Fernanda

I had an experience that I can't make sense of. I'm going to share something personal, I'm really confused. You will understand my question in the end. I met this guy on the Internet and we had sex multiple times and we used to chat everyday. I really liked him, although I sensed he was emotionally distant. But we talked for hours. After the third date (the third time we had sex) he said we should be friends because he wasn't attracted to me enough to keep dating, etc. He emphasized we lacked chemistry. I said ok, let's be friends, etc. In that same day he said he had regreted what he said because he was strangely turned on after we talked. We had sex again and again, better and better. Last time he even said it had been great. Somedays later he started telling about how I did not accept we should just be friends, because he didn’t feel what I felt. And he regreted having had sex with me again, because he knew since the first date we lacked chemistry, etc. He even told me that he had fucked another girl the other day and there was chemistry. He said he liked to talk to me and that was all, he didn't like me as a woman. Strangely enough, he said he had fucked this girl on saturday and called me and fucked me on sunday and monday again. This all seems weird to me, mainly because I tried to back off so many times and it was him who came after me to go out again. Now there is a dissonance in my mind, I feel disrespected, confused. I am not in love with him, but our conversations lasted for hours, and I just thought that to be pretty rare. I did say some things to him in the end, that the kind of comparison he was making and talking about regret was so childsh. I guess my biggest question is in the title of the thread. Sorry, English is not my first language. I would be very glad if you have any insight. Love❤

@Kalki Avatar such a beautiful description, it enriched me just by reading. Thank you. I'm not there yet, but I did have an awakening listening to Leo with some good weed, but mostly by suddenly realizing unity in a sense. I mean...experiences come and go and I'm not identified with them. I've always enjoyed being in solitude. I wrote something a few months ago on my journal that goes like this: "All those apparent characters were there flashing across the screen of my mind so I COULD SEE MYSELF! How could I be the chubby girl and the girl with the cracked belly? I was! Now I knew that I was, it was me and only me there. Before, I didn't have much conscience, I didn't pay attention, because I thought they were simply people who had nothing to do with me or my life. On the way back, I stopped at the traffic light and a rather dirty and hunchbacked man came to hand me a paper, at first I wanted to refuse, I didn't want garbage in the car. He insisted on handing it to me and as soon as I read 'I AM DEAF AND I NEED YOUR HELP...' I took it immediately, I didn't want to delay him, he had to walk around the parked cars to leave the paper in exchange for some currency. I fully understood that the deaf person was me. Before, I was a personality who didn't want to play a role in the car anymore, now I was the deaf himself developing his perfect business, delivering his message and collecting his coins. It was the first time I understood. God/I love/loves all creations". I still can suffer but it is very rapidly transformed into love and understanding. I can't explain. I also can sense people's intentions as my own, as they are. I still have to take the psychedelic leap. Maybe one day I can take the final step ?

@RickyFitts Brazil is an amazing country. I find it hard to leave this place, despite all the challenges and problems we face here ?

Could you try to describe how this realization transformed you in a practical sense?

I see your point. It's good that we do not agree. I don't believe either way is good- feminine or masculine. We need self love. We need to go meta on these subjects. My opinion about the presidency is personal.

@RickyFitts brazilian society is going through a regression, unfortunately. We have a religious fanatic in power, supported by a regressive religious group which does preach an unbalanced masculine agenda. Overall we have an amazing culture though and our people are artistic and resilient. Sometimes it's difficult finding those with different values, but we are still out there. Thank you for your support?

Yes. That's a good advice ? Thank you @vizual

Yes. He seemed lost and confused. Sometimes I think he was afraid he could get emotionally involved, so he started playing around and trying to lower my own self steem. But I don’t know. I will just keep silent and move on. Thank you?

Yes. The hard part is to accept I lost hours talking to him and they were most empty words from his part. I think he made a persona he truly believes in. Yes. He was feeding off my energy and attention, it seems. But the irony is that he is the one who showed as "not qualified", I even feel so sorry for his emotional issues. I am not expecting anything different from him, though. He is not a boy anymore. Thank you for your kind response?

Yes. I understood he was not emotionally available, but what got me puzzled was the lack of integrity. Thank you @Benton

That's it! The best is yet to come. Thank you. You take care too❤

Yes, it's a stage red/blue society. The good thing is to learn. I have to learn to love the truth of my experience, even if it feels ugly and nasty. Thank you?

