vizual

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself and maybe thinking this thing a bit too seriously. It's very tempting to the mind to take this whole contemplation thing very seriously and invest a lot of concentration and effort in to it. You probably want to do it 'right' or not at all. But contemplation should be more approached as an art, than a science. Just go to where you curiosity leads you. Write down stupid questions about who you are, why you are where you are at in life, who are people in general, or whatever sparks your imagination. It's all about putting your own reality into a perspective of truth. Your own perspective is unique to you so every self inquiry is different, there is no right answer or approach. It's about the intent of getting to the truth of existence. Now this sounds very serious, but it's not, just try to have fun with it.

You need to bring awareness to the thing you are focussing on, and the thing that is doing the focussing. Both these objects of awareness do not exist in a vacuum, even if they do seem to do so when the focussing has already begun. Both the object and the subject exist within awareness. You can't 'try' to become aware of these objects. You can only 'soften the lens' so that the whole picture can come into focus.

You can't be more aware, you can only be less unaware. Becoming more aware implies there is some effort to be made. Notice that when you start to become sleepy and the awareness turns inside the mind, you are blocking out certain parts of the external experience. If you become sleepy, see the sleepiness as a part of the whole experience. It's not that when you become sleepy you become a separate entity, sleepiness still arises inside effortless awareness. If the sleepiness arises, let it come and watch it as the part of the whole. Trying to fight it with thought will not get you any further. Don't go into a meditation session with a certain goal or mindset. Rather, let everything unfold as it arises, that's the only goal. Zero interference by 'you'. Even if thought arises, let it go by as breezy wind. Focussing on breath and body can serve as a pathway to a higher awareness. But it's not the body and breath per se that will make it happen. It's more that the body and breath are more in tune with things that just 'be'.

Every person who is not enlightened is religious in a way. Enlightenment means the letting go of all attachments to beliefs that are hold. An organized religion is very clear in their beliefs, but even as you define yourself as an 'atheist' or an 'agnost' who does not belief in particularly anything, you have just as much beliefs as the religious person. It's just more subtle because your beliefs are more disguised as they are probably more in tune with the part of society you attach your identity to. A part of society which deems itself as non-religious. So, at the end of the day. It doesn't matter which dogma you attach yourself to, no dogma is closer(or farther away) to truth than any other dogma.

It's not about your genetics, your past experiences, present experiences, your 'depression', your 'balls', limiting beliefs, your self worth, your self acceptance, your attitude, your thoughts nor your insecurities. Do you see how many value judgments and concepts you are using in that short chapter of text you wrote? These judgments are stories that probably go though your mind every day, but they are only stories, concepts and fictions. Yes, when you are identified with them they sound real, they sound if these thoughts make up who you are. These thoughts even get validated by your external world, this results in a downward spiral. Have you noticed this? When your thoughts became more negative, your outer world became more negative as well. When you attach to the thoughts of low value, people will give you the feedback that you are low value. And the dangerous thing is, these thoughts can seem VERY real when they gain momentum in life. Your best chance to get out of this is to gain awareness. These thoughts are not yours, your thoughts do not make up who you are, you are not your thoughts. Meditate, and watch the thoughts. Not a single one of your thoughts are true, they are just one part of the background. When you can align yourself with the present awareness in stead of these thoughts, your life can change into a positive life in an instant. But don't go looking to keep running away from these thoughts, you gotta look through them. Listen to me, don't indulge yourself in all these stories you have made up about yourself. They are all illusions. Your mind will probably say something like" Yes, but you just don't understand my situation.... my situation IS real...". But is it? That's what the ego does, it always tries to keep itself in al ittle, defined box. But the box will always bring problems in the long run, the box is not real though.

I think the core point of the lifestyle minimalism is that there is enough room to breath in your life for contemplation, peace and awareness. The point is not to throw everything out of your life for the sake of it, it's not about becoming a social recluse. It's about becoming less dependent on the social programming and habits and living more true to your core values without external distractions which bring suffering in the long run of your life. Having a rich social life does not necessarily interfere with living a contemplative, peaceful and conscious life. In fact, you can bring these qualities in your relationships and they wil bring great benefit to both sides of the relationships. I think an important thing to keep in mind that becoming more social is not only about you, there is a bigger picture present.

