Jordan

Yes, they are not true in the sense that no matter what believes they are, they are not as accurately representing reality as they seem. They can still be crazy powerful. They can cure cancer and destroy civilizations.

Aren't you concerned that you might be deceiving yourself with your own thoughts and emotions? Thoughts and emotions really don't seem like something you can trust in to tell you the truth.

This applies to me a lot but I can remove certain beliefs for a certain amount of time. I believe that all beliefs are so simplified that they are in a sense all untrue, even that belief but that doesn't keep me from believing at the same time that my beliefs are absolutely true even though I see it is very childish. I still have to constantly remind myself beliefs are not what I am telling myself they are.

Whenever you suffer, it is your choice to do so.

I just got The book of Not Knowing today after reading through these messages. I saw Leo's interview with Peter Ralston and heard Leo mention him in some of his videos but never read any of his books. I am looking forward to reading this one. It is really a massive book for me since I don't read much but I feel I am finally primed and ready for it.

For me I had nausea the first time with 5-MEO DMT. I sat up after a minute or so of plugging it. For my next trips forward, I spent the first 5 minutes or so lying down in the recovery position before sitting up when I feel ready and I never had any nausea issues when I do that.

Why do I always think I can go without my addictions, then I fail to go without them, then I still believe I can go without them easily. It is so weird. I always seem overestimate my ability to do what I say I will. Maybe I need to calibrate my estimation and see it as though I will defiantly give into my addictions if I physically can and the desire arises. That way I can plan accordingly how to make a change. Maybe realizing this is part of the awareness method.

Meaning is just something your mind assigns objects in your model of reality. It relates to how the object effects your survival. What else do you want to know about meaning?

I'll see if I can find a way to quit porn for 60 days. I don't have much of a plan other than deciding to do it to see if I can. I will see if I come up with any solutions that work.

Yesterday awareness worked for me. I was paying attention to myself, I noticed an emotion come up and I knew it was about to cause a thought about using my computer. I saw this was a trap so I forced myself to just focus on how I was feeling and blocking out any thought that was about to come up, made a decision to do something else and cravings didn't even come up for me.

I have addictions too with computer and phone use. I haven't done this but I think the easiest way is making it hard to use like putting the power cord in my trunk when I am not using my computer and make a decision just to use it 1 or 2 days a week. The extra effort to do it will give you enough time to realize that you decided not to do it. For junk food the awareness thing might not help if you still have it in your environment. You could get into the habit of only eating things you cook and make yourself and consider all other food poison.

Yea I am not interested in erasing the self or removing suffering. I am not sure why people are obsessed with that. I just want to pay attention to how I interpret reality. It makes sense to do it in as truthful a way as reasonable and in a way that lets me enjoy myself as much as I can. Keeping your body healthy and looking for what is good about the present moment is what will remove suffering if that is what you want to do.

Who says that if you suffer, you are causing it? That sound a bit silly. You can reduce suffering by interpreting in a different way but not choosing to reduce suffering is not the same as causing yourself suffering. Suffering is because you can't accept things the way they are. There is a limit to how much you can accept but you can expand that limit pretty far. It is about how you interpret your experience. You do have some control over that.

@Natasha Tori Maru That is interesting. I am glad he could teach you some important lessons. I often assume people that have mastered one area would usually be able to switch their focus on dealing with addictions and balancing their life at some point. It might be hard when you are good at something to start at square 1 for something else. It seems like after you walk face first into a wall 100 times with alcohol or woman you might want to find another way to go about things. I also have my own flaws, I just haven't mastered anything in particular haha.

@Carl-Richard I use the method from Leo's Guided exercise for realizing you are god" video. You just put your attention on an object and ask what it is, where it is, where it came from, what it is made of, what it can be used for, how old it is, ext. Then you realize that answer is not in the experience of the object and not true. Anything you imagine about something is not the truth of it. It is always different than the truth of your experience of the object. Take the experience as the only truth. Every answer you come up with realize that is not true and put your attention back on the object eliminating from your mind the previous answer since it is not true. Forget every answer that you realize is not true. If feel yourself breathing and ask what that is, you might have a story like I am a human and this is the feeling of myself breathing air into my lungs through my nose. This whole story is false. Throw it away and forget you ever heard of anything like it. You can ask where is this sensation happening. It is in my room, in my house, in my city, on the planet earth, in the milky way galaxy. Throw all that away. What time is it happening? 2025, during the time of the internet, cars, cellphones. Throw that all away. Keep going like this. I get into a focused state where I notice more things. I notice my subtle internal images while imagining answers that are false. I see that my imagination does not match with my experience the way I thought it did. I can see my beliefs more clearly and it is easier to understand what I believe and why.

