theleelajoker

@Breakingthewall So, I don't see this thread as poop, quite the opposite Don't get why some others post have this flavor of attacking your content. We're just exchanging perspectives, aren't we? I can relate to general ideas you are presenting: My experience matches with your idea that it's not thought that creates being closed, but (also) being closed leads to certain thoughts. Probably there is then a feedback loop. (Certain thoughts can make you more closed etc) Just focusing on thoughts is part of but not the solution in my experience Yes, ego is real. Maybe it's a bug, maybe it's a feature, maybe both. My experience is also that integration> transcendence of Ego. Related to that, emotions have a purpose, they make you move somewhere. So we get motivated to do stuff and interactions with external world is crucial. As I understand your basic assumption is: reality is like it is because it's the most efficient structure and thus the only choice. Nobody in control. That's one possible option. You could also take a different approach: reality could be different, but it's the way it is because supposed to be this way. There is someone or something in control making it that way. In both cases: the solution is to open up to everything as much as possible. Experience it, accept it as it is. Also accept your desires, your ego, your fears, shame etc etc. Because a) there's no other choice so why fight what can't be changed or b) sme or sth of higher intelligence creates this reality this way and who am I to think it should be different?

I can relate to the lack of enthusiasm. For me it comes and goes in waves - some moments I am fully engaged and doing stuff, having fun, playing my role, enjoying the cosmic game and joke. And I also enjoy and appreciate all the good experiences life creates for me - friends, nature, food, women, interactions etc. Other moments I am like "WTF am I doing here. Doesn't make any sense, no purpose, leads nowhere, it's all fake, there are no others, is all reflection etc etc. " and I just want to leave this reality. Tired of this shit. Happy and fulfilled. Not happy and fulfilled. Repeat. So (if you did) how did you make peace with Solipsism? Yesterday I talked to a friend, and she said sth like "So you're lying to yourself, that's OK!" That kind of helped. And then the questions is: Either being non-existent or being in this reality, what would you choose? If you just sometimes feel like being here, that's already a win And lastly - yeah, solipsism gives freedom re guilt, shame etc and there are no "wrong" actions. That helps a bit as well. And is it possible to already be complete & fulfilled in this life? First I did not want to answer bc as described above, I don't fulfill the criteria of "constantly fulfilled in this life." But maybe it's helpful anyway. I honestly don't know the answer and I am asking myself the same thing. Recently I talked to someone who SEEMED fulfilled and happy despite solipsism. Later this person told me that she started to take mood stabilizers. So...taking that experience with a grain of salt. Haven't met someone that is fulfilled, but everybody is a reflection of me so....makes sense I never met someone that is fulfilled. Speculating here, maybe the up's and downs are all we ever get? Does not work for me. Ever tried to actively forget something? Makes some sense on the intellectual level. Especially the "stop wanting things to be real", I can relate to that because I was looking for this "realness". But then - you have to "work" and you have "to learn" to "fall in love"? Doesn't feel right to me. When did you ever work to fall in love with sme or sth? Of course you can say, you must learn and work to realize that you don't have to work and learn to fall in love. But then we go in circles

Agree on the trap of accumulating knowledge. I used to invest a lot of time and energy into these mental models, theories and ideas. Most of it did not contribute much except for one thing: helping me to accept me and my feelings as they are. External validation etc etc It can even be harmful because this supposed knowledge may restrict you into this or that theory. You then project this view on yourself and others instead of doing your best "don't know" mindset. I still need some mental models of the world but it becomes less as I get older. And those I have are updated more often as life proves them all wrong in the end It's like training wheels when learning how to ride a bike: as much as necessary, as little as possible

I assume you speak from experience? How was the backlash for you?

