Gesundheit2

Drama is the feminine version of pragmatism. Respect survival and it will respect you.

There isn't a right way for doing anything or living life. But there are many wrong ways.

Don't worry about it, El. I'll just donate to you whatever they tax you.

It's personal. Always have been.

Slower thinking for me is associated with meditative states. I've experienced serious lack of thoughts in certain states. But I don't think that slower thinking equals higher consciousness necessarily. Most of the times, slower thinking rather just means lower intelligence. But still, it's a lot easier to contemplate and dissect thoughts if they're few and not too overwhelming, which is why meditation is a very effective and useful practice. It probably takes a supermind to be able to handle the monkey mind at full force with high consciousness. Higher consciousness has more to do with quality and clarity of thoughts, regardless of speed. And if you can process a lot of high quality thoughts with enough clarity in very short time, then you probably have the supermind. But it's a skill that can be developed, and not entirely genetic, even though genes play a big role in my experience/opinion.

That's not necessarily true, even though extremely likely. This perspective you're suggesting is not the whole picture. Life doesn't necessarily equal falsehood, even though it does for most people.

Does anyone have an experience with a psychotic loved one? Can you offer me some tips? Should I take her to a psychiatrist or just comfort and contain her? She's paranoid and hallucinating, and talking in a nonsensical way. What to do?

Source is a bitch. Appreciate the advice. Will take it into consideration.

@Gianna Thanks. That's exactly what we've been doing over the past few days. We took the whole week off to stay with her. All five of the family members have been extremely supportive and understanding. My role mainly was to direct them in how to treat and talk to her. The doctor said none of that matters, but I think he's wrong and closed-minded. He's putting all his bets on the medications and assuming that she's chronically ill and without a cure. We are proving him wrong. She almost recovered within less than three days of meds, and we'll probably start decreasing the doses very soon. I taught the family members some CBT and they're doing their best. My mom was her closest friend and they both have soft spots for each other, so I gave my mom special instructions for dealing with her. The truth is that the episode was triggered by my mom abandoning her for a reason that I don't feel comfortable sharing. I've been investigating with the family the possible causes and solutions the whole time. I think the situation is easily reversible. She was basically mainly deprived of sleep and stressed by several things that have been going on for some time in her life, like overworking and worrying about what other people think and drinking lots of caffeine, and other things. We are trying to uproot all that as much as possible and as quick as possible, and I think we've been very effective at this as a team for the time being, so we will continue down that path. We'll also try to eliminate the stressors out of her life so that they don't trigger her anymore. @Loba Thank you for your concern. I'm sorry I didn't contact you as I said I would. We are devoting most of our time for her at the moment, and I don't feel very comfortable sharing things about my sister; and that's because I worry she might not want that, so I'm saving that option until it's absolutely necessary. But anyway, she's a lot better now, but I was wondering if it's okay to stop the meds. I am very doubtful of the mainstream medical view on psychosis, because in a sense she awakened, so her mind got upgraded, opposite to what most psychiatrists suggest. She said she died and came back to life because she loves us. She mentioned astral projection, now believes in karma and God, and thinks she's become a channel/translator of some sorts. I don't want to deny her these possibilities, so I am trying my best to explain to my parents especially that all of this is okay. I think she will calibrate soon and then she will be able to filter out these esoteric experiences from daily conversations. She's already improved a lot and explained a lot to us in a more understandable way. It's interesting how all of this is working. On the more brighter side, I've never been this close to her. I almost avoided eye contact and real emotional connection with her for most of my life. The past few days, I held her close to me for hours, reminisced about the past with her, sang with her, comforted her, etc. She even kissed me and asked me to kiss her between her eyes, which we've never done before. I think everything is improving all at the same time.

The word "everything" is itself the theory of everything. It encapsulates all of reality in one word.

@Loba Thank you for your advice regarding my sister. We took her to a psychiatrist two days ago, and he put her on 4 different meds. She's becoming more in touch with us and less afraid, but I'm noticing some things and similar themes, and I have some questions and concerns. Can we discuss and explore this topic further? I wish the best outcome possible for both of you. And I think that we both can benefit from sharing thoughts and experiences if you have time. We can talk in private if you prefer it that way. Let me know if you're in.

