Pallero

Hanging out and cooking with my boyfriend and also eating junk food. Everything else I do is self-development related.

It so happens that I live in a country where that is possible. It's very fortunate. ?

Yes! I've been writing a diary since I was ten years old and I carry it with me often. I'm so used to writing my thoughts that I don't even think about it. I love writing and I don't think I'll ever stop. It clears my mind and helps me get new ideas instead of being stuck in a ball of vague blah blah inside my head. I also started a bullet journal, because I wanted to keep better track of my to do's. It works, but it's annoying. ?

At the beginning, I got one seminar free of charge, which was a blessing, because it inspired me so much. All the books I've studied so far have been from the library or free online. Same goes for the other material. I also have a master's degree in philosophy, which helps a lot. I didn't pay for that either, because I live in a country where we have free public education. Right now I'm studying in an art school that has cost me about 1200€ so far. I am there because I'm following my dream and vision. I have also spent some money on yoga classes and superfoods. Becoming vegan was an important part of self-actualization, but so far it has cost me less than a vegetarian diet.

I think that marriage might have some practical benefits to it, like the right to the common possessions in case something happens to the other person. I'm not sure, but I think that maybe e.g. adoption is easier in some cases if you are married instead of just living together. But I'm not sure. In any case, marriage doesn't make love or commitment stronger. It's just a piece of paper.

Finland, but I was born in Russia.

Root: under-active (-31%) Sacral: open (50%) Navel: under-active (0%) Heart: under-active (-12%) Throat: over-active (69%) Third Eye: open (31%) Crown: under-active (-19%) This is quite interesting. I thought I'd be more balanced. But in a way this is good news. It means I can feel so much better! ?

You might not realize it, but you might end up impacting other people's lives without consciously intending to. Or: you might get motivated in a different way later. But I've been wondering about the same thing. How much do I think about others as I construct my life purpose and how much about myself. Lately, I've gone from "no one would want my help or services" to "I might have something of value to offer". And it's thanks to Actualized.org, among others.

I had this too and still have to some extent. But I've gotten over the worst of it and I am in an intimate relationship now. It's extremely common to be afraid to be yourself around people and it's even scarier to reveal your innermost secrets, desires and fears to somebody else. It requires strength, courage and deep trust. And there's always more intimacy, more that you can do, more to be afraid of. The journey never ends. The best thing you can do is work from where you are now, which is what you are already doing. Are you seeking out shallow relationships and avoiding deep ones? That's normal. The more intimate moments will come and when they do, try to be a little mindful. Notice the fear, the anxiety and the panic. Tell yourself that it's OK. You are working on it. It's not easy but believe me that some day you will look back and be very proud of yourself. From what you have written, you are already working on it and on the right path. Be patient. Accept that there's a lot of pain ahead and none of it means that there's something wrong with you. Pain is the sign of learning and change.

I also would like to offer my words of encouragement. Feeling stuck in life is not a bad thing. I'm sure you already know on some level that it's a start of something new and better. Change is always difficult. You are looking around at the people you know and you don't want to live like them. On the other hand you don't know how to make it on your own yet either. You're at that tricky and exciting point in your life when you realize that you want something more from your life that you see every day. Having a life crisis is completely normal. You stop to reassess some things and make changes in your life. It's never easy but you feel like it's necessary. Everything you are going through is natural. It's OK to compare yourself to others, because that makes you realize that you want something else. It's OK to feel stuck, because living a different kind of life is difficult and scary. You can find your life purpose and feel good about your life again. And if you work for it, you will. Accept this stage as necessary, feel the discomfort and be patient on your journey.