Yes me too

Maybe https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/58422-san-pedro-trip-jesus-fucking-christ-jesus-fucking-christ-jesus-fucking-christ/

Thanks for bringing up this thread I would never have seen it! I read through all the comments it kind of connects the dots re my last LSD Trip + recent meditation retreats. Some themes connected to the OP recently came up: 1. The borders betweens me and others blurred more and more in everyday life, experiencing countless synchronicities. During my last trip I also saw how others are just my reflection and projections. Similar to the OP, it's became clear that there is no one to ask because it's all "me" projected into this world. 2. This made me really curious to experience what's beyond and behind those reflections and projections ("God"?). But how to find out? Clearly, everything within Maya (this dream) is still infinite reflections. 3. The question how to leave Maya came up more and more ok the last months. Once in meditation I thought if I completely let go in this moment, I'll die. I got scared AF and stopped meditating. 4. I feel two contradicting impulses within me and also see them in others. Partly quoting me and others directly: First impulse: I don't belong here. This doesn't make any sense. WTF am I doing here? This feels strange. Second impulse: I am scared to look deeper. I am scared to look into the past. There is something I am hiding and I don't want to look at it. Let's keep doing the things we are doing and not change. Especially the second part is really scary because I feel like the OP. That I was always looking for truth - but if I am, then way are there so many "others" that want to keep their secrets? Because I am hiding. And it's super strange because some experiences and circumstances drag me deeper into the dream while others help me tremendously to become more free of the dream.Me and all others I meet seem torn about wether to leave the dream or to go on, there are definitely mixed signals. Can anyone relate?

My experience: yes, it's possible. I was very skeptical before. Friend recommended me to do Shaktipat. Did it in person and it had a tremendous effect on me in the following hours. I am talking about "feels like I took MDMA" effect, it was that strong. Long-term effects of this I don't know because many variables etc but this situation I remember clearly. Plus: my friend that did the shaktipat as well felt the same as I did, so it's strong evidence that sth was happening related to your question.

Did not read Leo's Blogpost because I don't value the personal bias and egoic agendas he puts into his "teachings" to make him appear and feel superior and to spread ideas that are IMO harmful. So only referring the quote above by @Spiral Wizard. And I can fully agree to that. It's about balancing, respecting and appreciating all aspects. You align with whatever and whoever is in front of you, and by integrating you can create sth new and "better" (more constructive, mutual beneficial). Just carefully with absolute spreading so called "truth". Maybe one day you wake up and realize that yesterday's truth isn't today's truth anymore...

Disagree with OP. Lots of projection IMO. My experience is that men don't care more or less a about so called "truth". I believe that's an illusion fed by the "teachings" and opinions especially here in this forum. If you take statistics, you have to consider the validity and causality of the tool you're using as a argument. I once talked to my then-gf about my some of my realizations and insights. She did not engage in any discussion, just looked at me and said "see how far you can go". That was the end of our talk and I love how she challenged me to do stuff instead of talking and analyzing. So what's my point? You can take a lot at statistics you mention and say that men talk about things while women embody their truths with actions. In my personal life, I have seen it many times. Re your other arguments I have similar examples. In short, women are equally interested and open to "truth" or whatever you want to call it. They just do it differently. My hypothesis is that you'll see that when you move further on the path

Resonates. With some disclaimer on "life clearly tells you".... sometimes I feel that I these directions are covered by layers of conditioning that makes it hard for me to have a clear picture. Yeah sure it can be figured out, others help me, life gives pointers in my experience but evasion can be very tricky because conditioning not only hides what we are avoiding but also that we are avoiding. But the general message of your posts: I am with you. And the more I seek interaction, honesty, openness and intimate and authentic connections with others, the better things tend to get. And I'm tired of the "no self nothing exists etc etc". Whatever you call it, the energetic structure exists and I can feel that is has some movement. Now "my job" is to align with it as best as possible

OK I looked up the word. It showed me different meanings. Two examples: What I understood : think, reflect, consider, think about, ponder What you mean: consider, view, look at, regard, contemplate, look upon Non-native speaker here, contemplating was always the first meaning for me

