Stoica Doru

Would you dissolve your own child, shame him, beat him, start a conflict with him? If not, STOP trying to do that with the ego. People should just start loving themselves and accept their unresolved issues yet, rather than trying to hide everything under the rug, or dissolve a part of themselves which is divinity and innocence in its nature. You're more likely to try to dissolve your taste, it'll be more effective. Ego needs love, not escapism through the searching of greedy experiences, which is still the ego trying to fly to a "better" place, not realizing that enlightenment is right here, not anywhere else.

@Michael119 Congratulations, man! You're making a lot of progress. My awakening was severely impacted by a same experience. You'll find details here : https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/9709-am-i-awakened/

If you think that meditation is all about getting relaxed and chill, while pursuing or doing low counciousness stuff, you're heavily wrong. With great power comes big responsibility, so, while being cleansed, you are also challenged towards quitting all of your addictions for the most part, and giving up certain neurotic uncouncious patterns. If you're not willing to do so, or if the ego puts up a big fight, the body and psyche will go mad, in what we might call a backlash. Although it may seem kind of depressing quitting useless and unproductive activities, the advantages of doing so and the wisdom you get are worth the cost. For me, it was : Quitting refined sugar and meat (2 months ago) Quitting masturbation (Day 54 now) Quitting porn one year ago Quiting social media (3 months ago) Also, the need for validation is decreasing There will sure be many adjustments on your journey, and given the fact that we live in an addiction based society, expect a lot of resistance on the way. Getting rid of addictions is the first step, as it gives all your traumas and emotional baggage space to come up in order to be healed. There's no going back on this path, but don't worry, as there's no better one. You're brave, much love :).

You can't go bragging all life saying "Look how I'm not a character and stuff like that". That needs to be felt. However, until that point, you'll need to learn to drop your addictions, even though, quite true, some of them will fade on their own. Authenticity takes time to be embodied and it can't be obtained by using the spiritual claim "I'm not a person, so nothing can enslave me, not even myself".

It doesn't matter whatsoever what I want. I strived so much for objectives, people and all than kind of stuff and it didn't show up, but, looking now, retrospectively, I can see that it was great that I haven't got those things. We all have a destiny, but dreaming is not forbidden, even though you can say that the ability to have big dreams is also deterministic. We'll never know, I guess. Just enjoy every single day at its fullest, because it'll never come back. We ain't getting any younger. Experience shapes us each day passing by, so I can't fully draw my future life, as I'm trying to paint the now. Career wise, I'm opting for the Officer Police Academy, as it's something serious and worth while pursuing, because it involves helping society and maintaining order.

It's just a concept, in the end. It doesn't need any stress about it. As long as you're aware it's a trap, you can avoid it pretty easily.

You also must consider the fact that most of your motivations are derived from the ego. And once your consciousness rises, you'll find most of your desires to be washed away. It's a normal part of the process, as the awakening shows you what it's worth pursuing in a higher vibrational sphere, and what is not. You'll get your motivation back. And, by the way, being a Zen Devil means using enlightenment or the non-duality thruth to be ignorant and use it as an excuse to be an asshole and manipulate others, or do harm to whatever surrounds you, even yourself at times, which is kind of funny. Judging by your motivations, you're not heading that way, as long as it concerns ''you'', or, I should rather say, the neglected part of your ego is confused, the part which deserves your attention, that's why it's so misleading at times. Hang in there, you'll be just fine. Beee confuseeed!

So, I just went through the dark night of the soul, which made everything meaningless, in a depressing manner. I had a ton of spiritual awakening symptoms, some are gone by now, but something wanders my mind. I had this one dream a few days ago where my mother told me to stop running from an entity that was chasing me and I just fell in a total blackness in my bathroom, while everything was disappearing, including my mom, which I was being afraid of initially, but felt like a total bliss once I "died" there(I found out that there were people who got enlightened while dreaming, like Jiddu Krishnamurti) . After that, I woke up with loud sounds in my ears(which I had up until that point, but now have disappeared) and a wild energy rush through my spine. Ever since then, I'm living in the Present Moment all the time, as if I'm constantly meditating. I permanently have the feeling you get after a meditation session, being extremely calm and peaceful. Matt Kahn also helped me a lot, with his love teachings and acceptance techniques. The "problem" now is that my ego tries to grasp this new realization that there's nothing to realize, do, fear and it's kinda confused and apathic. Adyashanti said this is a normal thing after awakening. I also see through my roles everytime I'm in different groups of people, or when trying to impress or manipulate people, and I see through all my schemes and victimizations. My intuition is skyrocketing, basically. I want to know your experiences on the matter and what do you think. I know that I'm not fooling myself, but man, I'm drunk on emptiness, as they call it. Death seems like a concept. Kinda shocking, I gotta say. I also totally relate to what Adyashanti says in this video

I wouldn't describe it as a personal experience. I'm aware of the fact that the awakening took control for the purpose of waking me up. The godly presence showed its infinite wisdom within me, and it still does. I'm nothing but a fragment of counciousness, who glimpsed his roots - nothing more.

Thank you, pretty girl! It's quite a gift that people who've just entered adulthood, like you and me, are interested in the absolute truth and in the purest way of being. This world needs a lot more people like us, the people on this forum. Take care of yourself too. ?

Final update. Hello everyone. My previous level of desire returned, and now I manage to connect with my innocence a lot better, life being easy, as I learned to surrender to the flow. It's been a hell of a ride this initial part of awakening, really. I'll see ya around. Much love! ?

