WelcometoReality

Inquire into that question and it will be revealed to you. You werent aware of it so how can you blame yourself for it? Also you say you have low self esteem. Now look at the thoughts you've written about yourself. How do they make you feel? How are they serving you? Are they really true?

A nice honest introspection. Go deeper and inspect that fear. Why are you avoiding that person? What are you afraid of?

Yes blind spots where Ego is hiding. As the last layer of ego is dissolved there is an experience of death.

Yeah there's a gravity but not a gravitor that chooses if it happens or not. Or like a ripple in a pond. From the ripples POV it's moving forward. It's getting somewhere but from the ponds POV there is nothing happening. The pond is not going anywhere and the ripple was just an effect of the pebble being tossed in the pond. The ego identification happens but it is just the ripple in the pond. From the egos perspective there's death but death is just the experience of the ripples energetic movement ebbing out.

Because there is nothing to reflect back upon it. Just as a perfectly transparent window can only be seen if there is dirt on it.

So craving attention because your resisting loneliness? What story is coming up and what feelings?

Good Point(er). ?

@VeganAwake no pointer is perfect I guess.

Yes some disentangling happens by itself but some might need further investigating to be disentangled. We could see it as a misidentification I use it aswell sometimes but that does not explain the reassembling or reidentification that happens after the initial seeing and not death experience when the last layer of ego is shed.

After awakening the ego will still be there in thought and feeling since that is what it's made of and it will try to bring back control with thought, anxiety, fear and it will try to reconstruct as an enlightened person or god. After awakening there is still work to disentangle the ego identification which is integrated in the thought feeling patterns until the ego completely dissolves. The body will still operate without an ego trying to control. It will be no effort because the ego is the resistance itself.

How did that manifest in your life? What is giving you direction in your life right now?

It depends on what you want to point to with the word energy. In your own experience it might be feelings or mood. In a more theoretic context it might be electricity.

@BipolarGrowth I resonated with what he said about ego dies and is reborn from moment to moment in form of thoughts and feelings. And if those are believed to be true ego is running our life.

It's only painful if we resist it which most of us do. ?

@roopepa if you don't want to know truth then it might be better to do something else with your time. At a certain point you can't go back and undo this work. Find out what you really want and focus on that instead.

@SageModeAustin Do you do any kournaling about this stuff? It might help you create some distance to it.

There is no object without a thought. It creates objects from "parts" of seeing. Without thought it's just one "field" of awareness.

@GreenWoods If the screenshots are moving fast enough there doesn't seem to be screenshots but a movie. What if the screenshots in this case are thought moving so quickly that it seems to be an object in motion?

If you fell back into samsara it wouldnt be fully enlightenment. It's the final liberation where there no longer is any identification left with that which can fall back. Yet it's going back into Samsara without believing that it's true. "To be of in the world but not of it."

See through the questioner/self/thought.

Yes. Seeking something other than truth/knowing. Which is perfectly fine.

@machiavelli What is is and thought puts the labels good and bad on parts of it which causes separation. Grasping the good and pushing away the bad. Liberation is seeing through the illusion that the thoughts create.

@Beginner Mind It's so simple that it might seem boring to the spirtual seeker.

Yes this is it. Yes. Surrender those thoughts The belief that it's hard makes it hard. Everything you said are pointers. There is no reality to it. There is nowhere to rest your head.

Confusion comes from thought trying to makes sense of this. There is nothing it can do.