So you already know that if you have something interesting enough to do, the phone becomes less interesting. That's a good realization. Procrastination from work is normal. Do you feel like the feeling of boredom can be difficult for you to handle? So the instant you become even slightly bored, you take out your phone? In any case, the phone is not the problem. You could just as well be using something else to procrastinate. Some people get rid of an addiction by replacing it with another addiction. I agree with the above comments that you could get a little bit more mindful of the addiction if you can. Notice the urge that makes you take out your phone. Chances are the phone is in your hand so fast that you don't even realize how it gets there. Just notice the urge. Notice the moment when you think "I want my phone". Then take out your phone as you normally would and see what happens. Relief? Numbness? Take note of that. Say to yourself "hmm, how interesting". As you are browsing on your phone, ask yourself "what am I doing now and why?" and "how hard would it be to put the phone away right now?" Just experiment and be patient and curious. Imagine you are doing an interesting study on phone addictions and you are studying you. You can even take notes if you like writing. Try to understand what is happening.

That's a very broad and difficult question. I don't remember ever starting to think on my own. Questioning was and is just my second nature. I did have an interesting experience when I was about 6 years old that made me question the nature of reality though. To want to think on their own, people need to see the benefits of it. If they don't see what's the use, they won't do it. To some extent, I believe that it should be parents' and schools' responsibility, but it's difficult to teach something you don't know. Philosophy and media analysis lessons in schools are a start, but if a child's parents think they are a useless waste of time, the child can become discouraged. I've heard people starting to think on their own in Universities with a guidance of an inspiring teacher/professor. I would also assume that reading books would broaden perspectives and make people think that not everything is so black and white. Education seems to be the key. On the other hand, you can take the horse to the river but you can't make it drink. So in conclusion, the best way to make people think on their own is to learn to do it yourself and then serve as inspiration to others.

Have you ever found yourself so engaged in some activity that you forget about your phone for a while?

The Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle is a not-too-long, clearly written philosophy classic that covers many important areas of "the good life". Aristotle argues that all human beings want happiness. He then proceeds to explain what happiness is and gives almost practical advice on how to live a virtuous life as a social being, a citizen in a society. This was the first philosophy book I ever read. I recommend it!

I think it depends on what you want to gain. Peace of mind? Maybe. Bending spoons? Hardly. If you want to live like a Buddhist monk, you can become one or live like one, I'm sure. There are no shortcuts to the good stuff.

I personally don't see a problem with cursing. We are free to use any words we want to express ourselves. If a curse word feels like the best word to use in some situation, I say, go with it. Cursing is primarily cultural and learned behavior. As long as we keep that in mind, we are good to go. I also agree with Ayla that when we speak from the heart, learned and fake cursing stops. But like with every bad habit, it's a process and you learn as you go. Manners are also learned behavior. Do you have to learn good manners to lead a self-actualized life? Or do the necessary good manners come naturally from within as you self-actualize? I think that perhaps you work on our inside first and see what comes out and then later ask again, "do I still want to work on my bad language?" The desire to attack something as tangible as a bad habit can also serve as a distraction from the actual self-actualization, the emotional labor involved. It's a good intention anyway and a good goal.

INTJ "The Architect". Last time I did this I was INFP "The Mediator". The Mediator is an idealistic hippie who sees the good in everybody and wants to make the world a better place. The Architect is a strategic thinker who now is constructing a realistic plan to make the world a better place. This is how I have changed recently. It's quite accurate.

This is a tough question, because there is such a variety of videos. There are videos for many different life situations, and I feel that many of them have come to me at the right moment, you know? The video that left me most dumbstruck at the time I watched it for the first time was How You Lie. I was already familiar with the concept of self-deception and I had already admitted to engaging in it, but this video really showed me how thoroughly self-deceptive I was. It just blew my mind.

It's not actually a self-help themed film, but The Matrix to me is quite inspiring, because I think it's about the true nature of reality. The movie's real reality is probably made up - we are not actually being controlled by machines - but the idea that there is something outside all this, is quite thrilling. At this point in my journey, I think that getting out of the matrix is a metaphor for becoming enlightened. Maybe it could also be a metaphor for realizing how the society fucks you in the ass, but I see the message as being more fundamental.