Raphael

I don't know. I feel that 8h - 8h30 is what I need and I try to respect that as much as possible but I usually take a lot of time to fall asleep (maybe 1-2 hours). My nights are also quite agitated and my sleep is almost never profound.

31/03/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll let myself be joyful I'll open myself to what I love I'll share my joy I'll be more healthy I'll minimize distractions I'll have more flow states I'll work better I'll have better relationships If I deny and disown my joy... I restrain myself from living life I am not motivated to do what I want to do I close myself from natural needs I don't feel authentic I feel like magic is missing from life I'm not attractive I am not living to the fullest If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll create peace with all my parts I can better interconnect my parts I can understand the parts of me that are dysfunctional and why they are dysfunctional I can heal I can create a better living system I can change my life I can be aware of my awareness As I learn to accept all of who I am... I accept my lack of sleep I accept my skinny body I accept my overactive mind I accept my fears I accept my anxiety I accept my imperfections I can understand who I am I can improve who I am it feels good to accept myself I can self-actualize

31 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:02 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:15 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 01:11 PM - 02:16 PM I did a bit of accounting and worked on my app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 5 minutes 02:30 PM - 03:31 PM I continued working on the publishing interface of my app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 1 minute Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 2 hours 5 minutes, including 2 hours 5 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

I feel like this exercise is working, I feel like I handle my days much better than a few months before.

30/03/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll let myself being joyful I won't be ashamed of being joyful I'll bring more joy to my work I'll share my joy I'll do things that make me happy I'll create an endless loop of joy I'll deal with life better If I deny and disown my joy... I remove magic out of life I don't feel enthusiastic in living life I feel dead from the inside I close myself from life I feel out of touch with myself I have difficulties living life I lose what's essential in life If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll accept all parts of me I'll be aware of how I judge myself I'll be aware of how I use my mind I'll be aware of my cravings I'll be aware of my problems I'll be more able to fix my problems I'll use awareness to create happiness I'll interconnect all parts of me so that I can work efficiently As I learn to accept all of who I am... I understand myself better I accept my body I accept my flaws I create peace with myself I reunite all of my parts I open myself to personal growth I open myself to myself I open myself to infinite love

30 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:16 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:38 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 11:04 AM - 12:29 AM I worked on my app, but got some bugs that I wasn't allow to fix Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 25 minutes 01:42 PM - 03:13 PM I worked on a selection bar for my app. I had a lot of unrelated thoughts Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 03:20 PM - 04:39 PM I started working on the publisher layout. I still had a lot of unrelated thoughts Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 19 minutes I didn't sleep that well at night, so I chose to have a nap in the morning but forget to put my alarm on. When I woke up I realized that I slept for more than 2 hours lol. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 15 minutes, including 4 hours 15 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

To all the people that wronged me: I love you all.

29/03/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll experience my joy I'll take more please in doing the things that I do I'll be more attractive I'll share more my joy I'll do things that make me joyful I'll open myself to new possibilities I'll be more lightheaded I'll take things less seriously If I deny and disown my joy... I remove one of the most important things in life I don't express who I am I repress emotions I am not emotionally healthy I lost hope in life I find life difficult and painful life is difficult If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll be more aware of how to treat my body I'll be more aware of how I feel I'll be more aware of what I'm doing I'll be more aware of how I use my mind I'll be more aware of my posture I'll be more aware of my fears I'll be aware of how I create my fears I'll understand how I create this pain in my stomach I'll understand how I create this pain in my chest As I learn to accept all of who I am... I accept all my flaws and imperfections I let go of the harsh judgments of myself I accept my body I accept my incompetencies I accept my failures I feel more at peace with myself I open more room for grow I accept my lack of sleep I accept having difficulties to sleep

