Adrian colby

Uh oh! Just got a B12 shot today….. we’ll see

Absence of light, therefor not a thing. There would only be gradations of light. mentally, darkness would be the absence of any thought, idea or imagination, in other words an infinite void or the still ocean prior to consciousness, where the ‘prior to consciousness’ is the absolute. to me dark is peace prior to knowing. consciousness formed itself from this and became a pool from which to know itself( conscience > con= with, science= knowing)

Theorist apophasis ( youtube channel aka Ken) seems to have the answer if you can get over his arrogance and stickling for precise words. It makes it difficult to follow but as an avid photographer and studier of Ancient philosophies he somehow merged understanding of the two. He gets caught up in conspiracies allot which is a pitty for such a sharp mind but if you sift through the hundreds of waffling videos, you do find a good bit of knowledge in there. Good luck interpreting it. my own contemplation is that light is equated to awareness. You cannot see light itself but you can see what it illuminates or projects. In the material sense you cannot see light itself only what it reflects off. another thing that I’ve heard said is that objects or mater are light in a standing wave. light itself being an ocean of unseen consciousness and manifesting being energy otherwise described as field perturbation modality ( disturbance in the still ocean or the creation of a wave). Can also be described as a thought in the stillness of an infinite mind. If god is described as light in many religions and light is equated to awareness, this can be thought of as the absolute ( the unseen light that is a still and infinite ocean of nothingness until it is disturbed) walter Russell “ the secret of light” is a book that tries to describe light as a dielectric or two lights. im contemplating and trying to go deeper into this on trips but it’s not revealing any describable details yet or at least I can’t translate what I’ve experienced.

I’ve been experimenting with this a lot recently. Once I got the ‘reality is imagination’ part I started trying to dissolve it while maintaining conscious awareness while sober. Shutting down the bodies sense perceptions and replacing them with those that reform in the minds eye, a completely new world, body and senses appear. No distinction between those and the ones from this world. Training focus, concentration meditation helps a lot with this but so does mastering one’s emotions. Too much excitement snaps you back here. the psychedelics showed how and where to focus, now I can do it sober. Just doesn’t happen that often what I like about sober travel is that the reality that forms is more stable and coherent. I do get the mandala fractals from time to time and sometimes cartoon like artscapes and I’ve woken up or should I say become aware in the bright white light a few times too. it’s easier to pop a few mushrooms and let them do the work but I’m getting a great desire to develop the skill sober. it may have something to do with being able to astral project as a child. It was similar but only ever situated in my bedroom or over the house. I’ve been unable to replicate that as an adult I do love when I realize I’m in a less solid world and always… always turn into a dragon ???✨?

A little info from uk barrister.

Decide on the type of person you want to be including the way you behave towards other people. Don’t allow their behavior to affect, change or determine how you behave towards them. Develop personal integrity and stay true to your commitment to be your chosen type of person.

From personal experience with lower chakra stuck energy, it’s earthly desires I hadn’t got out of my system. I have a gender disorder myself so I didn’t get the same degree of experimentation or exploration till I met my wife. After exploring a little I let go of the desire as I noticed it was attached or stemming from a thought. I sat with the thought and let it go and I lost all desire for a few years. There was a sense a peace and self satisfaction with it but I got the root awaken again after a mushroom trip and realised I’d just shut it down. In order for it to fully open and be ok with that energy I had to face my sexual frustration from the disorder, the unrealistic expectations I had developed from watching porn and healing my confidence in myself ( when lacking was leading me to blame my wife for not wanting to sleep with me when my behavior of getting upset when I didn’t get what I wanted or pleading with her out of not understanding why, was pushing her further away) I could have snapped there and then and walked out of the relationship and it would have been completely my fault. When I took responsibility for my own lack of confidence and talked to her openly we discovered a misunderstanding from our lack of communication both verbal and behaviourally. Everything came back up and was worked out in the open. The following week I screwed up once or twice but openly acknowledged it and gained more confidence. I no longer ‘needed’ what I was seeking from her. Our sexual relationship exploded after that as we both felt a sense of freedom from the obligation. It was a connection, becoming one, sharing energy, not a short lived satisfaction. It was more mental and up in the head. there are certainly very hidden traumas there that I wouldn’t have considered traumas so certainly explore the possibility that there’s something there with yourself especially if there is a sexual frustration that’s blocked at the root.

