AleksM

So far, from what I understand is that we need self-deception in order to exist as an ego. Without self-deception we wouldn't have the joy of discovering ourselves. But, What does it really mean to be immune to self-deception? Is it about overriding all of the survival instinct? Is some level of self-deception necessary? I don't know.

A hillarious picture I made in paint after getting an insight from Leo's videos.

Holism & Holistic thinking part 1 The two formulas: holism = wholeness = health = healing = unity = oneness = the infinite = harmony and balance = goodness = love = God = selflessness = wisdom = beauty = holy = heaven = bliss a lack of holism = division = fragmentation = partiality = brokenness = a lack of harmony and balance = limitation = the finite = selfishness = the ugly = evil = hell = suffering

116. Cause & Purpose - What Are You Willing To Die For? In the ancient times a solider was willing to go to battle and fight for something he believed in. What kind of mindset does it take to willing step onto a battlefield of thousands of brutal men and risk your life? Obviously he is scared, so what kind of drive must he have? He has a cause, he has a mission he’s willing to bleed for. Consider the movie, 300 The soldiers in 300 are fighting for their ideals beyond all odds. What are you fighting for? In the ancient times, life was a matter of life and death. What would a human being need to have to survive in that kind of environment, psychologically speaking? Purpose. That person would need something larger than himself to cope with all that chaos. That’s why religions took off like a wildfire in those times. Religion offered hope, a transcendent cause. You need to tap into those things that are important enough that you are willing to bleed and even die to make them manifest Here are some suggestions for what you should start practically valuing right now: Beauty: go create something beautiful Truth: go work your ass off to discover what is really true Love: live your life with compassion and giving to others Justice: go create a more justice society Creativity: go add something profound to our culture Abraham Maslow talks about all these values and more in his brilliant book, Towards a Psychology of Being. You have to start living for something greater than sex, entertainment, stimulation, money, security, comfort, or peace of mind. The only way you’re going to radically change the trajectory of your life is by committing to something big. What it means for something be to be meaningful is that you are willing to bleed for it. Stop making useless shit the center of your life. Useless shit is okay, but make it the garnish of life, not the main dish. The main dish in life is your purpose. Purpose is larger than you, your family, or your friends. Purpose is about humanity. You purpose will be whatever you find advances humanity in the most meaningful way. find something that you’re willing to put the work into. Your ultimate joy in life can only come from the work you put into serving others. You have to put yourself on the hero’s journey. Are you on a hero’s journey now? No! You’re just sitting on your lazy ass, working a boring 9-5 job. It’s very easy to tell. Just ask yourself, “Is my job really advancing humanity in a meaningful way?” What did you bleed for this week? What is your cause? What are you willing to bleed for starting today? Bottom Line: Pick a single higher value that your life will be about. Make sure it’s so meaningful that you are willing to bleed for it.

If you want to go deeper check Steven Greer CE5 contact protocols. He had an online course named the Galactic Ambassador with 16 hours of video content, not sure if it's still available online. But you can definitelly find this information, with a google search I found that he is doing a live seminar Sept 18. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ce5-contact-cosmic-consciousness-and-meditation-with-dr-steven-greer-tickets-145092783421

@samedm9 Hundreds of times. I have written on how to contact ETs on this topic. Check it out.

Steven Greer has literally 1000s of UFO recordings and is teaching a course on how to contact them, so they materialize in the sky. The course is called something like The Galactic Ambassador. I have done it and its easy. A few weeks ago I have seen a UFO that was the size of a football stadium.

