Spence94

Leo always talks about inner game, happiness on the inside and releasing needs etc. but where is the balance between that and your external life/environment? Sometimes my mind tries to force me into adapting to externals by saying i need to cultivate the inner paradise, but sometimes the force of externals is strong and triggering i cant get to that point. So how do you guys balance this issue of inner game/ internal growth vs external growth/ life/environment and infrastructure? When is it good to focus on shifting the inner game and when should you consider external changes? is there an overlap at times? how does that look for you? Hope this made sense and be great to hear some thoughts

@Leo Gura A common theme of yours keeping cropping up Leo. "always both, never either/or." Cheers for the response, it makes total sense.

@Juan Cruz Giusto @Consept @Bluebird Thank you to all 3 of you for taking the time to respond, it is really appreciated. After a difficult month I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. It is time to focus on yours truly again. Thanks again for your individual perspectives that tackled the issue from multiple angles. Peace brothers.

I have recently broken up with mygirlfriend. We were togrther for 1 and a half years. It was pretty serious, we were deeply in love and had conversations of a future together (kids, home, career etc). It was on the rocks for the past 6 months and the relationship was becoming mentally and emotionally draining and triggering for both of us and was blocking both of our focus on our personal lives while having to consider the other all the time amidst the difficulties. It was kind of a mutual thing, but the she initiated it by telling me she wanted 'a break' but a few weeks later we both felt it was time to just end things all together. I am pretty crushed, heartache is legit and it was fucking intense the past few weeks and it still is. I still have to see her again to give her stuff back. She keeps going on about being friend but i cant do that shit. i need to move on and the best way i know how to recover is to cut the relationship out and allow the healing to take place without getting sucked back in as i am still emotionally, mentally, physiologically interconnected with this woman. Its tough, really fucking tough, but i am confident that in time i will heal and be able to let go. Right now i need time to be alone. Talking to other girls or diving into another relationship is not interesting me at the moment. i need to focus on myself, build the relationship with myself again, get back on path and work on the things that infected the relationship. I have read the other break up posts here but i would love any advice and support. I have also watched leos video and loved it. Despite the idea of never getting back with my ex being really hard to swallow, im struggling with that one... I have realised i can't be in a successfull relationship, nor do i want to be in one until i am a solid whole individual with key parts of life handled. (im still earning a wage, not finanancially independent or fully ln purpose, full of neurosis, lack discipline) That said, i still want to meet girls ( when the time is right) and not totally cut them out of my life for years while i work on myself. That said, i really feel i dont want a girlfriend for a fucking while after this one, it is a big distrsction and energy/time drainer。Thats just where i am in life. I am 24 living and living in Asia, excited to embrace new opportunities. Any advice in this area? moving forward with my own life and with the opposite sex without getting sucked into another dysfunctional relationship?( i dont drink, so getting good at bar pick up is not the advice i want thank you?). I want to have a family one day in a high quality loving relationship, so advice on solid strategies for that would be good. any other advice on the break up and moving forward in life, with women and future relationships would be greatly appreciated!

@Consept Man on fire?

@Consept Thanks bro. I just broke up with my girl of year and a half and you hit the nail on the head?

@Andrey lol. True dat

A teacher of mine said once that we humans have a deep psychological need to be seen...

Dude you don't need to be hanging out at bars and clubs to meet woman. When i was at uni my friends tried to convince me it was the only possible strategy. I started drinking at a young age, so even by my last year of university i was totally done with the whole thing. Follow your passions, follow your purpose, find communities, courses, classes etc based around what you are trying to do and acomplish. Get out and about, don't stay inside and try do it solo, you gotta create the conditions both internally and externally. i say internal because meeting women sober takes a lot more courage than being drunk in a bar, Long term it is a better way to go. Go do your personal development work, reading or whatever the fuck it is in a park, or a coffee shop or something. Trust me, opportunities, situations and interactions will emerge and be placed in front of you. Like leo said once "God helps those who build their own infrastructure" Fuck the bars and clubs if you aint vibing with that, you aint gunna find a relationship in a bar and even if you did, it wouldnt be a woman you would want anyway. Anyone who thinks picking up drunk girls in a bar/club is the only strategy to getting better with woman, having sex and getting into relationships aint thinking straight and probably doesnt have the balls or courage to ineract with women in normal circumstances and while both parties are stone cold sober. Work on yourself in all areas of importance to you and also work on your mindsets and understanding of women, attraction and relationships and your attention will manifest what your looking for. It isnt exactly an easy approach, im not saying that. It is probably a lot more difficult, but seek and ye shall find... Good luck！ Peace

