Lynnel

So visual snow in the dark or when focusing on white surfaces can also be kundalini ?

I can vouch for that. I'd even argue that psychedelics are a quantum jump in consciousness which helps you tremendously if you're ready. Psychedelics help a LOT with authenticity and releasing different random fears which usually prevent authenticity. Be sure to try them.

I've been recently thinking trough this issue a lot. I noticed first that I tend to project a lot of criticism on what Leo is saying about success such as in "success won't make you happy", "success is so orange related" and keep having thought about how success should be outgrown and having money or being rich is somehow wrong. (I'll read and solve my money inner game issues separetely). Like some part of me cannot ease into success and tolerate success : whenever I achieve something I don't give myself credit and feel like it's just nothing much and I seem to have quite some resistance to really succeeding and to having really things going my way to like really make it. For instance, I've been reading Arnold Swarzenegger authobiographies and I've felt like this is so amazing, meeting all those interesting people, those actors, having an amazing interesting life full of success, but I also tend to minimize it and never truly seek it out. I also tend to imagine imaginary downsides to success, such as you're gonna be chased down by paparazi's and have no privacy, etc. My parents often made me feel like I should be bad for being/feel special or wanting success or wanting to be great. Like some part of my wants to go out there and truly kill it in terms of money, girls, prestige and another part is afraid of the consequences it might bring and the disaproval I might get. Any tips or books to handle this issue ?

Psychedelics are a godsend. Honestly mushrooms are one of the best things that even happened in my life. Honestly It's been only a week after my second serious trip and the benefits have been so freaking amazing I am just mindblown by the possibilities. It's worth for sure thousands hours of meditation and therapy and even then it hits you from completely unexpected angles, it's simply so amazing ! If you're self-actualizing without any psychedelics you really need to rethink your life because those are excellent, simply magnificient tools. They help so so so so so so much ! If they stack on top of existing practices they can take you to the next level. PS: I've been thinking about it and psychedelics actually allow your consciousness to quantum jump. Of course god would have provided a tool to that if needed. Of course. If you watch the very first leo retreat video you'll understand what I mean We need more success and not less success. I feel like Leo is bitching about success and money not making you happy too much. He needs to understand that if most people are wage slaves usually it means that there is too little success and even though success is addictive TOO MUCH success is a FAR better issue than TOO little success. Too little ressources is a bigger problem than too much ressources. Also, happy new year folks and don't forget to watch the new Emerald video on that topic

