Asayake

Last night I did 105 ug of LSD. It ended up being the best trip I've ever had. I spent my trip listening to music, meditating, and peeing(an awful lot ). Here's a summary of what I learned: My comeup was not the smoothest. I did not have any nervous thoughts or anything of that nature, my feelings were peaceful as well. But my body reacted way stronger than on any comeup I ever had before. My heart was beating out of my chest, my palms were sweating like crazy, I could feel the inside of my throat very vividly and it felt like it was very narrow and uncomfortable, claustrophobic. I felt an oncoming intensity and sense of doom on par with going up a very tall rollercoaster that I was soon to regret going on("you're in for a ride kid"). I just lied down in my bed and was aware of my body's reaction. My heart was beating very fast for a while and I was uncomfortably aware of it. I just reminded myself that I don't have to be afraid of the sensation of my heart beating out of my chest, but to get to know it and be curious, to let it express itself to me. I was being present with my body like a mother is present with her distressed child. Then it suddenly hit me. I realized the love I have for myself. When it seemed like everything was about to go to shit I kept my cool anyways and did what I thought was the best thing to do. Because I have a deep love for myself. And that deep love for myself is what defines me, it is who I am in the purest sense. I was never more real than I was in that moment, yet that was the way I had been all along, this situation just made it clear enough for me to see that it is this way. My body was soon soothed by my loving presence and realizations were had: - I became conscious of infinity, infinite love for what is. Every moment presented me with a new form of infinity that I was constantly falling in love with. - You can not grasp it intellectually because what it is transcends the intellectual. - It is pure love, I can not come up with better words to describe what it is. - LSD is like a cold shower of love. So much love that you're afraid to let yourself feel it. So much love that it hurts, so intense that it can give you instant ego death when you let it take you, when you let yourself feel it for what it is. At one point I felt a serious intensity arising. I put my head onto my hands to let myself relax into it and let it take me. I connected to my breath and suddenly, out of nowhere I had an instant ego death. Visuals were going absolutely crazy as I was one. It was the most powerful ego death I've had since doing big amounts of Weed & Nitrous Oxide a few years ago. But during that ego death I was completely dissociated and "gone", it was just like I became a 2D object/computer program and then was reborn into a human being when I "came back to it". This time I was fully aware of what was going on(I even had the thought, "wow, full on ego death, that easy huh ?"), but I was still completely merged into one. It was insanely intense and powerful. When I came back I was a bit shocked because of the sheer intensity and how it hit me out of nowhere. I was a bit shaken but it felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders, like I had let go of a lot of fear. I had the similar feeling of being reborn when coming back that I had on the weed/nitrous combo, except this time I was not surprised that I was back. - Everything you go through in life is because you love the beauty of it all for an eternity. The best way to express it is through love for what is, being with what is. - Even philosophy is not what you think it is. - Music shows us the infinite. Music(and life itself) is a trip through infinity. A good music album(or a song) is like a gourmet slice of infinity, infinity organized in a beautiful way. The music I listened to during the trip sounded just like normal music. It's just that I could hear it more accurately, for what it truly was, and being with it in every moment that transformed it into something more beautiful than it would have been in my usual sober state of mind. Just like being with my uncomfortable sensations at the beginning of the trip transformed the negative sensations into a wonderful trip. Because being with what is is what love is. Turning water into wine. Show a rabid dog love and it will transform into a loving pet. Being with the meaninglessness of music is what creates the meaningfulness of music. - At one point I was looking at a stopwatch timer on my browser that I used to check how much time had passed in the trip occasionally. The browser had bugged so it was frozen at 2 hours or so. I thought to myself, "holy fuck, time has stopped!" and had a strong feeling of time standing still. Then after looking at the frozen timer for a while I realized it could be bugged so I tried refreshing the page and the timer started working again. Then I realized that time is actually standing still all the time and laughed at how stupid and profound what had just happened was. Later on I was thinking about this more and realized that even thinking about how much time had passed was pointless, since time is so warped on LSD that keeping track of it doesn't really matter anyways. WOW. What an experience, will definitely do LSD again at some point in the future. LSD is officially my favorite psychedelic .