i have the loudest alarm clock i could find. I set it on,the otherside of the room. When it goes off it forces me to jump out of bed, walk across the room and turn it off... then i quickly go back to my bed and fall asleep again....this happens everyday. The only exception is when i have to go to work, where i even find myself waking up before the alarm clock goes off.... Maybe this is a good example of wage slavery.

In 3 years of watching, pretty sure this is the longest he has gone without uploading... I do always think think one day he will not upload on purpose in order to give us a lesson on attatchment or to emphasise that we all watch too much and we need to take more real action.

Any language learners about? I am currently learning Chinese and would love to share some ideas on language learning. Both on the practicality of learning the language and more nuanced and profound insights into learning the language, delving deep into another culture and the self actualizing benefits of the process of learning another language. Leo mentioned a good one in his comprehension video: "Language creates your reality" I'm kinda trying to test this one out and it would be cool to share insights as my Mandarin improves. the more I learn, the more it seems like a great persuit for self actualizing in many different way. Just thought I would start the thread, feel free to jump in. Peace!

@Theta That is awesome. Kinda sums up the process i go through. I just felt ungrounded and maybe lacking committment to the vision sometimes... i made a board in the summer and due to a busy last few months and big home move i didnt look at it. Pulled it out the other day, and parts of it just don't quite have the same emotional inspiring feel. I guess vision really is an emotional and intuitive thing and is tied to the context of the present moment and your curren life. Seems there is nothing wrong with riding the waves of change. It has to inspire you at the end of the day. Good to see Elliot Hulse on your board too. He is on mine, hugley influential figure in my life.

Wooh awesome stuff. What sort of time frame to people use? i notice people make fresh boards every year or so. Do you make your board about your vision spanning many years, 2-10+? or are the vision boards keeping your focus on the vision for that year or teo that is in front of you? do you relate it to your main goals for the year or years? seeing all these examples got me wondering, maybe my board is a bit over loaded, might be wise to narrow the focus down and i can always update it in a year or 2. difficult choosing the right images though！

Any language learners about? I am currently learning Chinese and would love to share some ideas on language learning. Both on the practicality of learning the language and more nuanced and profound insights into learning the language, delving deep into another culture and the self actualizing benefits of the process of learning another language. Leo mentioned a good one in his comprehension video: "Language creates your reality" I'm kinda trying to test this one out and it would be cool to share insights as my Mandarin improves. the more I learn, the more it seems like a great persuit for self actualizing in many different way. Just thought I would start the thread, feel free to jump in. Peace!

@Jeff Zhang So its the Pranayama(breathing)/ kriya element of the yoga practice. It is done in a seated meditation posture. it is deep spinal breathing practice, followed by more simple meditation. I call it yoga because my general definition of yoga is much more broad than than just yoga postures. I usually do Asana( postures) before I do the seated breathing, kriya and meditation parts of the practice. Being a seated practice, I usually do it before sleep, on my bed. Then I drift of to sleep

Last night i did around 20 minutes of kriya yoga and drifted off into deep meditation before bed. I usually do this. I experienced some shaking of my nervous system, this also happens sometimes when working with the kundalini. However this time was different. The usuall darkness ( with a hint of red) of the nothingness i dwell in during the meditation shifted. I started using a mantra ( I AM) as my mind started chattering. A few minutes into the mantra there was a clearing. The nothingness turned into a powerful shimmering golden light. There was no mind, no thought, it was so obvious, it was so clear, it was right there. I could not help but laugh and laugh. It felt like the magician showed me how the magic trick was done and i was laughing at myself for how obvious it was and how silly i had been. The laughing calmed... i meditated. It was blissfull, it was pure, i could go on forever without a problem. 15 minutes passed ( i think). I opened my eyes, i laughed some more, i spoke from the seat of my awareness. The clouds were gone. The smog had been lifted. What dominated was a presence, my awareness is what dominated the room, it was beyond my body, but my body was part of it, perhaps happening through it. It was perfect, i wanted more meditation, just to be with it. It lasted around 25 minutes in total, maybe longer, i dont know. I led down. It was over. The light as a feather state of bliss was gone... I am not sure. It felt like that was it, it just seemed so obviously the case, like i knew it. What is left is a desire to take the persuit more seriously and with more respect. Just thought i would share because i know you lot love this kinda shit, didnt know where else to go. Much love and peace to you all. xx

