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@Martin123 when you burst out like this I cannot receive it. For my ego it sounds fake, pretentious. Sometimes I talk like this to spiritual girls but now I see that it can look very creepy. Thank you for the lesson

There is something in us that wants to understand things, the world, existence. Understanding is practical, it helps humans to control things. Control is also practical, this is why the ego is practical. The root of the ego is the need to control. I don't think that we have to kill the ego, because it's a useful tool for survival. But wise people see the limits of their ego, and the limits of their mind, so they use these tools in a humble way while they are growing beyond these tools. Some enlightened teachers, like Adyashanti and Matt Kahn, grew so much beyond their minds that they often say things like "I don't know anything", "I'm not attached to any understanding". This attitude of not knowing comes from the realization that we cannot understand everything because the human mind is limited. The human brain is limited. After all, the brain is only a biological computer with limited resources. But the ego doesn't want to see these limits because it identifies itself with the mind, and it wants to see itself as limitless. At least, this is my understanding.

Have you heard about our lord and savior, Matt Kahn? But seriously, he's a pretty good teacher. He taught me how to be gentle with myself. This is the number one thing that helps me on my trips, everything else is secondary, He has many videos on youtube, just choose a title that you resonate with, lie down and listen to it. If you let him, he will totally change your attitude and you don't have to worry about fear anymore. Listen to a video while you're sober. If you like it, listen to another one while you're on a microdose. Do this as often as you like. When you feel ready (days or weeks later), take a normal dose, and if the trip goes south you can listen to him while tripping and he will guide your emotions. Enjoy!

You asked on your thread about our core wounds. Mine is neglect, so I don't know how to take compliments. But thanks Of course I'm not just talking to myself. It was kind of a joke, non-dual slang, because who are others if they are not myself? Of course I'm a coward. If the ego had the courage to permanently let go then awakening would happen immediately.

I'm not trying to sell you anything, I don't believe in anything. I'm just playing with words and through these words I'm playing with other minds. My mind is not even a tool, it's just a toy. I don't trust my thoughts when they try to explain existential things, because I had experiences that are not explainable by any language. So I go into my direct experience instead. Maybe you still have to think some more before you realize that thoughts cannot comprehend existence. And it's okay, it's a perfect place to be. Any place is a perfect place to be.

We're on the same page. Let's use your terminology: I am perception. Now, where is the boundary between perception and the thing that's being perceived? Does perception even exist without things to be perceived? While contemplating on this question, don't start immediately thinking. Go to your direct experience first, and build on that. Do you find that boundary in your direct experience?

You went a long way in your thinking, let me bring you back to the core of the topic. I have a simple question for you: how do you differentiate yourself from "reality" (or whatever we want to call it)? Where do you end and reality start? What's the definition of you that draws the boundary between you and reality? Okay, it was more than one question, but the answers might be almost identical

@Martin123 What do you mean by "facing fear"? I'm not saying that you should try to transform pain into pleasure. You don't have to "do" anything with pain. Just see it as it is. Without resistance. Have you ever tried to embrace the pain as the perfect contributor to the present moment? Not transforming the pain, but embracing it as it is. Have you ever tried to love the pain? Have you ever tried to surrender to the pain? Did you ever tell the pain: "Kill me now, I'm yours. No mercy for me" Have you ever tried to simply not resist to the pain? Just for the record, my answer to all the questions above is: "Me neither" I'm not trying to teach anybody other than myself. When I write on this forum I'm not addressing anybody, I'm just talking to myself in public.

Can you prove that the outside reality exists? How do you know that you are not a brain in a jar experiencing a virtual world? If you think about it, you realize that the existence of a physical external world cannot be proved. The materialistic paradigm is useful because in this paradigm we can do science. But it's not the only paradigm in which science is possible. So the question is: why are you so attached to this paradigm? I think there are two main reasons of why you don't want to think outside the box, these reasons are your two fears I mentioned before. Your subconscious mind already knows that your conscious mind is only assuming most of the things that you think you know. You have built up a very sophisticated model of reality, the only problem is that the core statements, on which you are building, are not facts but simply assumptions. So one of your fears is that you have to tear down completely your model of reality and start again from scratch. This is very painful because this would also mean that you have to delete everything on your site and start again from nothing. In order to be flexible in your thinking you have to get rid of everything that you've built and got attached to. This is the only way to start thinking outside the box. Do you see this now? Also, this is the reason why you couldn't really consider, or consciously understand, the things that Nahm told you. So this is your short term fear. Do you want to discuss this, or are you ready to hear also about your other fear?

@Emanyalpsid the structure of your arguing point to two things that you're afraid of. One is a short term fear and one is a long term fear. Now, I don't want to make you face your fears if you're not ready for it. But if you are, then tell me, and we can discuss them.

