Ely Higgins

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About Ely Higgins

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    New Zealand
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  1. I want to implement a 30 minute meditation first thing every morning for the new year. I have never been a consistent meditator, so this is the year. My main pursuit for next year will be the social domain: honing all kinds of social skills for dating, friendship, leadership etc. So I am wondering which type of meditation would best suit me for this? I struggle with focus a lot and remembering what I'm up to. I was thinking something like: 10 minutes concentration, followed by 15 minutes do nothing, followed by 5 minutes concentration. Or would mindfulness meditation suit me better? I have mostly done do nothing, but I'm not looking for a quieter mind so much as I'm looking to train my ability to become fully absorbed in activities. One might say I have ADHD, although I am not diagnosed. Any advice would be much appreciated.
  2. In March I am going to live on this farm for 7 months. It's in a beautiful location. It's 100% organic. The people there are earthy, mindful, hippy types. I have lived there before, but only as a volunteer. This time I am going as a trainee to become a facilitator on their programs. Once I am trained I can earn a living doing this. This is what they're about: "At the heart of our approach is an immersive residential experience involving the development of relationships with the land, with work and with ourselves." It's a wholistic form of alternative education: https://www.onthehill.camp In going here, I am hoping to make real, deep friendships and take another step towards my life purpose. Another reason I'm going is to heal. I know someone there, who operates in plant medicine circles, and she provided me with a San Pedro experience I'll never forget. She's done hundreds of ceremonies, and I'm hoping to have the opportunity to take part and see if I can heal through this modality. It's not just the psychedelics though, it's the people. And I'm a people person, so being around the right people is essential for my emotional growth. But I am conflicted. At the moment I live in a lovely city, and I am close to my family. I have my own place for the first time in my life, and I have a job working in a school. On the farm I will be living in a caravan. I know a few people here, but I wouldn't say I have any close friendships. Being near family is good because it's comforting and I get a lot of support, but it's bad because I get a lot of toxicity/conflict from certain family members. Meeting girls and working on my game is another thing I want to continue working on this year, and that may be harder if I'm living on the farm. Maybe. The nearest big city is only a half-hour drive away, though. Just for context, I have been living here for 11 months since getting back from New Zealand, and I've given it a very good shot. I got rid of my smartphone. I've approached at least 50 people. Lots of cold showers. I started a new job and did very well. I did a 2 month no-fap streak. I quit coffee and smoking. I've repaired certain relationships in my family. I've eaten well, I've got a good water filter. I've been to many yoga classes. I've reconnected with old friends. I've made new friends (not satisfying friendships though). There are some commitments I made which I haven't followed through on: Talking to 5 strangers a day. Going out working on my game 3 days a week. I would like to have done more socializing, but my intuition says I need to heal bit first in order to create the relationships I'm looking for. And I don't know if I can heal in the city. Writing this has helped me make up my mind, but please share any thoughts! Being in the city pros: -Easier to meet girls -Easy to attend events, classes -Easier to meet people -Hometown, familiarity -Being around family -Having my own place -Childhood friends live here Being in the city cons: -Harder to find the people I resonate with -Being around family -I have to travel to be in nature -Rat-race vibes, busy anxious energy -Rent is extortionate -My job pays badly, and I don't like it that much.
  3. Coincidence number one: I started a new job as a teacher 4 weeks before the summer break. There was a girl there who I really felt attracted to. On the last day of school all the teachers went out drinking and we talked all night and shared a kiss (me and the girl). I had no idea she liked me before then. After that, our only communication was a few texts over the 6 week summer break. I worked through an agency, and I wasn't asked to rejoin the school until the 3rd week back after summer. I didn't tell anyone I was coming back. I got to work on the Monday morning at 9am and saw her, she was pleased to see me but very surprised. I later realized I had received A text from her at 8:50am saying "Hey, how are you?" ten minutes before I walked into the staff room! (This was about 4 days ago). I was hesitant about pursuing anything with her as she told me she has a lot of issues, which is something I need less of in my life. I'm also acing being single and making lots of progress with my personal development. But is this a sign I should go for it? She seems into me and everything. Coincidence number two: I had an audition for a choir at my local university. I got to the campus early and I was feeling anxious so I decided to approach a stranger and perform my song to them. There were lots of people sitting around. The first person I came across was a lovely Taiwanese phd student. I told her about my audition and asked her if I could perform the song. My audition was at 16:30, and the auditions were taking place from 10-18:00. Astonishingly, she was also auditioning for the same choir, and her audition was at 16:25! (This happened today) I passed my audition, doing way better than I thought I would. What is the meaning of this?
  4. I've been drinking again for the first time in ages. I've noticed I often get little half-baked mystical insights the morning after, but they're never full or clear enough to pin down. Does anyone else get this? Also, when I'm hangover after a really good night, I often can't tell if I feel really good or really dreadful. It's like I feel both at the same time. I didn't know which discussion to put this in but I wanted to share it.
