Raphael

I, God, the Universe, whatever word is used it's always the same thing behind. I don't feel I completely lost my identity, I think that it will take years for that, but my awareness increased to a point where I see fewer and fewer separations. Of course. I actually already contemplated that and asked myself is this was a belief. It felt painful and sad at first because I was losing my identity, but after that, I felt more reunited, I felt joy, amazement, and more acceptance. I feel like I know myself better. However, I think that more time is needed for me to process and see more changes. I always knew you were here.

If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't.

Actualized.org is an Illusion I deluded myself. I have been watching these videos for so many years without realizing that I was the one behind everything. I was lost, deluded, and depressed and I wanted to get out of my delusion by creating a higher quality delusion that would be a stepping stone out of my delusion, but I didn't saw that it was another delusion. I see it now, it's always there no matter the video. It takes many forms but it's always the same source. And it's not only about actualized.org, it's the same thing for all videos that exist. I created everything. I created these videos, I created Leo, I created this forum and each message that it contains. These videos cannot exist without me experiencing them, which means that their existence is dependant on me, which means that I created these videos. Leo cannot exist without me experiencing Leo, which means that Leo's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created Leo. This forum cannot exist without me experiencing it, which means that this forum's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created this forum and all messages that it contains. And it's not only about me, it's also about you because I cannot exists without you. You created these videos, Leo, this forum, and everything else. This post cannot exists without you experiencing it, which means that this post's existence is dependant on you, which means that you created this post. I'm going to stop here for today, I will create the answers that I need tomorrow.

03/04/2021 (Week 10) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... let myself feel joyful bring joy to what I'm doing discipline me through joy share my joy bring high awareness to what I'm doing do what I do with awareness focus with high awareness accept my flaws and imperfections accept to take full responsibility for my life accept myself accept to make progress

03 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:38 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:05 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:36 AM - 10:10 AM I continued working on my app interface Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes 10:29 AM - 12:00 AM I worked on a date-time picker, but I also distracted myself a bit too much Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 01:05 PM - 02:42 PM I continued the work on the date-time picker Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 02:48 PM - 04:32 PM I continued the previous work. I had a lot of unrelated thoughts that made me a bit sad and I also distracted myself a bit Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 44 minutes 07:34 PM - 08:22 PM I did other fixes and improvements to the date-time picker Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 48 minutes Average Focus: 3.3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 7 hours 14 minutes, including 7 hours 14 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Actualized.org is an illusion.

02/04/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll bring joy to discipline I'll be happier while going through my days I'll be more enthusiastic I'll have a more honest communication I'll have more honest communication with myself I'll work better I'll have better relationships I'll treat people better I'll have more humor If I deny and disown my joy... I don't feel good I have more difficulties doing what I want to do I close myself from myself I lose the pleasure to live life I am not emotionally healthy people don't understand me I feel ashamed I don't work well If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll become aware of the dysfunctional parts of myself I'm taking the first step to reunite and heal myself I'll start to create peace with myself I'll understand that I'm afraid I'll try to understand the source of my fear I'll be much more functional I'll love myself more As I learn to accept all of who I am... I accept my imperfections I can take responsibility to deal with what I need to deal with I can take responsibility for my growth I feel more at peace I feel more functional I open myself to a better life I open myself to infinite possibilities

02 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:14 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 10:58 AM - 12:06 AM I worked on my app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 02:00 PM - 03:33 PM I continued working on the same interface Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 33 minutes 03:39 PM - 04:40 PM I continued the previous work Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 1 minute 07:27 PM - 08:54 PM I continued the previous work Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 27 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 9 minutes, including 5 hours 9 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

01/04/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll be joyful I'll do things that make me joyful I'll do things better I'll enjoy my days more I'll be more motivated it will be easier to attain my goals If I deny and disown my joy... I remove the essence of life I hide what I am I don't attract people I don't feel authentic I don't feel motivated I close myself from life If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll have better clarity of mind I'll be more aware of what I'm doing I'll be able to function better I can improve myself I can deal with life better I can improve my focus As I learn to accept all of who I am... I appreciate myself I open myself to self-improvement I accept my distracted mind I accept my skinny body I accept my difficulties I feel more at peace with myself I open myself to change

01 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:42 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:25 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:15 AM - 10:50 AM I did some improvements on my app and tried to find a better color palette Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes 11:17 AM - 12:16 AM I continued working on the same interface. I did a lot of progress Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 59 minutes 01:18 PM - 03:11 PM I did a lot of improvement on the interface Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 53 minutes 03:17 PM - 04:37 PM This interface is getting better and better. I'm very satisfied with my work Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 20 minutes @Raphael Take care of you sleep bro. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 47 minutes, including 5 hours 47 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

I don't know why, but... I noticed that the use of this kind of sentence: I don't know why they do that, but they are like this I don't know why these people are like that, but [INSERT EMOTION HERE] I don't know why he do this, but [INSERT INSULT HERE] Are just ways to avoid digging deeper when someone isn't mature enough for exploration.

Having to obey an incompetent authority is the most annoying thing ever.

And they arent triggered by Trump lol.

I feel at the same time ahead and behind in life.