Deconstruction is great but meditation still has many benefits without deconstruction. I did 2 hours a day of just mindfulness meditation. note, label savor. I think I did some mantra meditation too. I wouldn't consider that deconstruction. I slept 1.5 hours less naturally, I had more energy, less stressed, I felt more connected, more confident, noticed more throughout the day such as differences in colors, beauty of trees. I stopped for 2 weeks or so because I had some lower back pain and started doing other activities after work but I plan to get back into it.

I took 3 weeks off work and plan to experience as much happiness as possible and understand it as much as possible. My first day off is July 5th. I would like to practice being happy even when I have a strong desire for things to be a different way than they are. I understand happiness to be a state and not an emotion. It is a state where you are easily able to accept things the way they are and feel good about them. You can be happy while being sad if you accept the sadness and you are not absorbed by it. You may need to observe as if from a distance and not define yourself as someone that was wronged and is now sad. Instead see the beauty of the sadness and become the experience itself without conceptualizing and wrongness with how things are. I also think you should be able to desire something very strongly and accept the sensation of desire without taking action to fulfill it. You should be able to maintain a state of happiness even when in physical pain or in desire to have things a different way by accepting fully that it is true that this desire exists exactly as it is. I plan to spend most of my time walking in remote parks. I will do some sitting and meditating or contemplating. I will give myself 30 minutes of phone screen time per day and leave my computer off except on Saturdays. On the Saturdays, I will play a video game with my uncle and brother for 1.5 hours or so. On Sundays I will go rock climbing for 2 hours. Daily I will walk a lot and do 10 minutes of pushups and pullups as many as I can do. I will share my experience here when I am done July 27th.

Pretty much at the beginning I desire to stay very still until I can't feel my body and you are not able to control it since you can't feel it. The first time I tried it I tried to sit up after a few minutes and got nauseous so now I lie down in the recovery position until I am feeling good enough to sit up. That way I feel fine. I would defiantly recommend lying in the recovery position for safety. I wouldn't start out lying flat on my back to avoid chocking to death on vomit. When I start coming back after 5-10 minutes then I can go on my back or sit up. I never vomited but I keep a bucket by my bed in case.

Isn't the point to know yourself more deeply so you can make good choices and live a better life? I could ask what the point of being an instrument of good, just live life in the way you think is best.

Your life seems hard. I am glad you are not taking drugs. I would recommend that your meditation practice be focused towards how you are making meaning out of your situation. You believe certain jobs are traps but that is a label you are assigning to it. In some situations taking those jobs could be a necessary stepping stone to getting a stable living situation and save a small amount of money for more training in a job you would prefer to do. If you use those jobs to move in the right direction and benefit your life long term, it is not a trap at all. Your general business idea maybe could be fine for a small portion of your income to do for fun but don't try to make it your full time job.

Hello, I tripped a few hours ago and wanted to share my experience. I have taken 5MEO-DMT before around 10 times. I also took 5MEO-MALT 5+ times. It has been over 2 years since I last tripped. The reason I took a break is I moved and I haven't found a place that felt like home until now. I just moved to a place I like a month ago. I am also getting back into meditating consistently so it seems like a good time to get back into it. I plugged 18mg of 5-Meo dmt freebase dissolved in 3 mL of white vinegar. I tripped slightly harder on that than with 30-35mg in the past. I started lying in the recovery position in case I cant control my body and I throw up. I defiantly did not have much control of my body. I set a timer when I started. Visually when my eyes were closed, it was like I saw grey smoke. When I opened my eyes, things were not smooth it was like there was lag and it felt uncomfortable. I could hear a sound sort of like a large low pitch fan. Then I felt relaxation as the image of my body melted and the sensations of my body melted away and it felt like I was without a body or identity for a very long time. I still knew I was tripping and that things would eventually go back to normal. I relaxed there for a while I eventually started remembering parts of my life and could see when I am distracting and deluding myself to keep myself from doing things I am afraid of but are important to do. I saw images of relationships I have. It was like I was looking at my life from an outside perspective and seeing how I can solve my problems. The main ways saw for improving my life are by improving my communication, paying attention to how I use my mind and taking care of important tasks that I push off. Communication has to do with asking questions when there is something I want to know. It involves getting a deeper understanding of how other people see the current situation and our relationship. What they want. I saw that everyone doesn't have a clue about what is going on and they are relying on other people to give them bits and pieces of information here and there to get a mixed up idea of the situation. Observing my mind involves seeing when I am distracting myself from what is important. I can observe myself to have a better idea of how I should be spending my time to have the best life possible. I saw the importance of taking good care of my body which affects the mind. I need to finish important tasks that I always push off until later. Things like booking doctors appointments, checking that my taxes are filed properly, and smaller things too like cleaning my car and getting a decent hair cut. Doing these things won't take long and I can life life with less resistance if I just do these things. Eventually after what felt like an hour or so I opened my eyes and looked at the timer. It had been 11 minutes. I spent the next 20 minutes eyes open feeling my body and letting things be the way they are. I was eventually able to sit up around 30 minutes in. I stood up everything looked super clear. I wasn't able to walk around smoothly but I could still get around ok. I took a mental note of what things I need to take care of in my life when I am back to normal. I paced back and forth for a while and stared at myself in the mirror accepting what I saw. That was pretty much it. I wish you the best. -Jordan-

