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Everything posted by Jordan

  1. I thought it was obvious that all boundaries are made up and don't actually exist. It is not like a boundary has a mass. Who is going around thinking boundaries are real here? They are useful for conceptualization though. I guess they are lies in the way we talk and think without realizing we are lying but we need to simplify things somehow.
  2. Before when I was doing mindfulness with labeling 1 hour per day for 100 days I had something like that intermittedly. It is the same method Leo describes in his mindfulness meditation video. I started intermittedly getting extremely vivid imaginations just like dreaming but still being awake. It would sometimes happen when I was not meditating. I have not been meditating much recently so I lost the ability but it seemed to be mostly from mindfulness meditation with labeling technique and not other meditations I have experimented with. The part that seems to help is just labeling see hear or feel then spending the next 2 breaths giving all your effort into seeing, feeling or hearing what you are focusing on with as much clarity as possible. Just talking about it makes me want to get into doing that technique again regularly.
  3. You could go to a community center and workout at the gym then go swimming and sit in the sauna for a long time. That is pretty cheap and can help you get rid of extra anger and energy that is keeping you from thinking straight. I prefer self massage with a lacrosse ball if you want to get rid of muscle tension.
  4. This hasn't been my experience. I have no interest in having female friends unless I don't have a girlfriend. If a girl likes you a lot as a friend then she will help you get a girlfriend. It is very useful to have at least one female friend if you don't have a girlfriend. I had a very close female friend when I was around 20 and a virgin and had no girlfriend. I really enjoyed the time I spent with her. I didn't really want to have sex with her but was still open to it and she made it clear she just wanted to be friends. She would hang out with me and invite her girl friends along. Her friends often seemed to think I was cute. I am pretty sure she talked me up to them when I wasn't around. She moved back to Colombia and I haven't seen her in over 10 years but if we got back together I think we would go back to being close friends as long as it doesn't make our partners jealous. I think it worked with me because I find it a super turn off if a girl does not find me really sexy. I really have no interest in woman that I think don't like me in that way. The female friend I had, I would prefer to not have sex with her but I would probably do it if I was single and she really needed it because her heart was broken or something but make it clear we will go back to being just friends after she gets better. I am pretty sure that still counts as just being friends. Now I have a girlfriend that I have been with for 10 years. I find her sexier than anyone else. I have sex 1-3x a week with her still after 10 years and have no interest in being friends with or having fun with other girls. If something happened and I became single again and ready to date again, I probably would try to increase my social circle making several good female friends that we make it clear we don't want to have sex with until I found a girlfriend with their help.
  5. Which Buddhist practices are designed to still or shut off the mind? Vipassana or focusing on one point? I think the meditation I have done has not decreased my thinking, I am just more aware of when I am repeating thought patterns and realize when it is unnecessary and start focusing on another topic. You think more about what you are thinking about. I have not noticed any memory troubles. I think it improves memory a bit for me. You are able to see you memories more clearly. I usually do mindfulness with labeling after focusing on one point but try out many types like vipassana, strong determination sitting, do nothing, fire Kasina, mantra.
  6. Work is great. You trade 40 hours a week for food, shelter, safety and freedom to do as you wish with in the rest of your time with some money left over. Having police, free school grade K-12, roads, bridges, firefighters, trains, community centers, busses, an army requires taxes in some form. You need to contribute to get these things in return. Do you see an example of a better culture that does not require people to work? If you can't stand working where you work then find another job you find more interesting. I found after meditating a lot, I enjoy my work a lot more. I also appreciate money a lot more after working some overtime and know the value of it for me.
  7. I scored 4. Maybe I should be more outgoing and believe in myself more haha
  8. From my experience with around 15 trips it seems to be a temporary change in your consciousness. I have heard someone claim that after taking it daily for 30 days it has had a permanent effect but other people that tried 30 days in a row had some negative side effects. The consciousness carry over effects from meditation are much more obvious than 5MEO Dmt. You do get many insights on it though.
