OrangeOak

I’m just asking if it is allowed to share the city I’m based in to try and find like minded people near me?

@AtmanIsBrahman I think it’s more nuanced than that

Thank you for sharing this. This therapeutic model connected a lot of dots for me, bringing together psychedelics (and their differences depending on type), all types of trauma, spirituality etc. I found the paper to be really sound, balanced and insightful. I personally struggle with a lot of stage 3 and 4 symptoms, which intensified after using cannabis and psychedelics. This is because the healing process initiated but couldn’t complete because of non ideal circumstances. I wonder what they would recommend to someone in my situation.

@Leo Gura How do we access the playlist? I clicked and it just took me to one song

@Leo Gura This would be amazing for me as I have very little experience and an experienced guide who I trust is exactly what I need. Some questions: What motivated to create this? Will you have a screening process for determining if people are safe to partake? Will you only be using 5meo or will there be other substances? Do you envision the group taking the psychedelics at the same time? Will you have other guides there with you?

Just a few things in response to what people have said: You can’t fuck yourself up totally. You can live an extroverted life that isn’t shallow or unspiritual. You don’t have to just go to clubs and bars, you can create an amazing, rich, social circle that provides you with all your social needs, including sex. The key is to let go of your own thoughts, such as “socialising is bs” or “I’m weird” etc. and be playful. Self-absorbtion kills your vibe. Other absorbtion is the key. I don’t think it’s possible to be happy living a secluded life unless you have met a certain amount of your social and sexual needs. People think socialising is hard. It’s only hard for the ego, but once you’re out of your head, notice how effortless it becomes. I struggle with being self-absorbed, which makes it hard to connect, but I used to be very social, and it is the most joyous thing! Be outrageous, people. Out. RAGEOUS!

Update: I’ve been back into the practice for a few days, and today I experienced an overwhelming third eye activation, where I saw fractals with my eyes open.

@Davino @krazzer @Leo Gura @SamC I’ll check out the Inner Engineering, thank you. I do appreciate Sadhguru more nowadays, the tree planting and soil activism he’s involved in is cool too. Do you mean Ravi Shankar the sitar player? That’s sounds like something I could get into. I think I just had to reclarify why I’m doing the practice: to experience states of consciousness beyond the mind, to stop the flow of incessant chatter. I won’t be using psychedelics in combination with kriya, I think progress with it is gradual by design, to allow you to acclimate properly. You’re right, I’ll try 6 months and then report back. Not being in the mindset of expecting results, but simultaneously applying full focus. I do think where you are in the rest of your life largely determines how much you can engage with the practice. For me at the moment, I haven’t been able to create enough continuity of community feeling, so I largely lack the ‘good stress’ Steven’s talks about, which is required to get results with Kriya. But I’m doing everything I can to address that, so it’s enough just to create a strong habit for now. Once I start my theatre degree in September I’ll be in a much better position.

@SamC I am following JC Steven’s book: Kriya Secrets Revealed. Thanks, I will probably stick it out… I’ve taken a few days off and am now preparing to recommit. Are you a Kriyaban?

I’ve been doing Kriya yoga every day for 50 days, but don’t seem to be improving at the techniques etc. Is this normal, or could it be that other parts of my life have to progress first before Kriya can take hold? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

You’re a stuck in a black radio-static sandstorm, sometimes dying down to reveal a landscape- a dark forest where logic disintegrates. The trees are coated in a thick black tar, and there is no forest floor. It descends into endless roots and underground spaces. The leaves are so dense that it’s impossible to see their end, giving the sense that they go on forever, becoming birds of the night. The birds themselves circle quietly above, but they are just as dense as the leaves. Somehow they convey a sense of deeply disguised malignancy. The black sky is woven by the flight of the birds, wrapping the canopy in shadowy ribbons.

@CoolDreamThanks It's kind of not fair if you ask me. Thank you anyway

Thank you for that. I don't really care about the forum, or any drama on it. And I don't spend much time here. I just don't want my name on here anymore, and I wish that wish was respected by Leo or whoever has admin control, because I don't seem to have the option to delete my account or posts, or to change my name. Someone tell me if I'm missing something.

