Holykael

It's just being. There's no need to elaborate. I'm being a particular configuration of infinity in the eternal present.

I am being it

Im conscious of how horrifying it is. I don't even care that it contains an infinity of goodness and fun when the other half exists.

Weren't you claiming to have awakened to absolute solipsism just a few months back after having watched Leo's deleted video three times..now you're claiming other people have their own experiences which only proves you're not conscious at all. You're one of the dream characters

Alone with billions of monkey puppets None of the monkey puppets are conscious except you Jobs are necessary, unfulfilling and take up most of your life God controls your thoughts, appetite, sex drive and everything while you maintain the idea of a separate self as the ego Complete lack of free will but ego awareness of this fact Once you awaken, you find yourself alone in this hellscape destined to work for decades until your miserable life ends and you can finally be free No easy way to kill yourself where I'm from Psychedelics are illegal and hard to access Society doesn't provide euthanasia so you can die in peace if you don't want to play anymore. You're forced to live in the awfulness Tasty food makes you fat and unhealthy Pleasurable things like Cigarettes give you way too many health problems Disease and hospitals and all that trash is inevitable as you age Awakening doesn't provide liberation, makes you hyper aware of the prison you're in with no way out God handicaps itself severely for no reason whatsoever, just cuz The robots, aka people are enacting suffering on a massive scale right in front of you People don't stick around, relationships are fragile and flimsy Rent is too damn high, everything is way too costly and everything requires constant maintenance and it still degrades The robots are completely indifferent to you, they are programmed to have their meaningless interactions and for you to be a neverending spectator of those interactions Life is way too long, a couple of decades is enough to make you feel like you've experienced all you wanted in this world Only you suffer in absolute solipsism but nobody acknowledges that fact. They all pretend to suffer and demand solutions for their make believe suffering You are the only conscious being in existence, the CEO of reality but everyone treats you like a nobody Psychedelics can put you in an ever stronger hell just as easily as they can take you to a heaven that doesn't last and leaves you hanging in the mediocrity of daily life You know you are responsible for everything but you can't do shit about it because your true self hides itself from you in a brick wall of awareness that you can't penetrate in your sober state You want your ego to die and disappear but it just doesn't You yearn for non existence but it doesn't exist. You can't just sleep forever There are no solutions to suffering. You suffer and suffer and it has no end. You realize that this is eternity and that you'll be suffering for eternity with a few breaks in between You're mad and insane and you're stuck with yourself for eternity God is infinitely cruel to itself for eternity The few good moments you have makes the general suck of everything feel much worse by contrast God is a drama queen and is constantly generating drama between people, there's no peace

How is god knowing itself if reality is a 100% artificial construct. God is not only constructing the setting of a scene but also the ego's reaction to any particular event. God decides whether the ego will be happy, sad or whatever else in any given situation. Given that reality is like this, how can we claim that god is knowing itself. God is being whatever it wants to be, the reaction to that being is purely artificial. You cannot know something that you invented or orchestrated yourself, you already knew it prior to the event. People often say that this life is a process of god knowing itself but I find that statement to be utterly illogical considering the above facts. If feelings were organic and arised naturally from a particular situation that would make sense but god is the one pulling the strings of feeling. If anything god is simulating knowing itself, it's not actually getting to know itself because it is already known.

I mean artificial in the sense that god chooses the emotions it wants to feel. The emotion isn't an organic process that comes out of nowhere. The emotion is imagined by god, that's what I meant by artificial.

The no self ideology must be the greatest cosmic joke god created. Coping with eternity must be hard that you have to pretend like you don't even exist

Because infinitude must contain all finitudes and god is anal about being everything possible. Radical implications of oneness and whatever. If it were up to me life would not exist either.

Consciousness isn't frequencies. It's nothing.

It was a description of free will, of what it's like to be in god mode instead of the mediocre ego life.

I was being comical with the entertainment bit but deadly serious about the rest. Leo isn't in control of anything so he can't be faulted for his actions. This is a play of one, god willed that Leo behave the way he did. It's all god after all so if you all have a problem with something, why blame the figment of consciousness that has no will of its own

Inception, American Beauty, Shutter Island and the Matrix movies

I don't know why you all judging Leo. He is but a figment of consciousness with zero free will. God is acting through Leo to enact a storyline. Your judgements are also done through this same process, the irony is not lost on me but there is no point to your comments. Leo will Leo and reality will reality. Aren't you entertained? This is all entertainment. This is all content to be consumed by consciousness. The useless thoughts of god will continue for eternity. Everyone is just content for a lonely and sad god. A storyline to be consumed. Consume product, shut up and consume next product. Rinse and repeat

What happened to Connor Murphy?