  9. The forced concentration is needed in the beginning. Eventually if you do it for a while and enter access concentration. You will become absorbed in the object and the effort will go way down.
  10. Are you getting any noticeable benefit from your mind being silent? Does it seem like your consciousness has changed? Increasing your ability to notice things like your thoughts and emotions, increasing sensory clarity, improving your ability to focus are all things that may be pointing to moving in the right direction. I think it might help with your concentration doing what you are describing.
  11. Listen to "mindfulness in plain english" an audiobook on youtube on 2x speed while paying attention to it. Sit down and put your attention to the sensation at the tip of your nostrils. When your attention moves, notice that it has moved as soon as possible, take a few seconds to notice what it has moved to then move it back to your nostrils. Do this for 12-16 hours a day for a week or 2.
  12. I was listening to this in the background and he talks about cannibalism and head hunting to be hard to explain to western people. He said that they will eat the human liver or the heart and in some cases use their skill as a pillow to obsorb their energy. I have a feeling part of his decision to look like that is to prove he is fully committed to the tribe and won't be a likely sacrifice haha.
  13. Hey thanks for sharing this. I watched an interview with Daniel Ingram about fire kasina and didn't know about this book. I listened to the first part of the recording of their first fire kasina retreat found on the same website. I got the red dot and different colors with surrounding colors and tendrils coming off of them with it turning black and rotating sometimes. I could see it rotating in 3d a few times. I practised as they were explaining it on the recording. I used the flashlight on my phone instead of a candle since I have no candles right now. It seems really promising object of focus to practice entering the first Jhana.
  14. What you see in the world can be considered a part of imagination although I prefer to call it reality and not part of imagination. Either way, when have you ever controlled even a single thought? An intention to control a thought comes up in your mind without your input and that may set a chain of events that cause a certain thought to come up but you are not the one choosing what is created in your mind. If what you thought could become reality for you, it would be very dangerous and your life would likely fall apart.
  15. I plugged 35mg of 5MeO DMT 2 hours ago and want to write down what I realised while at the height of it. I have tripped around 15 times before I would estimate and I took this amount just once before I am pretty sure. The last several times I did 28mg but I did not get much out of those trips. This one took me pretty deep and I feel like I have something I could learn from it. I went through several situations in my life in flashes of images and saw that everyone wants to maximise loving and helping others but at the same time is afraid of being hurt. They feel their survival is threatened by loving too much. In my relationship with my girlfriend especially, I could see that many times we leave out important information that can cause someone to make the wrong assumptions and conclusions. It seems I don't ask enough questions to get a better sense of how things are going with people and what they need to feel understood and cared for. I will try to be much more curious about learning about people, being truthful with them and finding ways to make them feel special and loved and like they don't need to be afraid of being hurt. Creating new things that help people just seemed like the best thing you can do. I felt like I was made of a massive amount of potential creative energy. I felt like I just need to create something amazing that will help people be able to increase their love for others and lower their fear. I saw people really have a deep desire to help other people but fear is limiting them from doing as they desire. I am not sure what else to say. I can kinda see what Leo means when he says meditative states don't compare with this stuff. I wish I had spent more time contemplating in that state but i started being mesmerised by my hand and looking around my room which seemed like a waste of time in retrospect. I seem to get much more from the trip with my eyes closed. Have a wonderful night/day whoever is reading this.
