Telepresent

Also, for some extra fun: what is an object?

No, please don't apologise: it's a heck of a wall to be knocking your head against! A biggie, and I'm not nearly through it myself. In a similar way, I'm knocking my head against "I", which is probably why I keep focusing on that part of the discussion! Probably they're related. The struggle I have with "I am" = the present moment is that there's still (in my head, at least) an implicit element of distillation/separation in the use of the word "I". Always a label, always an idea. But then it's pretty much impossible to write about without doing that, so... yeah... Have you addressed time at all? As in, have you clarified for yourself what time IS? What it actually is, versus what most people think it is? Again, being and thinking are very different things, and time resides almost entirely in memory and future projection. The reason I ask this is because Now means different things to different people, and I'm trying to gauge what your meaning/understanding/definition of Now is. I think a lot of people fall into Now being a moment in time (hence the question "how can we remain in the moment if it's always slipping away?") But I wonder if you've already dealt with that, seeing as you state: Once I recognised - really recognised - that my concept of future was imaginary, and my concept of past was memory and no longer real, I calmed a great deal. I wonder if you've done the same? However, there's a third note to hit: what is Now? What is the moment? I'm still batting that around and I'm happy to keep knocking ideas about, but alas can't give a quick answer! But let's look at a couple of things you've said. Great, cool: we have a constant, and we're calling it Now. What I'm investigating right now (no pun intended ) is "what is Now, and what is not Now?" It can be very easy to look around and go "well everything that's here/happening is now, isn't it?" But you've identified Now/the moment as a constant, and that means that almost everything (if not, in fact, everything you perceive) CANNOT BE THE CORE OF NOW, because they are all temporary. So - for me - it's a question of stripping away again: take away everything that arises and disappears, and what is left? (I recently started a thread called 'Energy' which addresses one of my thoughts about this) But to return to your very first question: Maybe I'm interpreting you wrongly, and you're actually ahead of the things I've just written, but if not I wonder whether asking if "nothingness" and this moment are the same thing, is putting the cart before the horse. One of the perennial issues I find in this work is a desire to understand, understand, understand: "is this that?", "oh, does that mean XYZ?" and so on. Questions that are very useful as a process of inquiry, BUT if you actually get given an answer, then things may halt in their tracks. I wonder here if you're asking this because you are striving to understand "nothingness"? Trying to define it? And if so, my only suggestion would be to focus on getting to the truth of what this moment is. Once you have the truth of it, you will know whether or not it is the same as "nothingness". And if not... well, there'll be a new question to ask!

@HereNowThisMoment Yeah, I can see that. It's tricky to get across quite what I mean, but I certainly agree that going around pointing out every object you see, hear, etc., and going "that's not me!" won't do very much. I suppose what I mean is more mental than that; more internalised or personalised. So... when I focus on the idea of me, I do it based on the structures and definitions I've built up in my head. A very simplified version might be ideas such as "I am educated, I am English, I am capable but slightly lazy, I am left-wing, I have trouble with authority, I don't like rules, I have to have a job to be successful, I need to be seen to be smart", etc. (The problem with stating them like this is it makes them look simple - they're more like a Gordian Knot of inter-related complexities). And so when I start deconstructing 'me', determining what I am not, it is a process of untangling these mental definitions I've made for myself. Definitions which come from all kinds of influences: parental instruction; cultural and societal rules; the limited understanding of the world I had when I was three or four years old which has been taken on as 'true'; what other people have told me I am (particularly when I was a teenager); what various pieces of paper (qualifications, or job history, or passport) define me as... none of these are existentially me, but for the most part when I refer to myself as a person, a conceptual object, it is these ideas that I refer to. There is a whole other issue of body-vs-the rest of reality, and going around separating my physical body from, say, the cup I see or the keyboard I am touching very much labels things in a physical duality the way you say. What I found helpful when attacking that issue was to take things one sense at a time: what do I see when I see? What is sight made of? Where is me/my body in sight, and where is everything else? And what - if any - is the distinction between them? All of this, of course, is not to say "I am / my approach is right" - I'm still working out this game myself! You probably are. But frameworks aren't de facto bad, or wrong, or anything else. So long as you recognise them as frameworks, and don't treat them as absolutes. The mind works by abstraction: it's how we understand anything. The trick with this, of course, is that ultimately we're seeking not to understand existence, but to experience it. However, if frameworks help to progress things, I don't think they're necessarily to be avoided. Just dropped when the time is right. I've played with a lot of frameworks which have helped me to see through some much deeper-entrenched frameworks (those ones that are effectively assumptions posing as FACT). Seems to me that the importance in doing it is to remain aware that that is what you are doing, and not allow your new framework to take the position of FACT in your head... Awareness, awareness...