@Martin123 Pain and death don't go against love. Nothing goes against love, everything is made of love. Pain is just an intense sensation. When you don't resist pain, it turns into euphoria. Alan Watts talks about it in more detail in one of his lectures. He says that professional torturers know that they have to break the subject before the subject starts to enjoy the pain. I guess for Jesus, being crucified was one of the most ecstatic experience of his life. What can be a bigger "party" than that? But I agree with you, it shouldn't be expected from anybody to do the same as Jesus did. I think the teachings about the life of Jesus should have been secret teachings. Everyday folks are simply not ready for this. If we look at the history of Christianity, I think we can agree that Christianity did more harm then good. But I dare you and I dare myself to experiment with pain. Play with it. Just to see that it's not something to be afraid of.

That's what I'm talking about. Some sages can really live on the edge. Did you see the video about Sadhguru when he drank cobra venom? He tripped on cobra venom in front of his audience. That guy is awesome. For Yellow it could be changing one's career to help others in a more meaningful way. For Turquoise it could be having the willingness to be crucified for the benefit of all.

When people did something unfair to me, many times I wished they had some sort of punishment, so that they get to the receiving side of the unfairness. One time I thought something like "I hope you will experience the same unfairness in your next life". And then came the AHA moment, and I realized that it's already happening. I AM their next life. I am the same consciousness that is in them. That was the last time when I took seriously a thought about punishment. This was unrelated to the topic of courage, I just felt like sharing

@Hellspeed what do you mean by "full Cowardness"?

@Serotoninluv I agree. I think surrender and courage are equally important, they are like breathing out and breathing in. Like relaxing and then taking action. But they are also somehow interwoven because I can have the courage to surrender, but I can also surrender to courage, to the freedom that I am.

Some of you view courage as the feeling or attitude that goes against fear. Maybe "courage" is the wrong word and that's where the misunderstanding is coming from. The courage I'm talking about doesn't go against anything. When I say courage, I mean the freedom to do anything. For me, courage is the freedom to express my deepest, most authentic self in a given situation. Or the freedom to choose the lifestyle that most fits my deepest desires. In my mind, courage comes with the realization that nothing can hurt me because I'm not in this world. More like this world is in me, because the consciousness that I am creates the experience I'm having. "There was no fear when you were one. You added it." @Nahm, this is beautiful. Hey @Martin123 , I think you understand me. The courage to fight back the bullies is not the deepest courage. The courage I'm talking about is the courage to love the bullies, the courage to let yourself feel compassion towards them. And now I just ruined the 444 @Serotoninluv I had a few 5meo breakthroughs and in my experience, surrender is only the first part of the absolute self-realization. The first seconds or minute is about surrendering and letting myself to speed towards infinity. However, the second part starts when I realize that I'm absolutely safe because I am the one who creates the whole experience. In this part, I'm not surrendering to Infinity because I am Infinity. So I start to intentionally accelerate the vibration to experience even more fully the perfection of what I am. In this state there is no surrender, there's only creating, and that creating comes from being infinite. This creation is what requires courage. It is the courage to be absolutely free and infinite.

@Shin @Metody courage maybe somehow fell out of the gene pool :D @cetus56 Leo is always an exception :) @tsuki I don't know how to answer you. Should I also tell you something unrelated to your post? I don't know whether enlightened people feel fear or not. I'm not enlightened. @Serotoninluv surrender is a good move when one perceives himself as a victim. Surrender lets the victim to become one with the situation. But how do we use surrender when we perceive ourselves as a creator?

I had this "understanding loop" on psychedelics, the understanding "AHA" moments came faster and faster, but when it reached into infinity the final conclusion was that I don't know anything. It just is. I just am. Since you are already working with emotions, did you try to love everything? Try to love the panic when it's arising. Or if you cannot love the panic then love the part of yourself who panics.

In some sense, eating meat is the most cruel thing that people do. It's even worse than slavery or rape. These two at least doesn't include killing the subject. But hey, I still love all of you, motherfuckers!

Bentinho Massaro teaches also this in the Trinfinity Academy. The dream state is not very different from the waking state. Both states are generated by the mind. Right now while you're reading this text you're NOT looking at something outside of you. You're seeing what your mind generates. Everything that you see, hear, feel or think right now is all in the mind and it's all created by the mind (or by consciousness, if you want to be spiritual). The whole apparent and conceptual world and everything in your immediate presence is inside You.

I also hear the high pitched noise on psychedelics. A pressure in one or both ears is also usual. On 5-meo I also heard a few strange clicks: it was like the sound of high-pressure steam between crystals and it has the duration of a click, but it echoes. When you'll hear this sound you'll be in bliss

Man, this was the best read I had in months. You're amazing On that night I think you asked questions and answered them repeatedly until the answers looped back into the questions, the process became faster and faster until the questions and the answers became the same in a non-conceptualized form. I'm also trying a similar kind of looping meditation, not with thoughts but with awareness. If I would put it into words it would sound like "being aware of being aware of being aware of...", and I'm trying to be this loop until it blows up, or collapses into itself like a singularity.

I would like to read a book that makes me remember to love. And makes me forget everything that I think I know.

You can learn to enjoy your own resistance. And Hell is made of resistance