Just came here to give respect to the best comedian of all time, the one and only Bill Hicks. Shame on you OP for not mentioning his name

Ask yourself this. Who am I when I can't use language, images, symbols or feelings to answer the question?

Ever tried exercising with a friend? You know, something like an accountability buddy, I know it sounds cliche but it works. You can motivate each other and it keeps thing fresh. You have to have someone you can rely on though The topic title is funny because you will never be able to develop love for something. Because when you try to develop something it's the ego's motive that wants to get something out of it. Love only comes from the act of doing it, never from the potential results it may yield. So try to do things that make the process as joyful as possible. Don't try to constantly hammer yourself in doing thing just to get the results. That may yield short term results, but in the long run it's never sustainable.

I'll let you know my thoughts on your questions 1. Enlightenment isn't really a state. It's the true being which has always been there, even when you are wrapped in your ego the most, the pure consciousness is still there looming in the background. But yes, one can be aligned with pure being while being awake and asleep all times. 2. No one should seek that state per se. But it's the end of all suffering and all, for most people there comes a time in their lives they are tired of the same loop of suffering/indulging over and over again. And it makes life so much more enjoyable being one with 'being' that there isn't really a reason not to become 'enlightened'. I think you are confusing thinking with ego. If you're enlightened does not mean you can't think anymore, yes it's our pragmatic use of symbols that differentiate us with wild animals, but a state of no mind does not mean there can't be any thoughts. It's just that the 'voice' is not your voice anymore. Thoughts just become thoughts, like the car you drive in is the car you drive in. You are not your car. And having an ego is not necessarily a bad thing, nothing is bad in the eyes of truth. It's just that being heavily attached to ego has the side effect of suffering, there's no escaping it. 3. When one becomes enlightened there isn't a 'you' anymore that wants anything. 'You' become nothingness/awareness/consciousness who is one the background being everything that comes into the awareness. That does not mean that the character you currently identify yourself as becomes a hermit that meditates all day in a cave. It just means that you release total control of the character and let it do what it is supposed to do. Whatever the outcome. there will be happiness guaranteed. Maybe the character becomes a successful businessman/yogi/artist/garbageman, it's not up for anyone to decide on this plane of reality. Really, there is no ultimate truth to 'Life purpose'. The purpose of life is just living it and trying to wrap that in one single purpose diminishes the exploratory and spontaneous nature of life. Life should be a constant flow of adventure, peace, love, discovery etc. all wrapped into one. But when you try to define life in a purpose, suffering and unhappiness will eventually ensue. 4. Why does it end? You probably haven't made the realization yet, it's not yet complete. Keep looking, you'll get it.

So what is in control you ask? The same thing that makes the world spin, the rivers flow, the ants march and the clouds float in the sky. Who or what is that? you tell me Identify 'your' awareness with thought, and the thoughts will go rampant. Identify awareness with the totality of being, and you will know peace and harmony with existence. Saying you are your thoughts is like a log saying how good of a swimmer he is when he's floating down a river stream. Sure, the log can go fast and all, but is he really doing the swimming?

No! The last thing you should do is take meditation and truth seriously Cool vid though

Not a hindrance at all. In fact, it can even be beneficial as long as you ask the following two questions during the deed: Who is the one that is masturbating? And, why is that woman getting urinated on by those two well hung black men? Ok, scratch that second question

Have you tried the Nut-scratching-determination-sitting Technique? You get a person that gently tickles your ball sack with a feather and your job is too hold off scratching it for as long as possible. Enlightenment guaranteed, tell me how it goes.

It's obvious what you are doing wrong. You are thinking too much. Look at your post. You are trying to analyze how you take a poop, it's not supposed to be analyzed, it's just something you do. If your meditation sessions are to be analyzed, studied and improved upon you are just wasting time meditating. Meditation is this: you sit. That's it. It's the ego that is trying to create the perfect circumstances because the ego doesn't want to do it. And even if you manage to convince yourself that you actually do want to do the meditation, yeah that's also the ego. It's really funny that you are disappointed that you didn't feel any different. What did you expect really? That you become some holyman with superpowers? If you want to feel different you should take drugs or something. If you want enlightenment, you can't have any expectations, you'll be disappointed no matter what.