No, not the source of questions as in ALL questions. That would be a bit abstract, which would distract from the direction I'm pointing out. I meant the source of the questions in a more down-to-earth way, like the reasons why you ask those questions to begin with. Did it occur to you that there might be a driver behind the questions? What is that driver for you? What is the motivation? For example, why do you want to know the origin of life? Why do you have that desire? What is the value you're looking for out of such inquiries? Imagine you actually got the answers to all your questions, now what? How would you feel? And what would happen next? You know, come up with your own questions on a similar theme. Dig into the desire to know without suppressing it. That way, you will end up fulfilling the desire and in result relinquishing it, while at the same time finding some really fulfilling answers to your questions.

Question the source of the questions.

There's no absolute unconditional happiness. That's just a fairy tale. You will suffer every once in a while no matter how enlightened you are. But you can actually always minimize the suffering such that it virtually stops existing. If you're familiar with the mathematical concept of approaching zero, it's exactly like that. Imagine the current state of an imaginary person to be (99% ego and 1% "not-ego"). Now this person decided to do spiritual work to purify himself until the two percentages shifted in opposition. His state is now (1% ego and 99% not-ego). The not-ego part becomes automatically irrelevant now, as there is no more work that needs to be done there. But the remaining 1% ego can be now viewed as a new (99% ego and 1% not-ego). And so on, until that person reaches some super enlightened state that has the least amount of ego possible, which still can be divided into (99% and 1%) once again to infinity if you want. In short, you can't eliminate the ego completely as long as you're alive, so you can't eliminate the suffering. But what you can do is you can always remove layers of the ego, and therefore decrease the degree and frequency of suffering.

I'm learning Web Development; websites, web apps, and that kind of stuff. I don't know. I haven't researched and I don't feel like doing so. Medical school does not feel in alignment with my authentic self, so I don't take any proactive steps in that direction. I really don't want to work in that field, I'm just going along with my parents desires. I experienced something similar in the past. Then I realized that being self-critical is good in a sense. It helps you improve and refine yourself, unlike being totally okay with oneself regardless of everything. I think it's a balance, but we need both self-love and self-criticism in order to grow and be healthy. Love the criticism because it's good. I appreciate the offer. And actually, I might be able to help you out with the website, in case you are planning on creating one. I do appreciate your concern and support, it's very lovely of you

Okay here are some things: His dedication and work ethic. His passion. His compassion and understanding. Great and responsible role-model. Great leader. He takes 100% responsibility for everything, even outside of his life, like a real God haha. Successful and a real pro at his work. His mind is creative as fuck! Wise and intelligent, creative genius. Scientific and realistic when needed. He has an astounding understanding ability of the other person's perspective. Multi-perspectival. Positive. Empowering. He puts himself out there and exposes his vulnerabilities courageously. He puts up with a lot of BS, including mine haha. Democratic but has reasonable boundaries. He forgives. He's flexible. Balanced in most aspects. He reads your posts and answers your questions as a friend with humility, not as a famous YouTuber, or an enlightened guru. He covers a variety of topics with staggering depth for each topic. He has content and structure. One of the most integrated human beings, probably of all time. He can exhibit tough love when necessary. His advice is always on point.

@Etherial Cat Thank you I try to not identify too much with the victim story as I think that could become counterproductive and dis-empowering for me. I feel better now, and I'll let my intuition decide on the rest, like I did on here. I wasn't originally intending to write about myself, it was a general insight that I had about the middle east that tradition dominates over the individual and kills all innovation. But then somehow it turned to a whole shadow work post. Looking back now, I might have gone overboard and exaggerated some things about my parents, or rather probably discredited them. For example, they still work till this day, so they're not totally useless like I said. They're not totally bad parents or people, they just happen to have a very limited mind. I just feel mostly angry and unhappy with how my life looks like right now. I think it could have been a lot better given better childhood. But what consolidates me is that I'm not alone in this. Most of the people I know have some degree of severe traumatic past. Although some kids have it more severe than others. I would probably rate at 80% severity relative to other kids in my country. But relative to educated people like me, I would probably rate at 100%. It's a generational trauma that keeps on repeating. The medical school for me is more like an obligation, and I don't place any hopes on it. I am working on a different route for financial independence and it will start giving its fruits in the next couple of months. I hope you're feeling better now, and I hope you got to the bottom of the pain. It can be really tough to not be able to show your wounds to others, partially because they don't share the same wounds as you, and partially because they will probably not understand, and then judge you. I find the Actualized forum's journals to be a safe space for expression. That's why I put all my shadows here. But I also do have someone to talk to and share my wounds with, my physical brother. But it's also different to express in writing alone than to talk it out with someone. I would say each practice has its benefits, so I do both. Sometimes, you just want to talk, and some other times you want support and possibly some feedback because maybe you're not being completely reasonable. I think having someone else besides you can help guide you better. This can get really effective if that person is a certified professional. I would have liked to see a therapist, but unfortunately therapy is trash here, and I can't afford to go abroad for now. But I'm doing good and improving on my own, thanks to the internet. So by the time I move out, I will probably have healed most of my wounds.