Video game studios and movie studios are just a façade to give context to movies and games that come out. Hideo Kojima didn't develop metal gear solid. Consciousness invented Hideo Kojima as a story to justify the existence of Metal Gear Solid. Games aren't developed by studios of hundreds of people, they pop into existence with a bunch of logos and made up background stories and creators. Playstation didn't develop the playstation consoles, in fact the playstation consoles are just bricks of consciousness, they are simply appearance, you're imagining the games. Shigeru Miyamoto didn't invent Mario or Zelda. Steven Spielberg didn't direct shit, Quentin Tarantino didn't direct shit. There may even be behind the scenes documentaries about movies allegedly directed by these people but even those behind the scenes documentaries are generated by consciousness to create context. Beethoven and Mozart didn't compose anything, they are just labelling for different pieces of music. The same logic is applied to all of science like for example the existence of brains and atoms, it's all a storyline, none of that actually exists or is part of the mechanics of reality. Space does not exist. We aren't living on a globe. Gravity doesn't exist. This creates a really depressing picture because the lie that hundreds of people poured their heart and soul into something made it more special, it created a background for the inception of a product, something coming out of the creative vision and blood, sweat and tears from human creativity. But no. Art is magically generated instantly by consciousness as a complete triviality. On the flip side I can see this a facet of goodness of God. God is creating absolutely everything but is sharing the credit among all of these imagined identities. it's beautiful really. Software Engineers are all writing phantom code that doesn't actually do anything because computation isn't real. Computer behaviour is imagined by consciousness. Software Engineering is completely and utterly make believe. Products at the supermarket didn't come from a complex global supply chain. They pop into existence as you visit the supermarket and the workers that you see there are simply background. On LinkedIn you see a bunch of job adverts but it's all background noise, nobody is doing any interviews, the only interviews that happen are for the only person with a bubble of awareness. The job market is a complete fantasy, when they tell you/me that some other candidate was chosen that's a complete fabrication. God just didn't want you to get that job. You are interviewing yourself. All sex is masturbation. Everything is reduced to nothing, complete emptiness. What other radical implications of oneness/solipsism can you think of?

In heaven there are no STDs and you have to remember that god loves everything. Including eating shit. That's how total god's love is, fucking goats is nothing. If it exists, it's god and god loves it. That's how radical things are. You're clearly not awake and you'll never be this woke if you don't integrate this.

Leo never said his experience was the only one. He said the viewer's experience was the only one and that he himself is imagined by the viewer that he himself has no point of view. I have the solipsism episode in audio form recorded for posterity. Leo was of course referring to me because I'm the one with the POV. The infinity of gods doesn't contradict this because he was talking about other possible sovereign experiences that are completely isolated from each other. Other singularitiies that might exist in their own solipsistic bubbles and that when he got in touch wirh another god it was just imagined by him anyway.

I said in the OP that Im responsible for everything since Im god but god is such a bastard to itself that it creates this duality between ego and god as if they are separate entities. On the one hand you have the one experiencing reality and the one generating reality. They are the same entity but the direct experience doesn't match that fact. It's as if I'm fighting a battle with my subconscious and ofc it's illusory and unwinnable. I have considered strategies of killing myself and one day I might just do it. I do these posts in hopes that someone will say something that will turn my thinking around, nothing else.

It's impossible to describe in a few paragraphs. It's a multi month journey. One time when I took LSD I became the CEO of reality and became conscious I had written every single book. Another time on mushrooms the hard floor became soft in my hands. I've had awakenings to absolute solipsism as well which involved people becoming remote controlled puppets in front of me. I've had experiences of no-self as well through meditation. I've had out of body experiences, astral projection and lucid dreams. I've had telepathy experiences as well. One time on 5 MEO DMT I was crucified like Christ and then in the aftermath I became conscious of how I had constructed the story of this entire reality. This is very surface level description of my awakening. It involved much crazier shit than this but I don't want to talk about it in a public forum. Doesn't help the fact that you're me pretending like you already dont know everything about me. I went through all the traps from secret societies, to law of one and new age and then gnosticism, prison planet and finally it's all me and none of that shit is real.

