Jordan

I am still a bit confused. Do you see enlightenment as being fully conscious of the content of experience with the concepts removed? It is a little confusing because concepts can be seen as made up of truth. (The concept of a house is made up of the shapes, feelings and sounds of a house in your mind) How do you tell if your concepts exist? If you are aware of them then I guess it is considered truth as well right? People already differentiate your current perceptions and concepts. I guess differentiating itself is a concept. You see it is a bit tricky to wrap your mind around it with concepts. You can see making it infinitely complicated does not help to understand because there is a self referential problem. How do you understand anything without concepts? You can know the truth but not understand the truth without concepts. If someone was enlightened which makes them fully conscious of truth, how would they understand what someone says to them unless they go back to using concepts?

I plugged 25mg of 5MEO DMT HCL an hour ago just now and I wanted to share an insight I had. I kept repeating phrases that I wanted to remember until I wrote them down. What I ended up writing down in this order is "we know this but we want to understand" "this is all we know that is what I understand" "this is what I know. That is what I understand" "This" that I am referring to is the focus of your attention. It is the present experience. I have a strong desire to understand but all I can know is "this." All understanding is imaginary and can never be anything like "this." The difference between knowing and understanding is really bigger than I thought. This is what I know everything else is my understanding, also my imagination. It seems like the desire to understand can be a good source of motivation to do new things and read, contemplate, meditate. I really want to understand what chakras are, how understanding works, how everything works. I think the best way to go about this is to build my understanding off of direct experience as much as possible. If I learn something that seems to be true, I should try to verify it in direct experience so that I can "know it" and make the understanding aligned at least with the memory of "this." I pretty much just wanted to write my thoughts down during the end of this trip and I wanted to share in case anyone found it interesting/useful.

I took 4 scoops 1 hour ago. I had a realization that I want to share before I forget. "This is what I know. That is what I understand" The only thing you know is the present moment. The focus of your attention is "this" and "this" is what I know. everything that is not "this" is "that" and "that" is what I understand. I have a strong desire to understand but all I can know is "this." No matter how well you think you understand something it is all imaginary and the only thing that you know is "This." It makes everything you understand impossible to know because "this" is all I know. I hope that is clear. Earlier today I meditated 1 hour, took a 1 hour nap, watched some videos on chakras, meditated again for 40 min then took 4 scoops measured to 25mg of 5meodmt HCL (one of the scoops was maybe 0.75 of a scoop.

What people refer to with the word real is imaginary. All meaning is imaginary. All comparison is imaginary. The only thing that I am not sure is imaginary are the current sensations as they are without comparing them or creating meaning from them. That leaves over 99% of my and your experience as imagination.

I really enjoyed this latest episode. It did not make be feel bad or like he is contradicting everything he said in the past. It was really interesting to consider that god could expand itself infinity to other gods becoming one with them and that god could play a game with himself by becoming avatars to experience being limited. I think Leo said that everything is imagination but there are more consistent imaginations we call reality so those consistent imaginations could be differentiated from the inconsistent imaginations by calling the consistent ones reality and the inconsistent ones imagination. I think this is pretty simple and I am not sure why this would make people depressed. If you get depressed by one of Leo's episodes I think you are taking your interpretation of what he is saying much too seriously. You need to take your interpretation of what he said and see if it makes sense in your own experience and if it is actually negatively effecting your life, become aware of this effect and consider taking a break from these ideas. You can take some time to get your own understanding from meditation and being aware of what is true for you experimenting with your own ideas of what could be true.

I took 5MEO DMT 3 times since I last posted. 2 at 2.5 scoops which were much stronger than the last time. I defiantly was not in the mood to walk around. I did not seem to get much out of them but it did help me get used to how it feels. I took 3 scoops for the most resent one which was hard to know what was happening. I was very focused and my body felt like it was shaking a different parts. I felt some energy moving and had to gasp for air at some points as emotions / energy was moving through my body. After coming back from it I did feel very grateful for my girlfriend. I have been meditating averaging over an hour a day for the last 3 weeks or so. Some days it is around 3 hours, some days just 10 min. I started getting vivid dreams this last week and have been waking up in the middle of the night from them. They were nice dreams though. In one dream, I was sitting on a raft with a propeller on the back heading towards an island. As I got closer to the island I could see the most beautiful mountains and scenery all around me. There was some guy across from me talking about something not very important. I responded to him but I was just thinking why would this guy waist time with words? the surroundings were leaving me speechless. I was crying from being so happy. Later, I was being taught by someone how to meditate while free diving. I was expected to hold my breath for 4-5 min while sitting at the bottom of a small lake. In another dream I was traveling by foot. I think it was through china. I trespassed through people's farms making sure I was not spotted and asked a powerful person over a large screen voice chat for permission to cross his land so I could get to my destination. I could not remember my path I took to get there or where I started from when looking at a map. I forget my other ones right now but Maybe I will write them down in the mornings when I wake up. I have been pretty tired this week from waking in the middle of the night. I hope my sleep gets a bit better as I continue meditating a lot. I got Covid 19 the last couple weeks so I stopped taking the ALA and DMSA. I will do a chelation cycle staring Monday

I found it useful to switch from trying with all your effort and willpower to focus doing mindfulness with labeling then relaxing your effort and letting your subconscious take over. Eventually you will be able to focus much without putting effort into it and your consciousness will increase over time. It helps to have a good reason to meditate to help motivate you to keep that willpower strong. The recent video on levels of consciousness was a good reminder for me to spend some time with 100% effort on focusing.

