emil1234

A new life for me starts today. And I want to thank you Leo, of all of my heart, the absolute deepest gratittude for guiding me to this realization of my true nature. I will be blond with you; I dont FEEL a lot of love through neither your videos nor your comments on the forum. But Love has many facets; and I have no doubts in my heart that your work is created from a place of Love. your work is a maze leading to the Ultimate Love. With this realization, I knew that I had no choice but to start my life completely over. My life begins today. "True life begins for you Today" I remember you saying in one of your videos. This means that im getting rid of stuff that no longer alligns with my purpose and Love. And I no longer have need for actuallized.org, and Ive spend way too much time on these forums, trying to FIND the answer through other peoples experiences. But now I found it myself. The absolute truth. i no longer have doubts in my heart, and the truth is Gooder than i could possibly imagine, with zero downsides <3 I will now share my experience of realizing Absolute Love and my own true nature, because this is an experience that LONGS to be shared. And yet it cant be. But i will try I sat in ayahuasca experience in the most beautiful environment and community imaginable. My intention for the journey was actually not to discover my true Nature, but to heal some of my trauma and bodily wounds. Among other things, I longed to rediscover my lost masculinty. Ayhuasca wanted to take me into an ego death. This is where I stood my ground and said. NO. My intention is to stay in my body and heal my wounds. This was excactly what the mother ayahuasca wanted me to do; to stand up to her, and in doing so find my masculinity. I was a MAN. I had my own space that no one could invade. I was in charge and I decided excactly what happened. So I decided that I wanted to let ayahuasca heal my body and my wounds. Among other things, I had some deep removals of wrong ideas about God and the universe, Ideas and insights that I had from previous trips, that I feared to be true. such as the Universe actually being infinite hate, being stuck in existence, forced to existence against my will. these were revealed to all be false, absolutley. But then i realized that I could keep healing my wounds forever, and no matter how many I removed, would never be fully satisfied. Healing didnt satisfy me. This was after roughly 6 hours of SUPER INTENSE, ROUGH healing. And then my masculinity stepped up and said NO MORE. I dont want to do this shit anymore. And then I realized it; its so fucking ridicolusly obvious. I dont need to heal shit, when I can literally just choose to LOVE ALL of my wounds. I had wondered excactly why the theme of Love had seemed so important throughout the entire experience. Like what is so special about Love? So then, I started exploring Love. Ayahuasca took me through different tough scenarios of my life, and asked me; Can you love this? Can you love this? She brought me into my state of social anxiety; Can you love this? "Sure,no problem. Easy!" She brought me my state of meaninglessness and hopelessness;" Can you love this?" EASY! "What about being afraid then?" Yea I can love that! Haha. "What about loving WHILE you are afraid"? EASY! "okay, lets see. Can you love your mothers death"? This appeared tough at first. But then five seconds later I could not help but love it. "What about universal infinite hate then"? Oh shit. FUCK YEA I CAN LOVE THAT LOL HAHA. "OKAY THEN! Hear this one out then. CAN YOU LOVE THE ABSENCE OF LOVE?!" I was like fuck. BUT THEN I FUCKING LOVED THE ABSENCE OF LOVE. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? BUT IT IS! HAHA!!! I instantly knew that philosophical implications of this. If I can literally love the absence of love; Then there is nothing which can not be loved. So then..... I started to Love. Consciousness itself. And this is the experience which cannot be shared. But since I know you guys are a bunch of philosophical junkies, I will give you the juice anyways. And I actually had an insight that you, Leo, have not talked about. I want to state that I have previously had experiences that SEEMED SO TRUE. But I have never had an experience that was absolutley true, meaning that there is no way in any circumstances throughout all of eternity that it could be false. The absolute truth that you talked about, leo. my guru! Hehe <3 i love you <3 I used to care what spiritual traditions, meditation masters, said about awakening. Buddhism. Sadhguru. I dont care if jesus himself came down and told me the truth was a different one; I know this truth for myself now. And that is the most precious gift one can obtain. what it required was the total acceptance of all of my deepest fears! Thats literally what happened. I was put through the test of Loving all of my absolutley deepest fears, which are the ones I described in the above. When you are able to do that, you are able to love absolutley everything. And then my Love fixed upon my consciousness. And thats when it happened This is where I understood the role of Love, and why it was so important. Consciousness is absolute Love I AM Absolute Love. The Nothingness behind your eyes; That is Love in its absolute purest form. Its eternal and unchanging infinite Love. (Now manifest Love works on a dynamic scale, which range anywhere between 1-infinity.) But Nothingness, DEEP SLEEP. That is Love, and also Consciousness in its purest form. But it is not self aware without reflection, which is our manifest world. Its so funny that I was the one who had to realize this for myself, because the question of Deep sleep has been one of my major doubts in awakening, and I have not seen anyone else posting about this. Its been the only thing that had me doubting Awakening, absolute truth and consciousness. And I was the only one who could realize it! I was the missing piece So you might ask; How can we know the nature of something that is unknowable, such as deep sleep? The answer is; because it is Love, and we can be aware of it through its self reflections, manifestations. Its its nature can be known through its manifestations, because it is the excact same thing; Love. Love cannot limit itself to absolute nothingness, Deep sleep, because the nature of Love is an eternal outflow of abundance, joy, goodness, creativity. Infinity. So unmanifest eternal unchanging Love, the absolute rockbottom of existence, springs into manifest existence eternally. Its eternally joyful, Good, Loving. It has zero downsides. It is Pure! Goodness! We are so Good. Forever! There cannot possibly ever exist anything bad! Love is ALL! Hhahahahah! Why does this Love exist in the first place? Because it is Love. It is too good to not exist. it is simply just an absolute Miracle. thats all it is. A miracle. an actual miracle. a miracle.miracle.miracle. this realization of my true nature was better than i could ever possibly imagine, and i had major expectations, listening to your videos for years, leo hahahah. You could rest in this love eternally without doing anything and be satisfied. But why not experience at the same time? Why not Love objects, things, humans, movies. WHY NOT. THATS THE NATURE OF LOVE. IT IS INFINITELY GOOD! Ever since the experience, I've been getting this slight whisper in my ear "Hey! Psst! Remember to love" And then I just love So yea. After this experience I instantly knew that I would be changing my entire life. So im getting rid of stuff that I no longer need, in order to make room to maximize my Love for life. My absolute deepest grattitude to you Leo. Maybe I will come back in the future, who knows! I will still be checking your videos I think! But I will be leaving the forum <3 to all the people on the forum; Thank you so much for your guidance and advices. I could not had done it without you. The actuallized community has been my major, and basically only hub towards Realization. A special thanks to: @Breakingthewall @Razard86 @Water by the River (I know you might disagree with me. But then you are wrong! Hehe <3 ) @Davino @Leo Gura (I also wanted to include you in the tags for sentimental value <3 ) I love you all so much. Im so filled with gratittude. A heart felt; Thank you. I will be checking comments on this post for the coming days, and then Im off, finally living the Goodness that I am. Peace and infinite love.