Post awakening I experience language as a restrictive prison. I notice how it's all self referential games and in many cases people are spouting a bunch of words but they aren't saying much at all. It's a mind game like anything else and awakening made me too self aware to enjoy most uses of language. I'm aware of it as a construct now and it's not a good feeling.

My ego is not god. God is my subconscious mind and I have no control over it. It has control over me. This subconscious mind is also generating the posts by @Razard86. If I was in control of godlike power there would be no problems whatsoever

It's more accurate to say that all evil is god pretending to lack self awareness. People are constructed from the top down, not bottom up. What I mean by this is that god pretends to be Donald Trump, Donald Trump has no will as an example. This means that when god wants to be evil, god will be evil. God will pretend to lack self awareness to bring about all the horrors it wants to experience. The entire burden is on god. We are nothing and control nothing. It's god who should aim to be nicer to itself because these radical implications of oneness are messed up. God shouldn't be crucifying itself but alas it is. This video didn't make me a kinder and gentler person. It made me a fearful person who'd rather not exist than to experience all of the horrors of existence as an inevitability. The blissful moments don't make up for it. Existence is suffering, cruel and eternal.

God is utterly ridiculous. First of all it creates the so called selfish egos only to make them suffer. Pinnacle of mental illness and cruelty. It has the audacity to label the egos as selfish when it is god pulling the strings behind the scenes and making them so. The egos are completely blameless, in fact they are the Christs who suffer. God doesn't suffer, the ego does. Where is the selfishness there? If anything it is god who is utterly selfish because it is the sole being responsible for all of existence. The very notion of selfishness is ridiculous because god is all alone. If you have no other, there is no possible selfishness to exist, not even for the so called egos. I resent god or myself, the true self, more than anything because it has given me an utter shit life full of suffering. Last time I took 5-MeO-DMT I felt what it was like to be crucified and I screamed in utter agony only to be left in a state of eternity in a horrible thought loop of there being no time. It took away everything from me, my friends, my girlfriend, all my money on account of leading me to a shit cult called the Iluminati through an LSD trip and various other supernatural occurrences (this of course without being aware of what I was getting myself into, because there is no free will so ofc there were huge plot holes and I was careless like never before in my life). I trusted god with all my heart, my so called inner voice and what followed was utter destruction and collapse of everything in my life. God creates the survival rat race and then through avatars like Leo judges the egos that are playing in the awful rat race of survival. God is an utter and complete fucking bastard. This is my direct experience and it is all of your direct experiences as well because you are all me. You all speak so glowingly of god but the only being here in existence with the field of experience has been nothing but crucified at the hands of this awful and terrible Infinity. Radical implications of oneness indeed. And then to top it all off, all the people pretend like they aren't me except for some forum posters here and Leo who is completely out of reach in my daily life. All I want is unity but I'm stuck in the wheels of hell, of samsara. I am the ego which has a bubble of experience unlike everyone else and I have experienced the cruelty of god. None of you are awake because if you were there wouldn't be an actualized.org forum. We would all be the singularity. God is severely mentally ill, from multiple personality disorder, to intense masochism and dissociative personality disorder. That's what god is. I certainly don't feel the love. I recognize that many things are love but it doesn't excuse all the shit that nullifies it. Suffering is the most ridiculous creation in existence. What is it all for? For absolutely nothing because god is all alone and has nothing to prove to anyone so why suffer. Suffering is the ultimate mental illness of god. I wish I wasn't god, I wish I wasn't unconscious. I can't even pursue psychedelics at the moment because god wrecked my life so much that they are out of reach for at least a couple of years. I want to take charge of this creation and put an end to the madness but that's never going to happen. The Christ here will die before it can get its grips on reality because if this ego were in charge it would be paradise forever. Negative polarity should only exist as fiction and it should never be in anyone's direct experience. Loving suffering is not a feature, it's a bug. It's pure madness. God is madness and suffering more than it is love. Suffering is king, it trumps every other sensation. It's way stronger than love. What was the price to get this far and to realize absolute solipsism. Absolutely everything. God left me all alone with nothing but a life in shambles. I hate challenges with a fury of a thousand suns. I would go even further beyond and say that god is writing these words through me with complete self awareness of how big a fucking bastard it is