@WelcometoReality I've been batting that around since posting the above. It's tricky: like an arms-race against my mind which is trying to turn it into a concept I can hold onto. I've already dropped the 'ocean' metaphor - it did its job in helping me to see something, but to keep using it will be playing with the metaphor rather than with experience. There's an underlying constancy that I'm feeling my way around: very grounded in tangible presence, seeming as though it couches everything else inside it. I'm wanting to use the word 'infinity' (not as in 'very big', but as in not of dimension - not of time/space, but containing time/space) but I think at this point that's the mind trying to revert to something I've heard and mentally constructed, rather than the felt-perceived reality of things.

That's a very important question, and a difficult one to deal with. I certainly find myself returning to it again and again to check my approach. There's a very real risk of building a conceptual or intellectual model as a 'goal' or 'target', and calling that "enlightenment" (in fact, I'm willing to bet almost all of us on this forum do that almost all of the time). Because that's how we typically understand things. It's a problem calling the 'end result' a result, or enlightenment, or anything else, because as soon as you do that you've turned it into a mental object and you're dealing with that rather than what IS. On the other hand, intellect and inquiry are incredibly useful for recognising what is not. And that, for me, is the distinction: it's a process of using intellect to recognise the mental objects that I hold, seeing that they are not absolutes and are in fact concepts/structures/models, and seeing what's left when you look past them. Then rinse and repeat. In that process I continually make new mental models, and then have to rip them apart, which makes a new (but slightly smaller) model, which I then have to rip apart, which leaves a new model... I'm not sure where this all leads but I've had a couple of glimpses of something behind the curtain, leading me to understand that it cannot be understood as a mental model. The word "I", on the other hand, implies a mental model: an object or thing you can point at and say "that's it, there: that's 'me'!" I'd suggest when you focus on "I", focus on what is not, and when you focus on what is, try not to label it (I, enlightenment, non-duality, whatever... they're all mind-objects)

Hello! "I really don't feel like I need someone else to make me happier. I'm extremely happy as it is. I just feel that the further I progress towards liberation the harder it is going to be to find someone. " I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused: this seems - at least to me - to be a massive contradiction. "I went on this journey to improve myself and make myself happier. I'm making some progress and there are girls interested just because I'm happy and a mystery to them. It's just funny how now I'm like "meh whatever I don't really need this". Maybe my mind is just making up another story. That would be funny. I don't know, I really don't." I would suggest your mind is making up multiple stories: about what is happening in these encounters (because you never know what is in someone else's head), about your responses to them (because you are sounding rather defensive), and why you are posting this here (because it feels like you're seeking validation). Of course, you may disagree with me, but I feel like you're trying to work something out and so I don't want to mince words.

Agh, this stuff is so tough to talk about, isn't it?

Right, ok: this kind of question is impossible to answer, because we can't see through your girlfriend's eyes. Sorry. If anything, I'd say she's equally confused (we usually imagine that other people know what the hell they want, or what they are doing: they don't). Ultimately, we can't tell you what to do or what not to do. If you want to try to keep it moving forwards, then you try to keep it moving forwards. If not, you don't. But I think it has to come down to you: is the potential relationship worth the pain? Be honest in trying to be objective: your emotions may scream "NO IT HAS TO BE THIS GIRL!", but... Look, I also don't want to advise you to not try. I don't want to tell you to do ANYTHING. I'm not qualified to do that. I suppose the point of this post is to try to point that out to you, too. We can't tell you what to do, because we're not you. Now, if you want to talk about what you want from relationships, your experience with this girl, what you hope for the future, what you fear for the future, etc., great! And that may help you reach a better understanding of yourself which may help you to reach a better conclusion for what you want to do here. But I'm afraid we can't tell you what to do. In the murky world of relationships, there are no fast answers

@Actualizer That is a beautiful and cogent reply (and far better written than I would have managed) But can I be a little heretical, and suggest the spirit of my question was that it is impossible to answer? So, right now you've landed on an answer. Which leads to a wonderful paradox: you've answered my question fantastically, and yet I know your answer is wrong because it has joined the binary. You've written it, which means it says "X, not Y", and no matter how many caveats you write down, anything you write will also have that problem? I'm sure, from what you write, you see this problem: how anything you try to express is just... flattened. Although, I might be massively wrong. I am nothing but another player. But I will leave you with a challenge: You say "It's a good thing". Why?

Hello! Can you clarify something for me? In your description about dry-heaving because of an and, you say that it "wasn't really voluntary". But then you say" I'm not sure if it was the right move but I've had other things going on and it was all to much." What was the difference between these two moments of being?

Also, the very most important thing: forgive yourself. If you slip up, if you cave in, FORGIVE YOURSELF! It is in the past, you can't do anything to change it, so allow it to be what happened, and look forwards, not backwards!

