Asayake

This is too true!! Made me giggle reading that because it is so true, and by finding that out ironically it makes us the biggest winner?

This thread hit home for me. I've been insecure about my chest and crooked upper back for a long time now.. But just recently realized it is one of my major mental blockages. It seems rough but it is what it is. Could've been worse. Atleast we realized it and can tend to it, some people live with their insecurities their whole life and never move an inch as a result of it :(...

I've thought the same thing but what's the alternative? To become weaker, dumber, fatter, more alone. I wish those things wouldn't bring me suffering but they would...

Thank you for your replies, they were very helpful! Your perspective is very interesting :). The reminder about what courge is truly is useful. Sometimes it's powerful to remind yourself of simple things.. simple but powerful!

I've been meditating on and off for a couple of years(vipassana). And I've also had a few experiences with LSD & shrooms. Last spring I tried taking my meditation to the next level. I dropped a tab and meditated during the entire trip. What I experienced is hard to put into words and I don't understand it fully yet. However, an interesting detail is that the same exact fractal pattern I was seeing a lot at the end of the trip had been appearing in my previous trips as well, usually on the come up/comedown. Both in my LSD as well as my shroom trips. (Something that's maybe also noteworthy is that I was vegan during this time period and prior for four years. And this was messing a bit with my vision because I was slightly deficient in nutrients. I would easily get floaters during the day.) After the trip I would still be seeing the same fractals but in different colours and sizes and different translucency, even when not meditating they would come and go occasionally, usually before bed when I was tired. In the beginning the reoccurance of the same pattern in different contexts freaked me out a bit and scared me off from meditating because they would be the most intense during my meditation sessions. Fast forward to the present. After a break from meditation because I took a break to see if things cooled down a bit. I've now been meditating roughly an hour a day for a month and the patterns still reoccur but now it doesn't scare me anymore and doesn't appear as often. It seems to be happening now mostly when I am very deep into meditation. I just find it very interesting and giggle to myself when they appear because they used to scare me. But I am very curious.. is there any explanation to this? I'm currently just observing them like other objects of meditation so I think that's why they're not occuring as often. But if someone could help me with some insight here maybe I could let them go completely, as I'm obviously not completely over them(I'm making this thread). Has anyone experienced something similar?

Could it not be the case that it is just a rationalization(a good one at that) to skip meditation? Or do you find meditation equal to doing the things you do instead in terms of challenge/pleasure? What I mean is that could this not just be an excuse not to go through the trouble of meditating? There's truth in both perspectives but which perspective do you think would lead to a better life? Who will this human become with meditation and who will the human become without? Yes, on the deepest level it might be the same but unless you're aware of your enlightenment right now.. how you want your life to turn out should be reflected in what you do with your time. Meditation is a good way to embrace life!

Interesting. Thank you for the reply. I want to not fear because it brings suffering but I don't know if I can actually bring myself to not fear. I used to fear that the fractals was a sign that I pushed myself too far and injured myself. Now I know that's likely not the case so I don't fear it anymore but it's difficult not to fear the next worrying appearence whatever that might be. Regarding the past becoming my future and the future my past I'm trying to understand this. Do you mean the reason the fractals kept appearing was that they appeared in the past and by making the past and future the same I got 'stuck in a loop'? Where they would appear in the future because they appeared in the past.