mandyjw

Blue eyes, blonde AND a voice like that? I am God after all. Theme of the song nicely resolves the misunderstood consequences of this notion too.

Self Love.

It's definitely not always subtle, you even been in that can't eat, can't sleep kind of love? We make it complex with thinking. The same way we make it complex to eat when we focus way too much on all the mercury in the fish, and our Omega 3 and 6 out of balance, gluten, etc. You can use information and thought to your advantage or to your misery. Yes, we "need" love, sex, friendship, belonging, time alone, good healthy food, exercise, fresh air, sleep, clean water. But even with all my needs and most of my wants taken care of I can still focus on the absence of stuff all day and feel miserable about it, or I can make intelligent decisions to plan around my wants and needs and embrace the moment and what I'm focusing on now. In any given moment there's something to appreciate.

What if Harry Potter isnt real, but the figment of someone's (Jk Rowling's) imagination? I'd still love him anyway.

@Viking Hunger and thirst are a sensations, then we translate them into thought, which is typically an awesome thing since thought allow us to plan ahead for them. But we can also let thought spin out of control and become addicted to food or hoarding food or whatever else. Emotions are like the sensation of hunger or thirst, only less straightforward for most, thought will translate emotion as it likes. If we have mistaken beliefs all translations will be off and may even cause us to want to shut off our guidance of emotions, that's not what I'm suggesting we do.

I'm starting to see that the only reason you'd make a song about not caring about your reputation is because you DO care about your reputation, but don't want to. I should feel disenchanted, but, it's just funny. Hi everyone. I care about my reputation, but I don't want to and I'm trying not to. Embarrassment is highly likely to ensure, because this is a universe of no exclusion, and the universe doesn't hear the word no. Huh, "here" and "hear" sound the same, you can only hear what people say about you, here. The past two days have been extremely productive, with finding motivation and effortlessly knocking down barriers in the realm of something I've wanted to do for a really long time but more recently have not given a shit about, finishing my house and kitchen. THIS is the beauty of law of attraction. Stop giving a shit, and boom. It all seemed to be a domino effect of the washing machine breaking, being happy about this because it was a lemon from the start and also 10 years old, asking my dad to come drain it, so I could get my clothes back. That very night I had this sort of jolting revelation come to me. Don't laugh. "You shouldn't store stuff on the top of the refrigerator." So long story short, this led to repainting the entire kitchen, and fixing in one fell swoop a bunch of stuff I wanted to do but had no motivation to do because I believed I couldn't move the refrigerator by myself. This turned out not to be true. After all this I decided to go out to a beach last night. When I got there I regretted coming, regretted not bringing my daughter, felt unable to enjoy time to myself which I have so been asking for but not believing I could move the fridge my self (other subject, not really). I walked across some mud, found a fossil of something I'd never seen before, and realized I had no desire to keep it, so I put it back and this was more interesting to me than the fossil. Thought about how I turn nature into something I worship too much and feel as if I must enjoy because I think I enjoy it, and I can't think enjoyment, only drop thoughts and enjoy. The tides changed just as I walked out and I got to see the whirlpools go from tiny little circles, to boiling, and when I looked overhead I smiled at seeing an almost perfect equal half quarter moon, on the Spring equinox. When I was driving home, an owl flew straight at my car looking straight at me, moving just in time before it hit the windshield. That's only the second time I've seen an owl in the wild in my life.

The miraculous cosmic joke of it all is that the emptiness that is being feared or avoided is actually already fully that fulfillment that we seek. Happiness is actually the lack of something, the lack of discontent or the sense that something is wrong or missing. In a way you could say it's emptiness, but because it wants nothing and has no bounds you could also say that it's entirely full. So when you're with your girlfriend and things are going well, these isn't anywhere to go, anything to want. Because she is the only "object" or circumstance there when you feel that lack of wanting, you equate her with that feeling of happiness. That's not an issue, but what is an issue is equating her absence, or any other thing or condition's absence with that sense of lack or unease. That sense of lack is a thought, a feeling, a series of thoughts and beliefs that you've practiced that something is missing. It's something extra that you are doing, that is being imposed on an already background of absolutely fulfilled emptiness. Meditation, done in various ways can help you catch the action of thought imposing itself and its ideas and connotations of emptiness (and what it means for it), on the feeling of emptiness, telling you what it is and what you are and what you have to do with each other. When we get this wrong, feeling is our guidance and we feel awful because, our thoughts about ourselves don't align with the Truth of ourselves. On a less existential level, when we get too dependent on a partner, the best thing we can do for ourselves and our relationship is to explore what you want from life and what makes you happy. Start with making lists of things you want, and making lists of stuff that raises your mood that you can work into your day. If you feel unsure, start small. It's crazy how fast the momentum builds. Maybe you want to start a project, learn something new, meet new people, spend more time with friends, join an organization, start a band, but first really sit down and determine what it is you want to create, what makes you happy thinking about it right now. The idea isn't to jump into something that will make us feel complete once we complete it, it's to get in tough with the joy of creating a beautiful life experience right now. All creation, all art starts with an empty blank slate. That emptiness that you avoid is the very potential for creative life force itself. "Now" is empty, limitless, infinite.