"Yeah, I tried to make it experiential through the examples but the truth is people have to spend those hours contemplating this stuff themselves" That's exactly the problem I am pointing to. I say "experience" and you understand "contemplating". Our whole culture is so fucked up with this thinking and contemplating and this forum maybe even more. IMO this teaching of contemplating is nothing but creating the illusion of a solution, the illusion of control. It's a trap. Experience it by feeling it within the boundaries of your own body. Experience it by observing external reality with choiceless awareness. Just let things happen and observe. Consciously observe and gently cooperate with your point of attention. And for God's sake stop contemplating about what you're doing. Sometimes I want to physically grap people, shake then up and shout at them to get out of their fucking head. Probably others feel like doing the same with me from time to time but nobody ever had the courage to do it lol

It does answer why it is the way it is right now, doesn't it? Because there it's the only way, no other choice, no crossroads, no options. And re the raw deals... definitely. You get nothing but agreement from me on that.

Express yourself as authentically, as openly, as honestly as you can See what happens

I don't KNOW obviously but maybe because there is no other choice? Maybe it's the only way "life", "God" or "existence" or whatever u want to call it can experience itself right now, at least in this dimension? Yeah now people will say infinite can do anything etc...maybe it's true. Maybe not.

Valid points. Constructivism is IMO am important perspective people should know U know inner worlds outer worlds and the samadhi series from Daniel Schmidt? He does a absolutely wonderful job diving into this There is one thing missing in your video: HOW to take responsibility? HOW to constructively create? IMO you have to consider: EVERYBODY knows this creation process subconsciously. But there is a reason why it stays subconscious. Giving facts and explaining the process is a step, but for 99.9% just knowing or hearing this will not makes difference in everyday life Experiential knowledge is key 🗝️

I see you're still looking

In the past, I have heard and seen so much definitions, discussions, dilutions, delusions and other BS surrounding this term "Enlightenment" and "Awakening" especially here in this forum. Enlightenment is this, sainthood is this, awakening is that etc etc. So when I saw the definition "7 factors of Enlightenment" given by Siddhartha Gautama I was wondering: Why not use this as a basis for having a discussion about this enlightenement state/process as objectively as possible? According to all sources I know, there seems to be pretty valid consensus that Buddha knew what he was taking about (correct me if you know credible evidence that the Buddha was full of shit) So when you talk about definitions of being awake and enlightened etc, either a) make transparent that you created your own "elightmentment defintion" or b) let's refer to these 7 factors. And talking about being "enlightented" or "fully awake" or other similiar claims: So if you can truthfully confirm to be at least very close to all these factors, we can have a serious discussion. Disclaimer: Of course, this approach is not perfect. E.g. the translations and interpretations vary due to the nature of Pali language of that time and the nature of language itself. For instance, when I read about the meaning of the 7 factors on different languages, the connotations, the meanings change a bit. That's the reason why I did not put a link or list of the 7 factors here - better to do your own research with the source and language of your choice. Still, even when not perfect, this approach is IMO better then anything else I have seen so far. Happy to hear feedback on how to improve this appraoch.

The presence of others give me hope. The presence of others give me strength. A deep and honest hug, listening, just sitting there, sometimes cuddling, sometimes walking together, sometimes be being there for them, sometimes vice versa. If intellect and self education failed you in the past, have you experienced connection with others? Mentally, emotionally, physically? Sometimes it's people I have known for long time, sometimes it's a stranger I have known for 5 minutes but the connection is so deep as if we knew each other for 5 years. Anything is possible.

