Pallero

Here's a picture of my lovely jackalopes. I'm so proud of them! The tattoo artist is Tuomas Valtanen, darksideofzen on Instagram. ❤

Have you (re)watched Leo's Dark Side of Meditation video? I recommend you check that out. Short answers: Yes, it's very normal. Yes, sounds familiar. You accept it as a sign of growth. Your body and mind are purging.

? I'd love to see a picture! ? I think many people are scared to get tattoos, because "what if it doesn't come out the way I want it". My tattoos have never come out the way I wanted them, but that's okay, because there's a reason and a lesson to that. It's a process, the tattoo artist has a lot of influence and when you change and grow as a person, your opinion and experience of your tattoo changes as well. It's possible to start hating a perfectly beautiful tattoo, and vice versa. It's like life, always flawed.

I have wanted to get tattoos since I was 15 years old. Got my first one at 21, second at 24 and newest tattoos this year, when I was 28/29. I don't have any regrets. First two tattoos are on my left shoulder blade. There's a heart and a bird above it and a fish below it, to symbolize duality and parallel worlds. The ones I got this year are on the inside of my lower arms. They are two jackalopes (a "good" one and a "bad" one) to remind me about the balance of light and dark inside me. I will definitely get more. I love tattoos!

Magic Pink things Flowers Blowing my mind New perspectives, and Cats ❤

I would tell her to hang in there, because life gets better and easier with age. I'd tell her that she can and she will get more self-confidence and do things she would never think she could do. I'd tell her that she will make her dreams come true. She will heal from the worst of the abuse wounds she has and she will have a loving, beautiful relationship in which she feels safe. It's actually possible. Most of the things 21-year-old me thinks are impossible are not only possible but they are going to actually happen for her. She is capable of love, deep commitment and intimacy. She is capable of pursuing her passions in life. She is capable of world travel, no matter now scary it seems. She can learn to draw boundaries and say no. And most of all, I'd tell her that all her suffering is not for nothing. Her suffering is detoxing her emotional body, healing her and bringing her closer to higher awareness. She will be thankful for it later.

Lately I've been having these flashes of "unrealness". I don't know what else to call them. Please tell me if they have a name. They come almost every day, they last for a second or two and then they disappear. One usually comes when I'm in the middle of an argument or otherwise talking (either that or I'm just more inclined to notice them in those moments). What happens is I suddenly feel "unreal". It's like I take a mental step back and see myself from the "outside", mentally. The argument that I'm making at the time stops making sense and I suddenly feel very calm, even cheerful. I feel like just stopping talking, but then the moment is gone, so I don't have the time to actually stop. Also, it's like I become aware of "the role I play" in the moment. Like, aww, here I am, being the jealous girlfriend, look at me, so cute. I look at myself as if I was a child, harmless, cute and basically a little miracle. I had an experience of "the observer perspective" almost two years ago. I spent several hours in this very interesting state where I felt like my body and my mind were not me but that I was just living inside them (for the time being). I observed my thoughts appearing and disappearing as though they were a river and I was on the shore. I've been trying to recreate that experience ever since (because it was mind blowing) but I haven't been successful. These flashes of unrealness, however, remind me of that state that I was in. Only they're very short and I don't have time to savor them. I really really hope this means that I'm on the brink of some amazing breakthrough! Thoughts?

Thank you for your comments! @Nahm I've noticed that thoughts attract similar thoughts, but how does that mean that I'm not the thinker? @cetus56 Yes! I can see how the ego kicks in and brings me back to "the normal". I suppose calling them unreal is putting a strong label on them. I might as well call them strange or different. It's just something that usually doesn't occur. But of course, it might as well be the real thing! I'm more motivated to self inquire now. @Delinkaaaa I'm afraid I cannot resonate with that dis/connection to/from the body bit. To me, it feels like I'm always connected to my body and even more so when I meditate. By the way, do enlightened people feel connected to their bodies?

My results!!! Your cognitive style is... Intellectual Your organizational style is... Balanced Your energy style is... Introverted Your stress management style is... Reactive Your interpersonal style is... Collaborative Openness Imagination high. Artistic Interests high. Emotionality high. Adventurousness average. Intellectual Interests high. Liberalism high. Conscientiousness Self-Efficacy low. Orderliness average. Dutifulness average. Achievement-Striving high. Cautiousness high. Extraversion Friendliness low. Gregariousness low. Assertiveness high. Activity Level low. Excitement-Seeking low. Cheerfulness average. Neuroticism Anxiety high. Anger high. Depression high. Self-Consciousness high. Immoderation average. Vulnerability high. Agreeableness Trust low. Honesty average. Altruism high. Cooperation average. Modesty average. Sympathy high. No wonder I have hard time fitting in... Maybe I can show this to my boss.

@Key Elements Yes! For the past two years I've been into minimalism and been reducing my lifestyle. I'm trying to get to the bare essentials. Now I'm leaving to travel for a year with a really low budget. After that, who knows? I find that reducing stuff and distractions (and addictions) as well as slowing down have added to my life quality and self actualization journey more than I would've thought.

I think that acceptance is the key. There's nothing wrong with being sad or suffering. If I remember correctly, in one of his videos (I think it was the loneliness video?) Leo talks about being melancholic and really enjoying it by listening to sad music and stuff. At this point in your journey I recommend radical acceptance. I also have lots of melancholic tendencies (comes with being philosophical and too curious about the world) and I try to enjoy them. When you enjoy your sadness as a beautiful part of life, it is easier to enjoy the happiness as well. Whereas if you resist the sadness and think of it as "wrong", it persists.

