're falling out of love with what you've been doing and in a transition to something else. That's also okay business/LP can come and go too.

Stephen King recommends this, read a ton of books, fiction and non-fiction, history and whatnot. I guess it's not dissimilar to musicians having to practice a lot of what others have wrote, sort of like building blocks.. I feel like 'creativity' doesn't come out of thin air, it builds on top of things already in existence. Just my take though.

Just shared this in another post but I think it's just as relevant to your post.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olI5JvCuz44 TL;DR: Equal striving and appreciation. I have a similar 'business' going on the side, I would say it's mostly been good fun testing what works and what doesn't, expressing some creativity and love through it, it's not a charity but I aim to put into it more than I expect to receive, and not being afraid of pulling the plug if things don't work out financially after trying a bunch of things. So far it's been going well at least but can always change. Having an adaptive mindset helps to not be dragged into the "rollercoaster" of day to day.

LoL good one.

Top 3

There may also be a stage where one is "Interdependent" while working on said LP and self-employed/working... but I guess that falls somewhere between Stages 4-6.

Hey this is awesome, thanks for sharing! I can follow your lines of reasoning pretty well. Made me realize how truly f**ked I was.

@Happy Lizard Yeah web dev can be pretty fun, also super overwhelming if you are trying to pick up like all the popular languages out there and get sucked into every job posting LoL. Do you have an idea if you'd prefer front end or back end? Well either way it's good to learn both so you can understand how they might interface, but depends on if you're more of a design person or math/algorithmic leaning. I started with Javascript, it was very versatile. So maybe figure out what languages, frameworks, libraries you want to start with. My stack was JS, React (frontend), CSS (frontend), Node.js (backend), PSQL (database) and I really liked that stack coz both React and Node are JS based. Also what kind of companies do you want to work for? Maybe do a bit of research on what stack they use if you're trying to get a job with them. Project wise, I think they mainly look for finished web pages, "replicas" are totally fine you don't have to invent something, or a component of one (like a chat bot for example...), contributions you've made to an open-source project on Github. I guess in general it's also good to know a bit about security and authentication but don't have to dive too deep.

Not just on 'forgiveness' but.. "Letting Go" by David Hawkins talks about just about everything surrounding this.

Sounds like major depression (though that's just a label, in reality, it is a correct/healthy response to what you went through). What helps me is to let it all out somehow, expressing it, maybe writing, music, talking to someone safe if you are up for that (they have to be safe otherwise it might just make it worse, even lot of therapists are not truly 'safe'). I think you need to be seen for those dark emotions somehow, that helped me heal at least. I don't know a better way truthfully.

Your life does matter, you are totally unique and nobody else can replace you as the form you exist in right now. Literally not possible. And this place is made more rich thanks to your presence. Stay with this journey, you are just getting started and there is more to see than meets the eye right now.