  16. I just wanted to share a realization I had today to help me get on the same line of thought again. I hope to pick up where I left off here during my lunch break at work. This morning I was planning on meditating for an hour in the morning just concentrating on one point. After 10 min or so I started getting curious about what I am and did self inquiry without even realizing it or thinking of it as self inquiry. The line of thought went that several years ago, I used to think I was my body and my mind. I realized since then that I am aware of my body and mind but I really feel more like the observer of experience. It seems more like I am a passenger in the body and just able to experience the mind without controlling it although it sometimes feels like I am the one making goals and decisions. I remembered in my first or second 5MEO DMT trip I could see that there was an experience with no observer there but did not really get the significance of it. Then I thought that if the observer could be observed by itself, those sensations would still be the experiential object and it wouldn't make sense being both the experiencer and the experience. It seems the observer has no location, size or shape which literally means it is nothing. If it has no location then the distance between the observer and observed is 0. If that just leaves the experience with no observer then why does it seem so much that it is being observed from a point of view? It seems that the experience made up of sensations have the quality of knowing themselves completely right from the lowest level up to the highest. I felt my world view shift a bit. I have been feeling pleasant all day watching my ego take over but seeing though it as an illusion when I have some time to reflect. I don't really have a question about this. Just trying to get in the same frame of mind as this morning.
  17. Purification is removing impurities like heating up ore and separating out the gold. Spiritual purification is like burning away all of the lies about the nature of reality until what you are left with is the truth. it is a metaphor.
  18. So do you typically listen to this while scanning the area around the root Chakra or listen to the sound of the video, or be present of whatever pulls at your attention?
  19. I watched an interview with Daniel Ingram recently and have been listening to different videos on spirituality. I don't remember him stating this sort of thing exactly but he did explain how his experience was in different situations. I am sure something he said influenced my train of thought today. This sort of topic, like who am I, or how to know the truth about something relative, through direct experience, leaves me feeling like I am on the edge of understanding something important but it doesn't fully come to me all at once like I would think it might be possible. I am beginning to think that I should work on my meditation more, and see what makes sense from a more concentrated meditative state. I feel like I can't think or focus properly when trying to understand things from a point of view of non-duality when my thoughts, beliefs and assumptions are rooted in duality.
  20. If you do things against your conscience such as manipulating people and lying, you will feel uncomfortable emotions and you will be believing your own lies so that you can pull them off more convincingly. It will be very difficult to know what is true and what choices to make when you are constantly lying and conceptualizing ways to maintain control. Do you know anyone that manipulates people much more often than average people to get their way? Do you see any cost in living in this way? Your emotions will be all over the place and you will be stressed out all the time. I avoid those people like the plague. Of course there are times when manipulation is worth the cost. Just be aware that it is going to block you from knowing what is true and makes you feel bad emotionally.
  21. I haven't tried satisfaction meditation very much but I have some things you can try if following simple instructions is too hard. It might help to feel the all the different sensations that make you feel unsatisfied or satisfied each separately. Notice that they leave and enter your experience quite often as you check each sensation. Try to understand how cause and effect applies to these unsatisfied or satisfied sensations.
  22. In one of Leo's videos "guided exercise for realizing you are god" he shared a spiritual practice that helped me a lot with this. Your concepts are getting in the way in seeing the beauty of your experience right now. You are explaining away this miracle with your explanations that make the beauty all around you seem mundane. Listen to the video and follow along with your full concentration and see if it works for you.
  23. I am just making this up but I would assume demonic energy is energy that you get from emotions such as anger, hate, embarrassment, greed. I am not sure what demons are but maybe they can give you energy and call it demonic energy.
  24. I just wanted to do a quick update. I have been switching my "Bama Nam Kevalam" mantra with focusing on emotions and using visualizations to shower them with acceptance, love and appreciation. I started Sunday night. I got the idea from a friend that said he started meditating on the "letting go" technique by David Hawkins. I looked at YouTube videos on it and I made up a much better meditation technique by combining other things I picked up from places I don't remember. I might make a video explaining it and doing a guided meditation when I flesh it out more. I have still been remembering my dreams almost every day but I think they are less memorable when I have switched the meditation technique. I might just end the meditation with the mantra for 20 min so I can continue to enjoy dreaming. I also started chelating with 200MG of DSMA and 50 MG of ALA every 3 hours last night. I had stopped when I got Covid 19 then just fell out of the habit of doing it. I started feeling very tired and like it is hard to focus in the last 2 hours of my job today. I am not sure if it is from the pills or from being tired not getting the best sleep waking up after 3 hours and only sleeping 6 hours. I was feeling very energized this morning.