The Infinite is abundant, unmatchable, indescribable - and once you've become one with it, there's no reason to hunt for anything else. It's like drinking water when you're full and hydrated, no purpose in that, but you can give one - that's the beauty of life.

Life itself day by day it's a philosophy. We don't need default rules or philosophies, as nothing stays the same, because the Universe is way more dynamic than our perceptions, and the fluctuations brake most of our views. The only good philosophy it's peace, but the egoless one, coming from benevolence and pure love.

If you're complaining about life - that it is too hard sometimes, that your counciousness work doesn't have the outcome you desire, that you've not achieved your goal yet, or you're feeling down - you must consider the fact that there were many people who went to concentration camps, faced slavery, children who are struggling with cancer, or face extreme poverty. We're living in luxury, my friends. Do your best, but don't complain. As long as you have a shelter, a family, food and water to drink, and you can pursue your dreams, you shouldn't worry about anything else. Perception is everything. Problems are of the mind. Love yourself and you'll manage to love others, and you'll attract the dream life you ascend to, even though it's just a game. Make your fragile existence here worth the stay by living big and courageous. I'm not stressing optimism here, instead I opt for humility and gratefulness, qualities which are way more sincere and fulfilling than the forcing of success.

Nicely said, man. I comparatively said to think about people who are going through worse, to get a bigger picture understanding and don't say something like "oh my God, the end is near". Emotions and basic deficient needs should be investigated and solved. If you can barely see, and have lost your glasses that doesn't mean that you must think about the blind people all over the world who are happy, and have adjusted to that aspect, as an excuse to avoid solving something that you CAN. That was my point - do your best, inquire, learn, desire, but don't make yourself your own slave, or hide behind irrational excuses.

Indeed. By poor, I meant low in expectations and simple.

I keep having insights of unity and blissfulness, and I see how everything is just a big scene, with counciousness divided into the surroundings and into all living beings. I'm ecstatic even as I am writing this, feeling super charged with energy, as I'm about to disperse into the background, Samadhi like. Jesus said to His disciples, "Truly I say to you, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. So become poor - surrender, and everything else will be shown in its purest form.

@DandaLeo also said that the brain is an idea, and fairly so. Counciousness comes from nothingness, which is in essence everything that surrounds us and us ourselves. You can't define it, it's that magical, like existence and life itself. Stop asking and you'll feel it for yourself, and the question(s) instantly disappears.

I keep seeing people trying to get enlightenment, or reach the non-dual state. The paradox is that you can't get there, because as soon as you've set it as a priority, it becomes separate from what you are, which is enlightenment. It's like chasing you're own tail. The quickest way to get there is to surrender to your emotions and thoughts, and just relax. You know you're "there" once your mind stops playing and you feel as though if you were about to die in the following moment, you wouldn't care, because you've been liberated. Liberation means to be free = letting go of the spiritual lust and attachments. The tree doesn't ask for rain to make fruits, nor does it complain about the wind, he just is a tree and waits for water in the waves of existence. That's a pretty good analogy I've found. Be a tree, don't give a shit, drop what doesn't serve your higher purpose.

@Loreena Shit happens everywhere. It's up to you how are you going to value your attention towards the respective aspect of reality.

The first thing we must do is admit to ourselves where we've neglected our soul's wounds and desires, and make it our companion, rather than an enemy that we're in a race with, which needs to stand still for our fairy tale enlightenment fantasies.

This one will be a big game changer for you, and for your's soul desires, or inner child as it is referred to. I am currently at this stage of learning to work with my soul, which Matt calls The Spiritual Wall. Basically, he says that you can't advance spiritually or emotionally, until you've learned to take care of your inner child. After having an awakening, I currently find myself at the point in which my soul cries for Love, Attention and Honesty, instead of some more spiritual techniques to hide my deeper wounds. The inner child takes its form as ego in order to seek the attention - that we forgot to offer it ourselves - from others, the outside world. Most of the spiritual shit is making our inner child/shadow suffer, because it's like taking a child to a psychologist in order to make it obey our rules. Now that's not real Love, which spirituality should be about. Matt Kahn really hit home with this one for me. Good luck, everyone! ''The inner child just wants you to focus on two things: Honesty and Self-love.'' ''Your inner child doesn't care how spiritual you are, doesn't care what you remember and trying to keep straight. The more you try to earn your spiritual gold stars, the more it'll sabotage you. The ONLY thing that it cares about is for you to relly on IT.''

Selfishness is a beautiful word, said Osho. It means loving and caring for yourself. You can only take care of others and love them, once you've been selfish enough to do it for yourself. Narcissism excluded, of course.

Evil does not exist, neither does Good. They're concepts used to divide existence towards rationalization and personal purpose. The only thing that exists is counciousness, divided in many aspects by the mind's functions.

From the posts I've seen, and mostly from personal experience, I can tell you that the gift of abundent counciousness comes with a price - the uprising of unresolved traumas and of harmful psychological paterns. This comes is waves of psychosis for some, or in scary frightening bodily symptoms for others, or both. Striping away the inauthentic and bringing forth the light and love that you are takes time, courage and wisdom, but "you'll make it, despite the worst odds, and it'll be better than anything else you can imagine", to quote Charles Bukowski. The best thing you can do is realize that you pretty much have no control over life and you are just an actor on a stage, so just continue your meditation practice and attend and heal the upcoming symptoms with courage, interest and discipline. Love yourself and don't push or criticize yourself too hard, because you're digging into the essence of existence itself! Everything has its time. Have faith, you're brave!