Vercingetorix

@Judy2 Thanks. I work at a thinking puzzle shop and I give people puzzles to solve so I thought a good line cold be "Wow you really pretty, let's find out if you're smart as well and give her a puzzle to try ) @Pavement why not? @KH2 Children are people too, why ignore them? I'm not talking about pick up, just common curtesy and having an enjoyable time with people. @Yarco Where I live I don't feel there is problem complimenting a girl (in a non needy/creepy way...). I feel more creepy If I have to hide my thoughts. Thanks for the reminder that Non look related compliments are great. @RazeI actually do it sometimes, that's cool In the situation I'm talking about it's people who I interact with for some time . @petar8p I agree that it's weird in a way. But it's also weird to hide something positive you have to say to someone. Also, maybe it helps me that no one believes me when I tell them my age, People think I'm 25. And I do practice with older women, Thanks

Smile, have fun and joke with them - until they feel comfortable with you. Be Genuinely interested in them, Learn to really listen and understand them (presence!) (If you are thinking thoughts and give them energy while they talk - you ain't really listening. when you notice thoughts discard them and bring your attention back to the person - IT's like meditation on the person's words) and ask questions that you are truly curious about. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your insecurities, pains and frustrations - This will allow them to feel identification, compassion and will allow them to open up to you and be vulnerable with you. Talk about FEELING!!!! how does it make you feel? how did it feel like to do/see/hear X? When they share things about themselves - genuinely compliment them about opening up/a trait or quality that they have. Specially for your situation - Bring up this issue with "their is something I would like to speak to you about. It's important for me to truly connect with you and there is something that I feel prevent us from reaching that... " (elaborate...)

Guys, Thanks for all the Funny replies, it made my day Will answer later.

depends on your definition of hate and love. Do you mean that when they feel anger (which is made out of body sensations+Thoughts) towards you, at the same time they feel Love (a positive warm feeling) for you?

Thank God for the reminder ? (It initially autocorrected to "thank God for tinder" ?)

What helped me breakthrough in my conversation skills was Making the conversations emotional. One way to do it is the "Screening and Qualifying" technique. https://davidtianphd.com/masterclass-content/ "From meet to date" video (whole video is good but specifically from 38:00 Minute Mark).

https://youtu.be/WGTxqhSN8bE Estas Tonne makes me feel love

If you aren't focusing on it already (using the 20-80 principle), Maybe Your best bet is to focus on making yourself the "hottest" you can - reach your ideal weight, buy fitting and sexy clothes, practice Yoga and pilates, do make up if it fits you etc.

@Vxvxen "You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens" Rumi My advise is that instead of trying to avoid disappointments - accept them, chase them, befriend them until they lose power over you. Practice meditation and know some therapy to be able to handle the emotions. Also -What kind of situations are you talking about? Are you trying to find a romantic partner for you life by first trying to befriend him? Do you notice when men are attracted to you? what do you do about it?

@Jannes That's why the book is for you you have it on audiobook format in YouTube BTW https://youtu.be/XYEFPar4D6E

exactly the kind of dad that leads a the nice guy syndrome (I have a similar dad).}} Did you start reading/hearing it?

If you have enough girls to approach after screening to enter into state/flow, sure. If it's just not to approach - approach instead.

@Jannes Hi let me guess ,You didn't have a healthy Masculine role model in your life? Book - No more mister nice guy helped me a lot in that. Advise: Stop being needy. Unhook from neediness by: 1) Practicing pickup / being social ( "Invincible" course by David Tian is great) 2) Creating abundance of friends and a social circle. 3) Meditating and learning to enjoy the moment 4) Creating a life of Flow and taking joy in what you do 5) facing loneliness and accept it or even enjoy it

I was contemplating attraction and evolution today and I Think I had an Important realization -The understanding on the gut level of the idea (that before I understood only conceptually, not really resulting in a behavior change) - that Girls are attracted to status, non neediness, confidence, leadership etc. the same way I'm attracted to their beauty. That being nice, loving, selfless and caring is a great (for being happy and spiritual and godlike) but in the dating world if I have only that - it will attract a girl the same way I am attracted to a fat ugly chick. and I see how this realization is changing me and is giving me the motivation I need. But I still struggle to understand the complete picture - why is it so? If the idea is that this evolutionary process took place when our ancestors lived a Tribal life of Hunters-Gatherers - why the girl that is attracted to the Manly Alpha man vs a Girl that is attracted to the Beta male, will have a higher chance to pass her genes on? Do Beta male children have less chance of survival? Something still baffles me about it. I'm struggling to correlate the "attraction list" with survival benefits: non neediness, confidence, fun, humor -> correlates to health, resources, status Making her feel a range of emotions -> social skills -> easier to survive when you have friends and status Sense of life purpose and leadership -> decisiveness and confidence -> can face and overcome obstacles But I still can't see the picture, imagine how the life of a Beta male looks compared to the life of an alpha male. (if there are any documentaries recommendation about it I would like to know). Can anyone see it clearly and explain how all these traits or lack of them leads to passing your genes and having offspring or not? Another question: has beauty evolved in women only because Men want to have sex with them more which gives them the survival edge or is beauty also connected to health for example?