There’s a possibility that cannabis caused some brain damage. It’s not the same plant it used to be and latest study on young people ( below age 25) showing brain damage from prolonged use. looking at various gender disorders and neurological studies of such, the brain requires adequate levels of both testosterone and oestrogen to function properly. For example someone with 46xxy syndrome their testicles don’t develop properly and the individual suffers from lethargy and depressive states regularly without knowing why. Once diagnosed and treated with testosterone, the symptoms go away. One specialist in the condition describes it as the brain being starved of its corresponding balance in hormones what you need to understand is that the body has both oestrogen and testosterone. The breakdown process of testosterone is what creates estradiol( an oestrogen) and is an essential part of your health. If your estradiol levels are high (as you claim to perceive it), you may have a serious problem going on with your testosterone.( it might be worth doing some blood tests during these periods of perceived oestrogen surges to see if you actually have a raised estradiol level) the trans condition for a female trans has a brain that is somewhere between a male and female structure. It’s not totally one or the other where a male trans has a fully male brain. There is also a genetic mutation present. the brain structure is s physical phenomenon but electrical signal imaging of the brains responses, while there are typical male or female responses( cognition), they are so wide and varied it’s not really possible to tell a persons gender from them. there’s nothing to be ashamed of fantasising what it might be like to experience the sensations of the opposite sex and there are plenty people out there that openly express they are fluid and feel more one than the other on a given day. Certainly there maybe a neurological development associated with that just as much as there is a neurological structure associated with a person who is rigidly only one side. if you’re worried about it, I would test for the basic levels and rule out any disorders and then move onto other avenues like your psychology. Don’t get bogged down in it thought. Unless it’s causing serious health or distress issues, just enjoy exploring.

Nothing stays the same. It is ever changing. If humanity has a chance to combat climate change it will only be to slow it down enough to give humanity time to adapt to those changes. Mostly through technology cause I think we’ve plateaued physically unless they can figure out how to implement the new discovery about morphic fields/genetic stimulation.

Everyone has the inherent ‘ability’ to do and say whatever they want. To explore and discover their lives as they see fit… provided they don’t impose upon or prevent others from exploring and discovering their lives as they see fit. Individuality ( within the relative) comes with a bias (choice) and there are consequences to choices. That is what moves us through the life experience. Our choices should prompt us towards decisions that are beneficial individually and collectively (cooperation) but often we keep making the same choices because we identify with the pattern of behavior instead of recognising the harmful effects that cause problems for others and eventually isolate ourselves (entropy). The problem with hate speech depends on whether it is derived from a majority trying to silence a valid opinion pointing at something that is actually happening that threatens the identity of the culture or whether what is being said in opposition is based in a lack education/ignorance/ pre conceived or outdated beliefs. ( if you can step back you notice that it’s both) Hate speech and hate speech laws have risen in the past few years out of the chaos as one faction of society has tried to claw back the power of the narrative that determines what our truth is. It’s still the case that much of society doesn’t understand that ‘difference’ is the strength of multiple perspectives working together to get a clearer view of relative truth and so they treat difference and different perspectives as wrong. There is a balance between opposing forces that creates our human story. The question is if you fight to destroy one side that ultimately makes up your whole, when do you realise when it is gone you’ve inadvertently destroyed yourself too? So what is hate speech? It depends on a persons individual perspective. It’s better to listen to that persons perspective and determine whether they are talking about an opinion or their own lives experience. What they say will always have a half truth, even if it is buried underneath language that sounds like total fantasy.

Need to read this thread several times. Lots of great information and perspectives.

Would it help to be recognising or clarifying terms for example: the reductionist process is seeking to concentrate one’s experience back into a singularity which people describe as the empty space, void, bliss and nothingness which is one in the same as ‘awareness’ unto itself. As opposed to the expansionist process of awareness decentrating itself out into distinctions or attributes. Things that it ‘does’ but are not it itself. so we’re looking at a principal and attribute. Awareness or infinity and what it does to know itself ( consciousness). The word Consciousness means ‘with knowing’ so the godhead is somewhere between awareness and consciousness where an ability to split into two by making distinctions ( a single idea that becomes the dream of relativity that expands out into the stories that justify its existence through imagination. while the relative or dream is made of consciousness, consciousness is also the projection of the awareness, through the godhead into the dream to have an immersive experience to know itself by becoming everything that it is not ( or by creating things in order to know itself by its attributes or what it is capable of doing) because it cannot and never will have the ability to see itself. when a person chases enlightenment they find emptiness. They go back and forth from the state or sometimes get stuck in that cycle but getting over that means realising the exploration of the dream and all the possibilities because in the emptiness there are no possibilities only potential. Consciousness work is the exploration of infinite possibility and infinite states. Reaching beyond the human state is what some would refer to as raising consciousness, expanding consciousness or ascension? This is a further stage beyond realizing awareness as infinity or the Self. It’s moving on to the exploration of infinity as conscious states within the relative ( by relative im not condensing that to just the earth or our perception of physicality but I include all possible realms that can be explored) so you’re exploring different states of knowing on a spectrum that concentrate back to the godhead? You’re exploring the godhead or the construction of the dream. You’ve already become infinity itself as the absolute so knowing that requires exploring its attributes ( consciousness) ?

