Vercingetorix

@Jake Chambers You made me cry reading that! You deserve another chance and although I don't know what happens after death, I believe you will get it. When I was a child what hurt me the most was not understanding why I suffer and fail at things. I just wanted to be good at something and to feel that I belong. I would ask myself - why do I deserve this fate? did I do anything wrong? I believed i was pure and innocent and Just wanting the good for everybody. But reality showed me otherwise, that maybe I deserve the suffering I experienced. Only now in my mid 30's I can appreciate, understand and see the the fruits of the suffering , the greater good of it. So what's the greater good of your Situation? I don't know, but it must exist, right?

@Vrubel cool. I do practice no-fap and I feel the difference. So you say touching yourself without Cumming brings out the masculine energy? I'll try to do it before a date. Another good exercise for connecting to masculine energy - Put energetic music and Imagine that a group robbers are coming to your house and want to kill and rape everyone one that is important for you. That start fighting them - Punch and kick the air and the imagined robbers - bring out the killer in you, connect to this dark energy. on e you're tired - take a few breathes, relax and repeat a few times. About Food - why not go eat Pizza? Or meet after Diner?

@StarStruck Yeah I've on on 3 dates. In all of them I fell to a lot to my default behavior of trying to please them and see how awesome they are - Instead of Screening frame that evaluates and sees if I want them in my life. Platonic vibes and Boyfriend excuses - I didn't build enough attraction or in my last date - even comfort was lacking. All in all super insightful and educational meetings @KH2 @Vrubel The argument against will be that She loses attraction when you invest in her So better minimize it until sex - but If it works for you then why not.

@Karmadhi In Israel, which pretty much a western country, maybe a bit more conservative about sex. @KH2 From experience?

@Aleister Crowleyy You misunderstand. I do have an Aim. But focusing on this aim paradoxically hurts it sometimes . (It's the same paradox of entering flow state or of wanting not to want or reaching enlightenment). The solution: focus on another goal - like just enjoying the moment or having fun - a sub goal that helps you reach your goal)

@Devin Yeah I think in my mind it's like IF I approached her And it was a positive interaction and she give me her number - It's ON as if I slept with her. The validation from such interactions are overwhelming for me. Time and experience would be my best teachers! @Leo Gura Logically I understand it. But emotionally... Currently I feel immense appreciation to any pretty girl that is interested in me and I really don't wanna hurt any girl that was willing to spend time and energy on me. My fear is that more than one will be into me - and I will hurt them. I know That most girls probably don't care about me at all until sex but I still do. The solution is to contemplate and understand how I hurt girls by being this way? How do I hurt a girl If I'm overly respectful to her and I Invest in her more than she invests in me and I'm afraid to hurt her? -It makes me needy towards her. - It's patronizing to her to think I can hurt her -seeing her as weak. - If I'm not allowing myself to be free - I subconsciously wanting her also to not be free. IF I imagine my perfect world, In this world I'm free to talk to many girls at the same time, I can meet and have sex with any girl as long as I don't agree with a girl to be together and exclusive. When I'm aware of it I can see how such behavior limit me.

Yesterday at my job There was a girl (that looked 15ish) with her mom and she was really beautiful! I couldn't help but admire her looks. during the interaction with her and her mom I found out she was even younger - not even 13. On the one hand I want to express myself freely and Not to feel that I have to repress my admiration of her looks. On the other hand It feels weird to tell a 13 years girl that I find her beautiful. I know That the important thing is my intention - If the compliment comes from an honest and sincere place , with a fun vibe and smile and not from neediness It will tend to work but still I find it weird to be said to a young girl. That's open up a bigger question for me - Is there a general Formula for complimenting? I see that it's better to talk about myself: when I look at you I feel inspired, I find you cute/beautiful rather than "you are beautiful" or "you have beautiful eyes". Your thoughts?

The best answer That came from my intuition so far is that I shouldn't approach for the result. If I feel that I want to talk to a girl, I should just do it to enjoy talking to her, not focus on the result. Like that It doesn't matter if I succeed or not.

@Leo Gura Like Devin said, It's not about flirting @Devin Thanks @hoodrow trillson best response. Thankfully I don't live In America. @Ulax I don't think admiring someone beauty equals wanting to sleep with them. Although It's interesting to see what the parents think about it. I think I will try complimenting in the best way I can find and see if the girl / Parents responses are positive or not. If I see negative responses I will keep my thoughts to myself.

@Judy2 Thanks. I work at a thinking puzzle shop and I give people puzzles to solve so I thought a good line cold be "Wow you really pretty, let's find out if you're smart as well and give her a puzzle to try ) @Pavement why not? @KH2 Children are people too, why ignore them? I'm not talking about pick up, just common curtesy and having an enjoyable time with people. @Yarco Where I live I don't feel there is problem complimenting a girl (in a non needy/creepy way...). I feel more creepy If I have to hide my thoughts. Thanks for the reminder that Non look related compliments are great. @RazeI actually do it sometimes, that's cool In the situation I'm talking about it's people who I interact with for some time . @petar8p I agree that it's weird in a way. But it's also weird to hide something positive you have to say to someone. Also, maybe it helps me that no one believes me when I tell them my age, People think I'm 25. And I do practice with older women, Thanks

Smile, have fun and joke with them - until they feel comfortable with you. Be Genuinely interested in them, Learn to really listen and understand them (presence!) (If you are thinking thoughts and give them energy while they talk - you ain't really listening. when you notice thoughts discard them and bring your attention back to the person - IT's like meditation on the person's words) and ask questions that you are truly curious about. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your insecurities, pains and frustrations - This will allow them to feel identification, compassion and will allow them to open up to you and be vulnerable with you. Talk about FEELING!!!! how does it make you feel? how did it feel like to do/see/hear X? When they share things about themselves - genuinely compliment them about opening up/a trait or quality that they have. Specially for your situation - Bring up this issue with "their is something I would like to speak to you about. It's important for me to truly connect with you and there is something that I feel prevent us from reaching that... " (elaborate...)