Hello. You know, there's an idea in SMART therapy (Self-Management And Recovery Training - designed to help people deal with addictions) that cravings work as follows*: 1) There is a trigger 2) That trigger leads to a wanting 3) The yearning turns into a CRAVING 4) You engage (drink, do drugs, whatever), which then reduces what is necessary to trigger the next cycle. So, here's the difficult thing about this cycle: you can't reduce the craving. You just can't. What you can do, is learn to recognise triggers and avoid them, or learn to recognise when you are yearning, and distract yourself (or filter the yearning into something healthier/more constructive). Or you can take the hardcore approach, and fight the craving. Which is entirely possible. The thing about a craving is that it feels like it will last FOREVER. Most cravings last between 10 and 20 minutes. The problem is that the blighters keep coming, which is where recognition of triggers (and working out ways to either remove them, or deal with them) comes in. My advice would be to focus on the most basic thing first. You are concerned about school: that should be your first priority right now. Enlightenment will still be there (and you have a long life to focus on that), but school is temporary and should be taken advantage of. Now, meditation is bloody hard - no denying that - but the more you do it, the better your focus will get, so keep going with that. The other thing I would suggest, though, would be to connect meditation to your 'non-meditation' life. In other words, don't restrict being mindful to your meditations. I have found that the greatest value I get from mindfulness has been when I've been in the middle of a meeting or whatever, and suddenly remembered to watch! But the only way you get there is through a conscious attempt at building a habit. The most frustrating thing about all of this kind of work is that it takes time. So we encounter it, get excited, think "yeah, ok, a little work and a little time, and big results!"... and then we learn what time really means. But the most important phrase I have ever encountered is: "we over-estimate what we can do in one day, and under-estimate what we can do in one year." The only real answer I can provide is Focus, and Do Not Stop * Please note: I am not a SMART therapist or any sort of qualified spokesperson. I just have a little knowledge

Hi Rick, I do get a feeling, but without more information I can't offer any suggestions. Given that this is a bit of an old post I suspect I'm a bit late anyway. If the situation is still unresolved, are you willing to go into more depth? T

Hello. Everything I write below is from one amateur to another. Please don't take me to be an expert, therapist, or teacher. Slow down. You are saying a lot in that post, and it's in a bit of a rush so hard to un-pick. 1) I can entirely understand why a woman would respond negatively to pick-up. I won't pretend that some of the stuff that is discussed regarding 'inner game' isn't of value, but pick-up is not a healthy perspective on the world, and women shouldn't react well it it frankly. I think Leo has a video about this. (I will also add that the stereotypes of women that pick-up communities discuss are incredibly narrow). 2) SSRI's. Fair enough, you're on SSRI's - they're the most common anti-depressant variety, and as about 1/3 of us experience depression, I wouldn't worrk about it (your post makes it sound like you're quite aggressively unhappy about the idea). I've been on them a couple of times. My experience is that they give me a plateau of how low I can go: so they don't make me 'happy', but they stop me feeling like utter filth, which helps me sort myself out. I found the first week a little tricky: had both highs and lows. I hope you're doing ok? 3) Suicidal thoughts. I don't want to tell you how to approach those, because that would be very presumtuous. Just that you are not the only one, and the thing about ALL thoughts is that they pass - suicidal ones too. They may come back, but they also go away. Always wait 20 minutes, ok? 4) The best resource I can suggest to fix mental health is to take the widest approach possible. You've already gone to your doctor, otherwise you wouldn't be on SSRI's. Great! You're here, on this forum. Great! What else? I'm a big supporter of psychotherapy, both individual, and group, and of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Also, just reading self-help material. Understanding, understanding, understanding - that's the key! I'm going to be honest, and I hope you'll take it in the sense of friendship that it is offered: you sound like you are in a great rush. That is entirely understandable: you are at a point in life which you don't want to be, and you want to get out of it as fast as you can. But right now, putting this sort of extreme pressure on yourself (girlfriend, business, 3-hr meditations [which are RIDICULOUSLY hard!], emotional body-work, avoiding 'low-self') ... well, I hope that laying it out like that shows how ambitious your thinking is. Once again, you want to be somewhere else, and I understand and encourage your ambition, but change also takes time and patience, and your first priority has to be your health. So if I would recommend one thing, it would be to slow down. You know the idea that 'there is no finish line'? We constantly forget that. Our entire lives are based around the idea that there IS, in fact, a finish line - and it leads to all sorts of chaos and pain. But the beautiful thing about life is that we over-estimate what we can do in one day, and under-estimate what we can do over longer periods of time. Please, please don't chastise yourself for not being perfect right now. Instead, pick one area - only one! - which you think is the most important thing for you, right this moment, to start dealing with. Then sit down, and gently - as if you were writing to a close friend or family member - write down what you think the sensible next step is.

