Miguel1

@WonderSeeker I have had sex with many girls. In my younger years, I was excited about it but as I got more and more of it, and also matured more, I just couldn't get an erection anymore, even tho I had a beautiful girl in my bed. I remember beating myself up for it. And it is not performance anxiety, as I am very confident in my sexual skills since I have been sexually active all my adult life and have proactively worked on improving it. It just feels extremely mechanical, repetitive, and meaningless. I remember the most toxic thing I did regarding this I believe was one time I couldn't get it up, and I had to in the middle of it, take a "toilet break" just to go watch some of my favorite porn to get it up and go back to get started. But truly, all these sexual experiences were awful. Feels too transactional and that I am only treating the girl as a sex object, rather than a vibrant human being. Contrast this to having sex (make love) with a girl I actually like, and more importantly, Respect and Value on a deeper level than just the surface beauty. Suddenly, I am always fully turned on near her, and I can have sex with her all day, even if she is not the most beautiful girl. The attraction and pull I have towards a girl I adore vs a girl I only see as a shell is like 100X difference. I need to be really into a girl emotionally to truly desire her. I need the girl to be one I love spending time with, rather than just want to kick them out immediately after I come. Here is a more in-depth story I recently wrote on how I figured my desire for connection, and how it also fixed my ED. Another thought that came to my mind is that my home is a deeply special place for me. I have very carefully and with deep love made it a sacred place for me, with lots of meaning, beauty, experiences and art. Bringing a random hook up whom I couldn't care less about to my divine place feels like a complete self-betrayal. Most of these stage orange materialist girls most likely even finds my home weird. It is a complete misalignment. My home is too beautiful for them! On a more general note, it feels like I am allowing unconsciousness to enter my being when I have shallow, random, transactional hook ups. I think it all just boils down to having a sexual experience with a girl from a place of ego and unconsciousness vs conscious authentic self. It does strongly seem like I have developmental demi sexuality (not necessarily fully developed tho), since I wasn't always like this (innate). I have always been a deeply caring and empathetic person tho, but it has increased dramatically throughout the years. What about you? P.S - way to go off the trail of the original thread lol. But since others didn't wanna share their experiences, might as well Warning: I am at a place where I am, at a relatively young age, most likely only because I was blessed with looks and a naturally very charismatic personality. Plus of course a ton of developmental and spiritual work. Lots of people reading this, should not be modeling after this. You should exhaust your ego desires. Be the devil as much as you need to be, and don't condemn it, otherwise you will turn into an even bigger devil: spiritual devil!

If you have trauma(s), work with a therapist On top of that, work seriously and passionately towards a life you love. For example, your life purpose, finances, health, hobbies, passions, art, socializing etc. And finally, everything Leo teaches which is the whole domain of metaphysics and spirituality.

And this is an unconscious behaviour in the sense that you are intentionally playing the mysterious archetype in order to manipualte her fantasies to go wild.

@Valach Leo has made great episodes on this. But as a practical pointer, truly it comes down to finding your true values and living in alignment with them. If pursuing sex is not your top value, stop doing it.

@Natasha Tori Maru I see, you make a good point in how some people type INFJ not because they truly are but because of other reasons, especially trauma. I can see how they are linked. And I can see her being an healthy INFJ too. Can @Emerald confirm? 😊

@Natasha Tori Maru I see! Yeah I have a couple fairly close INFJ friends and they are in many ways complete opposite to me, it’s mind buggling. But these people did have a tough childhood that they haven’t processed. I am yet to bump into a healthy INFJ.

I am almost certain you have mentioned that you type as INFJ, the introvert version of me

@Emerald Unconscious behaviour attracts unconscious people. Conscious behaviour works as a mirror and no person wants to see how much of a devil they are. Having integrous and truthful conversations with women is the surest way to lose them. The more you feed them fantasies, the better. Trust me, you aint gettig laid a lot if you behave very consciously and mature, even if you are physically attractive. I am speaking from a ton of personal experience. Also, there’s a lot of good looking extroverts teaching dating out there. I find that more common (and more of a true issue), unless you are talking about behavioural attractiveness in which case toxic unconscious behaviour is a turn off for a conscious woman like you but a big turn on for majority of women. That’s the black pill reality of dating. I get almost proportionally better results with women, the more unconscious I behave. It is sickening, and heart breaking. And probably not something I am willing to put up with for long anymore.

Brother, stop conforming to nonsense, and use critical thinking for yourself. I am the same age as you, and I stopped casual hook ups long time ago. Nothing turns me off more than shallow BS. Learn to love yourself, and the ability to properly masturbate. Masturbation done right satisfies you so much than random hook up with an unconscious being.

This will be wild. Excited

@Leo Gura Pick up brainwashing

@WonderSeeker Yup. I am definitely very picky with whom I decide to even go on a date with. I will screen quite hard for their ability for more maturity. Edit: btw: have you heard of demi sexuality? I have been considering whether I have developed it in recent years.

@Zenterus Oh, my bad! It’s good to have others who are in the same stage of the journey with the whole sex game. Can get very lonely with all the unconsciousness around it, and as you said, the pick up programming.

@Emerald Thank you for the insights, they are a great reminder for myself to keep grounded and in integrity, now that I’m entering the dating market again after many years.

Since you only have 7 post, I’m gonna assume you are fairly new here and havent bumped into this post: I was reminded of this, so I thought I would share it for you. You are not alone in feeling like this. At least me and OJ shared our experience with this on the thread. Check it out brother.

Man, this is like hell in every possible way lol I wouldn’t even be able to get an erection if sex became this mechanical and robotic.

Go straight to studying Josh Lyons’ Actualized Selling. The most honest, authentic yet effective stage orange way you can possibly sell.

Bro is old-school

I have completely given up on finding a girl my age group, that is into spirituality in the purest sense, and not new-age BS. I will be happy to have a solid stage green girlfriend with relatively good integrity. So in that sense, instead of looking for a girl into spirituality, I am more looking for a girl who is more honest, truthful and integrous. Spirituality is basically Truth anyways.

Yup, I am similar in the sense that I am attracted to the same age group. That means women around the age 24-30, but in practice more like 24-28. How many of these are conscious and mature enough for a healthy relationship based on truth! But you make a good point about the upside of my extrovertness, I didn’t even think about it! I guess it is a double edged sword, as many things in life are. On one hand, it makes meeting new people, in volume, much easier. But on the other hand, it means I crave connection and socialization much more than an introvert.

I have been having a crisis from this for a long time, and still haven’t moved on from it. Especially as a young man who isn’t attracted to the older women yet, finding a young mature and conscious woman is virtually impossible. It’s just that I happen to be an extrovert who values deep intimate companionship.

@Leo Gura Wow, this is very well articulated. This is what I am trying to put into words for myself when I date now vs 5 years ago when I was much more corrupt.

Thanks for sharing. Good self-awareness! For me, it must be dating as I recentl started going out to meet people and date again. And good riddance! It’s an unconscious and conformity-filled cesspool! It is almost perfectly correlated that the more conscious and mature you behave, the less results you get. And vice versa. My God, I have matured too much in the past 5 years to be playing this game for long.

I almost choked on my food

https://www.vogue.com/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now Articles like this fueling the girls’ side of things.