Yes! Your perspective always resonated with me, and I thought of it immidiately afterwards. This also answers the question of buddhist terms like dependent origination, cessation, all that crap, which has also puzzled me. I also remember you specifically using the word "halleluja", which literally just is the description that comes to mind. Its the absolut best word to describe it. Thank you for your inputs throught my time on the forum! thanks so much for your comment, i really felt it <3 I actually have used bufo numerous times, I have however never had an actual breakthrough on it. For some weird reason, aya goes all the way for me. By far my favorite medicine at this point. Hmm. I dont know honestly. interesting question, I'm reflecting on it. Yes! what it required was the total acceptance of all of my deepest fears! Thats literally what happened. I was put through the test of Loving all of my absolutley deepest fears, which are the ones I described in the post. When you was able to do that, you are able to love absolutley everything. And then my Love fixed upon my consciousness. And thats when it happened it makes me so happy describing this stuff and thinking about it! <3 i think i will incorporate that part in my post About meditation; i've meditated properly around 2000 thousand hours at this point, and.... I mean the realization is literally the most simple thing in the world, and it is literally always present. it is so much closer than you would ever think. But I dont think i can answer this question I dont know yet! Thats what the coming time will tell! These days im faring my way through everyday life as I usually do; my strategy is to notice the things in my everyday life that is not alligned with my intuition and Love, and get rid of them One thing i can say is that im feeling super called to working more with Ayahuasca, maybe as a facilitator at some point Thank you so much for your respons, I really enjoyed reflecting on your questions <3 Never stop going for the realization; nothing has value compared to it!

thanks for the negative comment. nerd lol.

@Jowblob easy. i just loved it. haha

@MellowEd there is absolutley nothing that cannot be loved. love is all that exists!

okay this report is fucking insane. hats off, this is what i want. it literally made me cry

i had to jump in and comment here - i hope you're joking friend or you just dont know the definition of a concept or what consciousness is please retreat this comment, its extremely extremely bad i grade it an F-

but why does this ONLY happen on crops? why are they never ever seen in woods, mud, dirt, grass, snow, ice?

@theoneandnone i have personally experienced a non disputable telepathic interaction with my buddy, very very clearly and unquestionably mediated through the web of the universal consciousness so from my perspective this post is automatically debunked. to you its just another anecdote ofc but i thought i would throw it out there

fascinating. how long was your journey to full enlightenment?