This is too much. I will need empty time to process and learn my lessons. I will proceed that way for the first two months: Wednesday, Sunday: Breathwork Monday, Thursday, Friday: Forgiveness Saturday, Tuesday: Pause

I don't know. I feel that 8h - 8h30 is what I need and I try to respect that as much as possible but I usually take a lot of time to fall asleep (maybe 1-2 hours). My nights are also quite agitated and my sleep is almost never profound.

31/03/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll let myself be joyful I'll open myself to what I love I'll share my joy I'll be more healthy I'll minimize distractions I'll have more flow states I'll work better I'll have better relationships If I deny and disown my joy... I restrain myself from living life I am not motivated to do what I want to do I close myself from natural needs I don't feel authentic I feel like magic is missing from life I'm not attractive I am not living to the fullest If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll create peace with all my parts I can better interconnect my parts I can understand the parts of me that are dysfunctional and why they are dysfunctional I can heal I can create a better living system I can change my life I can be aware of my awareness As I learn to accept all of who I am... I accept my lack of sleep I accept my skinny body I accept my overactive mind I accept my fears I accept my anxiety I accept my imperfections I can understand who I am I can improve who I am it feels good to accept myself I can self-actualize

31 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:02 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:15 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 01:11 PM - 02:16 PM I did a bit of accounting and worked on my app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 5 minutes 02:30 PM - 03:31 PM I continued working on the publishing interface of my app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 1 minute Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 2 hours 5 minutes, including 2 hours 5 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

I feel like this exercise is working, I feel like I handle my days much better than a few months before.

30/03/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll let myself being joyful I won't be ashamed of being joyful I'll bring more joy to my work I'll share my joy I'll do things that make me happy I'll create an endless loop of joy I'll deal with life better If I deny and disown my joy... I remove magic out of life I don't feel enthusiastic in living life I feel dead from the inside I close myself from life I feel out of touch with myself I have difficulties living life I lose what's essential in life If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll accept all parts of me I'll be aware of how I judge myself I'll be aware of how I use my mind I'll be aware of my cravings I'll be aware of my problems I'll be more able to fix my problems I'll use awareness to create happiness I'll interconnect all parts of me so that I can work efficiently As I learn to accept all of who I am... I understand myself better I accept my body I accept my flaws I create peace with myself I reunite all of my parts I open myself to personal growth I open myself to myself I open myself to infinite love

30 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:16 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:38 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 11:04 AM - 12:29 AM I worked on my app, but got some bugs that I wasn't allow to fix Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 25 minutes 01:42 PM - 03:13 PM I worked on a selection bar for my app. I had a lot of unrelated thoughts Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 03:20 PM - 04:39 PM I started working on the publisher layout. I still had a lot of unrelated thoughts Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 19 minutes I didn't sleep that well at night, so I chose to have a nap in the morning but forget to put my alarm on. When I woke up I realized that I slept for more than 2 hours lol. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 15 minutes, including 4 hours 15 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

To all the people that wronged me: I love you all.

29/03/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll experience my joy I'll take more please in doing the things that I do I'll be more attractive I'll share more my joy I'll do things that make me joyful I'll open myself to new possibilities I'll be more lightheaded I'll take things less seriously If I deny and disown my joy... I remove one of the most important things in life I don't express who I am I repress emotions I am not emotionally healthy I lost hope in life I find life difficult and painful life is difficult If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll be more aware of how to treat my body I'll be more aware of how I feel I'll be more aware of what I'm doing I'll be more aware of how I use my mind I'll be more aware of my posture I'll be more aware of my fears I'll be aware of how I create my fears I'll understand how I create this pain in my stomach I'll understand how I create this pain in my chest As I learn to accept all of who I am... I accept all my flaws and imperfections I let go of the harsh judgments of myself I accept my body I accept my incompetencies I accept my failures I feel more at peace with myself I open more room for grow I accept my lack of sleep I accept having difficulties to sleep

29 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:02 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:45 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 08:33 AM - 09:54 AM I did some improvements on the CLS of a website Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 21 minutes 10:15 AM - 11:18 AM I did some checks and had a communication with a client Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 3 minutes 11:24 AM - 12:05 AM I communicated with a client and did some updates Focus: 3/5 Duration: 41 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 01:10 PM - 02:37 PM I did some updates on my website, renewed some certificates, and worked on my app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 27 minutes 02:48 PM - 04:26 PM I continued the previous work on the app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 38 minutes Average Focus: 3.4 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 10 minutes, including 3 hours 5 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

About George Floyd Death As there is a video of George Floyd resisting his arrest and saying that he couldn't breathe before being put to the ground I was a bit hesitant about this case. I wasn't sure if Derek Chauvin should be hold accountable because George Floyd looked very unstable. Also, when we are in the moment things can go much faster than we think and we lack perspective and awareness. However, I watched the video below today and I was shocked. I never watched this part entirely before, I only saw a few minutes. This man is being killed on the street, he literally peed on himself, he called for help, he called for his mom, but the cops remain indifferent like robots. Kneeling with the entire body weight on someone's neck for more than 8 minutes is way too excessive even if this person resisted an arrest. Derek Chauvin needs to go to jail, progress needs to be made. This is not something personal, everyone is a victim here, everyone is incompetent, biased, and unconscious. Consciousness is ruthless and brutal and consciousness creates the necessary consequence so that it can evolve. This country is sick. I can feel its sickness from the other side of the planet and the entire world feels its sickness. The US is like a narcissist who hides its true face behind a mask.