eos_nyxia

@Chives99 Thanks for reminding me of them! Hammock's been one of mine within the last year:

Wow... this is such a beautiful place! It looks so peaceful there.

There's only room for one king at the top of that throne, hey?

Real "boss bitches" were always too busy with the business of being themselves to care about what pleb dudes think, to really be held back by them... (Though not everything is about aggressive, active, direct, imposing power, and it never was... nor was it ever really all about nurturing qualities, if what you mean by that is only maternal qualities.) Feminism didn't exactly invent "strong women" across the board, lol.

A part of my mind has been looping this song in the background on repeat for the last half a week plus: This song is an incredibly pure multi-synesthesiac wonderland for me. It's like being poked with a bunch of multi-coloured buttons. ...or is it pots and pans that clang, but feel like needles against my whole body? ....amazing stuff, regardless. ☀️☀️☀️ It seems like sheer chance I never got into them when I was younger... These days, I definitely prefer them to listening to Joy Division because it doesn't sound like depression, and I'm not miserable enough to want to listen to Joy Division on regular rotation anymore, lol.

This rapper was a really nice find recently: (2:56, someone likes Siouxie enough to wear her face on his body!) Once in a while, I fall into some random person/ artist's playlist and it draws me in, often for reasons that I can't fully explain. For example, I found out about the artist above from this playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/55IB7gmP1GKCgqSfUE50eF?si=20b2d0ebef0f4a94 ("Weirdo's Disco" has a ring to it though.)

Something on topic with this and the rest of this thread: Ozzy Ozborne's ability to consume a massive amount of drugs and alcohol and not die has been studied by scientists. Apparently, his genes (or a specific gene?) make his body purge out these substances at a much faster rate, but the same gene(s) make him much more prone to being an addict in the first place.

This is very unfortunately not true for everyone. I remember when I thought this was true as well. My partner, for instance, has said that he cannot remember a time as a child when he did not feel like he hated himself, on some deep level. And I used to be like... are you sure that there wasn't there something that came before, that you can remember? (Where did this feeling come from?) From this perspective, at times, it seems to me that this would feel like a thing without a beginning or end, or any limits whatsoever. Sometimes I feel very strongly for people who do not have a sense of this sense of "something to return to" that is clear and concrete... because what are they supposed to do if they don't have a memory/ sense of something better? From where they stand, surely this idea of this mythical power of "Self Love" is as much a fabrication as the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus. Sure, people say it exists.. but does it really? They rely on someone/ something to strike them in this world (or alternatively: some sense of a supernatural force as being outside/ distinct from oneself, while often simultaneously feeling like a part of them as well). (Actually, now that I think about it, my brother very much had a sense of "being in the dark" growing up, especially in early childhood. He has even taken to describing himself as "being offline" before the last couple of years.) Unfortunately for those of us who are into PV, finding yourself in the position of "not loving yourself" becomes yet another thing to judge yourself for not having, and to whip yourself over repeatedly. Or to judge others, whether more or less subtly, with a sort of veiled benevolence. And sometimes being goaded helps, but only very temporarily at best. It is not a viable long-term solution. Ultimately.... it's no one's fault, it helps no one make the best of it all, and we all are wherever it is that we are in any given moment.

Yes, that's the point. Those people are pretty much never in the position to "spiritually bypass" their way into this sentiment here (unless you wanna go completely nuke yourself): This type of logic is what people often (not always very consciously and intentionally) use to justify staying with an abuser. It's in a similar vein of thinking you can via enough love or understanding "fix" someone; it's practically a trope to say that this does not work. If it's even possible, it's not possible if you're coming from that deficit. And if you are coming from that deficit or vulnerability, it's not your "fault" either. (But there is sometimes an undercurrent of feeling like the more moral, virtuous one in this situation, in the case that you've "tolerated" and "transcended" someone's abuse.) The thing is that people do not often recognize that they are in this deficit, or else a lot of situations like these would probably not ever happen. Sometimes, like I mentioned in one of my above examples, it's simply just being young, sheltered, and inexperienced with people, rather than being "super traumatized" to start with.

Respectfully: this sort of mentality is actually what leads people who are already victims back into victimhood, or keeps them there. It is often an unaffordable luxury if you actually want to get out. If you spent your whole life prioritizing people's perspectives, wants, needs, and desires before yours, to the point that it's pre-programmed into you in intensely self-destructive ways, this sort of concern with spiritual virtue and taking the moral high road can literally get you killed by staying too long in situations that you really shouldn't. (But if you can afford to do this, because perhaps naturally you would be less inclined to do so to start with, or you could use more of a shift away from classical notions of "self-centeredness", or for some other reason... good on you?) I noticed that detail and wondered about it too...