This is my experience as well, and from this perspective; consciousness would still be absolute? The nature of consciousness is simply such that, if it has nothing to be aware of, its not aware of its own existence. so "nothingness" is still consciousness, just without content

wtf is with all the leo attacks in this thread. chill a bit, i love the initiative of an actuallized retreat

I would go for sure. Please do this

@Leo Gura I still think we need a proper response from you, to the buddhist and non dual notions of "The Absolute" being Nothingness, beyond and prior to consciousness. many many teachers seem to agree on this

in my experience buddhism is very right on the point of suffering. In terms of its perspective on Absolute reality im not sure. Desire (AND clinging, which is very closely related) definetely is the root of all DISSATISFACTION, which in my experience is the most fundamental form of suffering. Desire is always a clinging to something that IS NOT CURRENTLY THE CASE. therefore desire is fundamentally dissatisfactory. only if you cling to desire do you desire. and only if you desire your suffering to end do you truly suffer. after all, if you truly did not desire not to suffer; what would the problem be with suffering?

yes, i recently confirmed this for myself. I recently started playing old school runescape ( (I know the example of oldschool runescape might sound silly, but stick with me, it applies to all areas of life) , and I got super into it and had myself "addicted" pretty quickly, desiring progress in the game above all. Getting to the next step in the game was all that mattered; I could feel the desire deep in my bones. The way I approached the game was that I had a very clear long term goal that I wanted to accomplish. This meant that all progress along the way was simply means to an end, and I wanted to skip through it as fast as possible so that I could fulfil my desire, my ultimate goal in the game (the goal itself doesnt matter, however it was "maxing my account"). I thought to myself "Damn is it really not possible to play this game without suffering from the consumption of desire?" I tried a couple of different things, and one of them worked. I dropped all the goals I had in the game, and simply started playing it for what it was, moment to moment. Nothing was a means to an end. The means was the end. I was not striving for anything; i was simply playing the game from moment to moment, while still progressing towards "maxing my account". The difference this made in my experience of the game was unbelieveable; beforehand I would literally feel like a crack addict, desiring PROGRESS PROGRESS PROGRESS in the game, like I could literally feel it in my bones. And now all of that is gone. No desire for anything but the present experience the game offers. Another example is that I write an intuitive journal every morning I wake up. I used to think of it as a drag that I wanted to get through; i desired to get done with it every morning i was doing it. Every word I wrote had me closer to my desire of finishing writing. These examples are identical; I dropped my goal of wanting to finish the writing, and instead I put all of my effort and focus into each word itself. Again, this enabled me to continue the same activity i was doing beforehand, but without desire

but you can have both. it actually is possible to pursue things without desire, however paradoxical it might sound

Well Leo speaks of truth as something much more radical than just honesty. he describes it, if i recall correctly, as "the pursuit of understanding of reality". Seeing things AS THEY ARE. This transcends honesty radically (while it may still include it). This is why im a bit unclear as to how we are to view truthfulness in practice. Is truthfulnes just the dropping away of EVERYTHING in order to understand reality? And if so, how do we translate this into a daily practice? Is truthfulness just locking myself in my room contemplating reality? Or is truthfulness perhaps alligning my life so that I am, to the best degree possible, able to pursue understanding of reality? Even so, I still see a radical disconnect between the practial expression of "truthfulness", and "understanding of reality"

Hey guys Im finishing up my university degree with my "bachelors project", which is a free written assignment. Of course I have chosen to write about psychedelics and mind expansion - however I am not completely sure what angle i want to pursue yet. Definetely something epistemological, the relationship between psychedelics, mind, consciousness and the nature of reality. So I'm searching for relevant articles / books / papers about the matter of psychedelics and the nature of reality. I thought the actuallized community could come in handy here thanks in advance regards emil <3

@Leo Gura im on my second watch, and while i find it potentially one of your best videos to date, I'm still unclear on what being truthful in practice looks like? My own stance and interpretation of your video as well, is that truthfulness is investigating what is the case, and then embracing and not rejecting what is the case. I think this is best demonstrated on the emotional scale; if I feel sadness, being truthful means experiencing, embracing and even expressing the sadness. Not rejecting or fighting it, not putting on a fake smile when talking to people. However I think the question of truthfulness in practice is very nuanced especially in different contexts. One could say that rejecting sadness even through im feeling it, is still truthfulness, because truth is just what is Could you elaborate on this?

@Carl-Richard for some reason my reply didnt post - philosophy for some reason i took that as implicit

i completely discarded all forms of modern science at this point

@Oppositionless according to ramana maharshi, awareness is still present in deep dreamless sleep. the mind only need be trained to recognize it

@theleelajoker if you dont label anything everything is beautiful. ofc not labelling anything can be very very difficult when you are being tortured in a war torn country. but from the POV of pure consciousness everything is satisfactory

what do you mean this messy real world. its pristine and beautiful