It will help to realize that when they are putting you down, they are just trying to do their best to live their best life. They might not feel comfortable seeing you change and want to deter you from it. If you are nasty to them, it will make you feel worse and make the situation worse. Try to see people with compassion and that they have no choice but to act the way they do based on their values and conditioning. If you look at it from this perspective you should feel more compassion than anger.

NP An hour and a half ago I took 1.5 scoops which I think was around around 8mg of 5-MEO DMT. It was a new batch and the HCL version. My previous trips were with the freebase version and it was a new batch so I took a smaller amount than I did with the old batch. It had about the same intensity of effect as when I took 15mg of the freebase. I meditated and contemplated for about an hour about what a concept is right before the trip. After around 5 min of laying down semi-prone, I turned onto my back. I felt a bit nauseous and I knew from past experience not to sit up until the feeling passes. About 10 minutes in I was feeling a bit better, sat down cross legged on my bed and looked around the room. I found myself concentrating on a fan in my room, the door nob, my mind was asking all sorts of questions and I was just becoming immersed into the present experience. Emotions came up stronger than previous times and I found myself stand up and walk into my kitchen. I decided I would cook some food because I could tell that I would be very hungry after the trip ended. A couple times I had an inspiration to eat some of the zucchini I was chopping and really feel and taste it with all my attention. I just experienced what it was like to cook while savoring all the sights and sounds. I observed thoughts coming into my experience like "be careful with that knife" "you are not sober so be extra careful" "Pay attention not to cut your fingers, It will hurt a lot if you do." all these thought were accompanied by flashes of internal images. I finished cooking and enjoyed my meal. trying my best to be focused on the taste and body sensations of chewing. It was an interesting experience. It effected me more than I expected. I don't plan to increase more than a half scoop each time. I think I will try to stay seated on my bed for at least an hour next trip. I bought 525mg of 5-MEO DMT so this batch will last a long time I think. I also have 525mg of 5-MEO Malt I might try after I have a more experience with 5-MEO DMT.

The speed of light is a concept imagined in your mind. In your mind, it imagines that in the nature of this experience, according to people's observations, that there is a limit to the speed of light. Where did this present moment come from? It came from itself. The experience exists as an experience, exactly as it is. Nothing else exists. The only absolute truth is the present experience. All other truths are relative based on imagination and memory. It is relatively true that there is a limit to the speed of light. Is it relatively true that god created this limit? I would say yes if you assume god created everything as it is then this is relatively true but not absolutely true.

You already don't exist Just like with me. If you want to experience not existing, you are already doing it. If you want to experience no experience then I am not sure how that would work.

This is my understanding: Ego is a concept in your mind of being something that is separate from everything not you. You do not exist, all that exists is this current experience. God is this present experience with the consciousness set to infinity.

5MEO Trip 2 days ago, on March 19, 2022, I used the last of my 5MEO DMT. It was around 3.5 scoops so I think around 24-25mg. It had a stronger affect than the last time at around 21 mg as expected. The concept that there was an observer was gone. My mind kept asking questions like what is truth, what is god, what am I. I only had the experience of the sights sounds and body sensations when I waited for the answer. Having a concept that there is also something observing the sights sounds and body sensations is adding something extra onto it. I tried to contemplate what my priorities should be. I came up with healing my knees, spending quality time with my girlfriend and her kids and learning to be present and accepting of uncomfortable situations. I ordered 500mg of HCL 5MEO DMT and 500mg of 5MEO MALT so that should last me a long time once it arrives. Heavy Metal Detox I am on my 7th round of DSMA. the first 4 weeks i took 100mg every 4 hours. Now I take 200mg every 4 hours 4 days and 3 nights on then 3 days and 4 nights off. I didn't have any nightmares anymore. A couple times I forgot to take it and I either started again the next day or took it when I could. The biggest side effect was when I took it then forgot on the 2nd or 3rd dose while I was at work. I just felt agitated and tired. I ordered more DSMA with some bottles of ALA this time. I hope it arrives safely. It should have been close to 7 weeks since I ordered it. Meditation I have been meditating off and on between 15min -1 hour usually every few days or so. I find it hard to sit still for more than 15-20 min recently because I just seem to move forgetting that I am not supposed to be moving. It seems to be more emotionally difficult than before. My knees do not hurt too much while meditating luckily. I used to be able to do 1 hour with not much problem. Knee Healing I have been doing the zero ATG program from the knees over toes guy for around 4-5 weeks. It is basically a bunch of physio type exercises for your leg strength and flexibility to help with improving knee pain. I think it is helping but it is hard to tell. I really would like to be able to jog without pain for an hour so I can train my girlfriend's son this summer. He wants to be a professional soccer player.