I am so orange it's insane Yeah, first I had to find a fancy title for this journal. It's ironic because it's supposed to underline the fact that I'm extremely orange. My ego is very serious and I generaly lack fun. As @Charlotte told me once I look like the internet police lol. Well I'm gonna be blatantly transparent here. If you are triggered by orange good fucking luck buddy, you're gonna need it. You're also gonna get a huge amount of egoic rants, of course. First, I was blazey about this whole spiral dynamics thing. Seriously, so impractical, why would I need this ? Everyone mentally masturbating all over the forum, with the whole green orange pickup, spiral dynamics this, that. Then I finally decided to listen to Leo's episode about blue and then orange, and then it hit me. I am so orange and sometimes excessive orange it's just incredible. So very quickly I went from yeah shitty spiral dynamics who needs this to oh my god I am so underdevelopped this is absurd. Everyone must think I'm a fucking kid and here I thought I was like all amazing and doing great. Lord. So how am I orange ? And how does my excessive orange manifest ? Leo understood his audience well. I don't care pretty much about enlightenement or high consciousness, yeah it sounds nice, it's like very abstract, but I want like concrete results first. I'm doing everything in a very pragmatic way. I care about it only when suffering too much. That's pretty much it. I have a huge huge problem with emotions. People fuck with your feelings until you have no more feelings. Totaly me. I got heartbroken, rejected a lot, and I got very bitter. Which doesn't mix nicely with orange. I believe I have a divine right to fuck over everything to achieve whatever I want as compensation. (Remember I'm ranting here so it's not exactly true - or actually maybe it's my ego trying to look again) I always try to look good : clever, nice, charming, excellent, having a great image, projecting a great image, having a nice instagram. I have a huge problem with emotions again : I'm unable to cry to release any tensions. I grew up in a very Blue culture (Russia) and while my family is very orange (Professors and high level scientists) I'm still a bit blue I guess ? Sexuality is repressed, crying is repressed, being angry is repressed, all emotions are bad and forbidden and I'm not a fucking hippie, like I you know guy's dont cry and that type of shit. Only I see the limits of that as I am unable to feel, live, experience and process feelings. Everything feels well like almost nothing because everything is very shallow. I'm very closed on my emotions and I really wanna be able to feel but it's locked. Too much pain to process I guess. I am very transactionnal based, I build my relationships in a WIN WIN scenario, where I have to offer value because well people only care about survival, people don't care about your feeling, girls are gonna just leave you if you're not good enough, they don't give a shit about how you feel, etc. Same for people. And I also consider people in a transactionnal manner, such as well what can he do for me ? Where is the value ? Will he help me achieve my goals ? does he have any skills or nice professions, etc ? Is he or she dragging me down ? My relationships and ability to make friends is thus also limited because I have this very criticism based lens. I am quite shallow honestly. I don't feel exactly manly. I don't feel confident, nor interesting and I do have some self esteem issue so I'm very pragmatic and very based on achievement. I just wanna do and achieve more and more to compensate. I have a very materialistic paradigm I don't exactly wanna break because I feel like it's gonna make me too uncomfortable. I don't realize what higher stages look like and that there is a possibility to have more/feel more to life. I'm a bit stuck up and unable to have fun. I mean fun doesn't help getting better, so why have it ? I love efficiency, excellence, progress. I lack creativity and I lost most of my creativity and feeling things after people have fucked with my feelings too much - just kidding - after well I got older. I feel I was more deeply connected to that when I was a bit blue. I am very egoic, egocentric and I mostly care only about my interest and I rarely consider the interests of others. What is there that is maybe a bit green ? I don't exactly believe in chakra but I am to some extent spiritual and I believe altough I'm a bit sceptical in chakras. I'm doing kriya yoga, meditation, hatha yoga and it's something I like a lot. I don't view women as sex objects altough sometimes I do when they are very beautiful. I've worked trough some issues there. I am not entirely closed off emotionnaly and I can feel very a huge depth of feeling and I would say I was very very sensitive when I was a kid I am able to be honest and loving in my loving relationships I have enough perspective to look at myself at least a bit honestly and takes notes about what's wrong (but in the name of progress so still orange most likely) I am excited by psychedelics and the options they will uncover. So, I wanna get to green and then get to yellow. That's gonna be the goal because too much orange will simply allow me to waste my life. Any tips are welcome

@billiesimon I feel like you're overcomplicating this : if you're sad that some of your girl friends where attracted to someone else, you might be interested in them or do lack female company yourself. Go and get it. Solutions are easy, it's applying them that is hard. You're not gonna solve all your problems by mentally masturbating about Jungian Archetypes and meditations. As in the case of neurotic Victorian women sometimes it is better to simply go and get some sex.

I've been wondering several psychedelic related topics I think the community will highly benefit from discussing. 1) How do you integrate your trips ? I feel sometimes that I need to spend several days meditating after, journaling, getting massaged and going to the spa because I feel quite fragile and I have a lot of emotions to process that are coming up. 2) How often do you wait between trips ? I feel like shrooms/LSD have a two week tolerance because nature wanted it to be used that way, to at least wait 2 weeks before usage, but that might be just a unfounded theory which sounds nice. But tripping too often can maybe be harmful if you don't get enough time to integrate, which is paradoxical since tripping also helps you to integrate ! 3) How do you know when you should increase your dose and when you should remain and work at any given dose ? Pretty self-explanatory. 4) Is it best to : set intentions and take notes during the trip or fully surrender to it and let yourself be taken by it ? At low doses or during the come up for instance I have very specific thinking where I like to write down my insights whilst at the peak I'm tripping too hard to actually be able to write down anything. Also, shrooms tend to sometimes give me some answers to my questions, so setting intentions does work to some extent. 5) Is there actually a substance/spirit working with you or you're "alone" and roleplaying with yourself ? Just wondering about that