You have put into words what my intuition was trying to tell me. I couldn’t be more greatful. I don't talk to him since then. The fact that I am emotionally available and he is not can't make me weak, after all. I will just give some time and keep fishing, for sure. Thank you?

Thank you. I see. For my part I can't have sex multiple times with someone I am not sexually attracted to. If I don’t feel attraction I can't even kiss to begin with. But I get that people are different.

Yes, he is very articulate. He plays mind games. This really generates a cognitive dissonance, since we talked for hours and now I see it was all bullshit. Anyways, I am trying to understand so I won't keep any negativity about the situation, just move on. Thank you for responding.

Exactly, but behind the screen and behind words he sold me another image of himself as being a very serious and honest man. My mind can't process that very well.

Yes, he said he regreted acting on his impulses, because he is not attracted to me. I still have to learn to deal with this level of disrespect, maybe I am still naive in a way. Thank you very much for responding.

That's what I sense too. He even told me I am crazy, but I never went after him or anything. I never insisted on any situation. I stop talking and I don't want to see him again. What he tells me is that he is being honest and I don’t like honesty, but to me it sounds everything but honesty. Anyways, it is not a good position to be in. I'm moving on. Thank you, it means a lot to have someone to interact with about this issue.

We can really feel a little lost before a period of integration. I had no idea how the sense of morality governs most of our actions. When we break free we really feel lost, like there is nowhere to go, nothing to respond to, unless we choose to reimagine things in an entirely new way. Things can get pretty mad and out of control, because most people won't understand where you are coming from. At the same time, you are awake, you can make sense of things off the ordinary sense to a point you will be called "crazy", because you LOVE in a broader and deeper sense! Loving is crazy ! OMG!

Yes. The fact that we are communicating here is the very proof of the advances in manifestation. Imagine if I had to travel from Brazil, where I am now, to grab a cup of Coffee and ask you those questions? How long would it take?...Besides, other things would have to be manifested for that, like the airplane, etc. Immediacy, time, frequency are pointers to be contemplated. You helped me a lot rearranging the big questions to go forward. Thank you very much. I also expect one day Leo will go deeper into this subject.

@Michael Jackson thanks. Yes, I realize that, I guess I am trying to become more lucid (aware) about how that (manifestation) occurs. I do have glimpses of that in daily life. @A Fellow Lighter yes, it does make sense and you are helping me to clarify something really important here. Ok. Objects are intelligence made visible. They are a vibration, like a tone in music. Right? What I am most intrigued about is how this process occurs in consciousness (if the "creation" of an object is a process at all!!). Supposing I can manifest Gold, for example, or a rose.... is there any possibility I can get in tune with such a frequency? Many will say...just go get the rose in the garden. I can do that, but my question goes deeper. I am not saying this kind of manifestation is relevant, I am just naively curious about the possibility in terms of conscious manifestation. Maybe we had never definied what frequency is though, because science uses time to define it. I can see it as an immediate imprint. How do you see frequency in practical terms. Can it be defined using time?

@A Fellow Lighter thank you. It makes a lot of sense. I read Tesla's biography recently and I am really seeing those "patterns". I have a friend who is really depressed and I can really count how many times he has told me the same story about his past. It vibrates. Other things are harder to grasp, like...how does a plant or an object vibrate? This "event" is ocurring in consciousness as a perceived pattern, right? Can we see objects as "symbols" of a repeting pattern in consciousness?

Would you kindly go on explaining a little more? I've been contemplating about "frequency" a lot lately. Is frequency imagined by us? In what way it creates?

@Reciprocality I appreciate this kind of high level topic being discussed here. Thank you. It brought me some basic questions. First, what is an object? Is it its function? I was thinking about an a priori existence of paper currency. It can be considered an object, right? According to what you are explaining it is a thing in itself. Now, consciousness imagines there is no need for this object "paper currency" to exist anymore. The function "exchanging of value" it provided goes to bitcoins, credit cards or just some numbers on a screen. If the object "paper currency" was not consciousness itself, where did it go? Isn't it a fact that it stopped being imagined by consciousness? My point is....consciousness creates/ imagines representations to experiment itself. These "things" are consciousness experimenting itself and it can take any form imagined, it mutates, it gets destroyed on the way. Could you clarify that for me. Thank you.

I am very aware I AM imagining. There is no way he can mislead me. Like that Blade Runner's quote: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe". It's actual...see before you see=imagination. No trolls here.