Ely Higgins

Coincidence number one: I started a new job as a teacher 4 weeks before the summer break. There was a girl there who I really felt attracted to. On the last day of school all the teachers went out drinking and we talked all night and shared a kiss (me and the girl). I had no idea she liked me before then. After that, our only communication was a few texts over the 6 week summer break. I worked through an agency, and I wasn't asked to rejoin the school until the 3rd week back after summer. I didn't tell anyone I was coming back. I got to work on the Monday morning at 9am and saw her, she was pleased to see me but very surprised. I later realized I had received A text from her at 8:50am saying "Hey, how are you?" ten minutes before I walked into the staff room! (This was about 4 days ago). I was hesitant about pursuing anything with her as she told me she has a lot of issues, which is something I need less of in my life. I'm also acing being single and making lots of progress with my personal development. But is this a sign I should go for it? She seems into me and everything. Coincidence number two: I had an audition for a choir at my local university. I got to the campus early and I was feeling anxious so I decided to approach a stranger and perform my song to them. There were lots of people sitting around. The first person I came across was a lovely Taiwanese phd student. I told her about my audition and asked her if I could perform the song. My audition was at 16:30, and the auditions were taking place from 10-18:00. Astonishingly, she was also auditioning for the same choir, and her audition was at 16:25! (This happened today) I passed my audition, doing way better than I thought I would. What is the meaning of this?

I've been drinking again for the first time in ages. I've noticed I often get little half-baked mystical insights the morning after, but they're never full or clear enough to pin down. Does anyone else get this? Also, when I'm hangover after a really good night, I often can't tell if I feel really good or really dreadful. It's like I feel both at the same time. I didn't know which discussion to put this in but I wanted to share it.

@HadhADHKJASD2 Don't give up. Things will get better. Strategically plan your escape, and have patience and discipline. My recommendation would be: Get a social job (i.e. teaching assistant, support worker). Something where you can feel useful and practice your social skills. (Very important for a young man, which I assume you are). These jobs are entry level, anyone can do it. And always go to work, no matter how shit you may feel, or how hopeless/meaningless life may seem. You need structure to your day, and a source of income. Don't go to college/university yet. Unless you are very clear about why you are going, and you really want to, then I wouldn't go. You'll be left with a lot of debt and 3-4 years you can't get back. Make sure you're hitting these 5 things everyday: This is the bare minimum for good mental health. 1. 30 mins of physical exercise, 2. Minimum 10 mins of sunlight on your skin, 3. healthy food (see Leo's video 'how to shop for healthy food'), 4. Good sleep. There is an abundance of information on how to maximize quality sleep. Research and implement. It's one of the most crucial things for your mental health. 5. Social connection: Parties, friends, family. Quality time with people. Bonus: Eliminate addictions: nicotine, sugar, gaming, YouTube etc. Addictions make you unhappy. It sounds like you need to devote most of your spare time and energy into developing your social skills/confidence, friends and girls (talking to strangers daily, practicing different aspects of social skills). I suspect a lot of your other worries could evaporate once you get this area sorted, although there's no saying how long it will take. You have to be prepared for it to take years, but the reward will be immense. Remember sex is on the same level as air and food in terms of basic human needs. If your career/future is a big source of stress, I would also devote time to that daily, but just take a step back and approach it in a calm way. You're so young. You could screw around for the next 5 years and still be able to achieve remarkable things. I would recommend Leo's life purpose course for that, if you're serious. I am pretty much in the same situation as you to be honest, but now I'm pretty clear on what I need to do to get out of the hole I'm in, it's just a matter of execution and not getting distracted. There's so much to say, but I don't want to over complicate it for you. Although please PM me if you want to discuss this further. Good luck!

Dr. Alan Goldhamer has been running a water-only fasting clinic somewhere in California since the 80s, and has seen thousands of patients reverse symptoms of diabetes, hashimotos, high blood pressure, insomnia, brain fog, anxiety and other diseases related to dietary excess. There is so much to go into but I'll let people investigate for themselves as he is very visibly passionate about his work and is easy to listen to . The main thoughts I wanted to share were: The benefits of long fasts, like 40 days, for spirituality: Jesus, Moses etc. and the many other anecdotal reports people have on this. I once met someone who spent two weeks fasting in the wild, who broke down in tears because of how beautiful people became to them after the two weeks. I wonder what this could do for you spiritually? When combined with breathwork, Yoga, meditation and just being immersed in nature. What if you did NoFap the whole time as well? People say that has a profound effect on a man's spiritual faculties. Imagine how starved you brain would be of dopamine after this amount of time, it would be the ultimate dopamine detox. I'm surprised no one has done anything this extreme purely out of curiosity as to what would happen. What if psychedelics were incorporated somehow? @Leo Gura Would you ever consider undertaking something like this? For science. Seeing as you have the balls to do 5meo DMT for 30 days straight. Maybe that level of mystical healing is possible but it just requires a 40 day fast followed by some 5meo? 100% purity not just in the mind but also in the body (as in no thing in your system). Have you tried a medically supervised fast of this length to try and improve your health problems? Maybe sometimes the best diet could be no food at all? Just hypothesizing. I am very interested in this idea of purifying the body through complete abstinence of food/supplement intake. He says the body has vast nutrient reserves it can resort to in the absence of food. He says that fasting for periods of 2 days to 40 days straight are possible, and can have the following benefits plus more: Detoxification of things like micro plastics, heavy metals etc. Apparently this is similar to what happens during chelation, and could be a more natural alternative, but I don't know, I've only just begun investigating. What's the forum's thoughts? Reversal of Dietary excess-related disease. Dramatically slowing the rate of aging when followed through with a whole plant-based food diet. This is essential to maintain the benefits offered. Reduction of intolerance to certain foods.