@TheWokestMan LSD has a two week tolerance. Usually it means that it's a great idea to wait 2 week to integrate your trips. Tripping too much without doing any work on the sidelines and no integration won't make you progress that much.

What do you mean by "deriving" non duality ? What did you need to learn/understand to stop having "loopy" trips ? Thanks a lot for the encouragement ! So not everything can be understood by intergrating - I have to trip even more for deeper understanding ? It has a ring of truth to it while being counter-intuitive at the same time. Would you recommend doing some more work at the same dosage or increasing it ? I was thinking about trying 5g after I'm done integrating this one.

"I am like a fucking library, but even better, I'm open during the Holiday's ! I am a spiritual library" - Mushrooms Dose : 3.5g dry Method : lemon tea with ginger and mint. Set & Setting : Alone at home Previous experience : 2g (tea), 2.6g (lemon tea). The trip I had some doubts but I choose a reasonable dose and I felt quite grounded so I decided to explore a bit further, because well nothing ventured nothing gained - I mean you gotta take some reasonable risks from time to time and trying a higher dose is always a leap of faith. Anyway, the come up was fast, after 30 minutes I was already tripping as if I was at 2g and then it peaked after an hour and the high lasted for 3-4 hours. I had normal casual insights during the come up due to the change of perspective, about the relationship with my father, the fear of getting punished, etc, then the first very notable thing happened. META-inception Usually the way you get insights on mushroom is that you will have a slight change in perspective and it will be counterintuitive : for instance, when you think about the relationship you're not gonna think about the content of what you said to the person but about the relationship in itself and realize something from that perspective. You're gonna go meta. Like Macluhan said, the media is the message => you go meta by realizing the media is important. This is getting hard to follow so bear with me because it get into the "language cannot explain this" : I went meta about going meta => I had a PERSPECTIVE about having my current perspective, then a perspective about the previous perspective and so on and so forth !!! And so I got stuck in a loop because with every perspective I took I had another one looping over it going meta, in a endless infinite loop of perspective. So I notice myself being stuck in this loop and notice that ANYTHING I'm thinking aka, going meta on the loop only creates more LOOP ! So everything I did to get out of that loop was actually creating more loop and as such I was under the illusion that I stuck there forever ! And I felt like I had broken my brain, because normally you would go only meta once and then stop, not go meta eternally and forever. And I understood why people do crazy things on shrooms and how that can impact you because you do believe you're getting crazy in the moment. But I knew it was an illusion and I still knew I was tripping. Also I still had my sense of time and my "physical reality was pretty much unaffected". I was having thought about this wanting to stop and I thought that it was a way to a bad trip and yeah this mindfuck was challenging. It wasn't a bad trip at all : I felt no anxiety nor any stress but this loop thingy was discomforting to say the least. So I tried to release resistance to it because I felt it was my ego struggling with itself since if this loop is created by thinking then if I stop thinking there will be no more loop and only being ? I kept my cool and took it as something that was part of the experience. I had already some experience in my mind and I knew that it cannot physically harm me and also that I have infinite intelligence (thanks leo ahah) to handle anything that comes my way. It's very important to have experience for this reason. But wait there is more... New ordinary reality The highest mindfuck after this one was the fact that reality felt completely ordinary. So me being stuck in some loops felt like my new ordinary reality AND at the same time I remembered having my "normal" ordinary reality. So with the change of consciousness/states the concept of "ordinary" reality made no sense : was there anything ordinary anymore ?! There wasn't. Ordinary doesn't compile anymore. There is no "baseline" somewhere, there is no anchor, there is no ground - or at least until I discover the groundless ground which doesn't exist in my experience yet. I was always wondering about the feeling of "normal" reference about what is true, solid and known, and well there is nothing. The whole duality of true/false is totaly inexistant. I felt into an absolute relativity where everything is partially true and partially false. I can't even state a "truth" anymore because language cannot encompass the truth ! Everytime I want to say something "true" about reality or the world, I come at the same time with a paradox, with something opposite being true and then that also being contradicted ! Language is simply a loop of contradictions ! I hit the fucking limits of language ! Naturally, I'm confused as fuck as to how I will operate now to decide that something is "true". Everything is false and true at the same time ! Those fucking labels are almost useless ! Aaaand the biggest mindfuck of all : I had the distinction between myself and the experience blurred : the fact that I was having the experience determined the experience and the experience the experience I was having. In short I was the thing being measured and the measuring tool at the same time ! I was and wasn't the set and setting ! I The set and setting influenced me and in a way I influenced the set and setting because I had all the ego associations with this given set and setting => endless loop. This is a pure chicken and egg problem and it's completely mindblowing. Also, at some point I was lost thinking about if what I am thinking is the mushrooms thinking trough me, or am I roleplaying the mushroom within myself and thus there is no mushroom entity talking to me but it's just me talking to myself ? I still do not know ! Also, there is no magic pill (and at the same time there is because langage!) . I got myself into the habit of asking questions and hoping for magical answers to come from out there but they are coming in terms of experience I need to interpret and integrate for myself to actually gain wisdom. And at the same time shrooms help with integration and disentegration (blurring of distinctions). Lord. In short, this was a bit challenging but positive experience and I'll need some time to integrate it. TLDR; Inception on loops and meta perspectives Reality > true/false dichotomy : ultimate relativism, every statement is true and false at the same time Not sure if there was a shroom "spirit" talking to me or me just roleplaying with myself Some blurring of identity and loosening of some distinctions For future reference, how do you "escape" those loops, because being stuck in one with no sense of time/self can become quite dangerous ? Any other tips appreciated.