...is this a serious question? If answered seriously (because judgement is "badddddddddd"?), then the ultimate expression of "love" in a personal sense is the absence of judgment if not simply because you've dealt with this particular issue more than enough, and are finally over the way it makes you feel, and get that judgement itself is not an optimal way of transforming yourself, your surroundings, not living with reality the way it is. It will not bring you peace. On top of that, you have also earned the luxury to overcome it, whether through time, one's own direct efforts, etc. (Because a lot of people would like to be truly over being provoked, but are not.) Being judgemental in a reactive sense is tiring and draining, and to an extent, from a certain perspective: turning against others is no different than turning against yourself, and is felt as such. The body feels it and stores it as such. All sorts of emotions and thoughts are never good for your health and wellbeing, period. It's putting yourself in someone's shoes as much as ever possible, just because. If you are the prey: you take on the qualities of the predator (at least in understanding and feeling, even if not in action, hopefully). And vice versa is true too, I think. The predator learns what it means to become like prey; the abuser learns what it means to be abused. What kind of understanding can you possibly have if you haven't gotten up close and personal with what it means to be victimized, and extending this meaningfully to others beyond your own direct, lived-in experience? Or do you mean understanding without real empathy? (Empathy means you hurt when someone else hurts, quite directly and literally. Or you feel joy when they feel joy, because you take on their emotions as if they're you're own, and by extension, you learn to advocate for them as best as you possibly can. Without this, you can have all the "understanding" in the world, but you are cold, cold, COLD...) Or you HAVE before, so you can legibly say you know what this means in its many variations.

A couple of unsolicited resource recommendations (in case you might be interested), regardless of what you end up choosing, if you're interested in learning in more of an organic/ relaxed/ "fun" way, or if you need supplemental material: The Language Transfer: it's free, it's awesome, and I don't think there's anything else quite like it out there: The person who made it does a really amazing job at explaining the interrelationships between related languages in a very clear, concise, and accessible way. They have an app too. https://www.languagetransfer.org/free-courses-1 Language Reactor: you can get two sets of subtitles in whatever your chosen language is plus another for Netflix (and also Youtube, and possibly other sites). You can also save vocab, access a dictionary with sound by clicking/ hovering over the words, and save vocab and export it to ANKI, if you do the flashcards thing. https://www.languagereactor.com/

Depending on what French dictionary you're using, the Latin root/ etymology will also be in there and might be worth noting. In my experience (and this might not be very helpful), but French language-only dictionaries have been the best for this. And just thoroughness in general. (This is actually how I started with etymology when I first started French Immersion around middle school age.) To your answer: yes, you can learn French while picking up Latin etymology and that actually ends up overlapping a great deal with English. Based on observation: a lot of English words are imported directly from Middle French. Oh. I practically popped out of the womb a word-nerd, haha. Knowing the shared connections between languages can be extremely helpful for figuring out the meaning of words if you don't know them in another related language, or helping you remember the meaning of new words period, IMO. I find that it is a bit more organic to me than memorizing a bunch of words and grammar, and it sticks deeper and more effortlessly. So these might not actually technically be the closest languages to English (because I googled it and people said that Frisian/ Scots is closer), but in my experience, almost all of the North Germanic languages (Norweigan/ Swedish/ Danish) are much easier to pick up as a native English speaker, if not because of the relative shortness and accessibility of the written words and grammar compared to say... German. German has a ton of English cognates but it's not as immediately accessible. Especially when you realize that the most striking similarities are not in the way the words are spelt, it's how it sounds. It's like if you somehow "squint" with your ears, North Germanic sounds like "weird English" and vice versa, lol.

You're a classical studies or history nerd. You're a language and etymology nerd. (There's that helpful, interesting carry-over between Latin and all of the languages that came from it later.) You're an academic (or an aspiring academic). I think that you still have to learn it if you want to become a Catholic priest? (My dad learned it originally for this reason while he was in priest school, but many schools here actually used to teach some Latin as well, years and years ago. Like in the 60s/ 70s, lol.) For conversational use? No... why would it? If you want some insight into the original, elementary building blocks of English (as opposed to all of the words we imported into it from Latin, French, and other non-Germanic languages), looking at Germanic languages would probably be a better bet.