@Jeff Zhang It became very clear very early on when arriving in China the huge generational gap and the disconnect from the routes of Chinese culture and philosophy. The concepts and practices within Taoism and Buddhism are not wide spread. Ideas such as Chi and energy seem shrugged as a nonsense that the old generation believe and there is no interest in these elements of Chinese culture anymore. That is part result of the Communist rule, they shape the history through their lenses the way they see fit. You get a lot of open minded western people coming to China to learn about the way of the Dao, Chinese medicine, Tai chi, qigong, kung fu etc. These elements of Chinese culture have deep spiritual and philosophical roots. While Chinese people are kind of aware of them ( and there are certainly many Chinese who are into these things), the vast majority of the 1.3 billion who live here have very little interest and they are not in touch with these parts of Chinese culture and History at all. Sad really, but ey. Communism bro.

@Jeff Zhang LOL, been given that advice many times over...

The Chinese Government and Xi Jingpings move toward more and more authority are more and more seeking nationalism in this country. Just look at the situation in Tibet and the Eastern regions ( cant remember the specific name of the province) where they are supressing sectors of islam. I here its difficult ot buy groceries without having IDs inspected over there. 5-10 Years ago there were way more westeners and people from all over the world living in China... now the numbers have dwindled and its been made increasingly difficult. As china and its people move towards a consumerist economy, its people are more culturally aware, have money in their pockets and wanna spend it, the government has to be careful to maintain its position, they are greatly outnumbered at the end of the day. More Chinese people are looking to travel and those that do get a first hand glimpse of western living and bring those stories back. say what you like about western values and governments, im not saying we dont have our own corruption and twisted elements but when Chinese people interact with everyday westeners and notice that we are not out to destroy China its begs the question. Also think about heavy the internet it restricted here, dam its becominy so hard to consistently access western website and theyre keeping more and more tabs on in it。 The majority of Chinese will live and die in China. Foreign influence and impact on people views is something you have little control over if it gets in, so a solid sollution is to try to supress it. I think a lot of it boils down to this.issue of nationalism and maintaining the centralisation of power. As long as Chinese people enjoy their lives and free to climb the economic ladder now they have baught into capitalism and the persuit of wealth then they are happy and don't seem that bothered about the fact they cant choose their government. If their family prospers and the national family prospers then all is well. Its a strange balance the government has to work with, authourity and control vs seeming daily freedoms and prosperity of its people, particularly as more and more middle class emerge. (they all want houses now... a common sight of western living...) But a solid strategy to maintain that and ensure the people don't start wanting a bit more from the government and country is to limit the influence of western culture, systems and values. Nationalism is a powerful force and Chinese people are naturally very proud of who they are and where they come from, with their long history and 60+ years of communist rule, its a solid strategy for a government who is the odd success story compared to all the other communist experiments.

I am pretty sure Vaping ended up being placed under the same smoking ban as ciggaretes, which isn't suprising given the fucking clouds that people like to hoof around town nowadays. Basically no indoor public places, not in shops/bars/ buses/ hospitals etc. I'm not sure if its an actuall law but it seems to be the case Try FlavourVapour, that's a popular chain that seems to be expanding all the time. Last time i was wondering around Bristol, their was about 3 chains and they are pretty fully stocked with everything you need. Peace.