(Apologies if I'm dragging up an old and irrelevant post: feel free to ignore!) Can I ask whether you're concerned with your website/channel as a business at the moment? I ask because you talk, in one of your blog posts, about the idea of painting - how it's not about being concerned with what people will think of the picture, but the painting of the picture. If you're not concerned about monetizing your channel any time soon, if you're trying to understand your own approach to spirituality and work out how to cast all these areas under your net, why should you be concerned with refining your audience? I would have thought, if you're looking for understanding and perspective, that a 'refined' audience is a hinderance?

Ok, everything that I am about to write is from one amateur to another. I only speak from my own personal experience, and a lay understanding of everything I discuss below. Please do not think of me as an expert, authority, or teacher. I have also experienced many problems with extremely low self-esteem (and many suicidal thoughts in my early twenties), and self-hatred. I tell you this so that you may recognise that I come from a position of a little understanding of what this kind of thinking is like. I'm going to be honest - and I come here from a position of immense respect for the power of meditation: meditating is not enough. Have you seen Leo's video about "what to do next after learning about enlightenment"? If I remember correctly, he says that if you are in a difficult place in life, it may be better to deal with your immediate issues first. I wonder if that's the case for you. You know what's wonderful about what you've written here? You understand. You may not be in control of things, you may not be on top of things, but you recognise what is happening and you've come here to ask us if we can help. That is freaking incredible, and I want you to know you should give yourself credit for that. One of the hardest things about living surrounded by pain and fear is that you can forget that they are not the only things. You can forget that you do not 'deserve' them. And yet here you are! What I am going to suggest is rather medical, but I think crucial: if you have not gone to your doctor, do so as soon as you can. Talk to them about how you feel, what is happening in your life, and possible ways they can help. Going to the doctor doesn't have to mean drugs or pills: it can lead to various kinds of support, groups, therapy, or even simply possible reading. There is nothing to lose in talking to someone whose job is to help you in times like this. The other thing I would suggest is that your thinking, right now, is hurting you. You are at a tremendous advantage right now, because you know this too! Believe me, being able to understand this may make all the difference - if you can recognise that your self-hating thoughts are thoughts, and not the truth, that's the difference. But if that's hard, you don't need to fight through it on your own. Again, there are groups. There are forums. There are books and communities and doctors and psychiatrists. I found CBT (Cognative Behavioural Therapy) to be one of the most valuable things I ever did.

It's a nice highlighting of conceptual duals - of the black and white of definition. That things must be either/or. What really grabs me, though, is that I want to focus in the bit in between the two. In a world of binary definitions, what exists in the gap between 1 and 0?

I find autolysis to be the most radical discipline I have ever tried. But there are caveats to that. 'Write the truth' can be a little misleading, if you approach it from a detached standpoint. There is value in asking questions about perception, what you see, feel, how it all IS, etc. But a large part of autolysis is about peeling away falseness, and you can't see falseness by asking detached questions about the universe, the 'outside world', how you see, hear, touch... You have to get more personal. 'Expose un-truth' is much closer to the mark, in my opinion. You're never, ever, going to write something true. The idea that truth cannot be stated is not just a spiritual cliche - it's remarkably obvious when you peel off even the most basic veneer of self-concept. I would already struggle to try to describe the [very basic] updated understanding of *what is* that I currently have (and I wouldn't want to try because it will only get turned into another mind-construct by everyone who reads this, because that's the ONLY WAY I can communicate it). So, back to the point: the temptation with 'write the truth' is to try to write something about existence, or the universe: the Ultimate Truth of Being. About sights, sounds, colours, textures; about depth, and width, and time, and past and future. These are all valuable, but as far as my experience goes, they need to be juxtaposed with the deepest deconstruction of EVERYTHING that you call 'you' - and EVERYTHING you call 'other'. Expose un-truth becomes a process of deep, dark introspection. As deeply personal as it is possible to get. And I promise you you won't want to publish it here. You have concerns about Jed McKenna's nihilistic way of writing: from my limited experience, he's both telling the truth, and big fat fibs. It is uncomfortable, and hard, and unpleasant, and upsetting at times. But it is also incredibly beautiful, and that's something he goes to great length in his books to not discuss - presumably because he doesn't want to encourage people to IMAGINE a state of beauty to be obtained. But the point is that there are moments that you come face-to-face with a question: are you willing to look behind the curtain of this very, very, very central, important, comforting notion of 'me' that you have? To the point that you can't actually picture what it's like behind that curtain. And it can be hard - really, really freaking hard - to answer in the affirmitive. But... well, I have zero regrets so far!