Just to say, I would really appreciate if there was a way I could delete my profile and posts, or at least change my username, because I'm not comfortable having my real name on here anymore, and some of the other posts I've made have deeply personal information I only shared because I was in a time of desperation. But I need to share my story of where I'm at with all of this. I was once a very exuberant, social person. I had many friends and people I felt close to in my life. When I was 19, I smoked weed for the first time, and had my first proper relationship. This was all positive and I cherish those memories. It was during this time that I opened my heart and mind a lot and grew a lot. But when I did LSD for the first time, I became so open and it was positive, lots of laughter, play and hugs, but towards the end of the trip I became extremely paranoid thinking I wasn't as loved and liked as I thought, I became very self-conscious for the first time in a long time. Smoking weed has never been a positive experience since then, and has always included these same paranoid thoughts and anxiety, and has slowly gotten worse. But still, I stayed close to my friends and everything was fine. But then I had to leave that country and return home (losing connection with all my friends). When I returned, I had a couple of negative experiences which affirmed this growing negative feeling about myself. (My mother lost her shit at me, screaming and shaking with anger). (My old best friend said I was behaving obnoxiously and that if it continued it would negatively affect the friendship). I thought I was just being myself. Soon after this, I was spending a lot of time alone on a farm. I would smoke weed, and ruminate constantly about the bad things that had happened to me. I became very depressed and I was grieving over the friends I had lost, and that happy, fun version of myself I felt disconnected from. Life became quite meaningless, and my main source of meaning was hoping I would go back to New Zealand and be with all my friends again soon. But I couldn't, because of COVID. So I waited for a year, and in that time I was exposed to many new perspectives on human emotion, connection etc. I was exposed to spirituality for the first time, and in my search for meaning and fulfillment, I latched onto it pretty hard. But I didn't go super deep with it. I read Joe Dispenza's 'Becoming Supernatural' and watched Alan Watts videos, among other things. I spent a lot of time that year comparing myself to who I used to be, and worrying if I would still be just as loved and liked as I was before when I eventually returned to NZ, as I had vowed to do. And Inevitably, from the combination of my insecurity and exposure to spiritual ideas, I developed the 'spiritual ego'. I thought, "It doesn't matter what happens to me, or if people like me or not. Fuck them, because I am in possession of the truth and they are ignorant, shallow people anyway". This was my safety net. Eventually, I had the opportunity to return to NZ, so I immediately booked my flights and I was filled with Joy and excitement that I would see all my friends again and be happy again. When I arrived, I was greeted so warmly by everyone, and I got back together with my girlfriend straight away. But I couldn't shake this overwhelming insecurity that had festered in me in anticipation of my reunion with everyone. I was too psychologically ungrounded to hold a connection with anyone, apart from my girlfriend. We were blessed with a pure connection that cut through all of that. So I had to live with the pain of not feeling connected to my friends there like I was before, and I foolishly started smoking weed again with my girlfriend, which made it impossible for me to brake through my fear and get out of my head. I gradually saw less and less of my friends, because it brought me more pain than joy to see them, until it was only my girlfriend who I spent time with. This was when I discovered Actualized.org, and I gluttonously consumed Leo's content for 9 months, without being even remotely ready for it, or mature enough to handle those truths about Self, Mind, God, Love etc. I was so mentally fragile, and I tried to ground myself using the concepts in the videos, but it had the opposite effect. I knew it wasn't helping, but I kept thinking I would find the 'one video' that solved it all for me. And I was already so in pain that I would foolishly be open to any ideas. I become so mentally unwell that I had to leave my girlfriend and come back home to my family in England, where I would try and rebuild myself. I would make a big push of super healthy-eating and exercise etc. but I would just spiral and fall every time because I could never find that paranoia-free connection I wanted. I feel like I'm stuck with this mess of spiritual concepts in the back of my mind, on top of all the other trauma, and My body and mind are now burnt-out. The weight of regret is so heavy. My relationship to other people and how I see them has changed so much, I feel cut-off from the world and others, and I feel like I'm slowly dying. My heart is closed, and my mind is a twisted, dark forest. I'm drowning in the mess of my own mind. How does a young man navigate this in society? Why can't I let go of this shit? I wish I could go back. If I could do things differently I would never have smoked weed or done psychedelics. And I wouldn't recommend them to anyone, there are plenty of other ways to be joyful which are much more meaningful and grounded.

I want to implement a 30 minute meditation first thing every morning for the new year. I have never been a consistent meditator, so this is the year. My main pursuit for next year will be the social domain: honing all kinds of social skills for dating, friendship, leadership etc. So I am wondering which type of meditation would best suit me for this? I struggle with focus a lot and remembering what I'm up to. I was thinking something like: 10 minutes concentration, followed by 15 minutes do nothing, followed by 5 minutes concentration. Or would mindfulness meditation suit me better? I have mostly done do nothing, but I'm not looking for a quieter mind so much as I'm looking to train my ability to become fully absorbed in activities. One might say I have ADHD, although I am not diagnosed. Any advice would be much appreciated.