Nahm

Or ”Everything I do, is expressing myself as matter”.

@Leo Gura ?

@Nexeternity Awesome! Lol. I’m a trip cryer too, apparently. Infinite is a lot of love to ‘pack into a guy’.

@emind The sensation feels bad, but you are continuing anyways. Be sensitive, listen to the sensation, reveal the falsity. Have you ever experienced what anyone else is thinking? Have you directly experienced that anyone else is thinking? You’ve been carrying the weight of your over thinking, and the weight of your over thinking about what other people are thinking. All of that, is thinking. Over thinking = seriousness. Did you grow up with anger around? Unknowingly developed hyperawareness of every subtle nuance, as to make living with an angry person more predictable? In the sense, your existence became largely catering to the whim of their mood? Now, perhaps, that “skill” is running rampant, feeding itself with far too many nuances, resulting in a sense you’re living life in “fast forward”, and it’s hard to get back to “play”?

@Andre Quinonez I liked the thermal vision. The bugs scared the hell out of me. They were around 3 feet long. Weird. Thanks for sharin.

@Emanyalpsid Being = You. Consciousness = reality. Consciousness = exist. Consciousness = Being. Consciousness = You. Nonexistence = the punchline. Consciousness knows itself, prior to “knowing any thing”, or any appearance (reality). Whatever you’re looking at, that’s consciousness. Consciousness does not need anything, there is no thing which could be needed. Any thing is already consciousness. Otherwise, there is desire, or the potential for desire. Consciousness is only “conscious” of consciousness. Reality is not a separate thing or event that a first thing is conscious of. That usage of “consciousness” implies it is the product of sensory input / brain, but those are appearance of consciousness. In the same sense that consciousness is never in actuality, ignorant of this, but there is the appearance of ignorance. Attempt to identify, or go to, these processes of sight, eyeball, interpretation, or sound, ear, interpretation. There are no processes there, just as there is no separate self there interpreting. In the appearance of thought, you’ve defined consciousness and reality, and then attempt to undefine them implying an interdependent relationship with “each other”, as one needing the other, thus stating they are one. However, there is no resolve needed, because there is no separation to begin with. You don’t need anything to be you, you are already you. You have only ever been you, and you will only ever be you. The word consciousness is similar to the word God, in that it triggers thinking, which utilizes meaning, and inherently brings confusion - thinking - leads to thinking there is any actual separation, but the thinking is appearance. Consciousness gets used in that way - “reality in contact with the senses creates consciousness” but that is from the perspective of the senses, nothing creates consciousness, it is. It’s all that is. There are not two things which “contact”. That model arises in thinking. In appearance there is “outside” reality, the senses, the perception of it, etc, but these are not actual things, or actual processes, they are only consciousness appearing as actual things, or, processes. You can check this now, by saying, I am aware that I am aware. Nothing else is needed. You can wiggle your finger and ask, how did I just do that. It is unexplainable, because it is all appearance of processes, and ungroundable. The nature of reality is not understandable. Brains, thoughts, understand. Brains, thought, are finite appearance, of Being, of You - Infinite. You can say “I am” and the sayer is not other than the one who knows this. “ I “ is one, not two. There is only one absolute reality. The mind f is, everything I just wrote is nonsense.

@Faceless https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pgJFUW3VenY ? ❤️ ??

@Ingit Ya. I’m a hallucination right now.

@Andre Quinonez I hallucinated when I was a kid too. Some good, some not, mostly weird. Giant insects going in & out of cupboards. Hands & body would ‘bubble’ Up super huge. Saw in only temperature shades once.

@Finland3286 Maybe the Randi test is a symbol, a question, asking you, if you want any paranormal in your reality.

@Lynnel Life brings it up for you, everyday. You might have developed a habit like I did of categorizing important sensations as “normal or typical”; stress, tension, anger, frustration, etc. But these sensations are very important messages / communications. It is tricky, because it’s easy to operate at the level of the classic senses, but the “negative” sensations are deeper, and must be embraced to discover & access that depth. If you are looking to experience intuition, clairvoyance, facets of paranormal, psychic abilities, certain knowings, not to mention an ocean of consciousness & joy, consider reframing those “negative sensations” to messages. Just be willing to stop what you’re doing, and sit through them, breath. In doing so, the clarity will arise on it’s own. For the time being, you might want to check out some male teachers. Spira is dialed into the sensations. Tolle, presence & the now. When a female get’s under your skin, how it’s her fault is easy and at the ready...how it’s your fault she got under your skin, that’s the path. The conclusive techniques, are the one’s you’ve tried that worked. Different things work for different people. It is likely that ultimately what liberates you comes are many techniques from many teachers. Here are some obscure practices:https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices Have you read The Power of Now, or The Way of The Superior Man? Those appear to be the cream that rises to the top. @Faceless Is freely offering, at the very least, a piece of the puzzle you seek. If you don’t like what he’s saying, or how he says it, just imagine he’s a woman (path).