110. Optimism - How To Become Optimisitic Right Now Definition: a hopeful outlook on the future. If you think your future is going to be better than today, then you’re going to be optimistic Difference between optimism and pessimism is explanatory style. It’s the way you explain and the way you attach meaning to the things that are happening to you in your life.An optimistic person will get the same bad situation, he’ll get that same flat tire on the way to work, but he’ll assign a different explanation, a different meaning to it than a pessimistic person would. 3 explanatory styles: Permanence: How permanent is the problem?Will the problem last forever? Pessimism - Permanent problem. Optimism - Impermanent problem. Pervasiveness: “Will this undermine everything?” How pervasive is the problem? How much does it affect every category of your life? Optimism- other areas of life are unaffected. Pessimism - other areas are affected. Personalization: optimism - he takes credit for the good stuff and doesn't take personally the bad stuff. Pessimism - he takes bad stuff personally, he blames himself. He doesn't take credit for the good stuff. There are tests out there that will assess you on the different levels of your explanatory style. Then you can actually do something to improve it. Why is optimism important? People who are more optimistic are more successful. They look forward to the future. You're more persisent. It gives you an extra push. You're able to stick with the process and bust through many more obstacles than a pessimistic person would. Sometimes that’s all it takes, just a little bit extra push, one extra obstacle you get through and then you get a new resurgence, like a second wind of motivation, and then that carries you throug You're willing to try and do it all and still remain hopeful, happy, cheerful and confident. Optimism is something you can learn. The optimistic person will get ten rejections and say “I got ten rejections, but this eleventh one, this eleventh call might be the one.” How optimistic are you about your future? What do you think about your future right now? Are you hopeful for the next month? Are you excited about all the stuff that’s going to happen to you in the next six months? How about in the next year? How about in the next decade? Are you excited about the next decade of your life? Exercise: write out and list 30 things that you’re most excited about achieving in the next year. (day, week, month, decade) - repeat this exercise when necessary. Book - Mark Seligman - Learned Optimism

Mindfulness is about noticing and acknowledging the present moment while introspection is about discerning truth from falsehood. There is an overlap, both are about observation but clearly introspection is not mindfulness. The difference is in the depth of observation, introspection is looking deeper into yourself. In introspection content matters. In mindfulness content is irrelevant. Curious, What do you think is the difference and similarity? And why do we need both?

Awesome! Thank you guys.

Most people think of introspection as an analytical activity. Like it's about pondering the past. Evaluating thoughts, feelings and environment. Looking into yourself and seeing the what caused something and how things are interconnected. Leo said that introspection is the solution to the problem of self-deception. But from what I understand connecting a behavior to its causes or consequences doesn't necessarily solve the problem while being mindful of the present moment does. Curious what you guys think.

BTW: I have purchased an online course from Steven Greer that teaches all contact protocols. Just a thought. Made contact with extraterrestrials more than 100 times (but prior to the purchase). Making contact with my CSETI-5 team, that is a dream that I intend to materialize in this lifetime. The Truth is here but are you willing to the the research to find out more?

Pop Star Demi Lovato Films UFO, Claims to Have Contact with Aliens This is what I think the future looks like. Influencers having and sharing their ET contact experiences. Demi Lovato has 93million followers on instagram.

The 4 hour documentary by Steven Greer was deleted (no surprise). Probably it's still available somewhere, but I can't find it on youtube anymore. After searching I found it on Amazon prime, but it's less than 2 hours now... interesting... https://www.amazon.com/Unacknowledged-Exposé-Worlds-Greatest-Secret/dp/B06ZYGGG2N