One year later.... Merry christmas I recently watched Leos big picture videos and thesubfields video and the 65 principles of the good life. Watching these videos made it seem easy... well it grounded the whole thing in a simple idea of don't be fucking lazy because the high level overview of the path is kinda right there. I am going to give this journal another shot as i had a thought about the usefulness of engaging with the Actualized.org community in this forum could be for me... So i will start using it again, at least that what i am writing right now and telling you. You can read this, or don't. I am basically always starting again. it always feels like i am moving backwards and starting things again, i dunno. It's like i look at my old approach and realise how stupid it was and take a step back but kinda go forward. Anyways, its basically like i wrote in the first post in regards to what i am up to. So i would like to think i will start updating this more often, but who knows. Maybe it will be frequent or maybe it will be another year or two.... Maybe i will begin a new one because i wanna start fresh with a new title. -I teach English in a Chinese primary school - I am trying to learn Mandarin Chinese - I practice kundalini kriya yoga as well as a mixture of Hatha, ashtanga, vinyasa yoga.( Asana, Pranayama) - i have learned and practice some Tai chi and Qigong here in China - I love nature and its affect on my body, mind and soul. -I sometimes use gymnastic rings - I love to swim, move and lift - I want to start reading a lot more books - i want to master all of my life and its many areas really my current intuitions are:- focus on my health, nutrition and consistent Yoga, meiditation and exercise. -give more value to learning another language and living in a radically different culture. It is an amazing life experience and opportunity that i would be foolish to watch slip past me without embracing and soaking in for all its worth. It is a technique and tool for self actualizing in and of itself and is not a separate thing. life is to be lived and experienced. what use is all this self actualization if it is removed from the world and our day to day lives and experiences. There aint nothing like being in the market place... - actually gain some mastery over my emotions - install habbit of going to bed early... rising with the sun. -eat more broccoli and avocado. - start just reading more frequently and immersing in the study of personal development. yoga, History, life, - choose some subfields/ definite techniques to focus on and not get bogged down by the weight and seeming huge task that is self actualizing. -put more attention on building my career/ mission in life, getting clearer on it, Reading and researching about business, money and marketing, move towards having traction in a lifes purpose/mission to fuel my self actualization. Getting some inner game down in these areas. Anyways, i hope this time round the journal can help keep the oil running and the nuts and bolts in place. I feel the commitment to the persuit of self mastery more in my bones now. Let's see.............

One thing I like observing is how my view of life shifts when my financial situations changes. It is like new pathways of thinking and possibilities reveal themselves to me that were otherwise not there. Go for it if you intuition is telling you I am having kind of a similar one right now. I still meditate and and do my yoga daily... but when it comes to self- development my intuitions lately have been to put a heavy focus on Health, money, business, productivity and life purpose/ career and also to not overthink it all so much and just read some more bloody books. Ive recently been watching the big picture videos of leos, including his recent ones about the 35 subfields of self help and 65 principles of the good life. they are extremely helpful to keep in mind. So fair play for following your heart and gut despite the trajectory of other self actualizers... but maybe you don't need to feel like your abandoning it all, you are just shifting your focus/ priorities and doing whats right for you and your life. It all comes back to daily living at the end of the day man. Do what is right for your trajectory and path. Good luck. Merry Christmas. Peace

@Arthur totally. I also find that my personality is different in the other language. this is partly probably due to the result of the mind and culural nuances associated with the language. Even with limited language under your belt, so much can be communicated through body languge and the meaning drawn from limited language. fluency however would certainly require a big effort and i doubt the same collective mind space of the language and culture could ever be accessed without being in the country of the language you are learning. It is truly quite amazing to observe yourself effortlessy communicating in a language different to your native tounge. it goes to show how interconnected we are as both humans and the interconnected nature of the language. i always used to wonder how bilingual people thought. Did they translate in their head quickly? do they think in the other language? im.starting to see how yes you can eventually think in the language with enough exposure and use, but when it comes to the interaction and back and forth conversation itself, there isnt much room for pausing to think ( about translations). it really does become kinda effortless in a strange way.well i have at least had glimpses of that and the potential! aha. The process is a long difficult one at times but its fascinating to experience and it motivates me to continue to see how much more profound it can be as my ability improves.

@Shiva yeah man if i wasnt currenty in China, there is no fucking way i would be learning the language aha. the constant exposure is a big source of motivation. Everyday the language kind of unwravels around you ( which is fucking awesome but it only happens if you keep up the study). even with my limited mandarin i find being in the country i dont think too much about it, like you said you literally enter the mind of the language and it seems to roll off much easier and you begin to respond much more effortlessly using the language you have acquired. a big part of the process is that passive vocab that comes from the exposure。Living in the culure then makes it much more easy to activate that passive vocab through practice in your interactions.