@Lynnel Life brings it up for you, everyday. You might have developed a habit like I did of categorizing important sensations as “normal or typical”; stress, tension, anger, frustration, etc. But these sensations are very important messages / communications. It is tricky, because it’s easy to operate at the level of the classic senses, but the “negative” sensations are deeper, and must be embraced to discover & access that depth. If you are looking to experience intuition, clairvoyance, facets of paranormal, psychic abilities, certain knowings, not to mention an ocean of consciousness & joy, consider reframing those “negative sensations” to messages. Just be willing to stop what you’re doing, and sit through them, breath. In doing so, the clarity will arise on it’s own. For the time being, you might want to check out some male teachers. Spira is dialed into the sensations. Tolle, presence & the now. When a female get’s under your skin, how it’s her fault is easy and at the ready...how it’s your fault she got under your skin, that’s the path. The conclusive techniques, are the one’s you’ve tried that worked. Different things work for different people. It is likely that ultimately what liberates you comes are many techniques from many teachers. Here are some obscure practices:https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices Have you read The Power of Now, or The Way of The Superior Man? Those appear to be the cream that rises to the top. @Faceless Is freely offering, at the very least, a piece of the puzzle you seek. If you don’t like what he’s saying, or how he says it, just imagine he’s a woman (path).

@LaraGreenbridge Thanks!! However (there’s always a damn however, right? Lol) I wouldn’t go so far as to say it doesn’t improve your life.

@LaraGreenbridge I had never been interested in nonduality or enlightenment. I created my life just like you did. It sounds wonderful btw. ? I never had a teacher, but I can understand what you’re saying. That’s really great that you can see the beneficial aspect in things. Takes a lot of life to get there. ? From what I’ve seen, nonduality is not a tool for anything, or useful to any specific application of life. It’s the journey that matters, the joy & the pain. Life.

@7thLetter It really sounds like you’re really having a rough ride with the psych’s and the two worlds (work) colliding. I can relate. That is not easy. If you can take a month off, take 4 separate weeks off instead, and space them out a couple months apart. Spend a week in nature, alone. Take the first few days just to decompress and unwind, have simple fun, be a kid again, give your brain a couple days to empty of ‘serious town’, do something creative, read a uplifting spirituality book, etc. Shed any troubles or concerns, get your spirits up, get yourself feelin good and light. Then take the trip. Maybe do 0.5g. (Make tea, don’t eat them!) 1.5g outta the gate is the danger zone. It’s enough to shake things up, but not enough to break through. .5g is good for getting a feel, then 1g or 1.5 depending on how the .5g went for you. 3g - 5g is typically the breakthrough / hero zone. Highly subjective, but if you can sit alone in a room doing nothing for an hour or two, you’re probably good to go. Your future trips will be better, no doubt. Honestly, I’m a little jelly of the glorious insights and realizations ahead of you. Lucky fucker. ?

@How to be wise My current progress, is that I am you.

@billiesimon The kind you do. Psychadelics can show you, but they can’t give it to you. The fastest thing you could do, right now - is jump into @Faceless‘s fragmentation thread, and don’t leave it until you see what he is saying.

@billiesimon The issues you’re working on are the product of resistant thinking, thoughts against the self, manifesting as doubt, and fear. You are wise to face them, and you will be glad you did. The meditation should slow those thoughts down, and give you some ‘spaciousness’ to more clearly observe the patterns at play, as well as allow your body some restorative time, and become more aware of awareness in general. That spaciousness, calmness, clarity and openmindedness are the most useful tools for self inquiry. If you are begining self inquiry, consider starting simple. A pen & paper, write down what and or who, you are. I suggest also utilizing google to look into things as you go. Deconstruct what you think you are by being deeply honest, and separating what is a thought or belief, from what is your own direct experience. Do this, just for the doing of this. There’s no incentive, or reward. Also consider, that through this proccess, you will discover things about yourself, and about what you want in this life. Have a dry erase board, or an easel & large pad, or something similar handy to write those things on as they arise. Apps are great, but these things are best written out physically. It will not initially appear so, but you are manifesting, and it is wise to have such things out in the open, where you see them everyday. You might find yourself needing a boost to get going on any particular day, so knowing how to change your state of mind is important too. Happy for you man!

@Mikael89 I like you too.