  25. Hey, I am going to journal my 5-MEO trips, meditation and health stuff like heavy metal detox, trying to heal my knee pain, getting back into rock climbing eventually exc. I originally created a post for information on what I need to know about taking 5MEO DMT. I started journaling there and I will copy what I wrote below. Trip 1 - Oct 22, 2021 I plugged 8mg of 5-MEO DMT today. It was an interesting experience. It was like my concepts of who I am and my life would be there then disappear for several seconds. I was just left with my visual field of my ceiling or hands and tingling through my body. I kept alternating between the 2 states. Thoughts would come up slowly like “Am I still breathing? Can I even move my body? Did I take the right amount? It would be followed with taking slow deep breaths, slowly wiggling my fingers or raising my hands to look at them and reassuring myself that I was careful and prepared. My vision was very focused I lost sense of time and worries about time came up but faded away quickly after realizing that it wasn’t important if time seemed to move slowly or not. It lasted right around an hour when I felt the need to get up and eat some food. The main insight I got was that the present moment should be a higher focus of mine over concepts like imagining what I did or will do at work. It really seemed like I am waiting my life by imagining instead of experiencing. I need to work on experiencing more which includes a more consistent meditation practice. It was a small dose. I think I will try 10-11mg next time in 2-3 weeks when i find a good time to do it. Trip 2 - Oct 24, 2021 I tried taking 5-MEO DMT again just 2 days after my first try. I felt like I did not take enough to get many realizations the first time but it was a nice easy start that at least got me interested in continuing. Today is Sunday and I decided to do 10mg to get a little more experience. I felt noticeably more nauseous than the first time. I think because it was early in the morning instead of in the afternoon, I was not able to focus as intensely because I was a bit sleepy. The nausea discomfort was distracting. I hope trying again later in the day next time when I have more energy. I think i will need to find a time in the early afternoon maybe 2 Saturdays From now to try 13-15mg. It also seemed to help to have the date planned well in advance so my body and mind had time to prepare for it. --- another post oct 26, 2021 I just wanted to make an update on some things that have seemed to change since taking 5MEO DMT this weekend. The first thing I noticed was that the sex with my girlfriend was really even better than usual. This happened before when I was meditating a lot. The second thing today after rewatching Leo's video "Guided Exercise For Realizing You Are God" I am much more aware of how my reality is being constructed over top of the present moment. There are infinite ways it can be constructed over what the perceptions are presently. During the drive to work today, I was just focused on the concepts that were coming up as they came up and how they were nowhere near the truth that was experienced right here. I still needed the concepts to know where to drive and when to accelerate or brake but I could see them as ultimately an illusion and makes me think that I can build a reality however I want over top of the raw sensations. Anyways. I will keep focused on this since it is very interesting to me and see what comes of this. Trip 3 - Nov 7, 2021 I plugged 15 mg of 5-MEO DMT as measured by my scale which was 2 of the 10-15 mg scoops. I wrote my experience here shortly after my trip but it seems there was a problem with the forum and my post was deleted. This was my 3rd trip ever. This time I had very little nausea which was a nice relief from the previous time. I believe this was due to lying down for the first 30-40 min. My body felt like it started to vibrate which I was getting used to from the first 2 trips. My sense of touch felt clear and very comfortable. At some points I felt like feeling up my body with my hands but most of the time I kept perfectly still. My vision seemed to blur out sharp edges but it still seemed like I was focused and seeing clearly. I asked myself what this was (referring to the present experience). I realized I did not even know what it meant to know something. It is not as simple as someone telling me and then believing it. I need to use my own awareness and intelligence to understand. I asked myself what I wanted and I had a strong desire to understand myself. I really felt like I lacked understanding of my beliefs, motivations and values. My priorities seemed to shift to awareness of my thoughts and feelings and seeing patterns in my reactions. I think in this way I can make better decisions on what I want to do with my life and how to spend my time in a way that lets me appreciate, understand and construct the reality that I want. Trip 4 - Nov 20, 2021 