This thread is about coming full circle. It's about understanding the whole picture. Most people like to protect their beliefs in advance and are not ready to learn without their existing assumptions. When we blindly protect our beliefs and assumptions we feel more at home and safe which is an illusion. Because of that most people as they age lose their ability for accepting new explanations, new facts and new realizations because they identify with that state of being at home and safe and because of that, they reject and don't accept new explanations, realizations...because if they did, they would have to invest energy in changing their ego, and when we're identified with our thoughts and emotions we will want to maintain it. This is what cognitive dissonance is. It's a thought-emotion based blockage from our ego/mind that automatically triggers it's defense mechanism by triggering resistance and fear about change so it maintains itself. We overcome this by being honest with ourselves and with forgiving our self the emotional reactions with conscious re-direction of our life force. If you are Self-realized, do you know how to practically use that realization to systematically transform your life and remove ego reactions methodically? So many people that claim to be enlightened are basically just aware of their infinite nature, their undefined self, aware of the formless non-physical aspect that extends to infinity in all directions and dimensions, that is all present, always here and now, through which space-time moves, when you glimpse that you realize that you are everything and nothing at the same time... That's good, that's quite radical and good. Enlightenment will remove all of suffering and you will come to mental piece and inner silence. But... you will NOT be blissful. At the moment of realizing enlightenment and oneness, you see everything as perfect but the questions is it really? The paradox is that it is, and it's not. And now you have to integrate that paradox. "It's not this or that, it's both" - Bashar The question is....is that realization using you or are you proactively using that realization to come to full embodiment resulting in total bliss? If not, then your enlightenment is half-assed. When you become enlightened you realize and see how everything is happening without you doing it. It's a total mindfuck. It's really like stepping out of the matrix and seeing it for what it is, like super mario realizing it's not the character but the screen. But....that's not nearly enough. That realization is so big, that you don't know how to actualize it and so you can get stuck in passive observation of the present moment for decades. Passive observation of the present moment will never be enough to embody that realization. For example. you can be fully aware all the time, but if you are not able to see how your ego is trying to survive, you will be a passive observer and you'll be following the thoughts and emotions that are responsible for the maintenance of an egoic program. You will stay selfish and ignorant. What is necessary is active observation and acting on principles that are based on oneness, value equality, what is based for all life ...... in the now moment, inside yourself.... it's understanding that you are playing a part in the great scheme of things. (you being a fractal - a part and simultaneously the whole... well we need to act like) Active observation=a shift in being/looking -> a shift in relating Passive observation=allowing and accepting everything -> staying stuck in "all is perfect the way it is" When you're fully aware you see how thoughts and experiences pop up in the present moment without you making a choice. These thoughts, emotions and experiences come up without you making a choice and tell you who you are. Now you have 2 choices. Accept and allow these things or make a conscious choice to change yourself within yourself. To accept and allow the automatically generated reaction to continue or to stop it and do something else. To make a choice you need to be aware. We allow it to continue with our ignorance, non-understanding, carelessness for our state and well-being and self-direction and with our resistance to being honest with ourselves and taking responsibility for our thoughts. We are not our thoughts and emotions. Our thoughts are our tool that we can learn do direct instead of being submissive to it. Our automatically generated ego takes control of ourselves only if we allow it and this is when we don't give ourselves a clear principle based self-direction - when we are not clear about how we want to exist and do in every moment. Let's first define awareness and consciousness. Looking comes from awareness/being. Thoughts and thinking comes from consciousness/your mind. By stopping and looking you are re-defining yourself within yourself. You are changing your relationship to these things. You stop by becoming aware of your breathing (you can also slow it down, in the beginning it's much easier to manipulate your breathing by slowing it down than to be aware of it, just don't do it mechanically and try to observe your breathing, be one with it). When we are not conscious of every breath we take, we direct our energy into our thought-emotion energetic system and at that point we're not even aware of our body. This is an ideal scenario for our parasitic mind to take control of our attention and gain energy for it's own survival. When you are asleep you are simply assuming you're making all the choices in your life, and you're also assuming that if you've made that decision then it's probably a good one, when you're awake you're seeing your own shit that pops up in the present moment and you're able to re-define yourself in the present moment, by being something else. You are no longer identified with the thought, emotion or experience