I was very impressed that Joe Rogan was able to get him to talk so much about it. I really have no experience with paranormal stuff he was talking about but it was really interesting. It is nice to hear Sahd Guru talk about something new. He seems to repeat a lot of the same points which is good in come ways but this talk was great. I also liked how Joe kept pinning him down trying to get him to reveal exactly what someone needs to do to get started taking control of their wellbeing.

Thanks for sharing. I seem to have had similar experiences with 5MEO but I had a bit less intensity than you describe. My doses were low-moderate. It is interesting to read how you interpret and describe your memory of this experience.

I am an introvert. Some benefits I have noticed that I can think of off the top of my head: - I find that people listen to me when I speak much more than with my extrovert friends. People seem to think what I have to say is well thought out because I don't say much. - I am happy meditating, exercising by myself, playing video games, without having to spend money doing social things. - Some girls really like introverts, I have had the same girlfriend for 10 years but if I was looking for one I think it would not be hard for me without having to try to imitate an extrovert. Just listen well, have a sense of humor and find out through trial and error what she likes. - As for getting a good high paying job, I would agree that it is more of a challenge. I don't feel a strong desire to have a high paying career since I just need a bit of money to be happy and do the things I want to do right now.

I enjoyed reading your post. I really want to try meditating for an hour in the morning and evening. It has been in the back of my mind to do it for a while. Purifying my mind does sound worthwhile. I have been prioritizing keeping my girlfriend happy, working and trying to heal my knees. Since I have not meditated consistently, sometimes I can go an hour without moving but often I don't last more than 20 minutes. I will give it a try starting tonight.

Michael Taft on Youtube has around 120 guided meditations. I listened to around 6. The videos are around 1.5 hours. He talks about meditation topics afterwards which is nice for understanding and seeing things differently.

I received my order of DSMA on Tuesday January 25th. I plan to take 100 mg every 4 hours for 4 days then take 3 days off. I took my first 100mg pill at 1am on Wednesday. That night I had a nightmare where I was at work and I collapsed and started going unconscious due to taking the DSMA. I then had another dream about being sick and not knowing if i should call in sick for work or call the ambulance. I tried to get out of bed but then fell back into the bed and started going unconscious again. The side effects while awake was sleepyness, light headache, larger appetite and thirst. peeing more. wednesday night I slept better and thursday night was even better. I think the 100mg dose is not too much for me. I will plan to do 4 rounds then move up to 200mg every 4 hours. After 4 rounds at 200mg I will try adding some ALA. I did not take any 5MEO DMT recently. I need to order more, I think I have around 10mg left

I started at 1am last night 100mg dmsa every 4 hours. I bought 100mg pills before I researched it more and it just arrived. Starting with less is probably better but I am too impatient to wait another 6 weeks. I will check out your experience from time to time. I wish you the best.

Ohh that happens to me too. You can try switching to a mindfulness meditation where you focus on any tension as you breath in and allow it to relax as you breath out. I often have tension in my jaw and shoulders. When i first noticed my shoulder tension, I felt them drop what seemed like 2 inches as I relaxed them. Check your jaw, face, shoulders and stomach. After you feel more relaxed try going back to your normal meditation technique. If it still really bothers you there are other meditation methods you can try too. It is important to try to be as physically comfortable as you can as you meditate even though emotional discomfort and a bit of pain is ok.

All you have to do is focus on the sensation of you stomach expanding and contracting as you breath as if it is the first time you are experiencing it. You want to try to become fascinated with it and not assume you know what the next breath will be like. Try to realize how amazing and beautiful it is to be able to experience taking a breath. Over time you will eventually experience less thoughts and concepts come up as your mind rewires itself and becomes better at focusing. When you think to yourself about what the meditation instructions are or how it is so hard not get distracted, just become aware that those thoughts have come up. Accept the thoughts are now the focus of your attention and part of the meditation, try to see or hear them as clearly as possible, then move your attention back to your stomach. You are not supposed to keep your attention in one spot the entire time. The benefit comes from realizing that your focus has been thrown off, getting a better awareness of what your mind is doing as it does it. That it is all part of the meditation. So over time you will get less thoughts constantly coming up as you focus on your stomach but the goal is to become aware of things as they are. This includes the thoughts that are there when trying to focus so you are not doing anything wrong if you have many thoughts. What you experience is the truth of what is there.

@ZenSwift That is an interesting link. I estimated using my cheap $50 scale that one 10-15mg scoop that I use was really 7mg which matches up with what was reported here for the 10-12mg scoops.

Hey, I think this is a great opportunity for you. I am curious to read a trip report from you too. I recommend you read some trip reports and watch some trip report videos. Don't avoid the bad experiences that other people have had. Try to learn what the dangers are too. If you are not meditating every day already then It might be a good time to start a bit now. Meditate the days following your trip to try to get a better understanding of the experience. 5-MEO is the only psychedelic I have tried and I have had good experiences so far. Have a nice trip.

This has kind of started to become a journal so I started a post in the journal section instead where I will continue posting: