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Everything posted by Jordan

  1. I have been falling behind in my meditation. I lost track of how many hours behind I am now. Maybe I should have made a spreadsheet or something. I have been a bit busy at work, working 1-3 hours extra most days. It is a bit hard to meditate as much with less time outside work. I found that I seem to find more benefit with concentration type meditation rather than do nothing type of meditation. I have been focusing on my heart beat and breath a lot. Once I did that meditation where you focus on a light then close your eyes and focus on the afterimage. I forget what that one is called. Occasionally mantra meditation but not that often. I did have a dream on Monday that one of my stocks dropped. The market was closed on Monday but on Tuesday it dropped. I knew I should have sold it right as it opened haha. I slept in instead though and lost $$$. I miss my girlfriend a lot. It feels like my body is being ripped in two. It is pretty uncomfortable to say the least. It seems other people don't feel like this. I thought she would come back late this month but she will still be another 2 or 2.5 months. I know some guys from work that haven't had a girlfriend in years. I think they are built different or something. That would be the only thing I would be interested in getting if I didn't have one.
  2. Hello, I started a new years resolution of meditating 2 hours every day. It is January 9th today and I have been sticking with it every day. I set the rules of getting an average of 2 hours per day so I could do more or less on some days and just keep track of how many hours I am up or down for the day. I typically do 1 hour starting at midnight then 1 hour in the morning after taking a shower. I started out doing the do nothing technique but recently have just been doing mantra meditation. I basically sit up straight, say "Baba nam kevalam" in my head over and over and focus on the sound my mind is making. So far I noticed I am in a better mood during the day. I have been remembering my dreams as I wake up a bit more but didn't write them down and forget most of them now. I will stick with this technique for a month or so then switch to mindfulness meditation with labeling probably. I will update this whenever I feel like it.
  3. Do you exercise at all? If not you should try some sort of regular exercise in a group ideally. Some people like group exercises classes or you could join a climbing gym and find people there to hang out with. Be as mindful of your thoughts and emotions as you do this. Also don't wait to be motivated to do it. Just do it when it is the last thing you want to do and it will create the motivation in time as it becomes part of your routine.
  4. Teaching death is imaginary is dangerous, I agree but I think you are misunderstanding what Leo is trying to say. You say that the reality is that death will come right? Leo does not disagree with that. What Leo is saying is that death is not absolutely true. Leo talks a lot about what is absolutely true and not what is relatively true because absolute truth is what is missing in most people's understanding of reality. Absolute truth is what is within your consciousness right now. It is what exists without you projecting anything onto your perceptions. You may see someone die but the experience of it would be emotions, shapes, sounds and colors ext. that you are projecting life and death onto. Relative truth is using imagined stories to explain the perceptions you have, then comparing other stories to decide what is true. Death is true relative to the reality that those stories construct. Those stories are imagined so you are comparing imagination with imagination which can be relatively true but not absolutely true. I am pretty sure that is all he is saying. Objective truths like gravity like you mentioned are imagined based off of patterns that are experienced. The Cause of the patterns has a story created to explain the pattern. They are relative truths and not the same type of truth that Leo is talking about when he is talking about what is absolutely true. Being blind is not absolutely true because you must imagine being blind and not being blind to conceptualize the difference between them and understand what is being said. The experience itself is all it is. If you want to understand blindness absolutely you must experience it now. If you want to understand it relatively then you can just imagine it but then the concept will just be relatively true. The point in giving examples of what is absolutely true and what is not, is to open people up to the possibility to being more than just relative objective truths. Most people do not realize this. Absolute truth is where you want to look to level up your relative understanding of reality, yourself, how your mind works, what is a good way to spend your limited time alive in this world ext. It is also where you want to look to improve your understanding of death and your relation to it. I think Leo is not that interested in making videos of relative truths. That is what he started out doing. Other people can make videos about that. He sees value in introducing and exploring absolute truth with people.
  5. I have not experienced anything that makes me think spirits are real. I am not sure much about what the bible says about the holy spirit but I don't think it is using the word in the same way we talk about spirits.
  6. Have you tried doing a few sets of pushups before meditating? You could also try meditating in a different place. When I am tired sometimes I take a 30 min nap then force myself to get up after and do some exercise and get back to meditating. Helped me out the last time I did that.
  7. It sometimes feels like I am in a dream with how realistic I can visualize things when meditating. I think just focusing on one thing like the breath helps you to focus on other things like internal images. I also do not like to just do concentration meditation. I alternate between that and mindfulness meditation allowing the focus of attention to shift fairly frequently to things like thoughts and emotions without trying to manipulate them. I have been doing over 2 hours of meditation per day average since the beginning of this year.
  8. I went to Victoria January 11-14th and on the last day we did a Nordic spa where you go in the sauna and then go into a cold plunge alternating for a couple hours. stayed in the cold for more than all my friends put together I am pretty sure 15 minutes in total over 2 hours. I have been doing cold showers on most days sometimes up to 3 per day starting out hot then finishing for 60-90 seconds on as cold as possible. I don't know if it is that or the meditation or both but my sex drive is up like 2x as much. I did add an hour to my meditation quota as I mentioned 2 posts ago after getting myself off. I have been averaging 1x per day but I don't feel drained at all, I could go for more so I guess it isn't the end of the world. Today at work I could feel my heart beating as I was working on the computer and it felt like it was orgasming with each beat. I sometimes feel this way during meditation so I guess this is a nice side effect. My meditation was a bit unfocused the last day or 2. Sometimes I get up to go to the bathroom or check something on my phone then go back into it. I will just keep an eye on this unfocused meditation. I think I don't need to make any changes right now. I should get better taking it more seriously over time. I have been keeping up 2 and usually 3 hours per day. Sometimes more on the weekends.
  9. I watched that guided exercise for realizing you are god video a few times this weekend. I was too tired on Sunday night to meditate so I did 2 hours this morning. It went well. I have just been spending around 15 minutes or so going over all the stories I have in the background such as being on the planet earth, being inside a house, there being other people, there being a tomorrow and yesterday, cells, blood flow, gravity, time etc. I just pretend I never heard about those stories and that they don't matter. Then I basically do the mindfulness technique with labeling. I label once or 2x every breath. Then when I get into it I only label when I change the object of my focus or stop labeling. When images and concepts come up I take a look at what they are then I forget about them, don't take any interest in them and continue. Time seems to go by really slowly and sometimes it feels really good just to feel my heart beating or breathing or staring at a light switch nice and relaxed.
  10. I was watching some clips of Krishnamurti speaking. He claims in those videos that mantra meditation and all systematic meditation is not really meditation because it becomes a mechanical process repeating the same thing over and over. He says your mind becomes dull. I guess he is talking about it becoming automatically done instead of done consciously. He says that it should be more about observing thoughts and other sensations without trying to influence them. He gave an example, and I am paraphrasing: If you are feeling envious you should be able to feel that without suffering from it or trying to suppress it or distract yourself from it. Your observation should not contain anything from the past and done as if the first time you have ever observed something. So this makes sense to me so I will switch to doing something like what is shown in Leo's video titled something like "a guided exercise for realizing you are god." I also kind of want to stop masturbating so much which has been more frequent since my girlfriend has been in china for the last 2 months. My plan is just to add an hour to my required meditation for the day every time I get myself off. I might just end up having to do 3 hours of meditation per day instead of 2 haha. At least I will do something somewhat productive to balance it out.
  11. From what I heard it is mostly mantra meditation with some breathing techniques. You are supposed to pay $500 or something to learn the technique from a qualified person. I didn't want to pay and didn't find a good explanation for free so I became uninterested in learning it. I have had some good results with mantra meditation on "Baba Nam Kevalam." It seems much easier for me focus and keep on track with it than other meditations so I do it if I am having trouble and feel like quitting.
  12. I recently watched an interview with Andrew Huberman and he seemed to think nightmares are like your body's way of giving you exposure therapy to your traumas. If you watch at around the 20 min mark for a few min he gives his view on nightmares. I don't have much info on shadow work but I would start with doing contemplation and meditation on your fears to try to get to know how they work.
  13. I plugged around 30mg of 5-MEO DMT today around 5 hours ago. My last trip was in January around 8 months ago. I have been meditating a bit on and off this year not being super serious in my spiritual practices. I would like to start a habit of 30-60 min meditation 2x per day. I would also like to start working out regularly again. I remember I got a small injury and stopped but didn't start up again. During my 5-MEO trip, I sat down cross-legged on a pillow on my bed most of the time. 30 min felt like 2 hours. I spend a similar amount of time eyes closed and open. I looked around the room. Most shapes and colors looked pretty normal but it was still a very different experience than normal waking consciousness. At one point I looked down at my feet and the shaped did seem to blend together and it felt like I was being absorbed into them. I felt pretty relaxed. I realized that it would be a good idea to take more interest in understanding people better and allowing them to feel understood. I had a strong desire to really deeply know about different topics that came up in my mind like work and my relationships. There seems to be a lot of value I am missing by just knowing superficial things about everything and not understanding deeper. I noticed many areas in my life where I don't have all the information and I was just making assumptions but it would be easy to have a clearer picture by taking an interest and asking questions. I looked at my body and decided it is important to know as much about keeping good care of it as possible. I should be doing my own experiments to see what makes my body as healthy and strong as possible.
  14. Hey, I am going to journal my 5-MEO trips, meditation and health stuff like heavy metal detox, trying to heal my knee pain, getting back into rock climbing eventually exc. I originally created a post for information on what I need to know about taking 5MEO DMT. I started journaling there and I will copy what I wrote below. Trip 1 - Oct 22, 2021 I plugged 8mg of 5-MEO DMT today. It was an interesting experience. It was like my concepts of who I am and my life would be there then disappear for several seconds. I was just left with my visual field of my ceiling or hands and tingling through my body. I kept alternating between the 2 states. Thoughts would come up slowly like “Am I still breathing? Can I even move my body? Did I take the right amount? It would be followed with taking slow deep breaths, slowly wiggling my fingers or raising my hands to look at them and reassuring myself that I was careful and prepared. My vision was very focused I lost sense of time and worries about time came up but faded away quickly after realizing that it wasn’t important if time seemed to move slowly or not. It lasted right around an hour when I felt the need to get up and eat some food. The main insight I got was that the present moment should be a higher focus of mine over concepts like imagining what I did or will do at work. It really seemed like I am waiting my life by imagining instead of experiencing. I need to work on experiencing more which includes a more consistent meditation practice. It was a small dose. I think I will try 10-11mg next time in 2-3 weeks when i find a good time to do it. Trip 2 - Oct 24, 2021 I tried taking 5-MEO DMT again just 2 days after my first try. I felt like I did not take enough to get many realizations the first time but it was a nice easy start that at least got me interested in continuing. Today is Sunday and I decided to do 10mg to get a little more experience. I felt noticeably more nauseous than the first time. I think because it was early in the morning instead of in the afternoon, I was not able to focus as intensely because I was a bit sleepy. The nausea discomfort was distracting. I hope trying again later in the day next time when I have more energy. I think i will need to find a time in the early afternoon maybe 2 Saturdays From now to try 13-15mg. It also seemed to help to have the date planned well in advance so my body and mind had time to prepare for it. --- another post oct 26, 2021 I just wanted to make an update on some things that have seemed to change since taking 5MEO DMT this weekend. The first thing I noticed was that the sex with my girlfriend was really even better than usual. This happened before when I was meditating a lot. The second thing today after rewatching Leo's video "Guided Exercise For Realizing You Are God" I am much more aware of how my reality is being constructed over top of the present moment. There are infinite ways it can be constructed over what the perceptions are presently. During the drive to work today, I was just focused on the concepts that were coming up as they came up and how they were nowhere near the truth that was experienced right here. I still needed the concepts to know where to drive and when to accelerate or brake but I could see them as ultimately an illusion and makes me think that I can build a reality however I want over top of the raw sensations. Anyways. I will keep focused on this since it is very interesting to me and see what comes of this. Trip 3 - Nov 7, 2021 I plugged 15 mg of 5-MEO DMT as measured by my scale which was 2 of the 10-15 mg scoops. I wrote my experience here shortly after my trip but it seems there was a problem with the forum and my post was deleted. This was my 3rd trip ever. This time I had very little nausea which was a nice relief from the previous time. I believe this was due to lying down for the first 30-40 min. My body felt like it started to vibrate which I was getting used to from the first 2 trips. My sense of touch felt clear and very comfortable. At some points I felt like feeling up my body with my hands but most of the time I kept perfectly still. My vision