What is true art really? I'd argue it's an expression of being. Everything is an expression of 'being' really, except it can be heavily distorted by ego. You don't need ego to create art. The ego can't do or create anything, the ego is a creation in itself, not a creator. Creation comes out of the void, or nothingness. Doing art or not doing art. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things toward enlightenment because it's not the do-er that becomes enlightened. What you might try is to bring more spontaneity into your art in stead of trying to plot everything.

The grass is always greener on the other side. When you commit to something there will always be doubts and downsides. There is no 'perfect' and 'flawless' life, life is perfect with all its flaws. There has never been a person in history who felt passionate and excited about what he or she was doing 24/7. It's about committing to something and sticking with it. There is never ever going to be something which is perfectly tailor made to you, there will always be wiggle room to other things. Other things will always be luring you from your goals. If there would be such a thing which would be tailor made to you there could never be any change or progress in the world. The world needs a certain type of inner and outer conflict to progress. Embrace the conflict and dive deep into life, it's the only path to happiness.

All desire is ultimately the desire for 'oneness'. Whether it be the desire of enlightenment or finding your life purpose. And 'you' will never find this oneness, that's the grand joke of it all. When you go around chasing these desires you will occasionally be teased by glimpses of oneness but you will never get the whole thing. The thing that is chasing oneness is the one that is standing in the way of actually seeing it. Sorry to all people who buy into this life purpose stuff. But life has no grand purpose, it is what it is. You can only find more happiness by aligning yourself more to what is.

What is the significance of such a question anyway? Do you think that if you emulate an enlightened person that you become enlightened yourself? An enlightened being is a paradox, there is no being to be enlightened. Whatever that is left, whatever characteristics you give an 'enlightened being', it does not matter. If you think you see an enlightened being becoming angry it's because you think you see him becoming angry, there is no 'him'. There is nothing inside there anymore that is experiencing anger. What is an emotion without someone experiencing that emotion? It's nothing. You can apply any value to an enlightened being, but that being always experiences that as (value)*0. Actually there isn't a being at all anymore but you get the point.

Let me tell you what a proper Zen teacher would do if you asked him this question. Smack you in the head.

Heheh, pretty funny. Pain and pleasure are the same thing essentially, it's the thought we add to it that makes it 'bad' or 'good'. I remember a talk of Alan Watts saying that in torture, that after a while the pain almost always turns into pleasure and the torturer has to stop because it doesn't have the desired effect anymore on the subject. I guess there is this strong sense of power and maybe even immortality in detaching yourself of physical pain since physical pain is the most 'real' kinds of pain we can experience. Emotional pain is such a grey area in which every person has different triggers which might evoke pain, but everyone can relate to the physical.

I'm not saying counting calories does not work but it's hard to say it's not neurotic. You say that you have to count calories to 'manipulate' your body. What's wrong with eating a clean diet rich in whole grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes and lean meats? Of course, in addition to working out regularly in an activity you enjoy. If you do this it's hard not to get the results you desire. A reason to count calories is if you are addicted to sugary and fatty foods, that way you can force yourself to lay off the 'bad' foods. But it rarely fixes the underlying problem of food addiction, it might even make it worse because you are resisting certain foods. Very comparable to a substance addiction. An other reason to count calories is if you are dieting down for a competition where a (sickly) low bodyfat percentage is required. Yes, your body is going to resist you going that low in bodyfat so you have to restrict calories. But for a long term solution? Counting calories is highly neurotic and won't add to your happiness.

If there is one thing that is neurotic regarding eating behavior it is counting/worrying about calories

Take small steps towards positivity. Every journey starts with a single step. No use in judging your parents nor your own situation, you have created your current situation and you can create a new, more positive one. There is nothing to lose in life, only if you think you do. What would I do if I was you? Obviously I'm not you but I'd look for a job and take any job I could get my hands on, just doing something is way better than just sitting around in a negative environment.

Just be the weird lunatic, own it. If they sense you don't give a crap they will back down and probably be intrigued and inspired by you standing for something. Being normal is overrated, and what is being normal in this society anyway? I'd argue that being normal in this society is aching towards lunacy way more than someone who is into meditation lol. Keep meditating man, the truth will set you free, and everyone around you if they open up to it.