@Gryner You’re not alone....this will pass!.... Thank you for sharing @Viking ! It was the toughest experience of my life. it was an S.N. Goenka vipassana center. I dont remember most of my time there. day 0 arriving to the meditation center, i felt slightly nervous but very excited and well. day 1 The hardest day for me. Practicing anapana, my mind started to clean up a bit and tons of emotional baggage came out. I cried 2 times that day. once during a meditation, second during the tea break, being outside. day 2 extremely tough day, almost as the first one. I was scared regarding my meditation posture because I thought I might damage my back or knees. I figured out the right meditation posture only on day 4, using a bench and pillows under my knees. day 3 Generally speaking, the only part of the day I liked was the dhamma talk in the evening. I was counting days until I could finish already the course. day 4 that's the day we started learning vipassana. The learning was in the evening, 2 hours. the whole day and previous days ive been waiting to get to start learning vipassana, it was very tough to sit out whole meditations. those 2 hours were absolute torture, I had pains throughout my whole body and my mental state was horrible, I couldnt wait to get out. day 5 I couldnt understand how to properly do the technique. I was very confused and my mind wandered a lot because of it. nevertheless, I think it was the easiest day so far. Every possible occasion on which I could ask the assistant teacher questions until this day I did, always, during the interview times in the noon and during question time in the evening. day 6 Since approximately day 3 i've been feeling LSD-like thoughts. extremely creative, my imagination was extremely detailed, my analytical skills were very sharp and clear. With that, extremely intense fear came up, worse than a bad trip. when you're tripping at least you know you're on a chemical, here (in my mind at the time) it seemed like I was getting psychotic or depersonalized. it was something like that: Most of the day up until the strong determination sitting at 3:30pm the meditation was relatively easy, I started to get in touch with equanimity and could sit without struggle. I was surprised people were saying this day was one of the toughest. Before the strong determination sitting, I asked the assistant teacher during the interview how should I go about asking him questions, up until now my mind was a question generating machine, so I stopped trying to ask questions and just went on with the technique. During the strong determination sitting, I started feeling my body melting, for a moment I stopped existing and I freaked out a ton. on the intellectual level, I understood that my fears were irrational, but since my LSD trip I had a slight fear that there might be something wrong with me and during that time it came up. I started to fear I'd get depersonalized, i'd get back home to my parents and they would see a zombie (they didnt approve of this retreat). after that, I tried to surrender to the fear constantly and told myself i will pass, but much more different fears came up. at the end of the day, when falling asleep, again fear came up and I surrendered to it. What happened next I guess was a kundalini rising experience. I felt extremely intense energy in the abdomen and in the chest and it was going up to my throat. I felt like a huge snake was coming up from the belly to the throat, I actually felt it in the throat very clearly. I fell asleep shortly after, surrendering and knowing it will pass. day 7 Because of last night, I felt a very heavy feeling in the chest, burning sensation with pressure, which lasted until the last day. I started to be extremely emotional. every slight little emotion I felt as something jumping in my chest. cried a few times. day 8 When you do vipassana, you're supposed to sense scan the body, sense sensations and be equanimous with them. most of my practice because of the fear that arised I was busy being equanimous with the sensation of fear, and not with different parts of the body. Nearing the end of the day, I fell into a state of perfect equanimity. intense fear was there, but I didnt care about it. the realization of the fact that i didnt care created more fear, but I didnt care about that fear also. I didnt care about any sensation in my body. this state passed. day 9 couldnt meditate very well because I was waiting for the 10th day to finish the course, a lot of thoughts of possible things i will say to people came up. During the evening I contemplated the reason for all my fears. earlier I prevented myself to think about them and just surrendered to them, I think it was a mistake. I have done shadow work previously but didnt get anywhere. Here, I realize all of my fears point to "Im not good enough". for example, I contemplated why do i fear being depersonalized -> because my parents would suffer -> I would be a bad person. another example, I fear saying the wrong thing to people -> because I would be stupid or they wont want to hang out with me -> im a loser another one, I fear going crazy -> because others will see me as crazy -> im a loser during the retreat I think i overcame these fears to a certain extent and they dont affect me as much anymore day 10 amazing day, talking to people was so refreshing, my fear went away, cried a few times during the loving kindness meditations. only at the end of that day I truly understood how im supposed to be working with the technique properly, ironically, after finishing the course. day 11 came back home, during the whole day I felt very equanimous, my family is very negative and i was very sensitive so i felt some sad emotions sometimes, but i was ok with it. What I got out of it: A way to deal with my laziness. My laziness is extremely severe and it damages a lot of areas of my life. now I know a way in which to overcome it: to feel the sensation of not wanting to do something and to know it will pass, and to do the thing I want. the sensation usually passes very quickly. i will be practicing vipassana daily for some time now. I see it as a technique which will bring balance into my life, which is one of the most important things in life, if not the most important. I understood better the theory I learned in Leo's videos and understood experientially better what spirituality is about. A lot of old unpleasant memories that I didnt think about for a long time came up and I managed them. I feel like I know better what to do with my life now. I feel very equanimous and I have much more willpower. I still have very strong cravings, but I know how to deal with them. I understood better the value of communication with people, barely talking to anyone in 10 days. I realized how much I love my family and how attached I am to them. I understood what people talk about when they say that during practices like self inquiry they have a fear which prevents them from going further. I definitely felt like if I'd surrender something unexplainably bad is going to happen. I understood better how to deal with fear, more experience with it. I actually feel like on the spiritual path now, as when before I felt like an amateur. I opened my heart much more. I realized all my fears originate in "im not good enough" overcame fears overcame the extreme difficulty of meditating the whole day proved to myself i can be really hardworking. I never slept or anything like that when I had meditation time, while i've noticed others do sleep. this experience made me a more strong and mature person. I was the youngest person there, 20 years old. I feel greatful that I started to know what life is about at such an early age. It gives me confidence that ill be able to achieve great results at a young age and serve others more. I stopped craving for spiritual experiences, they pass. I care more about liberating myself now. I understood how to actually work mindfully, a lot of concepts I learned in the past make sense now. I know how to deal with my lack of satisfaction in the present moment. I crave for something that doesnt exist. I understood how much I care about my ego. for a few moments here and there i reconnected with my inner child and have seen the world with wonder as i have seen it then. I decided to quit porn for good I understood how to eat healthier

