Pox

thank you Leo

thank you

i love that quote, thank you i dont know those but i know trent the traveler

i dont know those but i know trent the traveler

I don't know how you're supposed to succeed in this new confusing ai world

my whole life i've been taught that i'm good at the stem side of things. So when the process from high school to college happened i thought about what i was taught about what i was good at and what i loved deeply at the time, still love, was video games. Now that i've been focused on fitness for so long and put less of my mind into coding, i felt pressure. I felt like i'm way too far behind. someone the same age as me who was way further in his learning is this field told me he's depressed and stressed from the job market. Right now my dream is to live a spontaneous, nomadic, adventurer who figured out some way of way to make money to fund his traveling at first, some way to make time to foster his creativity, and finally travel and make travel vlogs. I want them to be focused on the traveling, the culture, the people, the environment, the history, the politics, and at the same time have real talks and use cinematography. Either that or van life, train hopping, urbex, etc.

I feel scared of feeling too safe, I'm scared that safety will make me lose this fire in me.

thank you

I've been talking to my family a lot(like mom and dad) and it feels like we're all healing and talking to them makes me happy. But i should really learn to stay alone and lonely (mentally, not physically) again to get that focus on myself right?

How do I balance different aspects of myself to generate the success I so crave? I'm trying to rewire my brain and right now it's overthinking mode. How do I balance the man in me that knows that no one will save me except me, the woman in me that tries so love everybody, the child in me that wants to find the joys everyone else had that I missed out on, the god that appreciates reality and present moment, the parent in me that wants so badly to satisfy my inner child, the over thinker that ruminates on anything philosophically interesting or practically aplicable but struggles to start, the analytical person in me that could learn stem, the planner in me that uses ai to create plans, the social me that's socially attuned, the survival mode me where i just keep one mode of being and too stressed to change anything, the reading writing brain(i neglected deeply because of ai)?

thank you, i know that's my problem and i need to start enjoying myself to get better, but it's hard to, it's like a heartbreak with life itself, not with any people, knowing that it's the world that hurt me and now i have to relearn everything myself, growing up as a stubborn kid that never trusted any adult's advise because i was always nihilistic

I did some inner work conversing with chat gpt and this is what i synergized to ask for advise on here in this forum: "I’m 21 years old and recently went through what feels like a deep psychological and possibly spiritual awakening. I’m posting here because I feel like I need to relearn life from the ground up, and I’m looking for guidance from people who’ve walked a similar path. Growing up, my father was emotionally absent and psychologically abusive, shaped by extreme poverty and trauma from Mao-era China. My mother was emotionally unstable(she has a condition where some months she would become a completely unfunctional person and do nothing but be on her bed scrolling on her phone doing absolutely nothing, and then other months where she would become extremely hyper) and passed down a nihilistic worldview. As a child, I withdrew into technology, the internet, and intellectual content. I was praised as “the smart kid who’ll be fine,” but emotionally I felt unsafe, unseen, and disconnected. In adolescence, I became deeply interested in spirituality, non-duality, and philosophy. I also had drug experiences, including ego-death-like states, before ever having a stable sense of self. Over time I became increasingly isolated, introspective, and self-reliant. I lived mostly in my head, detached from real life, relationships, and society. Recently, things started to shift through real experiences rather than thinking: a solo trip to Japan, a serious fitness journey, and my first real experience with a girl. These showed me that life can be beautiful, that effort matters, and that presence creates real change. After relapsing on weed, everything I had been suppressing surfaced. I realized how lonely I really was and how much I’d been hiding behind introspection and avoidance. I entered a state where I couldn’t stop thinking about my life, my past, and my identity. For days, I did almost nothing but reflect on my story, trauma, and patterns. This survival mode of agency made me think about everything i've avoided because of the stress recently from societal pressures. and it made me realize that i have to become better. it made me realize that talking to my family is healthy and i need to do it(i didn't forgive them at first, i did the act of talking forgiveness first. so i did it out of self preservation). Talking deeply with my parents triggered something profound. I saw how similar my father and I are despite different life paths(i realized the extreme self hatred i held was because i was hurting my mom and i was dissapointed in my dad. not being aligned with my true values and shifting blame on to them. also it came from rejection from the real world. i knew that my mom did her best and gave me good values but as a kid i also always deep down knew show much she hurt me) . It felt like seeing myself in another lifetime — intelligence, spiritual intuition, but distorted by trauma and disconnection from being human. I realized that hating him was also hating parts of myself. Reconnecting with him felt like reclaiming a lost part of me. This experience felt archetypal and deeply meaningful. At the same time, I noticed that I’ve spent years isolated, thinking deeply alone, while lacking real-world experience: no job, no driver’s license, weak social grounding, difficulty completing simple daily tasks, and limited participation in society. I feel like someone who grew up intellectually but not practically or socially. Lately, my state of consciousness has felt radically different. There’s clarity, compassion, relief, and a strong desire to live better and more honestly. I feel less afraid of people and rejection. At the same time, I notice ego dynamics: resistance, inflation, fear of losing this clarity, fear of society pulling me back into numbness, and fear of becoming arrogant or delusional. I’m unsure how to interpret what happened. So I want to ask: • How do you relearn life after years of isolation, trauma, and living mostly in your head? • How do you relearn socialization, human connection, and participating in the world naturally again? • How do you relearn completing simple daily tasks and responsibilities after spending days in intense self-reflection? • How do you integrate deep insights without getting stuck in thinking loops or ego identification? • Was this a genuine spiritual awakening or connection to God, or a psychological breakthrough, or both? • If it was a real awakening, how do you nourish it without ego inflation or bypassing real life? • How do you protect clarity and compassion in a society that feels numbing, bureaucratic, and ego-driven? • How do you work with the ego when it both resists this clarity and tries to claim it as an identity? I’m not looking for validation or reassurance. I’m genuinely trying to understand how to integrate this experience and relearn how to live — grounded, human, and awake — without losing touch with reality. Any perspectives or experiences would be appreciated."

if i was leo i would move to japan or western or northern europe

apparently the horrible person charlie kirk deserves more attention for dying than them