Cathal

you can try to cold turkey, but the cause of addiction is your sense of seperateness, always, so unless you are simutaenously working on that shit your habit of aversion and craving will continue to find form in new addiction sense of seperateness is your identification to self and all the boundaries you created to reinforce that 'I' feeling - so I think there needs to be more insight into that or you will go on craving connection in the external and getting lost there, I get the sense you try will try hard to change but without insight you are always trying to become limitless by building on top of unrecognized limitations, which results in looping and failure your addiction to nicotine/caffeine turns into eating more food, sleeping more, masterbathing more and vice versa so sure try it, whether you do or don't it's going to reveal something. and it really doesn't matter

yes i used to smoke it daily until i ran out, usually with 250mg-500mg packets - it was nice, i am a bit fucked in the head. go hardcore if you're willing always surrender, the intensity will really help you with mastering surrender to what is and that is by far the most useful thing i've gotten

i used to think that, that i fucked up myself so much that i want to lose this body and get a new one in hopes of a better life then i saw clearly how killing myself would not end my suffering, perhaps 'relief' but just create more confusion that i know somehow i would have to clear one day, i am glad i didn't do that because i'm actually enjoying life and less than a year ago i actually slit myself waiting to die. surrender to what is and the thought of death won't really arise unless this is purely just thought then i think you will have to deal with that action/karma at some point

no there is no smooth process, you just do the right thing and surrender to what is. what is means, anything that arises in your experience of consciousness. fully feeling and experiencing, no more avoidance. thats the way out

about 10 months ago i slit myself and tried to die, abused child teen opioid addict etc, i then did psychedelics and had an intense experience of freedom in which i just knew this was what i have been looking for. i call them by manic jesus episodes, i've had many of these since i was about 22 but i didn't really understand them until this year after the dissolution of the 'i' via psychedelics, i have this intense right action drive but with no understand and no direction i ended up on the streets having psychotic episodes, calling random people asking them about there childhood trauma and travelling sleeping in the ditches, begging for money and leaving my country to go into a volunteer place, you might say ungrounded. i went through the most unbearable dark night ever, just soaked in ruthless suffering. anyways, i kinda saw psychedelics won't bring me to where i want to go, i just knew if i kept working on my traumas, forgiving, understanding things and stick to meditate fuck it i'll get somewhere and... yeah, here i am i am just so present. i can enjoy the mundane, i can enjoy so much shit, i just burst out laughing so much, i really love people as they are, i am so radically accepting of ppl. my mind is still active as fuck but its like i can see watch it so effortessly, things feel very effortless and i just feel so very loving, i can see things so clearly within myself that the way people behave and the way life is, it just is and i can now only see it but appreciate it. i know i have a looooong way to go but tbh at 18 i made a vow i would be dead at 24 and here i am, so ye this has been nice, i just wanted to share that. i am a bit of a lurker in the enlightenment scene because i have no idea what the fuck u guys are talking about, but this is mind blowing to experience for me. i am determined to follow in teachings of Christ to service all beings through action, beginning with the darkest of sinners

Physically harming yourself. There are also drugs that can permanently mess with your brain and therefore your potential in this life... I wouldn't say anything at all 'ruins' your life indefinitely, but there are a lot of things that limit your potential for sure which you might say is a ruining of some sort but yeah.... popping your eyeballs out or making yourself deaf, there are those kinds of self-harm cases brah

Yes letting go: pathway of surrender is a must to understand in the sense of what surrender will do for you if you commit to letting go of the negativity and identifying with the pleasure you get out of the positionality you're in, in your case you avoid confronting your negative emotions by remaining quiet and avoidant. Surrendering the right way, to what is as it is, to the trauma at a felt level is the only way you will actually feel free of it. If you try to resolve it within your thinking mind, or think it doesn't deserve the same level of attention as severe trauma because it's 'mild' you will just keep dragging it on and on only to continually repress it through intellectualization and tbh, this anxiety and social aversion is not mild at all. it will cripple you

What exactly are you hoping will change in your life if you have a deeper voice? Maybe we can talk about that and come up with a different approach,

Over the past while, with a combination of letting go of a ton of unresolved emotion and meditation, I just feel... a lot more present, nothing special about it. But, it feels very dry... Not in a suffering sense, but I know there's a sweetness factor i'm missing (or something along those lines). Somewhere in an old Sadhguru video he said this can happen if one is not also aware when they are taking life too seriously and not being able to play with the mundane, but idk man... In a way I feel more than I ever have in my life and very direct experience of seeings things as they are, yet I seem to desire some more intensity :edit actually all I desire is more intensity of the now. Is this a stage I will pass or some shit? Is there any direction/advice you have if you have been in this spot or r u experiencing this now?

u need to think about right speech one man came to his guru and was begging for enlightenment, the guru said he needs to do 2 weeks more of fasting. 2 weeks later, he came back and the guru congratulated him and praised him for his discipline 'well done, that's incredible, you're one step closer to enlightenment' another man came up to the guru later on that day and was starving, 'i haven't eaten in 2 weeks' the guru replied 'well done, that's incredible, you're one step closer to enlightenment' can you see how retarded that is? what even is truth here? just do the right thing

this is the first thing you need to take a look at, you basically described a whole day of an effort to escape a feeling. this is just aversion and why you are suffering. you are just running away from yourself because you are too identified with the one who is feeling shame, who has an image of itself that in reality was not met and now it's hurt, and you are caught in it's emotional turmoil. this is not unimportant as you say, it's extremely important you begin to recognize this so you can allow yourself to feel all of these things that you are not. by avoiding them, they are lurking in the backround - the next time you fuck up, you will feel all of that once again. because you are not fundamentally understanding things you need to understand. so, i have abosolutely no advice on how you can let go, because until you stop running away, there is no possibility in letting go.