and that's when transformation takes place. Bliss is something beyond positive emotions, it is a result of embodying the Devine aspect of yourself. Bliss is divine and it's your true nature. Bliss feels good, but it feels better than feeling good...it's feeling like a God. Everything is energy but there are different kinds of energy. For this article I will focus on the mind energy and life energy. Life energy is a stable energy. The unstable energy is mind energy. The mind uses energy to preserve itself, it NEEDS energy for it's own survival. Mind energy is parasitic and if you identify with your self-created thought-emotional conscious system you will accept and allow the mind to suck the energy from your body for it's own survival. It is like a vampire, if you follow the automatically generated thoughts and emotions that show up in your awareness, you will allow the mind energy to maintain itself and the result is that your physical body will age and die one day. It's like staying asleep in the driving seat of a car.... you are the driver not the fucking car. What we are does not need energy to exist, it's eternal. A lot of Self-realized people still don't get this, they are aware of the totality...but not conscious of the part that they are playing in that screen. You are reality and you are also in reality. You are aware of the reality that is happening in you, and you are conscious that you are that self-created reality. If you are not conscious of that, then you are lost in the formless aspect of you and you don't know how to integrate that realization in your life, you don't know how to navigate between the paradox of it all and because of that you are still submissive to your automatically generated thought-emotional based system. What are you? You are an undefined being, being able to be aware, able to recognize patterns, self-reflect, to be self-responsible, self-honest, principle self-directive and able to co-create. You are always present, that means that you don't need energy for survival unlike your mind.... From that, we can clearly see that there is something more to non-duality, we are all one, but we are different, we are individual units of consciousness, souls... at different levels of maturity who are able to grow in discernment, intelligence, wisdom, love, compassion through using our abilities that I described earlier. Awareness(god) is creating his own consciousness field and this field of consciousness carries information that was accepted as true and allowed to be. This is our ego, this is the though-emotion energetic based system. You can only change yourself while being in yourself (that is a radical statement that you need to become conscious of, the character needs to shift from BECOMING a character to BEING, from form to formless and back to a different form)... Everything is now, but did you make a distinction between being and becoming? Are you aware of the constant change that is happening in you in the present moment, and be able to be principle self-directive when an automatically generated though/emotion shows up or will you be selfish and ignorant...react and follow the dualistic mind energy, that will suck the energy from your body for it's own survival? You created the mind through imagination but now the mind is using you, you are lost in your own dream, you are asleep while the process of survival is happening and because of that you are allowing and accepting the egoic reactions to continue, when you are aware, you notice how thoughts and emotions automatically come out of nowhere and you notice how these thoughts and emotions need your attention to survive... you are able to stop them, transcend them and be principle self-directive in the now moment. The mind will of course trigger fear, because it fears death and non-existence -> an illusion, so it will seem like you are powerless in the passengers seat, but that is an illusion that can be overcome by being aware that you are the only one here and the only being responsible for your direction, and that you always was that which is here&now.... you will need to train your discernment abilities to recognize appearances from reality. Following certain thoughts and emotions of course has benefits, that's why you do it...BUT...are you seeking positive experiences and emotions? If yes, then you are identifying with your emotions, you are polarizing reality into good and bad. You are basically being selfish and ignorant. When we're under the influence of certain chemicals we easily forget our self-responsibility and power of self-directing and start being submissive to our automatically generated thought-emotion programs. When we look through our ego, we want more of these experiences. Ego wants more! When we look through our ego we want to maintain our selfish interest and what is best for the ego AND NOT what is best for all life just because of the generated emotions. Ego is afraid of honesty because if we are totally honest, the ego might lose it's benefits so it uses all kinds of ego defense mechanisms to avoid facing the truth. Ego thrives on ignorance and avoidance. An internal or external trigger will trigger a behavior of thinking, feeling and acting and you will need to stay mindful to notice that - that's mindfulness . Then, you will stop the egoic reaction by focusing on your breathing, focusing on your feeling in the body and every sound around you, you will become present. Then you will bend the flow of energy based on described principles. By shifting that energy, you will enter an unknown territory, your mind will be afraid and it will trigger fear for the purpose of shifting the energy back. In that moment you will stay present and cultivate a metaphysical connection to reality by being grounded in the present moment, in that case, you are practicing transcendence and