Key Elements

I've seen quite a few posts here saying this. Yes, I agree that rep points do help a lot in certain ways. However, if you are looking for very nuanced info, this may not help at all.

It's a moment of peace that you can "enjoy" and take advantage of it. If you know your calling, work on that. It can lead to more awakenings.

@iluminado Thanks for sharing. Read the guidelines. We don't do nonsense debates.

Enough of debates.

@Shir Do you watch Leo's videos on relationships? Tbh, I think this is the best one: I know it takes work to understand this. I've been married for almost 20 yrs, so it does make sense to me -- what Leo is saying in this clip. In other words, no matter how you make of it, any relationship will turn out like this, more or less, if it's a "happy" / functional one. You got to be "married to yourself" first.

@Hardkill You work really hard, and that's awesome. I'm wondering if you understand what Leo is talking about here:

If a yogi is enlightened, he will know the difference between the paranormal and enlightenment. He would contribute to the fact that all is one, and that everything is him. He would live his life this way by going in this direction.

I dunno. It didn't sound like she was talking about an "asexual" guy. It sounded like she wanted someone who matches her values. Values are deep. To get an exact match takes careful work, and also, don't let anyone put you down or take advantage of you just because you have different core values from them. Some other thoughts came to my mind: they're called "asexuals?" That's interesting. Gotta look that up - the definition. Still, if you're planning a marriage, make sure you know what it takes to be in a successful / first time / lifelong marriage. It would help to know real couples who are in a committed marriage. And then, you brought up understanding spirituality. Make sure this guy is radically open-minded so he could grow spiritually with you, or at least open-minded enough to listen.

Those guys are very rare in the world. I recommend that you work on yourself, discover your life purpose, find out about spirituality, connect the two together, and maybe perhaps along this journey, you will meet a match. Remember that no one has the answer to your questions. Anyone can only give tips. It's up to you to do careful research and take careful, efficient action on it. If you could find a match like that, it would be well worth the journey. After getting married, most things are not about sex. It's about growing together lifelong, making compromises, and not calling it quits on each other. There will be good times, of course, but are you up for the challenges when it comes?

If you say that a career is challenging because of dealing with all kinds of people, I could relate to that. That challenge will always be there. I would highly recommend that you let go of that at the end of the day and cherish that moment as peace. Are you doing a life purpose? That opens doors if you plan it carefully as you go along. After finding my life purpose, I changed my career and found a career that matches my life purpose. The journey of a life purpose doesn’t end, it continues forever. You are better able to control how it goes than a job or career because eventually you'll be working for yourself. When you get home from work, after that moment of peace, you may start this journey. You don't have to rush into it. Take notes. Take your time. Lots of good info on the forum if you search for it.

This thread has more than enough useful info that lead in different directions.

Read it a different way. Why are you dating gals that want a stable relationship to being interested in getting married? Obviously, they are not interested in casual sex. That's all I'm saying. I don't know the solution to your problem if you only want casual sex. I agree with @Omni 's last two paragraphs to what he posted. If you don't understand what he's saying, are you going to do self-inquiry on it? If not, this is not helping.

I'm surprised you're asking me. I mean, you did mention that your mom & dad are happily married. I thought you would learn from them. Usually, (from my observation), the children grow up learning from their parents. And, you're already 30. You do need to be stable to get married -- stable job (at least) and mentally stable. But then, from reading your posts, you don't sound like you're headed in that direction.

I was talking about different ppl have different values/boundaries here.

@Hardkill All your questions have already been answered in detail for this topic.

I think we need to turn inwards and also research on what being in a real relationship is about. I think many of us really lack this understanding. The problem with talking about others being in fake relationships is, we're out of touch with trying to find out what being in a real relationship is about. If you want to marry someone outside the country, that's fine. Why not try to understand what's the real relationship of that?

Keep in mind that you'll be in this category one day. No one stays young and good-looking forever. There will always be someone stronger, smarter, better looking, richer than you -- and no, they don't want to be around you. Maybe those who you call "ugly" and "fat" don't want to be around you cause they think you're not rich or smart enough. They are also dropping you in categories. Maybe the "hotgirls" that you like and approached don't find you attractive at all. You just like to think that you are. They may be thinking you're just some guy fresh off the streets trying to fit in the conversation with them. Of course, they know that you're a human being too.

Ok ok! I really encourage you to find out what's going on there in terms of dating/relationships, entrepreneurship, and spirituality. That will help a lot. I knew of a German guy (old man) who wanted to have an arranged marriage for his son. Yes, there are cases that foreigners do have arranged marriages in India. So can you, Leo. (Now, here I'm joking.)

Somewhere around half the population of youths in India are not having arranged marriages. They met on their own. Did you know this? So how would you know that they had an arranged marriage? Do you even know that an arranged marriage is different nowadays than let's say in the grandparents' generation?

@Hardkill Do you realize that ppl have boundaries, both men and women? What do I mean by boundaries? It's what ppl value the most. They don't want that value to be broken. Otherwise, they will probably get offended. For example, some gals don't like guys who cold approach them. They think it's weird and too forward. "Why should I get with a complete stranger?" Something like this. Even in a big city, ppl are diverse and have different values. They will not tell you their values because you might not agree with them and get offended. A debate might start. To prevent getting criticized, they don't say anything. They have the right to their own boundaries. I think you have to ask yourself, "What are my boundaries?" If you don't have any boundaries, is that really healthy?

@Hardkill Hey, you received excellent tips from the others in your thread so far. However, don't just look at them for 5 minutes and move on. That's not how it works. Research, do self-inquiry, self-reflect, and contemplate on them as much as possible. They are deep tips that will take time to understand. When you actually learn to apply them in your life, you will do it in your own, unique way. One person is not the same as another.

Do you know why most relationships are so unsatisfying? A: Because the only relationship that you could ever have is with yourself. It's all "you" anyway. Why is that? It doesn't matter if you're in a long term relationship, short term relationship, one night stand, etc. At the end of the day, you still have to commit to yourself. There is no avoiding it. If you want to have a relationship with someone, it won't be possible without a commitment to yourself.

This sentence of yours really caught my attention. I could really relate to it. I've been married almost 20 yrs, married in my early 20s. Both have to be mentally / financially stable to go through with it. Both have to literally not care what anyone else thinks. The relationship is between the two ppl, not the two ppl and other's opinions. The couple's attitude would have to be: other's opinions of our age difference, "race" difference (whatever that means), "religious" difference (whatever that means), or where we live in this world, etc., doesn't count. It's none of their business because they don't know what's going on. (In other words: dropping ppl in categories and gossiping about others.)

@Shin You're in love. Love song that goes with it.