29 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:02 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:45 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 08:33 AM - 09:54 AM I did some improvements on the CLS of a website Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 21 minutes 10:15 AM - 11:18 AM I did some checks and had a communication with a client Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 3 minutes 11:24 AM - 12:05 AM I communicated with a client and did some updates Focus: 3/5 Duration: 41 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 01:10 PM - 02:37 PM I did some updates on my website, renewed some certificates, and worked on my app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 27 minutes 02:48 PM - 04:26 PM I continued the previous work on the app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 38 minutes Average Focus: 3.4 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 10 minutes, including 3 hours 5 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

About George Floyd Death As there is a video of George Floyd resisting his arrest and saying that he couldn't breathe before being put to the ground I was a bit hesitant about this case. I wasn't sure if Derek Chauvin should be hold accountable because George Floyd looked very unstable. Also, when we are in the moment things can go much faster than we think and we lack perspective and awareness. However, I watched the video below today and I was shocked. I never watched this part entirely before, I only saw a few minutes. This man is being killed on the street, he literally peed on himself, he called for help, he called for his mom, but the cops remain indifferent like robots. Kneeling with the entire body weight on someone's neck for more than 8 minutes is way too excessive even if this person resisted an arrest. Derek Chauvin needs to go to jail, progress needs to be made. This is not something personal, everyone is a victim here, everyone is incompetent, biased, and unconscious. Consciousness is ruthless and brutal and consciousness creates the necessary consequence so that it can evolve. This country is sick. I can feel its sickness from the other side of the planet and the entire world feels its sickness. The US is like a narcissist who hides its true face behind a mask.

28/03/2021 (Week 9) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... let myself be excited do things that excites me share my excitement nurture my intelligence tap into my intuition accept my intelligence take responsibility to use my intelligence properly

28 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:38 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:46 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

I think that if I take full responsibility I can heal 80% - 90% of my traumas in ~2 years. I mostly have minor to moderate traumas and maybe one or two periods where I experienced intense traumas. I think that I can resolve them, it will liberate a lot of pain and allow me to do much better in life. I really want to get this right. I will start with Breathwork and Forgiveness, I will alternate Forgiveness and Breathwork every day until I see enough effects. Breathwork is one of the most powerful practices that I discovered in the past few years. I tried Forgiveness a few times too and it was very powerful. I will then try other things: journaling, I will create a journal entirely dedicated to my traumas; therapy, I will contact Nahm to have some sessions; EFT Tapping, I never tried this, but it looks very powerful. I will not be meditating that much, or maybe I'll do... I'm not sure. I will adapt anyway to what I see as necessary.

Trauma Healing Techniques Psychotherapy https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/psychotherapy Journaling https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-use-journaling-to-cope-with-ptsd-2797594 Gratitude https://www.verywellmind.com/writing-in-a-gratitude-journal-for-stress-relief-3144887 Forgiveness https://positivepsychology.com/forgiveness-benefits/ EFT Tapping https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping Breathwork https://www.healthline.com/health/holotropic-breathwork Yoga Nidra https://www.arhantayoga.org/blog/what-is-yoga-nidra/ Other things to explore Shadow Work Acupuncture Chiropractic Rewind technique Eye movement desensitization reprocessing Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Fasting

@Zigzag Idiot And me too. Many times I protected myself by not engaging on this forum that much and just journaling in my bubble because I was afraid of sharing my ideas and making mistakes here. I think this is an issue that many people have to different degrees.

Yes, definitely. I often noticed that in your posts so I try to avoid communicating with you. Also don't remove your boundaries too, find a proper balance, try to calibrate yourself a bit more every day.

27/03/2021 (Week 9) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... accept that I am highly intelligent nurture my intelligence take responsibility for my intelligence use my intelligence to create good stuff use my intelligence to its fullest do things that excite me accept to experience my emotions let myself being excited let myself being infinite joy

27 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:54 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:15 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today I almost didn't sleep of the entire night today too. I just didn't wanted to work and couldn't work, Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Chiropractic Adjustment This is incredible.