witnessing how triggered thoughts and feelings of the old program are trying to sedate you for the purpose of You putting attention into them. And in this process you will understand what is being and becoming. The process that will be described is holistic. It doesn't focus just on the spiritual or emotional or thoughts or physical aspect it focuses on transforming all aspects, that's why it's revolutionary and very advanced but the thing is, that it's so simple that everybody can understand and use it! The principles are based on oneness, value equality - what is best for all. What is best for all is also best for you. "I take others into account and treat others the same way as I would like to be taken into account and treated if I was in their place" A shift needs to happen. A shift to where you don't operate based on your thoughts and emotions but on a deeper level of knowing. A shift from memory to knowing. Some aspect of you always knows...but you don't listen carefully enough. Instead of listening and deeply feeling the truth you are accepting and allowing the thought-emotional based system to steal your attention so it can maintain itself. You quickly jump to conclusions, quickly jump into action.....you are being reactive, because you take things as obvious...and that's a trap of the egoic program because if things slowed down, you would have more opportunity to discern falsehood from truth and truth would have more opportunity to shed falsehood. You need to slow down to stop acting like a sheep, following his thoughts and emotions. And you do this by taking a few controlled breaths. When the thoughts and emotions pop up in the present moment via internal/external triggers to steal your attention from what is best for all beings, then you slow down. You must intend to become aware and then you will be aware. By setting an intention you will awaken in the present moment (in the linear sense for example you will set an intention today and tomorrow the triggers will trigger thoughts and emotions and you will be awake in that moment because you've set the intention). Commit to setting intentions to redirect your life force. For example: smoking. Picture this scenario. It's time for lunch break, the smoker usually smokes a cigarette after the lunch break, so that's an external trigger, then there can be also an internal trigger that says ("another cigarette and then I will come back"), BUT if the egoic program was integrated due to repeating it a lot, then there will be no thoughts like that, it will just seem obvious to the smoker that that's the next thing he will do, in this case he is assuming the thought-emotional based system is true and you will always do what you believe to be true. Then that's going the become his reality, because he imagined it to be real....but then let's say a shift in consciousness happens where that no longer makes sense and is no longer true, let's say the smoker found out in reality he doesn't want to smoke but to finish smoking, at that moment he becomes aware of the bigger picture, he steps out of himself and becomes aware and he connects to a deeper level of knowing that is present, he starts imagining a new reality, a new possibility existing. He awakens.... so let's say now comes the same scenario, he finishes lunch and goes to his location to smoke, he grabs a cigarette, he lights it up and then....he awakens, he becomes aware and knowing and at that moment he has the decision to drop the cigarette or to continue smoking it, if he continues smoking it, he promotes the thought-emotional based parasite but if he drops it, he embodies his new truth. When he became aware, memories were not needed to drop it, he was aware and thus knowing....and that's the way toward embodying truth. You come to deeper and deeper levels of realization. But now he needs to transmute the old program and awareness alone usually doesn't do it because we need a new program to integrate, to remove a program without adding a new one will just create a sense of emptiness and after a while we will spiral back into the old program just because we don't know any better, as simple as that sounds. Awareness alone is curative only in the short term. We transmute the old program with speech. So, the smoker comes home, analyzes his emotional reactions in writing(this step was possible only after he became aware), he is honest about his self. He writes self-correction statements about what is best for all and then he needs to say it out loud, for the transmutation process to take place, he needs to repeat these statements, once is not enough and by doing so, he embodies a higher truth, that was deeply felt. We can only change ourselves inside ourselves, analogy - screen (awareness) and mario (the character-you-the thought emotional based system), the character needs to become aware of the screen and only after that he can shift to a new program, like being a character in a movie, if the character wants to play a different role in a different movie, he needs to drop his role and stop following his thought and emotions. By doing so he is becoming a master of himself. You will avoid writing things out and analyzing your reactions at all costs because being honest and reflective of your actions is dangerous to the maintenance of your ego. Make no mistake, you will never feel like doing it. IF you will not do it, that's the same as being identified with the thought-emotional based system. You will keep rationalizing, making excuses, believing your lies and you will keep deceiving yourself but slowly if you keep at it you will become better at spotting your own bullshit, facing your own self, overcoming the fear of losing parts of yourself and do self-correction to change yourself. You always put trust in something, now is the time to ask yourself what you put trust in. There are