I get that. He did try to create an attachment in you to him so that he could rely on you for sex to fulfill himself. It's not a very nice game he is playing so you should definitely cut ties with him and try to let go of thoughts of him and move on. That's just my opinion of course, you do as you wish. With that being said, to answer your thread title he was definitely attracted to you or otherwise he wouldn't have approached you at all. It's just for him attraction is all about sex because he is emotionally underdeveloped right now and will be until he himself decides to grow as a person. And he's most likely turning to the other girl for sex as well, using the same excuse with her when he finds yet another girl. For him sex and love is drug and he will suffer for it in the end and be forced to change his ways. Let go of thoughts, connect to your breath & inner body. There's no reason to spend your precious time alive on thinking too much about him. There are good things here & now for you to be with. With time you'll find a better guy. There's plenty of fish in the sea

This guy sounds like a fuckboy...

I can't tell if you're trolling or not. Calling others whom you know nothing about "amateurs in this work", implying that you know more than them, which you probably don't. And even if you did, do you think your approach will make others inclined to listen to what you have to say? It doesn't seem to be working too well judging from the response you got..

Very cool.

You probably don't need to worry. There's already so much air pollution and other damaging chemicals etc. around that a little smoke for a couple of minutes isn't going to cause any significant harm(just don't make it a daily thing ), unless it kills you by asphyxiation on the spot. Since you didn't feel a lack of oxygen or anything weird the smoke was probably more diluted with air than it looked. Fear of damaging your brain sounds quite normal to me, I've had similar fear myself but with psychedelics. About one year ago after tripping on LSD and meditating I had persistent fractal visuals that occasionally appeared for a few months before they finally resided. I think in the end, what caused more damage to my brain was probably my mind freaking out so much about whether or not I had damaged my brain permanently or if I was going to have a psychosis and never be the same again one day. That fear stuck with me for quite some time and for a while I actually believed I had damaged my brain. My mind would use the appearance of negative feelings to confirm that I had in fact damaged my brain. If I had a bit of anxiety for no apparent reason? Well, must have been that I fucked my brain up. Was stumbling over words when I was talking with my friend? Fuck.. I never should have tripped that one time.. I'm so stupid, how could I do this fatal mistake and ruin my mind. But when I finally said to myself whatever.. If my brain is broke it is broke. There is nothing I can do about it, shit happens. I stopped focusing my mind on thinking about what could be wrong, trying to find a problem where there really wasn't a big problem at all. Some time passed where I didn't think much about it at all. Occasionally the fractals kept reappearing but less and less often. Now it's been months since they last appeared and I feel completely normal and am not afraid of brain damage anymore. My guess is your mind is scaring you over nothing and making it seem like there is danger when there really isn't, just like my mind did.

For me personally I think it helped shine a light on what my problems were and showed me a way forward. It made me realize that if I didn't take certain action my life would be degenerating at an increasingly rapid rate. That realization in itself probably cause extra anxiety for me. But that turned out to be good in the end because I couldn't ignore my problems anymore but was forced to try to deal with them.

Don't worry. There's many reasons for why he didn't respond. Maybe he doesn't know what to say. Maybe he don't like speaking about such things because it reminds him of his own demons. There's hundreds of reasons why he doesn't respond, our mind just seem to naturally come to the worst conclusion sometimes. Probability is high he sympathizes with you but is insecure/overthinking how to respond. Let it be and if he doesn't respond for a week or so you could try to bring up some lighter topic and just move on with the conversation in some other direction.

The difference being that indoor plumbing is not viewed upon by most people as a groundbreaking fantastic achievement on par with travelling to Mars. The reason Tesla is worth so much is that Elon is using the same strategies that the US and Russia used to gain power during the cold war. Big promises of solving humanities problems by sending expensive tech to space. Giving people false hope in a way that I doubt the invention of indoor plumbing ever did. But with that said I get your point, material progress is not necessarily bad.

As I heard Mike Tyson say in some interview a couple of weeks ago: "Love hurts". That's some powerful insight!

I think "Talent is overrated" is a solid book. I think I would classify it as a psychology book because it shows how something we believe that is actually not true can handicap our potential in life(and does so för most people). And it offers a way forward, how to become really good at something.

Didn't he say something like this in the recent video about ketamine? He was talking about his upcoming interview with Curt and how Curt is an example of a beautiful mind in a sense. Before that he spoke about just that, how the mind actually can be a beautiful tool.

Aha! So my DDOS attack IS working Jk of course lol

I don't even like the fact that restrictions are being imposed on people with certain opinions. I don't have to agree with other people's opinions but how do I know they're the biased ones and I'm not? The label is even more stupid. Why are left wing opinions considered better than right wing opinions on the forums? They're both flawed stances and if you think otherwise look at how much destruction they both caused throughout history. And even if right wing or pro Russia opinions objectively were worse(or why else was this user made 'apolitical'?) someone needs to have the 'worse' opinion in every discussion or everyone just has the same opinion and then you might as well just delete the political subforum because there's no discussion to be had. If the user did actual misconduct a ban is warranted but it doesn't seem to me this is the case? I might be mistaken.

