emil1234

after 5 years of non stop dedicated spiritual work i finally had a god realization on ayahuasca. I was in the ayahuasca ceremony. Layer after layer got peeled back, till I finally awoke as pure consciousness. Pure I AM ness. Nothingness. This idea of "waking up" is literally the most precise term ever, because it feels infinitely more radical than waking up from a dream. I was still aware that in the background I had the dream of a human Self called Emil going on. So I didn't entirely lose connection to my body, althrough i was completely aware that my true identity was consciousness, nothingness. And by the way; the people speaking of something outside of consciosuness is bullshit. Cessation, deep sleep, NOTHINGNESS is imagined by consciousness. You cannot get beyond consciousness. I used to believe in Nothingness, Deep sleep as the "absolute". No longer. Consciousness is absolute. the realization of my true identity, eternal nothingness, consciousness. immortal, nothing could hurt me. the initial realization of consciousness, is that its fundamental quality was not love, but a steady blissfulness and peace. This was its core quality. Everything that was happening around me had zero influence on my true identity. With this realization, I started letting myself "dream", and partially to a certain extend, forget my true identity, just to have some fun. Nothing could hurt me anyways, so why not? I let myself indulge in horrors, scary dark dreams, just for the fun of it, because why not? After "dreaming" for some time, I realized; Well, if I'm completely eternal, and I can experience all this stuff; Why don't I start loving it? Why dont i start loving ALL of it? Why not? Why the fuck not haha? I am completely eternal, immortal, here forever, nothing can hurt me. So why should I not make love to everything? As an eternal, immortal being, that became the only worthwile thing. So I started loving. Everything. The more i loved, the more I realized that everything that was not love, was a complete fucking joke. a total distraction. In eternity, the only currency that holds ANY value at all, is love. everything else, approval, money, EVERYTHING else is the biggest joke in existence. Love is literally the only thing that has value. I kept on loving everything. What was very curious and characteristic about this whole experience, is that it was ME, myself, making logical conclusions and realizations about myself as pure consciousness, the eternal being. So i kept loving so much, that I became an infinite singularity. There was only love left. This was the biggest chok ever, because I realized that as the infinte singularity, I could decide to keep increasing the love infinitely. This word infinitely is not meant likely; to experience something that can go on literally for ever, without any limit, without doubt the most radical thing i have ever experienced. My love for myself could keep increasing infinitely for all of eternity, completely without limit or end. This is where I have confusions about what happened next; I left the singularity for some reason. I don't know if it got boring; i dont persoanlly think so? Nevertheless, I went from the infinite singularity, to the process of constructing my own life, from -and with infinite love. I had infinite resources, infinite time, power, infinite EVERYHING to draw from. I remember the attention to detail I put into constructing every little excact detail and atom in my life, pouring literal infinite unlimited love into ALLLLLL aspects of the dream. This was the best expereince of my life. The unlimited love constructing my own life. I still can't believe that this can even be experienced, something literally unlimited. So while I mentioned earlier that the fundamental quality of consciousness is bliss and peace, it seems that consciousness inevitably becomes infinite love. But had it only stopped there; during this process, for some reason, I started looking for something outside of myself. And I could not find it. I had a dark realization; Fuck, I'm alone for all of eternity, and I can never escape myself. I can never escape existence. All the love dissappeared, and a sense of absolute desperation kicked in. I have to exist for eternity, and I can never not exist. This desperation got so intense that I decided to forget EVERYTHING, and do it all over again. and then the loop started all over again. The feeling that I'm left with is to be honest ambivalent. At one side, experiencing the infinite is the highest experience imaginable. On the other side, im sitting with the feeling that God can never be satisfied with itself; even Infinite love is not satisfying. God seeks to escape its own existence, but it cannot. Its forced to exist; and i got the sense that God hated itself for having to exist? I'm not sure about this conclusion. But I definitely got the impression that the reason God decides to forget itself, is not a good one. Its like even the highest imaginable, infinite love, is not even enough. and because of this, we will never achieve satisfaction in life neither, because life is infnitely inferior to infinite love. I got the sense that the desire of all existence is non existence. Consciousness, god, desires non existence, but it can never achieve it. Its forced to exist against its will for all of eternity, and so it decides to forget the dread of its own eternal existence. I created an illusion for myself, that there was something worthwhile, something satisfying coming to me, infinite love, through dreaming characters like leo. but my true desire, non existence, I can never have. This take i have not heard before, leo and the people on the forum definetely has not spoken of this. So I dont believe this to be the absolute truth, but i could definetely use some feedback on the last dark part Thanks for reading

ive got the same question. How do I know if my experience was the absolute truth? seemingly one can experience both beautiful and dreadful absolute truths

i experience the same. My approach is; it requires more effort of me to still the movements than not to. So I just let it happen; it feels right and healthy, energy moving through the body. I take it as a good thing