different levels of knowing. The first is hearing something, the second is contemplating it and the third is making it instinctual. But how can you make awakening instinctual...? BY following certain principles. Alignment with truth. Remember, it's not only about realizing Truth but about being in alignment with Truth. Alignment is not the same as balance. Alignment is about being in tune and connected to the present moment. Being in tune + connected to the present balance. By being in tune and present, we allow the higher self to manifest. For alignment to happen, there needs to be calmness and silence for us to listen and then discern different energy flows. When we're in alignment then we're supporting all life and beings with our actions and if we're not , we're creating disharmony and unbalance in the universal system. We're here to be present to a certain role in the evolutionary process of consciousness. A divine role consists of certain beliefs, attitudes, visions, thoughts, states, interactions, sounds, voice, communication, feelings. So, you need to be present to specific things that remind you of who you are...and not what you truly are, because no thing can trigger the memory of what you are, because what you are is not a memory So...you need to train your discernment abilities to recognize these things. Not just staying in the present moment, but regulating your attention/energy flow/body movements to be present to specific things. And you do this by slowly silently deeply feeling things to discern if you resonate with them or not. This is totally different paradigm than taking things as obvious and reacting to the perceived stimuli. Consciousness is this infinite field that can resonate at infinite number of frequencies, different frequencies = different experiences(sounds, feelings, visions, thoughts...) but as souls we will not resonate with all frequencies, it's not really our purpose to do so, and this is why I told you to discern if you resonate with it or not...that is God understanding what it actually is. Freeing ourselves from the automatically generated thought-emotional based system is a process in which we step by step with every breath and with a few tools 1.conscious breathing 2. self-honest writing 3. self-forgiveness 4. self-correction take our responsibility for our mind/ego/though-emotion based energetic system and start AWAKENING. While doing that we take into account the law of one and value equality of all life, because that's the best for all and because of that best for us. Every action that does not take into account "I take others into account and treat others the same way as I would like to be taken into account and treated if I was in their place" is an action that is coming from our deluded ego. Awakening is a process where we realize our power of directing our eternal life force. To direct your life force, you don't need any kind of energy, because you are eternal and don't need energy for existing. You don't need stimulation. If you're stimulation driven then when there is no longer a supply of your stimulation you don't have any motivation anymore to do the act, you are like a program that will stop existing if there is no supply of input commands. And most people are just that, programs. Being self-honest is about being honest about your state, thoughts, emotions, actions, intentions we're existing in. This is our ability to see our source without judgement. Only by being self-honest life is born until then we're only our automatically generated thoughts and emotions. With writing we discover which thoughts created our emotions and we forgive ourselves. Then we write self-correction statements. And breathing. Only when we're aware of our breathing and grounded in the present moment, we're able to direct our life force. The process of writing looks like that. This is the most efficient form. 1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ____ (describe your harmful selfish way of thinking, acting, emoting) 2. When I notice and become aware of ___(describe the things you mentioned earlier), I stop and breath. 3. I am conscious that ___ (1. describe the harmful consequences of your pattern and why it's not supportive for all life. 2. Describe why and how the changed action is better for all) 4. This is why from now on, I am committed to (describe a practical healthy mind pattern new pattern that is best for all life with which you're substituting the old, unnecessary, selfish and harmful pattern) "You are the program and also the programmer" - Arcturus RA With this process we are expanding our understanding of our ego/mind and that gives us power to change ourselves. We are becoming more aware of our selves as the eternal life force and our ability to self-direct selflessly. We are becoming more familiar with our way of thinking, with our habits, reactions and though-emotional based states that we're submissive to. With this process we're coming back to our full power by being less submissive to our thoughts and emotions step-by-step, breath by breath. With this process we're removing all kinds of limitations and we're becoming able to express ourselves more effectively more and more. You can do this at the end of your day to reflect back on your day, you can also open a blog on blogger like many Destonians do to keep yourself more accountable. So, now I have a question for you. Will you start practicing the process and do what is best for all life or will you accept and allow your thoughts and emotions to direct you. I will explain a method that I learned from Destonians. Keep an open mind. Resources to take it to the next level: https://desteni.org/ http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ https://eqafe.com/ https://eqafe.com/p/consciousness-awareness-back-to-basics https://forum.desteni.org/viewforum.php?f=10

