Judy2

i moved to a new city in April and have been having some sleep issues since then. in the beginning, this looked like waking up a couple of times a night and struggling to fall back asleep. this past week, i've noticed the following pattern: i'm very busy throughout the day, typically don't have the time for an afternoon nap, but sometimes in the evenings i can't wait any longer and go to bed at 7 or 8, sleep for two hours, wake up ....then obviously can't go back to sleep until later at night. in the mornings it is similar: i wake up at 5 or 6, can't sleep anymore, get up to do things....then feel tired and go back to sleep for another hour or two. i guess the cortisol response is also quite striking every time i do wake up 'prematurely', so even if i am sleepy at 5 am i sort of force myself to get up quickly and do stuff because i am kind of stressed out. stress management is something i have been struggling with for a long time and i can't ever seem to resolve that the sleep problems are only enhancing the stress i am experiencing atm and it's a bit of a vicious cycle. sometimes it is impacting how much energy i have to exercise or take care of myself in general, which just isn't ideal. what can i do to fix this? when i last moved to a new city, i had the exact same problem with the insomnia. i am getting enough hydration, protein, vitamins, magnesium, etc. should i just force myself to stop napping and that'll even things out eventually?

no, there's no mold. it's generally ventilated pretty well, thank God. however, my heat keeps cracking at night and i can hear it when people in the surrounding apartments flush their toilets and so on. i asked the landlord about the heat, but nobody wants to take responsibility for it and apparently they can't do anything to change it anyway. i also don't have a couch or anything, so unless i want to sit on a chair all day (who does that?), i do spend some of my free time lying in bed even if i'm awake. for example when i read or listen to audio books.

aaaah....i'm not sure i want to, for now. but you're technically right:)

i don't know...maybe this is tricky because motives can be mixed. there can be unhealthy aspects intermingling with authentic, healthy desires for self-expression. self-expression should ultimately be a good thing, i believe.

for example my forum journal. it's been criticised before and i am very aware that i am a bit self-centred in it, although i'm not sure how that's not a more or less essential part of journalling. it feels cathartic to me to put my emotions into words and helpful to share sometimes, but i wonder all the time what others think and if this is wrong or something. to me, journalling/writing unites my passion for emotional reflection/introspection and languages and i've been doing it for a long time even just for myself. sometimes the additional element of sharing what i write feels nice because it's like some of the thoughts and emotions going on in the mind, i do find interesting or fascinating, after all, and then it's more fun to express that and carry that out into the world. does that make sense? is this wrong? i think since it feels so natural to me, it's okay that this is a part of my life, but maybe i should practice this in healthier or more deliberate ways? though i am not sure what that would look like, either.

yes, i think i used to do this in the past. most of it happened in my private (offline) journals, though.

@UnbornTao just out of curiosity, what counts as daily exercise in your books? i go to the gym on three days a week and jogging on one day, but i need some rest days inbetween. although i'm not completely inactive during these....i still go swimming, cycling, or at the very least for a walk. does that count?

is it an option to inform the authorities so they can keep an eye on her? a mental illness is not an excuse to threaten people. if this is related to her illness, she may need treatment for that...but she shouldn't have a free pass to simply insult and threaten everyone around her.

@gettoefl thank you:)

thanks for the list:) i have a couple of objections to each point but maybe they are irrelevant.

unfortunately i've conditioned myself to believe i need caffeine to give me energy when i exercise

okay, thank you for explaining...i will try my best.

yes, somehow naps increase the likelihood of having vivid dreams and sleep paralysis....

@No1Here2c do you recommend a specific technique? last time i tried to meditate, i just set a timer on my phone and waited.

...how to handle the burden of making life choices all the time without being too self-centred? these past few weeks, i have noticed just how selfish and self-centred i am, and i don't like it. i don't mean that i make inherently selfish decisions per se, but the mere act of needing to overthink life plans feels a) exhausting and b) like it inevitably requires great deals of selfishness or at the very least, self-centredness. how can i handle this burden that is my inevitable, inescapable existence as a person, right here, who wakes up again and again, every morning, and feels so limited, feels constant discomfort, constant pressure because nothing is ever enough to make me feel special or whole? i notice this pattern and how i project my incompleteness onto everything and everyone, and yet, i can't stop. i hate being so self-centred but i don't see any alternative, given that there is always stuff i need to "figure out" to try to finally make things okay in my life.

i feel sad and lonely. i don't understand all the stress i feel, or how to make it stop. i want someone to hold me and love me and listen to me. with all the stress, i haven't even been paying attention to how i've been avoiding authentic human interaction. it wasn't even a priority. the only priority was dealing with the stress and figuring out what to do so i can be okay. i don't know what to do. i don't know why i feel sad, of all things.

@gettoefl yes, usually my body works like this, too. it doesn't distinguish between weekdays and weekends - once there's a rhythm, my system just sticks with it every day.

but i could still be useful to know which neuroreceptors are involved, relatively speaking:)

that's one of my favourites:)

yes...i mean, that's easier said than done. have you done it? permanently, i mean, not just by taking some lsd. i switched from watching videos to listening to audiobooks because i feel like that's a little less 'invasive' when it comes to having something to soothe me to sleep.

it's so annoying to constantly try and figure out what to do next to make this moment okay... do i need better skin care? a thai massage? laser hair removal? a ninja creami? do i need to exercise more and that's really it? read more fiction? get audible to listen to audiobooks that help me relax? do i need to look different, have different clothes, get better at doing my make-up? do i need to travel more? do i need to draw up a schedule to check off every time i meditate? do i need to learn five languages to be able to feel worthy? do i need to be more disciplined writing down my dreams every morning, feeling and appreciating the depth of them? do i need to get pedicures more often to feel like i am taking care of myself? do i need trauma therapy and that'll resolve everything? do i need to feel my emotions more and just 'be more conscious'? do i need a nicer apartment with prettier furniture? do i need the piano that's currlently not at my place but at my grandma's, so that i can finally relax? ....it's so pointless, but i can't stop and don't know what the alternative is.

i love that:) thank you for reminding me!

@Ziran thank you:) i guess what's missing is a sense of belonging or being at home. which is a bit paradoxical to achieve when things are constantly moving and developing, and yet, i'd probably complain about being bored if they were too static and there was nothing left to work toward. it's just hard to balance those two.