I plugged 3 scoops of 5-MEO DMT today which weighed around 20-21 mg total. It was a more intense experience this time. I felt it starting to kick in in less than 1 minute. I laid down semi prone for the first 5 min or so then went onto my back when I realized I the initial bit of nauseous feeling went away. I noticed that I was able to be very focused on sensations but it required me to give up my attention of other parts of my awareness. I could vaguely remember being human lying down but the details of my life were not present with me. That was not interesting to me. I was more focused on answering what I am, what I want. I noticed that it felt quite pleasant to lie down and enjoy the experience of existing. At some points, I could hear a loud noise like a generator that would slow down and speed up. When I focused it would slow down then when I switched my attention it would speed up. I looked at my hand for a bit and it looked like it was melting away . It sort of moved a bit like fire. I am not sure exactly how to describe it. It did not feel unpleasant though. I remember memories of advice from different people like Sadhguru came up saying something along the lines of if you put yourself fully into something then it will become a great thing. Other advice came up but I silenced it and decided I wanted to come up with my own understanding. Goal setting for me has usually been about material goals like make $10000 in one month in my business or "meditate everyday for 1 hour" but that might not be the best way to about living a good life. A good way to go about living a good life seems to be to figure out what I want to experience subjectively in the present moment and experiment on now to achieve that. At the same time, you will ideally fully accept the current moment as it is. Even accept the desire to change it. See the necessity for everything to be exactly as it is because it really is perfect from a big picture perspective. Part of experiencing things the way I want that is being able to experience deeply and not be caught up in worrying or making plans constantly. I remember thinking part of what is great about reality is discovering things for the first time that you did not know. It is interesting to me to think about all experiences as being unique and that lessons can be learned constantly from them. I am not sure if I should take more 5-MEO DMT next time. I might take the same amount or half a scoop more and have a clearer plan on what I would like to contemplate about. After 30-40 min of lying in my bed, I got up and took a shower. I contemplated what it meant for something to be true or real and what it meant to understand or know something compared to believing it. What would understanding how reality works mean in the present experience? In 2 weeks I plan on taking 3 scoops. I will keep doing my best to keep meditating and contemplating these questions until then. Trip 5 - Dec 12 I plugged 3 scoops yesterday so around 21mg freebase in 3ml of vinegar. I planned to just experience without any goals or trying to learn anything. It was nice experience. It took me into a state where I can focus on see hear feel and let everything else start to disappear. At one point I stood up and looked back at my bed. I was so focused on what I was looking at that I realized to could be in danger of falling over if I continued diving into my visual field. I sat on my bed and wondered what I can take away from this experience. It began to think about my priorities and that I should be prioritizing the health of my physical body and my mind higher than I am now. It seemed like it is much more important to maintain my body's health than I have been showing through my actions. I meditated for 1 hour before the trip and 30 min later on that day. The 30 min several hours after the trip I was able to get into a state very similar to when I was tripping. I did not follow my normal mindfulness or satisfaction meditation. I just sat there and surrendered to experience. I watched Leo's video today on heavy metal detox and I think this is a good idea for me to try. I will also be planning to continue daily self massage to try to heal my knee pain and meditation to improve my sensory clarity. I have been meditating an average of an hour per day for the last 2 weeks mostly doing mindfulness meditation with labeling and trying out the satisfaction meditation a bit. ----- I have had knee pain in both knees for over a year now that hurts sometimes when I walk and can get so bad that I can not walk any more. It seems to be caused by tight IT Bands which is from tight muscles in my but and upper quads. I tried 2 months of physio exercises and stretches and it kept getting worse. Massaging 2 hours a day instead of the physio seemed to really help a lot. It has been difficult to spend 2 hours a day massaging though. I plan to start massaging an hour before work and an hour after every day to try to get this dealt with.