@Leo Gura and to everyone learning and growing through cycles and phases. I understand and would like to express this by singing to you. As time goes on I speak less but I write music, sing and I dance more, to express my experiences and understanding from a place of pure feeling. Its meaning will be different for everyone. It means what it means to you and that’s all that matters in the moment. It’s sent with love.

Would have to guess but based on a lot of opinions I’ve heard, it’s down to two things. 1: make something and make it available to everyone creating a point of no return where no one can do or live in modern society without it ( potential for abuse). Steve jobs himself while very driven and successful wasn’t an honest person. He had plenty of things to hide and people he dismissed even though those things didn’t really matter. 2: apple is a plug and play product. It’s technically idiot proof as a closed system so it’s grand as a day to day gadget or tool for the creative production industry ( music video graphics) but it can’t be tinkered with like pc’s. There is a limited amount of alteration you can do but it is ‘limited’. A pc system can be coded, moduled and added to which is preferred by gamers, developers, electronics coders etc and allot more programs are compatible with the system. I use both but I prefer my apples. I’ve had them from the first Mac classic in the 80’s predominantly for music production because those are the machines with industry standard programs I find when walking into various studios. I can and have synced up my pc system to run with them but I find more often than not the pc system to be unstable and crashes alot. My macs generally don’t and my most recent Mac, which I’ve pushed quite hard on processing, hasn’t crashed since I bought it.

Weirdly just standing here becoming conscious of simultaneous past and present time….. Triggered by a piece of music. Don’t even know how to describe this… don’t even know why I’m trying. There’s no one to descri…….. Oh fuck! No one else is awake………… No…. one else……. Is …….. NO ONE ELSE IS AWAKE! ?‍♂️?????????? I get it! ??????? God’s fucking mental! ???? It’s insane! There wasn’t a master throwing their head back and laughing uncontrollably when they ‘realized’ or ‘enlightened’. It was god pissing itself laughing at the absurdity of its own insanity remembering what it had done to itself because there was no master to awaken. No one is awake! Leo’s not awake, Adrian is not awake Only I’m awake There is no one else. ????? I keep getting caught up in my dreams and forget. I’ve no one to blame but myself. It’s fantastic! Wooooooooow!!!

There comes a time when the driving instructor must hand the wheel over to the student and a time when the student becomes the sovereign driver simply by driving alone. How else will they learn to drive the car if the instructor is always validating every manoeuvre and decision. It is the students decision to decide that they have learned and been guided as far as they can be guided. The instructor has no way of knowing if the student is ready. Only the student knows when they themselves possess the confidence in themselves to truly be the driver. There is a period of uncertainty between leaving the safety and familiarity or fallback of a person validating your every move and the point where you assume full responsibility. That chasm must be crossed alone. great is the day a therapist sees his client walk out the door after telling him he doesn’t need him anymore and he will never see his client again. He has passed on the tools for his client to now manage his own mind and discern for himself how to approach a situation.

? weeee!

I think it’s down to how deep you contemplate a subject without getting attached to it as some kind of rigid justification. 5MeO is such a drastically different experience to when you sober up that the ego tends to backlash big time and Co opt the experience. I notice this happens to a lot of 5MeO users in the beginning. If you are capable of moving past it by watching how the ego behaves as you come back into the relative and evermore subduing it till it doesn’t take over when you come back, you can have a better time of integrating the experience without projecting bias onto it. What we realise maybe found within the experience itself or the act of realisation when we are in relativity consciousness but then we go on to use it to justify all the minutiae. I had the opportunity to do 5MeO under the care of Ollie Martin of ( 5MeO movie where 3 guys from Britain/Ireland went to the Netherlands for what could best be described as soul searching in a midlife crisis). He did very well by respecting my request not to interfere in any way with my trip but he projected onto me afterwards. I found him to be very fear based, judgmental with pre conceived beliefs and stuck in conspiracies. He was also still struggling with basic familial childhood traumas that should have been addressed by now. Watching how your own mind works and continuing to observe it during day to day experiences is a vital part of integration but also practicing changing the patterns that are causing problems. That really needs to get out of the way so you can get down to the nitty gritty, philosophical, hyper logic and reason deconstruction of relativity so you can have a chance at really understanding these profound experiences. I read martins book and it waffled on for ages. While I can’t dismiss what he’s saying ( that’s his perspective and how he understands it) I can’t get over a facilitator getting so intoxicated to the point of throwing up on a client when they are meant to be sitting and being responsible for the care of the client. While I understand that the infinite doesn’t care about such things, they don’t matter at all, there is a certain amount of responsibility someone should hold up within themselves while conducting themselves as a human.

