Gregory1

@Tonyn @Zeroguy Hi bros^^ @Zero read my pm baby?

@PepperBlossoms Are you sure? ?

Wrong. I am God. Although right now I apparently am *a human being*

Obviously. Although in a sense, divinity is *prior to* what humans normally call experience.

Divinity only *apparently* puts itself to sleep. Actually divinity never slept and never will sleep. It apparently veils itself and once the illusion is seen through it's clear that its always, everpresent, perfectly awake and will forever be. All IS Love, All IS God, forever. (Although what I just wrote is obviously just a "story" and not of any value unless it motivates you to realize these things directly for yourself).

Divine never "awakens." Divinity is simply true, here right now, all there is and all there ever will be. And yes I obviously have become conscious of this. https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/75467-god-is-so-fucking-big-it-terrifies-me/

God is everything. So God literally looks like your penis. And simultaneously looks like the titties of your mum. (Please guys don't take my specific example too seriously, please no warning points for this.) It is true though.

I am God. I am Heaven. I am Love. End of the story.

??

Stop thinking, start living and feeling.

Brother you are stuck in fantasies

Solo-retreats are amazing. Away from city, constant titulation, entertainment, internet. I got great insights and felt very happy on my solo retreats.

@Leo Gura does it fully align with Rupert Spira?

Sounds like it could be something for you

Who needs search engine when one has aftualized.org-forum??

Week #4 1-week ban didn't allow me to post this in time, sorry for that. Next update hopefully on Sunday (week 5 then). Completed 1 hour sits every day. Almost failed and quit my habit. Hardest week so far, lots of doubts. The fourth week has been the hardest week so far. I felt a lot of resistance to meditation and lots of bodily discomfort. A life-situation that I am unhappy with is currently very present and overshadowed everything I did this week. Meditation felt like a "waste of time" and like "woo-woo nonsense", at least these kinds of thoughts came up. I felt very unclear and very clouded while meditating, had very little time of ease and clarity. One day I almost gave up my practice. It was 10:30 pm, just 1,5 hours of the day left and I was sure that this would've been the last day of my practice. Strangely I got really inspired at around 10:50 and sat down to meditate. I had the thought that I don't wanna mess up all the progress I had already made (meditating for 4 weeks straight) by quitting now. So I sat down on and did it, the session was pretty good, clear, moments of beauty and clarity. I got one realization that seems to be really key to me. Meditation should not be about "doing the practice perfectly." I forced myself too hard to stay focused and to stay in perfect posture etc. and disciplined myself too hard. It is better to allow myself to stand up if I feel the necessity to do so while meditating, or allow myself to let the posture collaps with it. Meditation should be a practice of self acceptance and self-love. This means that I should try to sit calmly and lovingly with myself. If the need to move arises, I should allow myself to do it. If emotions arise, I should allow them to express. If desire to meditate in a different manner than the current technique arise, I should allow it. This is love. This is openness. Meditation should be embrace of life. With this realization I hope that I will create less aversion to meditating in the coming weeks and months. I hope that I can deal with the shit that arises. I guess the feeling that "meditation is not working" might be a sign that it is indeed working perfectly. Ways in which meditation effected my daily life: Not in any big way. I noticed the following thing. This could be because of psychedelics or meditation, I can't say for sure. It is something that I feel is very positive and might have come partly because of the meditation practice. Last week I cried over the beauty of a sandwhich that I ate. I consider myself to be a very "unemotional person" and in the past I would never cry about anything. This week I ate my sandwhich and realized how beautiful it is (not psychedelic induced) and I felt deep gratitude and meaning in it and cried over the beauty. It was an amazing moment. Also I noticed more how I feel emotions in certain situations. My older me would suppress emotions while my current me still supresses them a lot but they bubble up more and I can feel them and see them and am aware of having them. This is a positive development in my opinion. But also hard because I had desire to drop everything and just start crying while I was with other people and this is something which is not socially accepted. So I have to repress. Let's see how the coming week goes. My every-week-updates will still come in the future but I might keep them shorter. I don't want to be repetitive in this journal so new-week-updates should only contain new insights. Have a nice week everybody ~Gregory

@Breakingthewall Beautifully said. Unfortunately I doubt people will throw coconuts at you when you do that^^

This does not make logical sense. Keeping a human body alive is more expensive than burning a dead body. But yeah, psychologically it could be hard for the parents. I do not mean to imply in any sense that suicide should be committed. The opposite is the case. Call suicide hotline please.

This. Life can be hard. I know that feeling of going to bed, wishing you'll never wake up again. Not enough love in the world. Or maybe I'm too blind to see it.

Do you know resources to study mahasamadhi? I hope that I will come to a point in my life where I'll be capable of doing it. Thanks for your replies.

Yeah its important to know especially in our times. I have taken this body onto myself. I wanna know how to put it down again.

Who is stronger, you or her?

Masturbation.

@Carl-Richard I agree. However, fapping can become an unhealthy habit once you do it out of "habit" and not because you "feel like it". There is a subtle difference between "feeling like it because you want it" and "feeling like it out of habit"