@Carl-Richard What harm could actually come of doing the 5meo? I'm not planning on doing it at all but I'm just curious as to what you think could go wrong if someone in my situation were to do it?

I did have a hunch the acid and weed might've done something. Thank you for your insights, I will into getting a good therapist.

Yeah, I think I've been getting ahead of myself. Thank you. I need to put my energy into building the base of the hierarchy of needs pyramid for now.

That's so helpful, to have your experience to relate mine to. And it seems like you found your way out of it pretty well, congrats. That list of 'grounding pillars' looks a lot like the things I've identified that will help me. I still need more socializing, and I don't have a therapist yet, but I am just about to start working as a teaching assistant, working with kids who have special education needs. Uncanny! I'm also about to move in with my brother, which will be much better than living alone.

Thanks. It's funny how this should be obvious yet I needed to be told anyway.

Probably too spiritual for me atm, although I'll try. Thanks. How does one just accept?

That's exactly what I'll do, thank you.

@HMD That's really put things into perspective, thank you so much. This forum is a godsend.

@HMD Thanks man. You've given me some good pointers, and I should definitely forget spirituality for now. What about meditation? Is that a good idea or is it too spiritual?

I am dealing with some very complex mental health problems. What I ultimately might need is a therapist who is knowledgable about psychedelics and aware of spiritual matters, who can sort of tease this stuff out of me, because even I can't wrap my head around it. If anyone knows of such a service, I'd love to know. I hope what I write makes some sense. I am going through the darkest times in my life right now. Everything feels lacking in meaning, to varying degrees. I feel like I've come to irreversible harm, because nothing I'm doing to help myself is working. I haven't had real friends in like 2 years, and I'm someone who needs a lot of friends. But my mind has become so twisted and weird, and I feel disconnected from all human beings. I overthink absolutely everything, and I overthink about my overthinking, it's even happening with my family now. I'll be sitting there watching them talk about something, and I can't just be present and listen, I just start overthinking the interaction, or I start thinking about something entirely different. I feel like I'm losing my mind, I feel like an alien. My head is filled with all these metaphysical ideas Leo talks about, but I can't even be present with my family, or laugh when someone does something funny. I'm disturbed because I know I am god as much as I can on an intellectual level without directly experiencing it. I was open minded enough to be like, "oh shit, I'm god" just from watching Leo's videos, so that's got me in a wierd place. Before 2 years ago, I was the happiest, healthiest guy ever. That was around the time I had my first acid trip with a bunch of my friends, which went bad at the end. Something may have bubbled up then, I don't know. Roughly since then I've had these problems. I'm doing lots of healthy things, I exercise, I eat well, I take Vit D and Omega 3, meditate for 40 mins a day using the 'do nothing' and mindfulness techniques. I go to a yoga class, I'm doing the life purpose course. I know what I really need is just good friends, but I feel so alienated from people that this won't ever be possible for me again. I just need a wise person who is in a really good place themselves, and who is knowledgable about these things to hold my hand through this. I've developed depression, anxiety, social anxiety, ADHD. I'm not diagnosed and I'm not taking any medication for these as I'm worried that will do me even more damage. My dad is the only person I know who might have some idea, but I really believe he'll think I've lost my mind, and that that will sadden him. I feel like there is no one I can talk to who won't think I'm insane. Some possible causes I could name: BOTH of my parents were sexually abused as children. Generational trauma maybe? I've had a couple bad trips on LSD and Mushrooms, I've done DMT (not a bad trip but no breakthrough). I've spent a LOT of time in solitude for someone of my age and temperament (21 and typically very extraverted) over the last two years. I've consumed much of Leo's content over the last 9 months, I think this could have certainly been harmful for me at this point in my life. I've spent a lot of time stoned, in a haze of negative thoughts. I've been a smoker and a vaper.I've done a lot of stuff I regret, out of foolishness. What I need is a clear way forward that will actually work. If this isn't the dark night of the soul I don't know what is. I have an idea to do 5meo DMT, seeing as I've come this far, and just enlighten myself and just say goodbye to a life lived in confusion, separation and lack. I know you shouldn't do this if you're mentally unstable, but I'm having suicidal thoughts anyway so it feels like a very promising last resort in my mind. I have no idea what to do. It's arriving in about a week. I could put all of this life theory I've consumed to good use and actually help a lot of people, if I could just sort myself out. It's so frustrating! I feel like I'm sitting on a treasure trove of knowledge and life experience. There's so much I want to do, I know I could do it all if I just had some genuine social connection to ground me. Some love. If I ever get out of this hole, the world better put their seatbelts on.

This was an amazing podcast on addiction, childhood trauma, society and spirituality. Russell Brand and Gabor Maté eloquently discuss child hood trauma and how it leads to selfish and addictive behavior later in life, and how these coping mechanisms are what cut us off us from our true, open and loving nature. They highlight with beautiful clarity and fluidity some of the key mechanics of collective ego, and how our world leaders, as well our prison population, are some of the most traumatized people in our society. Russell has many inspiring qualities, aside from his articulation and openness of mind expressed in this podcast. Gabor seems like a genuinely wise man, with incredible presence and conversational speed for someone his age! I love their ability to go on tangents, they don't care because they're both so in the flow of it, entirely present and connected. Russell is hilarious, of course: "I want god! Now! In my head!" And so is Gabor, in his own way. It was just a delight to watch and learn from their conversation. They shouldn't have been able to be so concise and cover so much within just an hour and a half! What do you think of Russell Brand? He is personally one of my favorites. And Gabor Maté? I would highly recommend Russell's Youtube channel if you're into social/societal stuff.