@Avi Khomutovsky I didn't label stuff in my experience. I was just trying to be mindful as much as possible. So, aware of my breath, feelings in the body, sounds in the environment, colors, things... I was mostly trying to be aware of the sounds and things that I saw. Just notice as much as possible of what is happening and when you notice that you're getting entangled in mind chatter, redirect your attention back to what is happening (the sounds and colors in this moment, you can add breath and feelings in the body later).... that's the techique. It sounds simple, but you must do this with intensity, in every moment. Don't try to be calm, the goal is to be mindful. @Demeter I did this practice everywhere. Even in school. During school days I was overwhelmed (mostly because of the environment), but then after a few months, things got better. It probably took me 30% more time to finish school work and projects.

@FlowerNote

Actualized Blueprint - 100+ of the most powerful personal development concepts of all time. https://actualized.org/blueprint Actualized-org-blueprint.pdf

Self Control - How To Develop Self-Control To Create An Amazing Life By mastering yourself, you’re creating more self-control. Self-control is being able to: discipline yourself direct your own life. Self-control leads to: stronger relationships, a better love life better health ridiculous levels of success with your finances powerful contribution and impact on the world through the work you do. Self-control leads to feeling: excited, positive, proud, joyful, peaceful Lack of self-control leads to: depression negative thinking worry pessimism anger frustration overwhelm your life’s work is to develop self-control, to develop self-mastery Start looking for solutions in the inner world. we live simultaneously in two worlds the outer world of circumstances ( the computer that you’re looking at, the chair you’re sitting in,how much money you have in your bank account, the relationship you’re in or you’re not in, the country you reside in, the city you’re in) the inner world of psychology (feelings, thoughts) what’s going on in here is ultimately what you care about. Whatever you’re chasing out there, you only care about it because of what it does to you in here. Think about it. That million dollars you want to earn? Yes, you want to have a million dollars, but in the end, you want to have a million dollars because it does something for you in here. It literally sends out some chemical in here that’s making you feel good, which is why you’re pursuing it. The same thing with your relationship. The problem is we tend to think all the solutions and all the challenges in life are out there. the biggest trap you can get caught in is to become a victim to the outer world and not pay enough attention to your inner world. Victim mindset: being so focused on the outer world that the outer world mesmerizes me reacting to the outer world, I am not creating what I want too concerned about the outer world and with what’s going on in the outer world paralyzed by outer circumstances "It’s the boss. My boss is not as good as he should be. It’s my spouse, my spouse is doing crazy things, behaving in irrational ways. It’s the guy at work who is not doing the job that he’s supposed to be doing." Creator mindset: belief in myself. self-esteem. resourcefulness. drive. vision, goals. self-control, discipline, emotional mastery Creator = empowered Victim = disempowered (actually you are so powerful that you can create the illusion that you don't have power) Most people are stuck in the victim mindset. Most people are too concerned about the outer world. Let’s tie this back to self-control. To be able to influence the outer world, you need to have your psychology mastered. When you master your own psychology, it becomes easier to influence the world, otherwise the world is always influencing you. why developing self-control and discipline is really hard emotional labour involved. There is struggle involved with building self-control. How to develop it? through work. You have to develop emotional intelligence, start thinking, introspecting, start watching yourself, start building up consciousness. imagine your brain as being a thermostat. A thermostat is a self-regulating system. When it gets too hot, the air conditioning kicks in and brings the temperature down. When it gets too cold, the heater kicks in and brings the temperature up, to maintain this equilibrium. you have opposing forces. One is saying it’s too cold, the other is saying it’s too hot, how is it going to pan out? There has to be a war. There has to be a clash going on inside.A Battle Of Wills. Some of them sometimes win out, other times others win out., you have clashing neural networks. They’re vying for control. build up your prefrontal cortex, right here, which is able to control, for example, the different impulses that you have. It controls whether you’re going to splurge on that donut you know you shouldn’t be splurging on. It controls whether you’re going to keep up with your gym routine. It controls whether you’re going to explode at your spouse in a fit of rage when they do something that bothers you, or that you didn’t want them to do. Ultimately, what personal development is, it actually takes place on a physical level, where you have these neural connections being built. You start to notice that you get more awareness and more ability to control your feelings, more ability to control your emotions, more ability to control your behaviour, more ability to persist in spite of the fear, to have courage, more ability to learn, more ability to introspect, to be very honest with yourself. What are some things you can do to build self-control? disciplined practice. get up at a certain time when you want to be getting up. if you have intentions to meditate, do that. If you have intentions to journal, do that. If you have intentions of eating healthy, do that. If you have intentions of going to the gym, do that. Be very disciplined and consistent about it. 2. unhook from media and stimulation. stop television, radio, gossip from your friends, advertising, negative influences from your family, from friends, browsing internet all day, chatting with friends, ice cream, chocolate.... Get back to your source. Spend some time by yourself in solitude. Think about things. Be introspective. Raise your level of consciousness.

Profound Quotes #003 - "Children Want Candy; The Intelligent Want Self-Control" - Rumi ‘The intelligent want self-control; children want candy.’ ~ Rumi The reason that people are not getting what they want in life is because they are behaving like children and they are after stimulation, excitement and pleasure, whereas what is truly important to be after is self-control. This can manifest in all sorts of ways. It can manifest in very, very unhealthy dysfunctional ways or it can manifest in more healthy ways, but either way it’s still the search for candy, for stimulation. Example of a Spectrum of stimulation and pleasure: heroin cocaine marijuana alcohol partying video games television sex food relationships gym trying to get a good job So you’ve got this spectrum of activities that you’re doing from the very beginning here with the heroin addict, which is a completely dysfunctional, basically completely shit life. It’s basically leading towards an early death Then you’re kind of moving your way up, slightly better, slightly better, slightly better forms of stimulus seeking until you get to this end which is maybe pursuing a really nice career which on the surface it’s very hard to fault someone for doing that, but in the end all of this stuff what you’re doing is you’re looking for a hit. You’re Simply After Candy "So you get caught into that trap, but in the end what is the difference between someone who is seeking a marriage as an outlet for happiness and fulfillment versus someone who is seeking heroin for that same reason? In the end there’s not much fundamental difference. It’s still the same thing. What you’re looking for is you’re looking for something outside yourself to make you happy." The wise want self-control. The wise want self-mastery There is no chance for me to be happy if I: don’t control myself and my impulses my emotions and thoughts don't understand myself on a very deep level not just intellectually but also practically Where you ultimately want to be is you want to be in a place of happiness, just quiet, sober contentment with your life. Undisturbed, unreacted, unfrantic. Just very calm, very peaceful with what is. You want to have tranquility and serenity. You want to be okay with how the world is.