When I read your post, this resonated: Personal development often involves virtues like personal responsibility or being the best person you can be. These virtues strike at our deep insecurity about our own inherent goodness because of our internalized shame. I have been avoiding relationships and dating because i feared they would lead to more abuse, but also I devalued love because of how easily it could be betrayed. I therefore elevated meaning making and purpose above intimacy. I thus became deeply philosophical and intellectual because I thought intelligence would help restore my sense of self-worth. My specific trauma explains perfectly why I would be drawn to a place like actualized. I wanted to find answers, and this site seemed to have them. However, despite trying the life purpose course I still feel lost. You just need to scroll through the dating sub forum, or the spirituality sub to see how many people say "truth" and "God Realisation" above everything else while avoiding or condeming intimacy. There is a "teaching" on this site and this teaching allegedly solves your problems. Why it can help to a degree, I also find that misleading. There are so many stories created in this forum, saying that if you contemplate this, understand that, do this then you attract and get this and that. And if all these stories were true, I never would have had any happiness, any friends, dates or even girlfriends. But actually I get more and more the impression that people and girls like me not despite, but because I don't meet all these lofty criteria. Recently I was in a bar, I met a guy, he said "man you look lost". I said "yes" and talked to him a bit. A third guy entered the conversation. "Is there anybody that isn't lost?" So yes, I can relate. I am not sure I see through my trauma responses as clearly as you do, but I as of now it's like you said in the OP about the self value: it all comes down to the believe that I need to get somewhere, need to be different than I am now. That I get judged if I am just the way I am now, that I need to be ashamed for who I am. As soon as I manage to drop this believe and act out of the present moment, things align All the best on your journey!

My experience with trauma and psychedelics is: It did help - sometimes and to some degree. Other times my system was not able to process properly. (first time LSD was breakthrough experience, first time Ayahuasca was intense but not 'healing" for me) Doing it all by my own was not the solution. Is part of your trauma that you try to do things on your own because there is shame or because you don't think anyone else can help you or sth similar? If yes, I would take some distance from psychedelics for a while. Built relationships with people that are on a similar journey. Life will support your when you set the intention I had more lasting effects with long meditation retreats then with taking psychedelics over years many times. The difference for me is that with the first, you learn to let go while with the latter you are kinda "forced to let go" I have seen people doing psychedelics many times and they are still the same. Others benefited. Everybody is different. Trust your intuition. Be patient. Learn what your body tells you sober & while tripping. Gradually learn where your intention is right here & right now and gradually learn how to bring it gently within your body Integration after trips is key. In my experience: Less tripping, more integration efforts is good. Have professionals or very knowledgeable people around you after trips and express what has been kept inside When you trip: Do you have some you trust, sme you feel comfortable around, someone that can provide a loving, accepting presence for you? If yes, cuddle while tripping. Maybe sounds strange but give it a shot if it resonates

My proposal: If you have the chance, take some time off. Criteria: You're on your own as much as possible Out of daily routine and responsibilities as much as possible Be as much as possible in your body (watch where your attention is during the day) Minimum of intellectual distractions What you are doing is fun for you Hike in the mountains, meditation retreat, camping, bike tour, whatever is your thing. Pretty confident this will help help you to find some answers or at least the first steps (which is all you need)

I read through the posts and from my perspective, there are many projections. I see people wanting to see and experience the world in a certain way and consequently creating a story that fits this view. Why I believe so? Because I have direct experience that contradicts certain views. Not being able to find girls that are into spirituality and truth seeking? Guys, what world are you living in? Not every one of my (ex)GFs fulfilled this criteria, but there are many attractive women I personally know that do. Just talk to them authentically and maybe you'll be surprised. Relationships and women as distractions? Can be. It depends on how you do it. No one taught me more about life then the the women I dated truthfully and authentically. Female intuition is incredibly powerful in my experience. No woman worth dating? My heart was broken many times but life got me in touch with incredible women afterwards again and again. Will one of them cause another heartbreak? Most likely. Will there be another woman that will tend to these wounds and give care, love and gentleness? I don't know, but history tells me "yes". Was it worth it ? 100%. Even if I was sometimes not able to say this in the heat of the moment. You think u need to play games? Well, if you think you have to do this then this will be your reality. I believe the pickup scene ruined perspective on male-female interactions. It's all about manipulating the other person instead of true connection. You really think women are interested in playing games and manipulating men? I call BS. That's loose-loose. Watch human interactions closely, without prejudice, and maybe your perspective will change. My experience: the more authentically I express how I feel, the more life rewards me (also with great women that cross my path)

Let me know when you found that stick