I think it's about equally easy to distract yourself with books as is with anything else. Information (books an otherwise) can also become a serious addiction and a distraction.

@mariustuhut I have found the childhood experience to be the biggest factor.

@mariustuhut It's a belief and it makes you feel bad, because you know that it's not true. Which is a very normal reaction. Who wouldn't feel sad while thinking "I am worthless"? It's not a very happy thought. If you let go of the belief, you no longer react negatively if someone calls you worthless.

Thank you. I enjoyed this episode very much. Thinking of my problems as collective rather than personal has created some distance and made me feel better in my life, but I still find some issues difficult to wrap my mind around system thinking wise. For example, what's the deal with people who accept their children (and themselves) only on certain conditions? I am both a victim of this and I also do this to myself and others. Why can't people accept each other as they are? No one expects babies to do anything and yet they get treated like little miracles. Why can't we treat grown-ups the same way?

I'm in a similar situation. My partner and I will take a train across Siberia and then fly to New Zealand to hike. Actually, I would appreciate some tips myself. I'd like to find some short term work in New Zealand and don't even know where to begin. What are some consciousness developing stuff to do in New Zealand anyway? Should I volunteer or get a paid job or both? So many questions. ? There's going to be a blog and a vlog about the trip however - that's decided.

I struggle with a similar situation. I feel very guilty for hating and not wanting to see my father, even though he abused me and seeing him would subject me to more abuse and therefore be self-abusive. I feel like I should be self-abusive. I deserve to be punished by him, because I'm a rotten human being deep down. I don't deserve to be free and forgiving and loving. I cry almost daily, because thinking about my father makes me hate myself so much. I remember all the horrible things he has said to me, but now I say them to myself. I've been working on myself for years, but this particular issue seems to have endless layers. I have peeled back so many and I'm exhausted from all the peeling. I used to be able to talk to him a little when my parents were still together, because my mom was around. Now I can't even begin to think that I have to face him alone. I'd rather die. How do I find relief? Actually, writing this post is already helping.

It's one of those fun paradoxes of life. When you're craving for social interaction, you're actually just scared of being alone. The only way to solve that is to be alone. The social interaction will still be there when you get back, don't worry. Humans are social creatures, but one weekend by yourself won't kill you even though it feels like it can. If you can't handle a whole weekend, try one afternoon. Do something you enjoy doing alone. Just get a sense of "being alone is not so bad". I love being alone!

@heisenburger Teal Swan is a great spiritual teacher of you are interested in shadow work. Check out her YouTube channel or her book The Completion Process. Another shadow work related book I can recommend is The Healing Code by Alexander Loyd & Ben Johnson.

I don't know if he's gonna do it, but I would also like to see this video. ❤

I know Leo has said that his day isn't interesting, but it's very interesting to me! I want to see it!

Yes, please!!!

@Violet It's hard, I can relate. One thing popped into my mind though. Are you sure that you're speaking the truth or giving good advice to your friends? Because it sounds kind of like you're seeing your own inner demons in their behavior and having a hard time to accept them. Accept yourself that is. You said yourself that you know that you have inner work to do in this area. I agree. I wouldn't worry about other people too much. I would look inside and shine light on those wounds that need healing. When the wounds have been healed, the aggression and the controlling and the urges will just melt away. You will accept that people are where they are and their struggles are real and difficult to them. Even though I still think I know better sometimes, I have also sort of seen that giving advice to other people is really really really almost impossibly difficult. All I can do is listen emphatically and make them feel heard, and the best thing I have to say at this point is just "follow your heart".

Hi, everybody! I wonder if anyone here can relate to this problem. I keep attracting being misunderstood and it's driving me crazy. I have good language skills and I repeatedly get good feedback about my being able to put my emotions into words et cetera. And still, when I explain how I'm feeling to somebody (be it a mental health professional or not), IF I get a response at all, the response is beside the point of what I was trying to say. I explain again and again in different words, but it's no use. People either admit that they don't understand me or they think that they understand but they don't. I have childhood trauma that is making my adult life difficult when it resurfaces. I need professional help. Only it's really hard to get when people either don't believe me, don't take me seriously or don't understand me at all. The only ray of sunshine is this one psychiatrist I ended up seeing accidentally once. She said that from the first moment she saw me, she saw that my being "screamed trauma". She sounded very worried as she said that I need professional help and I need it now. That I'm barely hanging in there. In that moment, I felt understood, heard and seen. But this was a few months ago. I haven't seen her since and no other person has really seemed to understand me like she did. Can anyone relate to this? Do you have any words of wisdom or relief? EDIT: I looked up that psychiatrist's information online and she charges 180€ per 45 minute session. I don't have that much money. This is so unfair.

@Alicja_ You're right and everyone says so. I'm just having a moment of desperation. I'm never gonna find the right therapist! You know? @Life Coach Do you know Teal Swan's The Completion Process? I just ordered the book, because I've been trying it out a little and it's working. That would be the less costly way to deal with the issues. @Bodhi123 Thank you. It's just everytime I try to tell a mental health professional that people don't understand me, guess what? That professional doesn't understand me either. It's horrible! But I guess I just haven't found the right person yet.