"taking the high road": ignore them completely "not taking the high road": troll the trolls? Not that I do this anymore, but there was something kind of amusing about someone talking about how you're such shit, and being like... "yup." Like just going along with their premise and running around in circles with them for a bit until you get bored. Or they get bored. Whatever.

Also: I'm not sure what the laws are like and how they're applied, but isn't her husband coercing her to do Onlyfans straight-up pimping?

I had heard about this but I never got around to listening to the recordings. Jesus.... what a piece of work that guy is. Nothing says "I'M POWERFUL HEAR ME ROAR" like threatening small, vulnerable animals and using them as a bargaining chip. Even if he has no intention of actually doing what he says (and TBH there is no reason to assume that he won't), there's no good excuse for it. Obvious Answers: Conditioning: there's often a background of being groomed to accept questionable treatment growing up (even if it's not explicit, obvious abuse). To accept, to endure, and to blame/ question yourself. Unfortunately, sometimes this is part of the conditioning of your gender. I think that overall, men and women tend to get a slightly different version of "suck it up// figure it out yourself" People don't usually show their "true colours" at first, which isn't necessarily on purpose. People change, but also you don't really truly know the nitty-gritties of someone until you live with them for at least a few years, IMO. Un-enmeshing yourself is something where it's like... you don't know how hard it can be to do until you actually do it. People's pickers/ filters aren't quite working as they should, for whatever reason. Sometimes the opposite of #1 appears to be true, like a sheltered life and perception of people, as well as a soft, sensitive personality makes you ripe for a shattering. "sunk cost fallacy" and the difficulty of getting yourself to change once you've invested deeply into someone (and your image/ beliefs about this person) Perpetually telling yourself that on some level, it's "really not that bad" even if your view of the relationship at its worst is not the same as an outsider's, at that point. Your perspective can get skewed in the heat of it. Deep down believing that you somehow deserve this and this is the best you can do, for whatever reason. In her case, like with harming her pets/ destroying her career... if you have someone/ something you want to protect, you might believe that complying with this person is your best chance of preventing damage (which may or may not be true). It's a gamble. Mostly, it seems to be the "fawn" and "freeze" instinct looping on repeat. Personally, listening to this stuff triggers my "fight" instinct and makes me furious. Like if someone fucked with my pets, they'd be done. In my case, I developed a "fight instinct" to deal with people who turn out to be like the one above, whether they are more or less subtle about it. It gave me a vengeful, vicious side whereas normally I would not ever have one, because I'm not like that by nature and there is otherwise no need for it anyway. Like: however hard you fight, I'll just do it better and smarter than you. .....like, I don't even know this woman and I want to fight this dude and tell him to get a hold of his sad, pathetic, small-dicked energy. Though I haven't been in this specific sort of situation, there are people who will blame you for fighting back (as well as not fighting back), for outting others, for not walking away even earlier or getting yourself in this situation to start with. People will blame you for being too angry, too passive, or too much or little of anything. People will say you're lying or you're being overdramatic. Etc. Even people themselves who have been abused (in my experience) will sometimes question you for getting that angry, (like you're not very moral/ "high consciousness"/ evolved, lol) so that you might protect yourself. Even if potentially, your life might depend on it. Or god forbid, the lives and wellbeings of others (such as her pets). When it comes to potential criticism, it can be a free-for-all. I am glad that it appears that people are at least moving away from this universal "blame the victim" or "she deserves it because she does sex work", because I think even 10-20 years ago, the reaction would have been even more unsympathetic as a whole. Attitudes are shifting IMO.

Is this some kind of platonic entity? Like a superlative... the vagina to end all vaginas? Vaginas: they're moody and picky. To the point that even I myself, as a vagina owner, don't always enjoy the same sort of stimulation all the time (or the same degree of it). It affects your mood and vice versa. I'm pretty sure this is common, but assuming what worked well for one woman you knew works for everyone else.

In my case, I've been aware since I was about a tween that overall the opposite sex didn't need my brains or any of my other "gifts", nor did they always care. It's not really personal. In many cases: it is simply a reflection of what a person values. Or what they need to function in this world in a more balanced way, to function better, or to be more rooted/ stable, or more expressive. To come more into their own. And as I got a little older, I knew that even if they did care, those similarities alone are not the engine of a sustainable relationship.