Guys, Thanks for all the Funny replies, it made my day Will answer later.

depends on your definition of hate and love. Do you mean that when they feel anger (which is made out of body sensations+Thoughts) towards you, at the same time they feel Love (a positive warm feeling) for you?

Thank God for the reminder ? (It initially autocorrected to "thank God for tinder" ?)

What helped me breakthrough in my conversation skills was Making the conversations emotional. One way to do it is the "Screening and Qualifying" technique. https://davidtianphd.com/masterclass-content/ "From meet to date" video (whole video is good but specifically from 38:00 Minute Mark).

https://youtu.be/WGTxqhSN8bE Estas Tonne makes me feel love

If you aren't focusing on it already (using the 20-80 principle), Maybe Your best bet is to focus on making yourself the "hottest" you can - reach your ideal weight, buy fitting and sexy clothes, practice Yoga and pilates, do make up if it fits you etc.

@Vxvxen "You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens" Rumi My advise is that instead of trying to avoid disappointments - accept them, chase them, befriend them until they lose power over you. Practice meditation and know some therapy to be able to handle the emotions. Also -What kind of situations are you talking about? Are you trying to find a romantic partner for you life by first trying to befriend him? Do you notice when men are attracted to you? what do you do about it?

@Jannes That's why the book is for you you have it on audiobook format in YouTube BTW https://youtu.be/XYEFPar4D6E

exactly the kind of dad that leads a the nice guy syndrome (I have a similar dad).}} Did you start reading/hearing it?

If you have enough girls to approach after screening to enter into state/flow, sure. If it's just not to approach - approach instead.

@Jannes Hi let me guess ,You didn't have a healthy Masculine role model in your life? Book - No more mister nice guy helped me a lot in that. Advise: Stop being needy. Unhook from neediness by: 1) Practicing pickup / being social ( "Invincible" course by David Tian is great) 2) Creating abundance of friends and a social circle. 3) Meditating and learning to enjoy the moment 4) Creating a life of Flow and taking joy in what you do 5) facing loneliness and accept it or even enjoy it

I was contemplating attraction and evolution today and I Think I had an Important realization -The understanding on the gut level of the idea (that before I understood only conceptually, not really resulting in a behavior change) - that Girls are attracted to status, non neediness, confidence, leadership etc. the same way I'm attracted to their beauty. That being nice, loving, selfless and caring is a great (for being happy and spiritual and godlike) but in the dating world if I have only that - it will attract a girl the same way I am attracted to a fat ugly chick. and I see how this realization is changing me and is giving me the motivation I need. But I still struggle to understand the complete picture - why is it so? If the idea is that this evolutionary process took place when our ancestors lived a Tribal life of Hunters-Gatherers - why the girl that is attracted to the Manly Alpha man vs a Girl that is attracted to the Beta male, will have a higher chance to pass her genes on? Do Beta male children have less chance of survival? Something still baffles me about it. I'm struggling to correlate the "attraction list" with survival benefits: non neediness, confidence, fun, humor -> correlates to health, resources, status Making her feel a range of emotions -> social skills -> easier to survive when you have friends and status Sense of life purpose and leadership -> decisiveness and confidence -> can face and overcome obstacles But I still can't see the picture, imagine how the life of a Beta male looks compared to the life of an alpha male. (if there are any documentaries recommendation about it I would like to know). Can anyone see it clearly and explain how all these traits or lack of them leads to passing your genes and having offspring or not? Another question: has beauty evolved in women only because Men want to have sex with them more which gives them the survival edge or is beauty also connected to health for example?

This afternoon I opened a girl in a creepy way....I saw her on a cross walk but decided to walk to another direction. then when I looked back i saw she comes to my direction. So I stopped and waited for her, ...hesitated for a few seconds and she noticed me but I said fuck it I'll do it anyway... I opened direct and was needy and shy in my voice and when I stated my intent she had this disgusted face like I'm a cockroach ? and she shouted "what? no!!! and Don't follow me!!!" That stung a bit. Fucking bitch ? It was a good reminder for me approach detached from outcome, not needy. After a few minutes of shame and me breathing in the insult i started to feel good, as if i faced the worst. had a few nice chats with other chicks, met my ex by chance and we had a fun conversation and later that day received a lot of attention from girls. Felt like energy flow state.

@Leo Gura @something_else to be clear I don't resent her. It's in good humor. I thank her for the feedback. But I have some anger on the situation that I express like that. @Bird Larry Calibration @Breakingthewall yeah It really helps me If I can approach the first set of the day and experience a rejection (or a good reaction.) @Danioover9000 haha we should make a thread about funny approaching stories to give motivation to each other. I like "Sasha daygame" (and marcus) mindset of "approach and you'll have either a success or a funny story to tell".