Shin

Then stop talking and do what you think will work for you, that's just mental masturbation at this point.

Reading your post just make me think you want to escape reality, but your reality is in your mind, it will follow you wherever you go. Changing your external situation won't change that, your mind will find another excuses to bring drama in your life, I guarantee it. It's not worth it at all, go along the path and all these problems you think you have will disappear. Disrespect ? Rudeness ? How in the hell would you care about that ? That's only your mind interpreting an experience, it may not even happened, and even if it did, it won't affect you in the end. Don't think that's something hard to obtain, you don't need to realize enlightenment for that, it can be accessed very early in the process (like in less than a year). The kind of life you describe is the same as one of a monk, so if that's you really want then just join a monastery ... If you resist to that you already know that's just bullshit your mind tells itself. An authentic life purpose should inspire you, move you, it should be something you really want to do just because you love to do it (and not because you will gain something from it, you would even accept to be in trouble to do it). It should be something powerful, something you dream of, have vision of and feel that you can't turn your back on once you discovered it. That doesn't mean it should be a work that implies big change in the world, it could be something that in appearance changes nothing at all, like being the best fisher in the world. What it is doesn't matter, what matters is the calling you feel inside you to do it, and that's a lot of search to do, because it could be something so niche that you would never find it without a deep investigation. The problem with that line of thinking is that you will never achieve anything of importance this way. You will do nothing and will die with regret, just like 99.99% of people on this earth.

A lot of spiritual teacher have a partner, so I guess that has nothing to do with that. Your interest on having sex with people you don't have a close connection will probably cease as you age though, and you will be more attracted to have a really deep commited relationship with just one person, just because you want to explore how deep you can go. All the people I know who are highly conscious/enlightened seem to go this way. On the other hand you have sages like Rumi who fucked lots of girls of all age, and an another dude who had built a school where he was teaching how to have deep sex (and as you can imagine, he fucked a lot of these girls). This is kind of the other route you could take, which is pretty logical, since you love everything and everyone if you realize yourself.

You mean being aware of your thoughts as thoughts and not you ? Because being aware only of awareness itself and being aware of nothingness would mean you realize some kind of enlightenment experience.

That's mostly because those people don't really understand why being less nice mean. It only means being very clear about your boundaries, make sure people understand what you won't do for them when it is ask. You can be the nicest/caring guy in the world and still being very firm and authoritarian, that's how the most successful men become actually successful, a true asshole won't go very far (or not for long). Being more playful with people (especially with women) can be seen as that if you're a "nice guy/girl", but most people actually like this "agressive humor", it's just normal to them (just try not to overdo it with shy guy/girl, as you can clearly see they aren't comfortable with this).

The goal is to be so uncertain that you enter a "state" where you truly don't know, and from this state you will know.

Now, take of your shit, and observe your heartbeat when you're deep into your in self inquiry. Sensation guaranteed !

YOU MUST DIE !!!

If you do the Trinfinity beginner course untill the part where it shows you how to notice beigness in everything, come back to lesson 1 and use it as your self inquiry. You might just have a existential crisis

Your iq does not matter, if you don't give up you can do whatever you want. It's an advantage, just like being naturally muscular is, but I doubt Bruce Lee cared about that, he was still kicking everyone's ass despite being ectomorph ... You maye think that Einstein had a really high IQ, but nothing proves that, and one of his famous quote is: Right now your mind is just creating some good excuses as to why you can't do x y z, because it knows it can do it, and is just fucking lazy. You can tell yourself the contrary, if you want, but that's just being a coward in disguise.

If only ...

It's only your fake sense of self that will die, It will feel real but in the end nothing's gonna die. You can't die ! See this as an extreme version of fear, when you have so much fear to do something, it's the same process, fear is there because you think you will die, it's a misconception of your mind. @Max_V Yeah it's ok, but just posting here will be enough, it's even better because more people can answer

No, you should meditate even more, force yourself to go beyond the fear and pain. Why do you think your mind wants to back off now ? It's because it sense his time is almost over.

What are you complaining about, that means you're on the right track

Try not to fap for at least 3 weeks, you'll know why.

When you don't take yourself seriously to make jokes about yourself, especially all the hard stuff that you've experienced, and are totally genuine about it, of course lol I can look into the eyes of a very hot and smart woman and tell her that I've been a virgin until 27 by making a joke out of it, without feeling ashamed of it (or talking about my depression of 10 years etc ...). If you can do that, it becomes fucking easy to be successful with women, it's just a matter of learning and applying the techniques without mechanically spitting them of course. It's easy when you're detached from the need for love and sex

I'm crying before I start any self inquiry now. I automatically stop looking at something when it gets too lify or when I have a samadhi. Intense peace throughout the day whatever happens, don't know if I'm dreaming or not. This shit works lol

That's only the beginning. You want to avoid these experiences ? I'm sorry but you can't, and there is no way you can stop it now, it's too late for that. The illusion of your current self has to die, what do you think that implies ? hummm ? I hope you're ready because it's gonna go wild

The ego reaction after its first enlightenement experience

Wrong topic, so I just leave this here:

Everything is said right there:

Now I know where I'll go on my next vacation

Depends if you see yourself drawn into it and think you need it to be happy or actually just enjoying it as it comes to you. We usually chase fun to be happy, but if you can be happy by sitting and doing nothing, why would you chase it ?