@DManKee honestly bro just get yourself a therapist, i feel like you are trapped in a prison. if it isn't unbearable now, it will be as life goes on. fundamentally you created a very strong sense of seperateness to protect yourself from the pain of not being loved properly, and you go on playing a character on the belief you will get that which you need if you become that which you are not - this is the big mistake, the biggest mistake of ur life. until u become fully aware of that, you will never connect. and you will experiene the relentless pain of being disconnected from life good news, it's already within you so you don't need to seek it. but right now this can only be intellectually understood because until the parts of you are properly accepted and intergrated, you will experience it as a feeling of lack, seeking to be fulfilled. i don't know the depths of that for you so idk, feel free to dm me if you want to open up more or if you feel like my words are resonating at all

I would say you became a narcissist because you are disconnected from love, if you can understand that you will make leaps of progress. There's nothing special about narcissism as it's just another strategy to get your needs met, it's just highlighted because it's entirely based on the approval of others which is annoying as fuck for people most of the time as in highly deceptive/manipulative and it simply does not work, there is great pleasure in being a narcissist but there will never be peace. Not to judge those strategies as 'wrong' but rather see it for what it is, a belief system that causes you and others suffering. What were your parents/family like? You don't love yourself either and you don't have genuine empathy for yourself, you feel for your doggo and animals because they don't judge you for what you have or don't have and openly give themselves to you, and that is real. That is reality infact, that's why you can connect with animals The problem is your identification with the one who needs to have something, to be something other than it is, to be loved. That is essentially all it boils down too, I hope you reflect on that. There's obviously a shit load of work to do, I mean it will take you quite a while to enter radical acceptance, to stop judging yourself, to discover all of your shadow parts, but to begin to question your identification to the parts of you that need to prove themselves, to have something, to be someone, the insecurities, just fuck that shit man, that is not a life worth living and i will also say you will never have that connection you crave, that relationship you desire until the inner world is understood first.

waste of your fucking time

Hello everyone, was wondering what kind of methods have you used that are not in this list that have specifically helped you with trauma? The surfacing, processing or simple awareness of it all. contemplation psychedelics meditation breathwork yoga talk therapy primal therapy tre by peter levine inner child work eft tapping emdr therapy I appreciate your answers, also feel free to write how it has helped if you're comfortable with that

It just may be some kind of trauma that you feel ungrounded outside of that home, I mean I feel like you already made a lot of conceptual sense of this. And maybe it's time to find ways to work with it on a felt level sensation, how can you work to get to the pain of being pulled away from the place that made you safe and all that, perhaps a part of your inner child remains their in your mind and you can communicate to it via journaling or something. Therapy is useful for inner child work, way better than doing it yourself. Also breathwork has worked well for me

One thing that came to mind is that, I would definitely be really careful in identifying the physical actual location of that home as the root problem, or cause of this issue you're having. To look deeper within and see the source is within you, I think as long as that is clear you'll definitely find the answer you're looking for at some point

If you truly want to understand this part of yourself, watch this and then feel with your heart if you think it's right, get the fuck out of your head, if you can watch this and still eat meat then that's just perfectly fine. Who's going to stop you? only you know what's right and wrong. not good or bad, but what is your intuition telling to you?

try psychedelics at some point when you are in a better state of mind, when your intention to help yourself is real.

but also to remind ourselves these are all just a man in the mirror, that the role of the guru is to show you that you are the guru. to not get obsessed or hooked on any guru in particular regardless how much you got captivated!

@Carl-Richard yeah me too, t.k got me super intrigued about psychedelics way before i even knew what the word spirituality meant. his lectures are like music

Osho/rajneesh the most prob, sadhguru, j.krishnamurti, buddha, christ, and my father who caused me the suffering to find them all

'I really hate myself' start here and deconstruct

btw where are you located? 2c-b is really popular in europe, it's usually 4eur/pill

I went up into the forest on a whim with it, i didn't have a clue what to expect. i took a i think, 22mg tablet about 1 hour outside of where i walking to (up the mountains) and remember sitting down eventually near the almond farms eating a watermelon and just staring around. i remember the initial sensations, it felt like it 'settled' or something, a slight buzz, i just felt like this was a phony or whatever since i ordered from a rando on the dn, then what i remember is certain thoughts about where i was in life came to surface and i began crying and i remember i was hesistant to cry because i didn't want to cry in this kind of public mountain trail, and i was crying, it turned into... crying, balling, like if you saw me you may call the popo, anyways at some point of repressed thoughts surfacing i started to dissolve into the love, but it was like. different than mushrooms and lsd (all i had done previous), there was something very eternal about it, total absolute eternity. like no matter what you do, you are loved that all the trees around me felt like they were dancing and giving life to everything, like pure purpose, pure giving and you were absolutely in tune with it. there was a clarity like no other, it felt like i had been here before but i was pretty hardcore on developing my spiritual understanding several months prior and i think i broke into this space because of that. there was a sweetness, an ecstacy (i mean it is literally candy flipping in a pill right) but man. this was different than doing mdma, this was a sweetness like beyond pleasure and beyond happiness, beyond peace. it was this drive of the discovery of what right action means, all the layers of fear were pulled back and there was right in front of me an intuition that i knew exactly what i had to do and there was not even a trace of 'I' that was hesistant, there was no fear, just a giving impulse. that to give your love, is to be free. that the path of christ and the giving of unconditonal love is the way through this suffering, through samsara i think that's important to note maybe, that the drug itself is not exactly doing anything unique in the sense that whatever your level of consciousness is really what you will experience so it's not like this all just clicked at once