I grew up in a "seriously intellectual" family with a "seriously intellectual" father; I inherited a lot of his traits. was far more classically gifted than he ever was, and I was also raised to shun most frivolity. Not to say that my parents didn't have a sense of humour.... they did. ....give me a "himbo" any day over most self-identified intellectual types, lol. (keeping in mind that "intelligence" is completely relative between two people.) The issue with "serious intellectualism" isn't intellectualism, IMO. It's taking yourself way too seriously, and also being too far up your own ass and too obsessed with being right to have an adequately reciprocal relationship. It's also having to babysit and pander to a person's ego. People who identify heavily with intellectualism (in a similar way that people identify heavily with "being an artist" and all that it represents) tend to be frail, and deep down, often strike me as deeply insecure in their own abilities and capacities. What looks like confidence gets superimposed on top of that. For me: I find that it tends to be unsustainable. At its most aggravating (and unfortunately this has been very common): the world doth revolves around them and their judgement and assessment of the world and others (and you), and there isn't often a lot of room for others in this world. There is this lack of warmth and appreciation for simplicity, and people/ things simply being wherever/ however they are. We have intellectualism and "being evolved" (whatever flavour you choose of this) for its own sake. It often boils down to yet another version of others must be less than so you can be more, as in, this is their fundamental lens for dealing with the world (literally via the function of "judgement") and it's usually pretty in your face. ....and who wants to have these sorts of conversations? Not me. I don't enjoy it. At its best, creative/ intellectual bonds between the opposite sex are very volatile and so only function well for a very short period of time in close quarters. I mean, especially if you have some sort of "meeting of minds" type relationship or even an "artist/ muse" dynamic. The closer and more open you are, the more volatile it tends to be. Artists tend to feel the need to abuse or write and speak over the muses, and self-identified "minds" practically disagree with each other by definition. I'm talking about weeks or months, in most cases. If you don't create distance somehow, everything that was originally worthwhile tends to deteriorate completely, IMO. I used to think that this was maybe some flaw with myself, but who knows anymore. All I know is that it's not suitable for day-to-day living. What these men need in a partner is probably someone who functions more like a "helpmate", who is ideally "intelligent enough" to have actual conversations about what they do and value, who is pleasant enough, and they probably don't need any of the "other stuff" either in order to have a long-lasting, functional relationship. Let alone "extreme intelligence" or even "tier 2 intellect" or whatever, haha. Or alternatively: the opposites work well too, someone who lives more by the law of their gut/ heart, or who is more extroverted. (in the case that your introversion factors into your self-absorption.) Not two people being "self-absorbed" in a very similar way. (though technically, we all are in some way; as it's the nature of POV) ...........just as I technically do not either.

There is often a profound gap between what "we" experience and what we put out "into the world". We say that this is what it, what must be, and must be true. These barriers cannot exist though. It must break down completely, and it will is.

This is everyday stuff though. Ordinary, but in the most glorious of ways. And the simple nature of "everything everywhere all at once". Thought and experience transform, sometimes at an exponential speed, sometimes with no seemingly obvious prompt. (At least from where you are, sometimes.) It is simply the nature of it. The "rules" change, the perceptual filter changes; what you see and experience changes. Who and what you become, and what you can experience and see-through, it changes. The rules of what "you" or "I" are and what you can do with this all, it changes. "Probability fields" are the nature of "human thought" moving forward, I believe.

Even I have to get out of a certain sort of headspace. I hope a lightning bolt comes down and strikes some sense into all of us, all of us who are having conversations of a certain sort. Collective, shared reality is the ONLY reality. Until then, it's just a slightly different game, on a slightly different track. A snap of your fingers could take you out of it.... if you knew how.

My god... This really cannot be the end objective for us all. That any one of us should hold this perspective (or all of us), no matter whatever it is that we've seen, experienced, felt.... etc. Whatever it is that we've become. This really isn't the way. We can't really do anything with this all collectively, whether it's actually true or not.

I'm finally FINALLY figured out who made this damn song!!! I remember it being mixed on the radio that you'd hear in public with contemporary music as a kid. And then as I got older, I still heard it played. .....you hear this one riff in it and it kind of gets stuff in your head forever. All of their most well-known songs sound kind of familiar, so I've most likely heard them multiple times before. For example: ......I can't believe that I thought that "Dire Straights" was an industrial band for over half my life, haha.