@Viking You are amazing man. So impressed and happy for you!❤️

@Silvester http://app.thework.com/

@InfinitePotential That’s just awesome. I hear ya now. Thank you. Yes, I’m writing a book, and thank you for the encouragement. ??

@Gryner I’m in the US. I took Paxil, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, and some others I can’t remember. Everyone’s past is relative and different. We are One, and also we are unique, every one of us a masterpiece - and you are no exception. Because no two people have the same past, and did not internalize everything in the same way - medication benefit some and not others, retreats benefit some and not others, etc. But you, you are ‘doing the work’. You are facing your fears: acknowledging the role fear is playing in your life, talking it through, learning about it, starting to understand it. You deserve to stop, take note of this, and feel good about it. Feel confident. I understand how rough it is. There are good days ahead, and rough days ahead for all of us. The work you’re doing now is worth it. Your life is going to be significantly better than it would have been, if you didn’t go to that retreat. Thank God for that retreat!! You’re waking up! This is the hard part, it WILL PASS! ?? I believe you also are highly sensitive. Where & when I grew up, that was perceived as a ‘negative’ “unmanly” type thing, and I think it had a lot to do with my depression, which led to compensating with food, sex, drugs, weight gain, pills, video games all day, etc, etc. There is a movie I think you would really resonate with and find solace in called “Sensitive - The Untold Story”. I know it’s on Amazon Prime, but I don’t know if you have that in Poland. Highly sensitive people are at first lost in society, but then, at some point, that coin flips, and that “weakness” becomes a strength. An unbelievable, intuitive, strength. Again, - Hang. In. There. Buddy. It will pass and you’ll be the better for it. You mentioned you talk with your therapist about your fears, that’s good. Be patient with that. Expressing is key, it’s critical to have someone listening, just so you can continue to express what you’re feeling, experiencing. Consider this...if you are highly sensitive, like everyone else you want to feel good. Like everyone else, you avoid what doesn’t feel good. Most can live a whole life in avoidance, good days, bad days, no biggie. Being highly sensitive though, you are not about to sleep through this life in an ignorant half hearted stupor. That life is not enough. And so here you are, doing the work, learning and discovering yourself. When the fear is present, when the sensations suck ass - be present. Internally speaking, don’t run, don’t avoid, just experience it. That, is the way to be free of it - and you will be free of it. On a personal note, my last remaining grandparent, my grandma, passed a few days ago. She was an amazing woman, an artist. When I was around 5, she started teaching me how to draw, how to paint, etc. At her funeral, they read something I wrote about her and mailed to her around 20 years ago. I didn’t even remember writing it, but, it was beautiful. There were around 100 people, and every one of us lost our shit. Lol. I realized, I’m already a writer. I always have been. Anyways, she migrated here, from Poland. You may not see things like synchronicity yet, but you will. We are all in this together, you too. You’re not alone.

@Consilience Lovin the “consilience” is motion ?