Shaun

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Everything posted by Shaun

  1. I understand where you're coming from as I experienced similar on just 2 grams of mushroom. If it were definitely true that you're all alone creating fake people to keep you company, then that's just really sad. Sure, if all of your family have passed away and you have no friends then you've nothing to lose. I still treat others with compassion because I think they are just perspectives within consciousness even if there is no material substance to them. Leo has said himself If that's how he thinks of his followers I wonder how quickly he'd change his tune if every single one of us just left?
  2. You're deluded because I am sitting right here reading this. I am just a figment of your imagination but you are just a figment of mine also.
  3. I wasn't beating myself up, I was fully present throughout the entire trip, it was impossible to get lost in thought. I was made very aware that something big and utterly terrifying is coming and there is nobody to turn to for help and there is no escape.
  4. I did 2 grams of mushrooms recently and was unable to distinguish myself from the other objects in the room. It was peaceful and I just stood there staring. The trip then turned very dark and solipsistic and I realised that there is nobody else. When I went and laid down on my bed, I was picking up a really strong alien theme and there was some vague imagery associated with that. I felt terrified as if I am just torturing myself in order to know myself and this will never end.
  5. What's funny is that Leo says that I am god and am all alone, yet he tells other people the exact same thing. If it were true, he should only be addressing me and would make me admin of the forum etc.
  6. I enjoyed it and am glad you took the time to make it.
  7. Yes, complete absence of experience is what I want. I'd love for all of it to just come to an end.
  8. I think this makes more sense. Just now we are in the world of self and other but through meditation and psychedelics, a mystical shift to yourself as god is possible. Leo can't seem to make up his mind, in one video he goes on about each of us being like probes which god sends down into itself so it can know itself and the next minute, I Shaun am god and all of you guys are just illusions.
  9. I've no idea if there is any point in me writing this but I will anyway in the off chance that there is someone else to read it. I made mushroom tea today by placing the mushrooms in a nylon strainer bag. I poured in boiling water and squashed the bag with a teaspoon for 15 minutes. I added honey afterwards. I drank only the tea and did not eat the mushrooms. At 16 50 I drank the tea. 17 00 Runny nose 17 03 As I looked at the roughcast wall on the house, I could very easily make out patterns in the otherwise random distribution of small stones which coated the wall. 17 06 Apparent body high 17 11 Body high intensifies with random noise in my visual field like that from a digital camera sensor in darkness. 17 14 Even on plain surfaces, patterns were very apparent. 17 16 Went inside and covered my face with a shirt to block out light. No more notes from this point, relying on memory I directly experienced that I am nothing more than a series of sense perceptions held together by nothing. I went for a cold shower. No longer could I say that the other objects in the room were separate from me. I looked at them from a state of intense presence. It was peaceful. I lay down again. To even think thoughts was too much effort. I vaguely saw the interior of a space ship but that then vanished. I could no longer distinguish myself from anything, it all just faded away while intense presence watched. I don't think ego death happened. I felt sheer terror for as while. I'm so utterly alone. Is this really solipsism? Am I torturing myself or just afraid of my infinite power? I put on some channel higher self videos and for the brief moment I saw his face, it was in 3d, the guy was literally there in my computer screen. I quickly scrolled down and just listened which helped me to relax. So it is 22 35 as I finish typing this. I'm still feeling very uneasy as the last effects wear off. There was not much visuals at all in this trip and even when I opened my eyes during the peak it didn't look as if everything was melting. I'd consider this a bad trip overall but it was also a learning experience.
  10. It still begs the question though, should I help others to awaken? You are doing it so there must be something I am missing.
  11. I will go deeper when I get my strength back. Leo, I just hope you are real in some way. Same for all of you. I want to help others to wake up too but who else is there to help? Should I help others?
  12. In the static physical reality I once thought was real, everything mattered deeply. I was creative and full of love and joy. You only got one shot at it so it made sense to live life in such a way that would benefit others and the environment. Now, I have literally seen that it's all just an illusion. When I die, everything will just be wiped clean and I'll start again in some other form. That is tragic and terrifying.
  13. How is it you cope with this, Leo? How can you accept that you will go back and forth between intense suffering and joy for all of eternity?
  14. So I never slept much last night but despite that I am feeling back to normal this morning. Could anyone please shed some light on what happened? I think it was a mystical shift of some sort from the world of multiple perspectives to nonduality. Kind of like the mind probe that is me merged back into the one self but only partially.
  15. I'm still stuck on that one. Leo said in one of his videos that reality is like an infinite movie reel and you are just one frame in that reel. You as god can only go through the reel one frame at a time. I'd imagine that's why awareness appears to be stuck with me because I am the frame that is currently being projected.
  16. I would do that but there are no electric campers available yet. I'm feeling totally demotivated because of all this nonduality stuff and I just want to get rid of everything and rest. I've got a mushroom trip planned and that might reset my outlook on life.
  17. Is anyone on here enlightened and stuck in wage slavery? If not, then is it possible?
  18. I think depersonalisation is a phase that you go through. I went through it just after watching one of Leo's videos about what is god.
  19. I have huge freedom, but it's just knowing what to do. I should just try and see what works I suppose.
  20. Thanks, I've got a solid meditation habit in place and it definitely helps my wellbeing. I think the only thing I can do just now is study electrical engineering at college and try to get a job I enjoy more. Or I could maybe win the lottery if it wasn't rigged.
  21. Great to see someone I can relate to. I am seriously getting desperate, so much so that I have been playing the damn lottery knowing fine well that it's rigged. The only option I can see is living for a few years with my dad who is on the dole but that's really not ideal. I make £60 a month on youtube so that's not an option to live on.
  22. I've just finished watching Leo's video about questions. I am stuck working 40 hours a week at Amazon with not even the slightest clue about what direction to take my life. I am in Scotland. What do I want in my life? Peace, meaningful connection with others and a deeper understanding of reality How do I get that? Exit corporate rat race and become financially independent so that I can have the time and energy to devote to the points mentioned previously. And I find myself stuck at the how. The creative blockage is immense. All attempts to figure out a solution or enquire deeper into this just results in silence. I just feel so trapped and helpless as if this is the hand I've been dealt in life. I have decent savings but I don't know if I could maybe invest them in something? And there is another creative block. I've no idea what to do with them.
  23. Is the reason we can't access each others experience because one sensation, thought or perception can't know another? It led me to imagine that the only reality there is to myself or another person is just thoughts, sensations and perceptions arising out of nothingness. All of us are this "space" of knowing.