The Red Shoes (1948) is an amazing movie. Beautiful, thought provoking, ahead of its time. Wether you like ballet or not it's a worthwhile watch. Tampopo (1985) is hilarious, unexpected, innovative, cool, unique. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) is hilarious, spectacular, stylish, beautiful, colourful.

How is it that Tristan is God when Tristan is a finite concept and God is infinite? Isn't it that I for example mistake myself to be Nils(which is a finite concept, a human identity, my name, a word) when in fact I am that which the word I is pointing to(God, which is infinite), of which Nils(this human identity, concept, etc.) is just a part. But saying Nils is God makes me a bit confused because it's like saying Nils right hand is Nils? The hand is a part of Nils but saying a hand is Nils doesn't really capture what Nils really is? I'm really trying to understand this. Edit: typo

Hmm. Perhaps you weren't really that into the girl sexually, could that be the problem, that it feels a bit forced & shallow because you don't really feel like touching her yet(even though you know sex would be nice), like a deep connection really isn't there? That you just need to find someone you're really into to make touching etc. more enjoyable, exciting and something you want to do for its own sake. Sleeping with a lot of random girls you just barely got to know isn't everyone's cup of tea(different people like different things), it sounds like you're actually more interested in connecting with a girl and getting to know her on a deeper level and not just having sex with a girl you barely just met, am I wrong in my assumption here? Maybe you should try to find yourself someone you can get to know on a deeper level first, a girlfriend? There is no need to escalate things early on just to make sure you score. Atleast when it comes to myself, I am not really that attracted unless there is a deep connection, sexual attraction is not only looks as I'm sure you're aware of. And when there is a deep connection things will more naturally lead to touching etc. and it will feel more meaningful. You don't have to touch her or try to kiss her on the first date. if it feels forced/shallow it's probably going to be forced/shallow, so trust your gut. Because you will not only be doing it to to get her love/sex, but you will do it because she has grown to be someone you care about and want to spend your time with, and you will want to caress her and make her feel good too because you care for her. Then you will not only be touching her for your own sake. I don't buy that you need to sleep with 100s of girls to find the best girl to become your girlfriend. The best girlfriend is the girl you build on a relationship with for a long time and that shares some interest/interests with you. If one spends all his time hooking up with random girls a lot of time is wasted that could be spent really getting to know someone. Which would make the sex a lot more meaningful as well. Quantity does not equal quality.

I agree. Grounding yourself in the Here and Now(feel the negative feelings when they arise, be with them until they fade away) seems to be improving my mental health significantly(Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now helped me with this). It's easy to feel negative emotion and be tricked by thoughts that you will feel like shit for the rest of your life. Whatever you're feeling is temporary and the thought that one can't handle it anymore is an illusion that is easy to fall for, since you already handled the last moment you can handle suffering the next moment too. But of course, the suffering is not eternal, it's impossible. It's just that the thought that "what if this shit lasts for the next 25 years, I would rather die" that feeds the negative feelings with energy and sustains their visit.

Instead of doing things to reach some end goal you have in the future. Try to connect to the Now and enjoy life as it is in the moment even when you're doing pick up. Instead of viewing it as pickup with the goal to get a girl to sleep with you, view it as an opportunity to connect with another human you know nothing about, have fun and spread good energy. If it scares you, appreciate the fact that the fear makes you feel alive, it transforms you. Learn to appreciate the suffering. Be in the moment and don't overthink it, just let go of thoughts and connect to your feelings and your inner body, trust that you will know what to say even if you don't think about it. More important than what is said is your feelings, your vibe. A good pickup line is a bad pickup line if you really want to get away from the situation and do something else, be comfortable with where you are in the Now and try to take everything in. She will sense your calm control & positive energy and that is attractive. Sort of like how if you want to become really strong and build good muscle you can't be thinking about your gains in the future all the time when you're at the gym. You need to get to know the feeling of pushing yourself and how it feels in your body when you're doing the exercises. That needs to become something you love in itself for you to succeed in the gym. Otherwise working out will become dull real quick. You gotta fall in love with the process and not only with the thought of the result that will come from the process. Because otherwise you will not be able to enjoy sex either, if you're for example having sex only to last as long as possible and not for the sake of sex itself.

I saw some tweet from someone in azov troops with caption "flex one arm if you know where Gonzalo Lira is" with one of the azov troops flexing his right bicep and all the troops with big smiles on their faces. Don't know if that was fake or not but interesting nonetheless.