It's a really tough thing being raised by bullies and half-parents. I remember when I was a kid, I started questioning whether I was adopted or not. I know now that a kid's intuition is always an indicator of some hidden truth. That truth in my case is that for me, both my parents were basically the most terrifying monsters throughout my childhood. It would have been totally different to have been an orphan and get raised by strangers. At least, you'd know they're not your real parents and so you would not feel wrong, but rather oppressed. I always felt wrong. Afraid, too. Raised by a pussy and a dictator father, and a masculine with borderline-personality mother. It might sound strange to describe someone as being a pussy and a dictator both at the same time, but it is the case with my father. He's only a dictator inside the house, with his family, because we were weak and needy. But outside the house and with others, a tool and a doormat, a failure that is incapable of anything. I got hit a lot all throughout childhood and even early teens. None of my siblings got nearly as much as my share of the hitting and the beating, but I don't hold that against them. I'm actually happy for them, not jealous at all. I hold it against my parents who were very tough with me. But my story does not stop or begin there. I remember probably at 3 years old when a "Shiekh" which means the old man who teaches Islam in the mosque, in my case to kids. I remember that traumatic experience of being held upside down and hit on my feet a complete one hundred times, fifty hits on each foot. All the kids held me up and the Shiekh used a thick wood stick to perform the "reformation". But that would not have been a complete punishment yet. It was winter and he ordered cold water for my feet before the beating. The reason, I pushed my sister and she fell down on the floor. That was my crime. But back to my parents, I would have thought that it's reasonable and understandable that ultimately they were trying to protect me etc. I can't even put my finger on the real wound that I have to heal yet. It's very complex and hard to pinpoint. Because my parents had not in fact taught me anything. Yes, they sent me to school and whatever, but they didn't actually teach me any real or useful life lessons. And the worst part is that they themselves are inexperienced, so whatever little bs they taught me had been useless. I have literally been going over and learning everything step by step by myself by making countless mistakes for the past 7 or more years. That could have been less severe or even completely avoided with high quality parents. I had to reinvent the wheel and learn everything about life from scratch, and I have come a long way even with all the poverty. My stupid parents lived and grew up in prosperity and fairly good circumstances, and they didn't take advantage of what they had. Low IQ, lazy asses. Animals. They did not read books or even socialize in their spare time. All they did was watching TV. And now all they do is mindlessly surfing the internet. They haven't changed and they never will. They don't learn, not from their mistakes, not from anyone else's mistakes, and not from anything. No change is possible without learning. They're anti-wisdom, religious obsessive nuts. I learned more about Islam in 5 years than they have in 5 decades. I read many books and dived deep into Islam, and then transcended it and moved to a higher level, to true spirituality. The funny thing is that they think they're smart. The cherry on top of all this farce and sarcasm. How can they be this useless and still survive until now?! Just shows you how much dependent on the system they were and that they did nothing on their own, and that the system makes up for a lot of idiots. They'd been standing up on the shoulders of the giants, and when the giants fell down, they had no parachute, and they could not save themselves or us. Just two purely toxic expressions. I am surprised that I'm not exactly the same. I mean I have been, and still am to a certain degree, but I'm moving away from them. So that's what they are, a liability on everyone and a leech on everything. To grow up without a role model, or someone to look up to. That phrase sums up my story, but it doesn't give it justice. Emerald once said that a traumatic experience is relatively easy to resolve, because at least you can pinpoint it. But unmet needs, they're a lot harder to fix because you don't have anything to contrast your experience with. How could I know that I needed a role-model in my life?! To grow up without a higher self and then to copy every other "self" you see. It's just ridiculous and pathetic. I don't remember having a single real conversation with them as a child. All I remember is the gaslighting and the useless morality speeches, and I only remember them because they're still repeating till this day. Now when I talk, they intuit that I'm wiser than them, but they're still the same two clowns. The dictator, and the preacher. And now I have to carry them on my back until they die. I feel morally obliged to do that. In fact, they're the only real motivation behind anything I do. The money I make is not mine, and I don't really want it. I don't need this human life, at least for now with this little money. When I become rich, things will probably change, I will probably change. When I become rich I will pay them money to leave me alone. I will buy my freedom. The bullying will likely be a story for another time. Holy shit! I have a lot stored inside, but I'm not sure I should let it out.