@Bogdan

@strangelooper sleep doesnt ever really happen. you just experience waking up. you imagine that gap in the past

@Leo Gura thank you. your feedback is much valued <3 can i ask what your take is on what i experienced during the last part of the trip?

@Bogdan i simply could not make sense of that last part of the trip. everything was infinitely perfect in infinite love; WHY would i randomly start dreading myself? everything else in the trip made COMPLETE and perfect sense, except that. but this reply actually makes so much sense. thank you alot

@Breakingthewall i did not get a sense of loneliness. it was more a sense of existence realizing that it can never find anything outside of existence. im stuck in existence. existence seeking non existence. Im curious on your perspective since i usually resonate with your posts, however this experience shatters the idea of anything outside of consciousness for me, since consciousness literally is nothingness. How can anything be outside of nothingness?

i actually do. i was at a workshop with one of his close disciples. apperantly this energy transfusion / shaktipat is very true. i even felt vishwanandas presence very strongly through this disciple of his. he shared numerous stories of paranormal-like phenomena around this guy, vishwananda. according to this disciple, numerous people have had deep awakening experiences around vishwananda, including himself overall i got an authentic vibe

this is probably the truest thing ive ever read. increased consciousness is the biggest energy boost you'll ever experience as well. its absolutley ridicolus the amount of energy that becomes available when the mind stops consuming it on useless noise

this does seem like a religious post tho

i want this fantasy tho

Lonely? havent heard u use that word to describe God before. u saying god is lonely?

I had a therapeutic MDMA session 2 weeks ago, and ive never felt better ever since. Zero comedown, ive basically felt on top of the world, and ive been able to work through a lot of past trauma. my question is; how long should i wait before doing 5meo? online people give varying answers, some say that i need to wait 4-6 weeks regardless of how i feel. i feel like thats a little long time, since i basically feel better than ever. U have any experience on this?

my experience of it was extremely close to LSD. However when i did MDMA back in the day, 6-7 years ago it only had a stimulating, non psychedelic effect on me. dont know if its one of those drugs that changes after you've done psychedelics, like weed. perhaps. my mdma experience was very psychedelic

i dont understand why he has to look so fucking intensily serious. lol

@Aaron p oh i wasnt intending on combining the drugs - i merely wanted to know if i needed to wait a certain period of time before doing 5meo after a mdma session. its been 3 weeks now and wanted to know if im good to go for the 5meo trip

im 30 minutes in and im blown away by the oneness argument. absolut brilliance. thank you leo

@Jordan first time for me as well. very noticable difference. im for sure going to integrate mudras in my practice

my god mudras are unbelieveably powerful. I've never experimented with them before; sitting in meditation and feeling the energy shifts changing between the different mudras is absolutley incredible.

We call carry longing. but longing for what? a cup of tea? coffee? junk food? Sex?a new computer? A girlfriend? What is this longing. What does longing want. Where is it felt. Longing is felt as a blockage. An outpouring of energy which reaches its limit. It comes in many varieties. But ultimately all longing points to the same thing. Relative abstractions masqurading as solutions to the problem of longing. My longing to become infinite is absolute. I feel my bondage, my blockage, my limits to the bone. All of my being want to transcend them. Im longing for something which I do not yet even know. I long for limitations to dissolve. As I'm writing this I feel my connection to the infinite increase, as I'm completely immersed into the moment, currently longing nothing but the actual moment. To go deeper into it. An intimate love affair between my fingers touching my keyboard, and my mind intuitively generating this message. intimacy with the moment. i require infinite expansion.

very useful post. thank you

what really. u were still conscious during heart stop?

@Water by the River so what happens when the soul dissolves in the ocean? merging with universal consciousness, God?

love this debate