Bad Relationships - How To Break Your Cycle Of Painful Relationships dysfunctional intimate relationships, whether it’s a marriage, or long term girlfriend/boyfriend situation, or even a short term girlfriend/boyfriend situation. 3 Levels, from the lowest to the highest Codependency: This is where you are at if you have problems with your relationship, and you keep getting bad relationships Dependent on each other. You guys can’t be independently happy, but you can be happy together. (It never really lasts.) Leaning on each other for support, using each other as emotional crutches. You just need your needs desperately met. A codependent person can only stay in a relationship with another codependent person. A codependent person is never going to be able to stay in a relationship with an independent person. Independent: confident and grounded individuals they come together and have an independent relationship. They don’t synergise. It’s simply just independence, they’re sharing some stuff together, but it’s not really the synergistic relationship. Interdependent relationship: This is where two come together, and then they perform almost like a choreographed ballet, where they start moving in sync, and a synergy effect happens, and really, something awesome flourishes that’s greater than the sum of its parts. Interdependence is really just independence of two people, then deciding to do a really nice choreography together. You can move out of codependency and into independency. Once you’re independent, then you can start to have nice relationships. Look Inside You are choosing to be in this relationship there are deep personality flaws within both individuals in this relationship. There individuals are not willing to address these flaws. The problem is in you. The pattern of bad relationships is going to keep repeating until your psyche has a gap/ void in it. You need to fill that void with something, and that other person is doing it for you. That’s why you’re hooked. You’re addicted to that other person, so you keep coming back even though you know this relationship is not healthy. Once you get honest with yourself, once you really get fed up with this recurring pattern of bad relationships then you’re going to tell yourself “OK, what can I really do to take responsibility?” Once you’re at that point, then you have to ask yourself “OK, what is the real void I’m trying to fill? Why am I so needy?" That usually comes down to one of these five things. money sex love companionship support, emotional support or other forms of support One of these things is going to be the cause of your neediness and your codependency. When you’re independent, you don’t really need love. You want it, but if you don’t get it it’s OK. Step 1: Identify one of these gaps — let’s say that your gap is love Step 2: then you have to look back and see where does this gap come from. (past, from your childhood or early adulthood.) probably what happened was that you weren’t getting enough love. Maybe your parents got divorced when you were young.Maybe some sort of traumatic situation happened, or you have some self-esteem issues, or insecurities. You feel that you’re deficient in some way. You need something to come in and fill the void. What’s you’ve been doing your whole life, especially in your dating life and your intimate relationships, is that you’ve been looking for the person who’s going to fill that void. What you were really looking for is an external solution to an internal problem.The problem is that when you find an external solution to an internal problem, then you’re even more dependent on it. The nice thing about doing that trace is that it gets you more awareness, more consciousness, so that you’re not acting as unconsciously in the future, in your relationship You are the cause of your own relationship problems, not the other person. You have to bite this bullet and admit it. The gap is not going to go away just because you change relationships. a happy, successful relationship that has a chance of continuing on the long run is a relationships that has a ratio of five to one of positive to negative interactions.That means for every five good things that happen in a relationship, one bad thing happens. How many negative looks they give each other? How many positive looks? How many loving looks? How much positive conversation is going on versus negative? How many fights are there relative to all the good stuff that’s supposed to be happening in a relationship? if you’re in a codependent relationship, then you’ve got to break it off. When you break it off, you have to break it off cold. (you’ve got to endure a little bit of pain to grow yourself and move on to the next stage. ) Make sure you don’t come back to that person. Then, when you’re off on your own, you’re going to have time to reflect, to ruminate, to really introspect, to do this tracing back activity, to find out what are the real codependency problems within you that are causing this pattern.