Because the beauty of it makes us let go of thoughts and reconnects us to our true self. The sound of the flowing river pulls your focus off thoughts and awareness of sound emerges. The wonderful smell of flowers connects us to our sense of smell and makes us remember to feel the breath as we breathe in to get to know the smell of that particular kind of flower. The light of the sun reveals the light within you. The colors of the sunset make us pause and observe in awe, the stillness, the peacefulness of it all makes us calm just like a distressed child seizes to cry in the hands of a calm mother. The brutality of nature when a predator chases down and kills its prey is brutal. But yet it is so shockingly pure and honest, REAL, that I can't do much but just observe and take it all in. It's just the fact that it is so real which is nothing short of a miracle and almost unbelievable. Nature reminds us of who we truly are, life itself and not some limiting identity created by thoughts.

I might just be confused but how can an individual exist if a group doesn't? An individual is just as much a social and mental construction as a group. So how can it be that an individual can awaken but not a group? I guess in that sense awakening does not really exist either since it is also a construction, a concept. Then there is just what is and it's not possible to capture it with words because it is infinite and that's what the words God/Consciousness/Universe are pointing to? And then in a relative sense an individual can awaken to this fact by realizing that individuals, groups, ego, basketball etc. don't actually exist because it's just constructions and that the "I" that the individual is referring to is actually God. Then I don't understand why a group can not awaken in a relative sense. If every individual in a group awakens, then relatively speaking should we not be able to say that is a group awakening? Even if in an absolute sense God is all there is for all eternity. Then there is the question of how likely it is that a large group of individuals will awaken. That's what I assume you and Leo mean is not going to happen. But I say how can you be so sure this is the case? When we were still monkeys and had not yet evolved into homo sapiens sapiens, being able to do many of the things we do today must have seemed impossible or like an unachievable utopia. Could it not be the case that the same is going on here? Sure, a collective awakening in the future seems like a fantasy today. But isn't anything possible in an infinite universe? This made me think of something I read by Eckhart Tolle, he says that a new heaven and a new earth are arising within you at this moment.

As in there is only the self awakening to itself? That makes sense. But how can democracy exist then? Because Leo posted in the same post that we're lucky to keep democracy alive. How can there be democracy if there are no groups?

For me both A New Earth and The Power of Now were very helpful books. Especially The power of Now. I feel like they're misrepresenting what Eckhart Tolle is trying to say to some extent. I don't know if calling his teachings "a lot of self avoidance masked as enlightenment" is fair. Tolle simply suggests that you let go of your beliefs(thoughts) about who you are by connecting to who you actually are in this moment(by connecting to your feelings and inner energy/body and experiencing it as it is without letting your thoughts warp what you experience into something it is actually not. Tolle encourages you to observe and accept negative feelings, to just feel them for what they are and be with them and let them express themselves to you. Isn't that literally what loving all parts of yourself is, just like what their advice is? Their advice makes sense to me on one hand but on the other hand it is confusing to me because it seems like they're confusing the ego with the self at times, atleast Jeff Brown. Richard Schwartz says Tolle does a good job at describing the self which is interesting because Tolles understanding of what the self is seems very different from Jeff Browns. Jeff Brown says that when he tried detaching from his story(his thoughts about his past and who he is) he felt uncomfortable and "like i was dishonoring this beautiful self that was carrying me through life". But that is confusing to me. Because the story of who he is is not his real self from my understanding of self, that is the ego. He is not what he thinks he is. To me it sounds like maybe he let go of the story which connected him to his feelings in the present and he was not used to letting his feelings be as they are without explaining them away. So instead of feeling uncomfortable feelings and not trying to explain them away his mind created a new story about how his negative feelings were there because he is dishonoring his beautiful self by letting go of his past. But he has no proof that is the case, it seems to me to be just another delusion of thought. That's just another story, a belief about why his feelings are in a certain way that he does not like that acts as a replacement for his past that he let go of. A new ego. I don't think Eckhart Tolle is particularly denigrating towards the ego either. I remember he says in A New Earth that you should not demonize the ego, just rise above it, become aware of it and realize it is not who you truly are but simply thoughts and then you're acting on those thoughts because you believe them to be true. I don't remember exactly how he phrased it but that was the gist I got from A New Earth.

Maybe there are other technologies you can develop to help paralyzed people. Or to help people suffering from some other illnesses at that. What is the reason that your life purpose is this specific? Why did you want to help paralyzed people walk specifically? Use that reason as a seed to find other things worth pursuing.