I just took 18mg of 5-Meo dmt for the first time in 2 years a couple hours ago. I tripped harder on that than with 30-35mg in the past. I started lying in the recovery position in case I cant control my body and I throw up. I defiantly could not control my body. I set a timer when I started. Visually when my eyes were closed, it was like I saw grey smoke. When I opened my eyes, things were not smooth it was like there was lag and it felt uncomfortable. I could hear a sound sort of like a large low pitch fan. Then I felt relaxation as the image of my body melted and the sensations of my body melted away and it felt like I was without a body or identity for a very long time. I still knew I was tripping and that things would eventually go back to normal. I didn't have much fear come up. I eventually started remembering parts of my life and could see when I am distracting and deluding myself so I don't think to do things I am afraid of but are important to do. It was like I was looking at my life from an outside perspective and seeing how I can solve my problems by improving my communication and paying attention to how I use my mind. I saw that everyone doesn't have a clue about what is going on and they are relying on other people to give them bits and pieces of information here and there to get a mixed up idea of the situation. I need to work on communicating better and asking questions when there are things I need to know. I need to look at tasks that I always push off until later that should be taken care of asap so I can get on with living my life with less resistance. I saw the importance of taking good care of my body. I need to pay closer attention to my body. eventually after what left like an hour or so I opened my eyes and looked at the timer. It had been 11 minutes. I spent the next 20 minutes eyes open feeling my body and letting things be the way they are. I was eventually able to sit up around 30 minutes in. I stood up everything looked super clear. I wasn't able to walk around smoothly. I took a mental note of what things I need to take care of in my life when I am back to normal. I'll plan out making some changes in my life tomorrow to integrate what I experianced. These changes involve taking care of chores I have been refusing to do and improving my communication with my girlfriend, her kids, my co-workers to find out more about their experience and what they might want to do to improve our relationships.

Hello, I will be using this as a space for me to write about the meditation and video creating work I am doing. I just created my first YouTube video in a long time and I plan to start meditating consistently starting with 2 hours per day. Here is the video I made I think it is ok for not making many videos before. I know I still have a lot to learn. I would like to make it a lot more entertaining and engaging. I made it yesterday afternoon and started meditating this morning with 20 minutes. I still have 1 hour, 40 minutes to do today. I am feeling really good today. I think because I finally released this video which I have been wanting to do for a really long time. I went to bed 1 hour later than normal and woke up 45 minutes earlier than normal. I will give an update whenever I have anything of interest to bring up. Feel free to give any comments or tips! .

In the last blog post reading this sent tingles down my spine answering what a life would be like devoted to pure understanding: "Would you run off to join some fancy university? No! Would you join a cult? No! Would you believe New Age stories? No! Would you trust science? No! Would you believe religion? No! Would you subscribe to any ideology? No! Would you trust Buddhism? No! Would you trust reason? No! Would you trust mankind? No! Would you become a political activist? No! Would you join a giant corporation and do grinding administrative work to earn money and climb the corporate ladder? No! Would you get drunk and high? No! Would you waste your time chasing girls? No! Would you waste your time hanging out with loudmouthed friends? No! Would you waste your time in online debates? No! Would you spend any time defending and rationalizing your worldview and beliefs? No! Would you need someone tell you what to do and how to think? No!" I want to go sit and figure out what is true now!

I didn't meditate yesterday or the day before or this morning. I didn't do a video this week or the last. I will see if I can start up walking meditation again after work for an hour but I do want to play a phone video game that has an event starting today. Great priorities I know. My muscles are still very sore from the jiu jitsu class I did 2 days ago. Maybe I can alternate between playing my game and walking meditating all evening. I could drive out to a park and do that for a few hours after I eat dinner. I will see if I can get to bed early and get up and do an hour walking meditation as part of a new morning routine.