A lot of things, but perhaps most importantly is the most obvious, which is that most of his content is for free. And all of it is organized and categorized for your needs. And even though I tend to criticize him a lot, the truth is that I could write a very long list about the things I admire about Leo and respect him for. I just think that the good things are too obvious to state, and that's why I tend to highlight the blind-spots through criticism.

Send love her direction, make the connection Make the connection...

It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!

I've never got to a final resolution on the issue of whether Actualized.org is a cult or not. It certainly has the dynamics of a cult, which are now less obvious, and actually less existing than before. But they're still there, which raises questions and question marks for me. Currently, I'm more on the side that it's not a cult. I don't think Leo is a bad person, even though my experience with him had not been the greatest, but still he is a good person in my opinion. I think Joseph is wrong about Leo. He is not naming anyone in the video, but it's crystal clear that he has Leo in mind throughout the video. If you're familiar with his story, this should be obvious. At various points of my timeline here, I thought Actualized.org is a cult, and some other times not. But the truth is that it is a difficult judgement to make. My current view is that the dynamics do not necessarily imply intentions. The dynamics get created naturally within any community, because well that's how people work, so they're not necessarily of Leo's creation. But he might have chosen to let them happen and evolve, or he might have even done something to make something out of them for his benefit. If that was the case, I think it would most likely be unconscious on Leo's side. Why? Because socialization is not one of his strengths. So, he might have subconsciously resorted to manipulation to leverage himself, or even to simply heal his wounds and integrate his shadows around socialization. That's my current perspective as someone who sucked big time at socialization. I think it's very likely. I think if I was in his place I would have done the same things. He used to get very defensive and try to debunk every criticism of him, no matter how small or irrelevant. Right now he's becoming less and less attached to what people think of him. It's especially hard for someone in his position where your survival is dependent on what people think of you to a very large degree, so I admire and respect him for that. My survival is not really affected by what people think and I still struggle with people's opinions of me. At the same time, manipulation is part of his work as a public speaker, because his work involves marketing, and marketing is basically a form of manipulation of the mind. So, the lines get blurred here and it becomes harder to separate the two. Maybe he didn't know where the lines are. I can see that it's hard to make that distinction especially for intellectuals and people who lack empathy and suck at socializing. However, Leo was not able to entertain criticism back in the day. He would take it personally and seriously and mark you in his mind as a "hater" or a troll that is trying to take him down because you're jealous or evil or a devil or whatever, and he would treat you like that until you change and stop criticizing him. I like how he is becoming less and less concerned with criticism and what people think. I think he has improved a lot, even in his communication and how he relates to us and the world. His replies now are very smart and subtle. He knows how to say the right things and how to effectively deal with trolls. These are signs that tell me he is walking the talk and improving and developing, which means high integrity and a good heart, as opposed to what Joseph thinks. I have always been honest about what I think, even if it meant being despised or getting banned. I didn't care, and I still don't. I am not anyone's enemy, that's simply not how I operate in the world. But I tend to express myself in an intimidating way. The truth is that I often just speak my mind, and many people simply don't like to hear certain things, whether true or false. Anyway, I like the model that Joseph proposed here. I like especially the terminology of "flying monkeys" and "useful idiots", not sure if they're original to him or borrowed from somewhere else though. I think these are very accurate descriptions for cult enablers who create the cult out of thin air, even without intending to. I had definitely clashed with some flying monkeys and had been a useful idiot at some point. The flying monkeys are probably the worst part of the dynamic. I like how smart Joseph is and how sharp and accurate his judgements are. But on this issue I disagree and think that he's biased and possibly still feeling hurt, which is probably an unresolved trauma that has become part of his shadow. But of course, we cannot know who is right. Maybe after all Leo is just an imposter and Joseph is right, even though very unlikely imo. The only way to know would be to meet Leo in person, know him directly, and then make the proper judgement. But for now, this is all guesswork and unverified assumptions. @Joseph Maynor Tagging you here to let you know that I am enjoying your content and that I always appreciated your wisdom ever since you were a member here, and to give you my perspective.

One should ask the doctor.