I noticed that I try to deal with this problem with two things: Internet, in particular the use of this forum Masturbation I recently tryed to completly cut off unecessary internet usage inclucing the use of this forum during the day and I also tryed to change my fapping habit. It resulted in a lot of pain and fear and an entire week of sleepless nights. I'm not sure if I should go through it, or do more trauma releasing work, maybe both.

I continue to feel a lot of pain and a lot of fear every day inside me.

@Etherial Cat Do you think that the extensive use of sarcasm and humour in French culture when speaking of people of other background is a form of masquerated racism? I was surprised the first time that I heard French people speaking like that about others and about me. After a point I got accustomed to it and considered that normal and started to make jokes with those people. I didn't saw these people as racists, but as friends who don't take things too seriously. However I had a boss in the past who made so much of these jokes that I saw that it made people uncomfortable, but I had difficulties to discern if it was racist or not.

The Power of Infinite Love Some years ago when I was a student living in Europe I experienced a pretty remarkable moment. I don't remember how nor why, but I was feeling immense deep existential joy that day. The kind of joy that we only feel a few times in an entire life, I was so happy that it was overwhelming. I decided to go outside and sat on a bench, I was contemplating and experiencing existential happiness, I was smiling in the void. At a moment a woman in her 30s or 40s came to me and asked me if she could sit on the bench too, I responded yes. I was surprised because they were other benches. It was the first time that a stranger would sit with me even if they were other benches available. The woman didn't look as happy as I was and I understood she didn't choose the bench randomly, but rather because she wanted love. I didn't know what to do, nor what to say at that time, I felt like she wanted to have a conversation, that she wanted to be understood, that she wanted to get some comfort, that she wanted some love, but I didn't know what to do and I stayed there experiencing existential joy. We sat like this for maybe 20 - 30 minutes, then she chooses to go and told me "Goodbye". I stayed on the bench, then after some minutes an old couple appeared and sat aside me. Again they were other benches and sitting on another one would have been better because we were now three and they started to have a private conversation. We sat like this for maybe 20 - 30 minutes, I was experiencing infinite joy and they were having their normal conversation. At the moment, I choose to move because I was sitting there since at least an hour. The man looked at me and asked with a big smile: "You are going? I hope that it's not because of us?". I responded no and told them that I was sitting there since an hour. I went back to my apartment and continued my day normally. People want happiness in their life. They want joy, they want deep genuine authentic existential acceptance. That's what life is about. Infinite happiness is like a magnet, it attracts everyone without discrimination. More people would probably have come to me if I sat that way for the entire day. I think that it's possible to meet a lot of people that way, to learn a lot about people, and to have many interesting conversations. I also think that it's possible to make a lot of friends like this and even get a girlfriend.

26/03/2021 (Week 9) If I am more accepting of my excitement... I'll be more excited I'll share my excitement I'll experience my emotions healthily I'll get joy from life I'll be more enthusiastic I'll be more motivated I'll work better I'll have better relationships I'll be more genuine If I deny and disown my excitement... I remove a part of myself I feel restricted it doesn't feel natural I don't feel authentic my brain doesn't work properly I lose hope in life If I am more accepting of my intelligence... I'll not be ashamed of being highly intelligent I'll use my intelligence effectively I'll use my intelligence to create success I'll help people with my intelligence I'll nurture my intelligence I'll go through life with ease I'll be happy to use my intelligence If I deny and disown my intelligence... I remove my best asset from my life I have trouble going through life I don't feel happy I fail in doing great things I don't live to my full potential I don't help myself I don't help people

26 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:34 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:48 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 10:41 AM - 12:30 AM I worked on CLS optimization Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 49 minutes 02:03 PM - 03:35 PM I worked on CLS optimization Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 32 minutes 03:41 PM - 04:24 PM I worked on the CLS optimization, but my concentration wasn't that great. I'm exhausted as I didn't sleep of the entire night Focus: 3/5 Duration: 43 minutes I have been dealing with sleepless nights for 3 days now. I pushed it previously, but couldn't do it this time because I was just way too tired. Average Focus: 3.33 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 4 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)