I don't quite understand why doing any work related task is emotionnaly painful and hard. Like writting a research paper and coming up with ideas is extremely complex and hard and requires a lot of emotionnal labour. Writing a book too. This is most likely gonna sound completely absurd but why is working so hard ? Is it because the process is hard because it gives a great reward or because there is some of my psychology that is making it needlesly hard to some extent ? Is resistance to your work making it harder to do and more painful ? Just my two cents but that's a deep issue to cover since well you need to work a LOT to realize your life purpose and I'm struggling a bit with that. How do you make your work more enjoyable (not pleasurable etc) - how do you suffer trough your work ? Any tips ?

More precisely, how do you handle the negative beliefs and discomfort related to the lack of meaning ? Why do we all crave meaning so much ? I know meaning and value are inherently related to the ego and simply meaning is what we believe is the best for your egoic survival. So when we feel that everything is meaningless and it's negative does that mean the ego is dying and there is nothing to do for it to survive ? Even while having a life purpose this complete lack of meaning is killing me (lol). Everything is truly truly meaningless and I've assigned something very negative to it. What do you do when you feel very lost and all of the previous things you assigned value and meaning to are now meaningless so that the whole world and existence feels totaly meaningless ? I feel like my transitionning from orange to green is taking it's toll because the values/meanings actually change.

Have you read the updated post ?