This afternoon I opened a girl in a creepy way....I saw her on a cross walk but decided to walk to another direction. then when I looked back i saw she comes to my direction. So I stopped and waited for her, ...hesitated for a few seconds and she noticed me but I said fuck it I'll do it anyway... I opened direct and was needy and shy in my voice and when I stated my intent she had this disgusted face like I'm a cockroach ? and she shouted "what? no!!! and Don't follow me!!!" That stung a bit. Fucking bitch ? It was a good reminder for me approach detached from outcome, not needy. After a few minutes of shame and me breathing in the insult i started to feel good, as if i faced the worst. had a few nice chats with other chicks, met my ex by chance and we had a fun conversation and later that day received a lot of attention from girls. Felt like energy flow state.

@Leo Gura @something_else to be clear I don't resent her. It's in good humor. I thank her for the feedback. But I have some anger on the situation that I express like that. @Bird Larry Calibration @Breakingthewall yeah It really helps me If I can approach the first set of the day and experience a rejection (or a good reaction.) @Danioover9000 haha we should make a thread about funny approaching stories to give motivation to each other. I like "Sasha daygame" (and marcus) mindset of "approach and you'll have either a success or a funny story to tell".

@Vrubel I can connect to that. My best approaches are when I tell myself "just be yourself" and then I I would be a bit shy But 100% authentic and smiling and she feels it and usually I would get a really good responses even if she is not interested. When I approach like that I also feel really good inside myself, It just feels right. Problem is that it still requires a lot of courage and there is still resistance. I'm gonna experiment with it then next weeks. haha you read it wrong, I actually don't struggle with the conversation thanks though @JonasVE12 Your answer resonates with me. I read it a few times and I'm digesting it little by little. it's similar to what I'm doing - beside going out to practice I do also a lot of contemplation about the subject to find and clear blockages. To be conscious that everyone is me - I can be conscious of it most of time But in places like pick up where fear and shame arises - so far it's not available for me consistently. I remember In the past when I practiced it a few times I could really feel the connection and the fear would disappear but I couldn't be conscious of it consistently. But I feel like I'm very close to step over the fear. @Ulax thanks, I use similar mindsets. I like the reframing of anxiety as butterflies.

When I'm going out approaching girls with a wing, I can approach consistently without any problems. But I couldn't find yet a reliable wing, and don't want to depend on that. And when approaching by myself -I find it very hard and I can't do it consistently. (unless I'm in flow state). I also have high resistance to starting indirect and asking "direction questions" or "what is the time?" (shame of being caught lying I think). I tried working with many mindsets like enjoying the moment, just being honest, be curious about the reaction, enjoy the rejection, and they help relieve the pressure but get me in my head so I'm not sure that's the solution. Btw after I approach I find its not too hard for me to keep the conversation going. Anyone familiar with my situation and can share his way of breaking through it?

@patricknotstar and what's the evolutionary reason for that?

@NoSelfSelf gotcha The difference is that a natural Alpha male had a role model, a masculine father that he could mimic subconsciously so of course he doesn't have to think about women. But for someone like me that didn't have a healthy male role model, my whole system was wired for failure with women... so you think that by not caring about women I will succeed with them? ? no, the only way is to understand deeply and consciously, to use my mind to learn the theory, and fix all the bugs in my system. And it's a beautiful and loving process ?

sounds like you were doing it right. maybe placing your hand as much as possible near the area that needs healing? How is your dog Doing?

@Razard86 Thanks although this post is about understanding how evolution shaped us, not practicality

@hoodrow trillson Of course they do. But I know some HOT guys that suck with women. So it's less important for them than for men. I never saw a hot girl that couldn't have many guys... But what is the evolutionary incentive for Men to be beautiful? is it connected to health? If a girl will be attractive to an ugly guy, her daughters will be ugly and Men will not want them so they will have an evolutionary disadvantage? @NoSelfSelf What makes you think that I "care about woman"? (Do you mean seek their approval?)

When you speak to her lean over and talk to her ear, very close, with your hand - Like you would speak to a friend in a noisy place or whisper to someone.

@JonasVE12 Nice guide