seemed to blur out sharp edges but it still seemed like I was focused and seeing clearly. I asked myself what this was (referring to the present experience). I realized I did not even know what it meant to know something. It is not as simple as someone telling me and then believing it. I need to use my own awareness and intelligence to understand. I asked myself what I wanted and I had a strong desire to understand myself. I really felt like I lacked understanding of my beliefs, motivations and values. My priorities seemed to shift to awareness of my thoughts and feelings and seeing patterns in my reactions. I think in this way I can make better decisions on what I want to do with my life and how to spend my time in a way that lets me appreciate, understand and construct the reality that I want. Trip 4 - Nov 20, 2021 I plugged 3 scoops of 5-MEO DMT today which weighed around 20-21 mg total. It was a more intense experience this time. I felt it starting to kick in in less than 1 minute. I laid down semi prone for the first 5 min or so then went onto my back when I realized I the initial bit of nauseous feeling went away. I noticed that I was able to be very focused on sensations but it required me to give up my attention of other parts of my awareness. I could vaguely remember being human lying down but the details of my life were not present with me. That was not interesting to me. I was more focused on answering what I am, what I want. I noticed that it felt quite pleasant to lie down and enjoy the experience of existing. At some points, I could hear a loud noise like a generator that would slow down and speed up. When I focused it would slow down then when I switched my attention it would speed up. I looked at my hand for a bit and it looked like it was melting away . It sort of moved a bit like fire. I am not sure exactly how to describe it. It did not feel unpleasant though. I remember memories of advice from different people like Sadhguru came up saying something along the lines of if you put yourself fully into something then it will become a great thing. Other advice came up but I silenced it and decided I wanted to come up with my own understanding. Goal setting for me has usually been about material goals like make $10000 in one month in my business or "meditate everyday for 1 hour" but that might not be the best way to about living a good life. A good way to go about living a good life seems to be to figure out what I want to experience subjectively in the present moment and experiment on now to achieve that. At the same time, you will ideally fully accept the current moment as it is. Even accept the desire to change it. See the necessity for everything to be exactly as it is because it really is perfect from a big picture perspective. Part of experiencing things the way I want that is being able to experience deeply and not be caught up in worrying or making plans constantly. I remember thinking part of what is great about reality is discovering things for the first time that you did not know. It is interesting to me to think about all experiences as being unique and that lessons can be learned constantly from them. I am not sure if I should take more 5-MEO DMT next time. I might take the same amount or half a scoop more and have a clearer plan on what I would like to contemplate about. After 30-40 min of lying in my bed, I got up and took a shower. I contemplated what it meant for something to be true or real and what it meant to understand or know something compared to believing it. What would understanding how reality works mean in the present experience? In 2 weeks I plan on taking 3 scoops. I will keep doing my best to keep meditating and contemplating these questions until then. Trip 5 - Dec 12 I plugged 3 scoops yesterday so around 21mg freebase in 3ml of vinegar. I planned to just experience without any goals or trying to learn anything. It was nice experience. It took me into a state where I can focus on see hear feel and let everything else start to disappear. At one point I stood up and looked back at my bed. I was so focused on what I was looking at that I realized to could be in danger of falling over if I continued diving into my visual field. I sat on my bed and wondered what I can take away from this experience. It began to think about my priorities and that I should be prioritizing the health of my physical body and my mind higher than I am now. It seemed like it is much more important to maintain my body's health than I have been showing through my actions. I meditated for 1 hour before the trip and 30 min later on that day. The 30 min several hours after the trip I was able to get into a state very similar to when I was tripping. I did not follow my normal mindfulness or satisfaction meditation. I just sat there and surrendered to experience. I watched Leo's video today on heavy metal detox and I think this is a good idea for me to try. I will also be planning to continue daily self massage to try to heal my knee pain and meditation to improve my sensory clarity. I have been meditating an average of an hour per day for the last 2 weeks mostly doing mindfulness meditation with labeling and trying out the satisfaction meditation a bit. ----- I have had knee pain in both knees for over a year now that hurts sometimes when I walk and can get so bad that I can not walk any more. It seems to be caused by tight IT Bands which is from tight muscles in my but and upper quads. I tried 2 months of physio exercises and stretches and it kept getting worse. Massaging 2 hours a day instead of the physio seemed to really help a lot. It has been difficult to spend 2 hours a day massaging though. I plan to start massaging an hour before work and an hour after every day to try to get this dealt with.