@Leo Gura @Emerald I had some progress. (I'm tagging you Emerald because I watched your video on meaning quite a number of times, thanks for this one it helped !) In a recent trip there was a point where I was feeling good during the come down, in short simply the joy of being and I had the insight that pleasure is meaningless. Like there is no purpose and meaning in pleasure !! That was a mindfuck because I listed recently all of my activities and recognized that I am simply a dopamine fueled monkey as everyone is. And I was wondering whether life is more than just chasing dopamine ? Well Feeling good as a result of NOTHING (=? simply being) was so counter-intuitive because I always used that as a indicator of everything going on fine. And now I understand a bit deeper how I construct meaning/purpose for things in my life and I'm hyped to deconstruct this a bit more

I've recently had an amazing 2.6g trip (cubensis) using lemon tea and having very little body load/visual effect but tripping considerably during the high of 4-5 hours, I was wondering what dose I should try next ? I'm thinking about 4.1g because I feel i can handle more intense effect I'm just wondering if this will get into the exploring parallel dimensions realm/entities and weird things like that - in short my question is will : 2.6g be radically different in any way or will it be more of the same just more intense ? Edit : all gram are dried psy. cubensis (golden teacher strain). Edit2 : I have around 3 years of meditation, almost one full year of daily kriya yoga, one previous 2g trip, some shadow work, some holotropic breathwork here and there, so I'm feeling quite confident.

Yes exactly. Sorry if that's confusing. I'll edit it Must be european conventions.

Yes dried shrooms, psy. Cubensis (golden teacher strain). This doesn't sound right - either way is there any radical difference in your experience between 3g and 4g ?

@aurum How then do you become NOT mysogynistic is women are simply attracted to numbers on instagram ? Give any douche 50k in following and he's attractive ? Are you even human at this point if the girl is attracted to a random abstract thingy and not you ? Honestly I've been thinking that value is what gives rises to connection but then said connection is always stricto sensu fake and is bullshit - as Leo said everything is bullshit - I know "get better not bitter" but fuck me I'm gonna go meditate in a cave at this point. @Emerald Please tell me it's just a orange type thing and we're gonna get trough this as a humanity.

@Cortex Honestly it would just be wasting a precious video spot at this point. We don't even really need red I believe.

Anyone reading this. Do not fucking mix any single substance such as shrooms and MDMA and alcohol. Stop smoking weed and being a pothead. Never ever mix alcohol with any psychedelic. Do not ever mix any two psychedelics without prior massive experience. It is a miracle that this guy is even alive right now and he could've easily have died. MDMA is extremely heavy on the brain and depletes serotonin and interations with alcohol/weed/shrooms are just... Yeah that's argumentative BS, relative truth is still a thing and people still need guidelines. People won't take those substances seriously enough while they can be extremely dangerous and it's quite regretable.

Honestly, sometimes control and boundaries allow more freedom. For instance, you need to get training to drive a car and pass an actual permit to understand what you're doing and not just drive randomly and crash and kill people. Why would you not have some form of teaching/tests for a skill AS IMPORTANT as parenting ? If we make the test quite rudimental to pass and it would only discredit 5% of the population such as hardcore alcoholics and extremely abusive people, those would slowly dissapear. You could then make the test a bit more complex to encourage more healthy behaviours and slowly slowly triage but of course that's pure speculation.

Yeah I know but that doesn't sound exactly right. Aka if you really love doing something you come into a flow state and you're not bored by using energy up. I mean I feel like I need to find some mental blockages that are tied to work and that make it harder to work. Or maybe I'm just having some ego backslash recently and that's why I feel unproductive. Who knows.

Guys, what are your opinions on : 1) TMAO from Carnitine/ALCAR and Choline to a lesser extent. How do you prevent TMAO build up ? Didn't ALCAR make it in the nootropics list because of the TMAO issue ? 2) Green tea extract safety for the liver. Disregard completely or a very high quality brand might be okay ?

Holy shit. Is there any way to exorcise them aside from bufo ? That seems a bit far fetched but worth exploring.

Oh lord, when you get a feeling of I'm just watching a movie, I'm actually not doing anything and I can relax ? My life would be so much more amazing if that were the case all the time ! Are you telling me this is turquoise/enlightenment ?