What type of person do you believe you are that you are not welcome somewhere?

Good luck with your decision whatever it might be or whatever form it takes. Even if it doesn’t work out as you expect it, use the experience as part of a learning process. ❤️

Hi lonewanderer. I decided to take 5MeO ( Bufo) in 2020.age 37 I had never heard of psychedelics and drugs were a big no no at the time. I had embarked on finding out how to discern truth ( from the point of view about winning an argument about the non existence of god with a Christian). Ironically I ended up dissolving my reality during a meditation and came face to face with ‘infinity’. I had heard Leo talking about 5MeO on his videos while I was looking at them from a philosophy 101 perspective and so I went and read about what other people were saying about the drug. That it could induce the experience of no self and a state of awareness prior to reality. And so I tried it to make the comparison with my natural experience. With the exception of the intense energy, the experience was the same. Near death, no body, no perception, just a swirl of being nothingness. I had done a lot of contemplation and intellectual deconstruction before ever taking any psychedelic so I was able to observe without getting caught up in it. It is very intense especially for a first time psychedelic experience. In order to take it I had to go to an ayahuasca ceremony which I had no interest in. The ayahuasca didn’t really do anything for me but opened up a connection with other people. I’ve done 5MeO four times and I really don’t get anything from it other than this state. everyone’s preferred medicine or tool is different. I do a lot of my contemplation work with mushrooms and if I want to go further into the god head… strangely it is cannabis that does it for me ( only done it twice but most profound realisations have come from that) I can’t advise for or against other than to be careful as Bufo doses too high can be dangerous. if I’m talking to someone who’s curious about psychedelics I usually say to start with a low dose of mushrooms while being supervised by an experienced sitter just so you can learn to navigate the space comfortably.

After having the experience of awareness imagining myself into a reality, in order to hold onto it I had to believe it was real. The first self deception leading to forgetting what I was. As I form more and more beliefs and disbeliefs, the deeper into my own self deception I fall. Once I become aware that has happened I can watch out for those beliefs. Some of my experiences I can prove to my others where we can experience together and others I cannot because they only occur when I dissolve this reality. This is where personal verification is important and stands above what someone else has said or written. There comes a time when you develop your mind to a point that it doesn’t need others input to navigate through its reality. Others collapse and become one speaking to itself

Don’t forget that this is one beings process who is doing all the hard work and paving the way. If you’ve been doing this work for a long time you will start to notice patterns and changes of mind from one side to another. In order to understand these various personal opinions like loving, compassion and understanding itself, one has to directly experience its opposite immersively to make the distinction. Human love and hate can be experienced and understood from a higher perspective and a realization happens that unconditional love has nothing to do with either rather it is goi v through all of the emotions and perspectives and integrating them to eventually stop the pendulum’s swing. There is a blissful balance there. You still interact and feel it all but you remain balanced and free from its influence. Leo is going through that process and I recognise it cause I’m battling the rise of distain for people who are causing problems for everyone. I’m following that distain to see if I can contemplate those people and issues deeper because I know when I find an understanding for it and the mechanisms that bring it about, the distain will fall and an even deeper love will set in. It is not easy to go through it because you get thrown from one side to another.

@OldManCorcoran I also beared the brunt of anger from the trans support group my doctor put me in touch with when I started asking questions myself and trying to figure out the gutts of the condition. Needless to say I got called an asshole, trailer and transphobe and was kicked out of the group for refusing to conform and go along with what is called ‘cis’ bashing( where gender variant trash talk ‘normal’ people to the point it creates a culture of hatred).

Yes. It’s like being stuck inside a costume where no one can see you. No one sees you, hears you or acknowledges your existence. They interact with the appearance of the costume and project onto it according to what they believe to be correct. Until I was able to fully express through the body, let’s say going from awareness to conscious to matter to identity and final expression and interaction ( changing my body and appearance till the outside could ‘see’ me as I was. Telling me I was wrong for being as I was, was seen as a form of denial and oppression. The frustration and anger came from the egos self preservation once the identity was able to express and it would get into a habit of immediate anger over the assumption that even a simple question was a denial of my expression. ( when I realised my own thoughts were interpreting the situation wrong, I stopped attaching so rigidly to the identity and trying to insist on its acceptance because it was already outwardly changed and people didn’t know any different unless I told them, again telling people was a lack of confidence and attempt to continue trying to justify my existence) I was never a part of the lgbtq so I escaped the conformity to that cultural identity. That collective ego system does the same thing. It starts off with good intentions advocating for acceptance but because the behavior of defensiveness has become a habit, once the desired is achieved, the behaviour continues as part of the collective personality or ego trying to preserve and justify itself when there is no longer a need. The anger itself starts obviously when a person is dismissed, threatened or afraid.