  15. I was never interested in reincarnation because it seemed pointless to me. Is it really "you" that is reincarnating if you don't have your memories or anything to do with your personality carried through? I did watch most of the first Bashar video linked above and I think it would be interesting being able to get information from outside consciousnesses telepathically but I don't like reincarnation as a way of conceptualizing it.
  16. That was interesting, I have not seen much about channeling. She was talking with an interesting perspective on how energy works. I wish he spent less time asking about how things relate to quantum physics and quantum entanglement and stuff like that. I am sure he could think of more interesting questions.
  17. Wow I almost started crying with joy/love reading the part about loving myself for no reason. I am at work though so I guess I should wait until I am in private to meditate on that.
  18. Why do you think that awakening is the end of desire? I understand awakening as being extremely aware of the direct experience while accepting everything as it is. Even if desire or resistance is being experienced, it is completely accepted as pure goodness, love and truth. The concept of a separate self is seen as an illusion so the nature of desire will change but there will not be an end of all desire.
  19. I find it more compelling if you are actually disagreeing with something concrete that people have actually said and show the context. Who is saying that raping babies is fine? I think people would say there is no good or bad and saying that something like that is bad is not being truthful. Saying that it is fine is also not being truthful either. Trying to be kind and helpful to manipulate people into liking you is kind of not the most loving or skillful way to live either. There has to be more context otherwise you can prove anyone wrong.
  20. You understand or believe things with concepts but you only know things through directly being conscious of them right now. Some people use the word "know" when they mean understand or believe.
  21. I lost my virginity at age 23 and thought I knew exactly what sex would be like but it really was much different than I thought. It is a bit hard to describe but the physical sensations are much different and you won't be able to just watch porn and imagine the sensations in the same way. I can get stronger orgasms from porn but I have a much better overall experience having sex. The emotions from being intimate and connecting with someone else that come up are different than you will experience from porn. Ohh I think you asked if what you see in porn is how people actually have sex. I am not sure how people have sex but for the sex I have, it is much different. It looks really stupid to me how people have sex in porn but it shows an angle that makes the girl look good. The sex I have is much better than the sex pornstars are having and I don't do anything crazy. It is about the connection you have with your partner.
  22. Something I have been doing for many years is when I notice I am getting stressed, I take one slow deep breath inhaling faster than exhaling. Then I notice the difference between how i was feeling before and after the breath. It puts me in a much better mood \throughout the day. when meditating I like to take slow deep breaths and sit there after exhaling holding my breath so I can focus better with less noise, movement and pressure.
  23. I like the method of going all out doing one thing while dropping everything else then dialing it back to start a habit. Emotionally it just seems so lame doing 5 min per day or something like that. It makes me not want to even start. I think the main problem for me is the time I spend on video games / porn. I need to cut down super non productive time and I think it will help a lot. I didn't end up meditating for more than around an hour at most per day these last few days. I have been working overtime and on my phone game too much. I will make my attempt again tomorrow but I do have some errands to run tomorrow morning so I'll see if I have the energy to meditate before that.
  24. @Yimpa Yes, I think non formally meditating on just being aware of what you are aware of in the present moment as you go through your day is something I would like to do too.
  25. @Yimpa When I meditate doing mantra meditation on Bama Nam Kevalam, I get vivid dreams almost every night. I seem to need to sleep less. I found sex 10x better doing mindfulness meditation 1 hour a day for 100 days several years ago. the effects fade after stopping. I keep falling off track. I will see if I can stick with it. I have been pretty good about meditating every day for the last week or 2.