  5. @HadhADHKJASD2 Don't give up. Things will get better. Strategically plan your escape, and have patience and discipline. My recommendation would be: Get a social job (i.e. teaching assistant, support worker). Something where you can feel useful and practice your social skills. (Very important for a young man, which I assume you are). These jobs are entry level, anyone can do it. And always go to work, no matter how shit you may feel, or how hopeless/meaningless life may seem. You need structure to your day, and a source of income. Don't go to college/university yet. Unless you are very clear about why you are going, and you really want to, then I wouldn't go. You'll be left with a lot of debt and 3-4 years you can't get back. Make sure you're hitting these 5 things everyday: This is the bare minimum for good mental health. 1. 30 mins of physical exercise, 2. Minimum 10 mins of sunlight on your skin, 3. healthy food (see Leo's video 'how to shop for healthy food'), 4. Good sleep. There is an abundance of information on how to maximize quality sleep. Research and implement. It's one of the most crucial things for your mental health. 5. Social connection: Parties, friends, family. Quality time with people. Bonus: Eliminate addictions: nicotine, sugar, gaming, YouTube etc. Addictions make you unhappy. It sounds like you need to devote most of your spare time and energy into developing your social skills/confidence, friends and girls (talking to strangers daily, practicing different aspects of social skills). I suspect a lot of your other worries could evaporate once you get this area sorted, although there's no saying how long it will take. You have to be prepared for it to take years, but the reward will be immense. Remember sex is on the same level as air and food in terms of basic human needs. If your career/future is a big source of stress, I would also devote time to that daily, but just take a step back and approach it in a calm way. You're so young. You could screw around for the next 5 years and still be able to achieve remarkable things. I would recommend Leo's life purpose course for that, if you're serious. I am pretty much in the same situation as you to be honest, but now I'm pretty clear on what I need to do to get out of the hole I'm in, it's just a matter of execution and not getting distracted. There's so much to say, but I don't want to over complicate it for you. Although please PM me if you want to discuss this further. Good luck!
  6. Dr. Alan Goldhamer has been running a water-only fasting clinic somewhere in California since the 80s, and has seen thousands of patients reverse symptoms of diabetes, hashimotos, high blood pressure, insomnia, brain fog, anxiety and other diseases related to dietary excess. There is so much to go into but I'll let people investigate for themselves as he is very visibly passionate about his work and is easy to listen to . The main thoughts I wanted to share were: The benefits of long fasts, like 40 days, for spirituality: Jesus, Moses etc. and the many other anecdotal reports people have on this. I once met someone who spent two weeks fasting in the wild, who broke down in tears because of how beautiful people became to them after the two weeks. I wonder what this could do for you spiritually? When combined with breathwork, Yoga, meditation and just being immersed in nature. What if you did NoFap the whole time as well? People say that has a profound effect on a man's spiritual faculties. Imagine how starved you brain would be of dopamine after this amount of time, it would be the ultimate dopamine detox. I'm surprised no one has done anything this extreme purely out of curiosity as to what would happen. What if psychedelics were incorporated somehow? @Leo Gura Would you ever consider undertaking something like this? For science. Seeing as you have the balls to do 5meo DMT for 30 days straight. Maybe that level of mystical healing is possible but it just requires a 40 day fast followed by some 5meo? 100% purity not just in the mind but also in the body (as in no thing in your system). Have you tried a medically supervised fast of this length to try and improve your health problems? Maybe sometimes the best diet could be no food at all? Just hypothesizing. I am very interested in this idea of purifying the body through complete abstinence of food/supplement intake. He says the body has vast nutrient reserves it can resort to in the absence of food. He says that fasting for periods of 2 days to 40 days straight are possible, and can have the following benefits plus more: Detoxification of things like micro plastics, heavy metals etc. Apparently this is similar to what happens during chelation, and could be a more natural alternative, but I don't know, I've only just begun investigating. What's the forum's thoughts? Reversal of Dietary excess-related disease. Dramatically slowing the rate of aging when followed through with a whole plant-based food diet. This is essential to maintain the benefits offered. Reduction of intolerance to certain foods.
  7. @Carl-Richard What harm could actually come of doing the 5meo? I'm not planning on doing it at all but I'm just curious as to what you think could go wrong if someone in my situation were to do it?
  8. I did have a hunch the acid and weed might've done something. Thank you for your insights, I will into getting a good therapist.
  9. Yeah, I think I've been getting ahead of myself. Thank you. I need to put my energy into building the base of the hierarchy of needs pyramid for now.
  10. That's so helpful, to have your experience to relate mine to. And it seems like you found your way out of it pretty well, congrats. That list of 'grounding pillars' looks a lot like the things I've identified that will help me. I still need more socializing, and I don't have a therapist yet, but I am just about to start working as a teaching assistant, working with kids who have special education needs. Uncanny! I'm also about to move in with my brother, which will be much better than living alone.
  11. Thanks. It's funny how this should be obvious yet I needed to be told anyway.
  12. Probably too spiritual for me atm, although I'll try. Thanks. How does one just accept?
  13. That's exactly what I'll do, thank you.
  14. @HMD That's really put things into perspective, thank you so much. This forum is a godsend.
  15. @HMD Thanks man. You've given me some good pointers, and I should definitely forget spirituality for now. What about meditation? Is that a good idea or is it too spiritual?