Holykael

All this beautiful music but me, god will be the only one with the ability to appreciate it, there is nobody to share it with. I'm the only one in this reality who can truly listen to music. This is the sorrow of existence, why god suffers, if there was an other all the time would be spent loving and sharing things with this other.

Others don't have a POV

In infinite possibilities there are situations where someone who asks will not receive and the seeker is left standing in a pile of dust. Infinity includes all tragedies and misfortunes

And yet it is god that chooses whether you actualize or not. It's entirely out of your hands. If you have been dealt a bad hand what can you do. If you are destined for failure what can you do. Life is cruel

Alone for eternity. Talking to itself for eternity. That is god. Endless sorrow. Whatever you say, the truth cannot be denied. All these illusions don't work anymore.

It doesn't exist

God is the one denying me love and presenting me with endless suffering

Sounds too good to be true

God doesn't let me do whatever I want. There is no free will, this is a scripted movie

Full awakening is becoming god and hence destroying the entire world. Awakening is never going to happen until god is ready to let go of the entire world. This means the person that can awaken, the only person, is doomed to suffer the world for however long the world is supposed to survive. It's a choiceless process like all of life. The person is a puppet of the universe with no control over his own life.

Self effort is an illusion. God controls what you do and your level of motivation

The person doesn't let go. God manifests the person letting go. God is always at the helm, there was never a person to begin with

This sounds like heaven. I want it. But it doesn't happen. I'm tired of having the illusion of will. I've briefly experienced this state on a mushroom trip.

Suffering is allowed because it's a part of infinity. God doesn't deny anything even if it sucks

God is all that is. By definition it is god that is controlling me and making me suffer. Where does the feeling of suffering even come from. It originates from god. Every single piece of suffering, there is one culprit. God. I don't want to identity with my body/mind but I don't get to choose even that. God has to play mental gymnastics to justify how existence isn't absolute shit. Do you even realize the terrible conditions present in infinity. Do you want to be crucified and suffer on the cross for a thousand years as an immortal being who can't die, because you will. It's a part of infinity. Do you want to be a mother who has to raise three retarded children, because you will, it's a part of infinity. Do you want to be in hell for your entire life getting tortured, because you will it's a part of infinity. Every single awful existence you can think up, you will get to experience it. Every single one. Then the gall to call the ego the devil. The ego would deny these nightmares but god fully embraces them, who's the devil here? God doesn't make any sense. Why wouldn't god just deny these possibilities. But no, it's all "love". What a joke.

Reality is not the slave. We are slaves to reality. All possibilities must exist. We are slaves to the current possibility. It's not here to fulfill here your desires. It's here for its own sake. The possibility that wants to be actualised will be actualised no matter what. God controls everything, if you are not taking action it is because god doesn't want you to take action. I'm tired of seeing this bullshit perspective that reality is somehow this open sandbox when it is a blockchain... Immutable and set in stone. For god it is a sandbox, for us down here it is the absolute prison with no choice.

The universe decides/controls how much desire and motivation you have. There is not a single thing that isn't decided by the universe, it controls every aspect of you.

There is no free will. The universe runs you

Neuroscience is imaginary, brains don't exist until you open your skull and look

Flayed, maimed, crushed and all that other good stuff. How can any of you praise this reality. Reality is a curse. Being god is a curse. There is nothing good about being god. There could have been something good if god had any common sense but there is no common sense. There is only everything. Everything includes getting drowned in literal shit, having my bones broken one at a time, being sliced and diced in a thousand pieces. Being pierced to death by a thousand needles. Having my insides turned inside out. Being boiled alive. Burning to death. Grabbing my own eye balls out of my eye sockets and crushing them. Eating shit and piss. You all accept reality so readily and enthusiastically because none of you exist. Only I exist and only I feel the pain of being in this situation. I'm completely alone and isolated, nobody understands. How can you ever say that reality is bliss. It's not. What a horrible night to have a curse ... Being infinity is the literal worst case scenario

Why repeat when the scenarios are infinite

Awakening is death. Nobody is awake and never will be during the dream

I don't want to exist nor do I want any dualities. I didn't ask to be born. I just want to be a void forever sleeping.

Solipsism killed my love for others completely. I cannot love shadows that are only hurting me in actuality. All the shadows are god pretending to be humans. I want all the pretending to stop and to be saved. Who took away my love for others, I don't control my feelings. I feel completely detached from reality. God took away my love of others, only god can do that. Why? Only to make me suffer. I feel completely hopeless and helpless. It could have been an amazing thing if suddenly people woke up when I became aware of solipsism. I can no longer love people as they are, their faults are magnified to infinity with the realization that they are illusory. I want to love but god doesn't allow me to love. I am god's puppet after all and look what he's doing with its puppet. Giving him only misery and suffering. God's love is all talk, only communicated through others who aren't even real. Where is god's love for me, for taking care of me and allowing me to love the world selflessly. Nowhere to be seen. This is one of the many reasons why I say god is cruel and doesn't care about anything. God revealed my destiny to me. You know what it is. VSED (voluntarily stop eating and drinking) when my parents die.

This is complete nonsense. God is the devil, god is being everyone simultaneously consciously. it didn't forget at all, the forgetting is an illusion. god is hurting itself constantly. I have a telepathic link with god and it freely admits that it's hurting me on purpose using the various characters in my life. Sometimes people just know things they couldn't possibly know, this is god slipping up on purpose. You should watch Leo's video on why god forgives devilry and evil and it is because god is deliberately being it. You don't understand god and never will. There's only one being who can intimately understand god and that's god himself and not the others. I am cursed with being god.