Let things happen as they happen , they will sort themselves out nicely in the end. You need not strain towards the future -- the future will come to you on its own. For some time longer you will remain sleep-walking, as you do now, bereft of meaning and assurance, but this period will end and you will find your work both fruitful and easy. There are always moments when one feels empty and estranged. Such moments are most desirable for it means the soul had cast its moorings and is sailing for distant places. This is detachment -- when the old is over and the new has not yet come. If you are afraid, the state may be distressing, but there is really nothing to be afraid of. Remember the instruction: whatever you come across -- go beyond. ~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj ('I Am That') There is nothing wrong with the world. What is wrong is the way you look at it. It is your own imagination that misleads you. Without imagination there is no world. Your conviction that you are conscious of a world is the world. " -Nisargadatta Maharaj Ok, so let's throw some boomerangs, and project some stuff on the world. It's scary. (I'm scared) It's big. (I'm little and insignificant.) I can't tell if the guy who lost his license for DUI and drives by my house on a lawn mower to go to the gas station is sad or humorous. (don't know what to do with that either?) There should be more trees everywhere, and I don't like public restrooms. (You really do think you're a feral cat, I guess) Ok, I think my mood is currently too good for doing this. I'll try again when I'm pissed off or something.

Any attempt to escape what you already are is a trap. You wouldn't need to escape if you didn't think you were trapped. The trap, your wolrd is a projection of you, self created. The word escape comes from es cape, like someone grabbed your cloak and you slipped out and ran off without it. “Go back, go back to sleep. Yes, you are allowed. You who have no Love in your heart, you can go back to sleep. The power of Love is exclusive to us, you can go back to sleep. I have been burnt by the fire of Love. You who have no such yearning in your heart, go back to sleep. The path of Love, has seventy-two folds and countless facets. Your love and religion is all about deceit, control and hypocrisy, go back to sleep. I have torn to pieces my robe of speech, and have let go of the desire to converse. You who are not naked yet, you can go back to sleep.” - Rumi Jesus said, "When you strip without being ashamed, and you take your clothes and put them under your feet like little children and trample them, then [you] will see the son of the living one and you will not be afraid."

@SilentTears I'd like to agree that it's wild, but maybe it's just feral since I'm still able to be trapped with the right treats. ? It's less about the chocolate and more about just noticing the attempts to escape.

Feeling all over the place, and muddy so I'm hoping to focus some things. I've been working more lately, basically to focus on something that has momentum since I'm sort of prone to noticing other things that don't. And cause, it's fun and makes money. Hard to lose. My studio is such an amazing thing to behold, messy though it looks, it is full of a 17 year old collection of different kinds of glass, tools, murrini chips made by myself and other artists, and all kinds of different odds and ends. Complex murrini is a bitch, 2 plus hour commitment of intense, focused work that you cannot stop for any reason whatsoever, and when you pull it, it either works or it doesn't. If it does work you have a design you can use in beads for years. I have a huge library. Then there's my head, full of techniques and refinements I've made for years. There's a lot of momentum there. With spirituality, and teaching or whatever the fuck I'm doing, I feel like a babe in the woods, thrilled with myself for doing the most basic things, which is FUN, oh so fun. My passion for it is driving it, but it doesn't really have a lot of roads built that it can drive on. The secret to life is that mastery gets really fucking boring after a while and yet, you get to keep your infrastructure or whatever. Ooooh... I'm just being results oriented. Where's my fucking results, mother fuckers? I don't know which and what I'm referring to, but i know there aren't here NOW. SOMEONE HAS TO ANSWER FOR THIS. There aren't any. This is it, this is the fun. Oh right. Where's the chocolate? I need some chocolate. (You're saving that for tomorrow, since you know, you bought the bar yesterday and there's like one piece left?) Fuck.

@SilentTears Good to see you! How are things?

Yesterday I journaled some about being frustrated and feeling stuck especially having to do with my location and how I know I'm very identified with where I live. I came to the realization that anything I project on the world and society could be/is also self reflected. So I want to explore more with that. I found that one way I felt stuck here and felt inadequate and ashamed of myself was because of my driving "anxiety". I discovered a whole bunch of YouTube videos where I can program my brain in a whole bunch of tricky driving situations while it's in a relaxed state, without having to drive 2 hours plus to get to even a single highway or a minor city. That was a huge barrier to being able to practice at all. There's one channel in particular that is really amazing. This made me realize more fully that I've just never had this experience before, and it's nothing to take personally. Driving here is incredibly relaxing, open roads, low population. I never have to change lanes, ever. I also realized that I've never had any experience needing to check my blind spots or merging. Thought the blind spot parallel was funny. Thinking about this in a focused way and watching videos about driving really helped me to get out of the emotional judgmental funk about it.

Dealing with this cyclical pain bubbling up. Woke up in the night last night, my daughter seemed disoriented and went downstairs like it was morning, and then came back up and my husband said sternly "Go back to bed." For some reason I was up and just feeling some sort of sorrow or pain, and even though it seemed she did what she was told and went back to sleep, she started crying in what seemed to me the most miserable way, and I got her and brought her back to bed. She woke up in an awful mood. She has been such a teacher to me, showing me that my caring creative side and strong emotions are just one quintessential female manifestation, with powers and drawbacks, and I'm not just some fuck up for having these things and can stop taking them so personally. I both love them and am driven crazy by them being reflected in her. It seems like parents often fight about what parenting style is best, motherly love or strict discipline. Sometimes I wonder if nonduality and enlightenment teaching is so male dominated because it is the more stern approach. I think sometimes direct teachings get confused and work just like this. I also think that teaching that projects one's own pain upon another is ineffective, and that's the other side of the story. Empathy can identify one's own unhealed pain in another, and in what one thinks is connection is actually disconnection. It's not a dilemma that's going to be solved right now. "Latin from Greek dilēmma, from di- ‘twice’ + lēmma ‘premise’." ha People project this sort of empathy on my often when I say I have a autistic kid because so many people are scared of having a disabled child. He's a lovely kid, there have been challenges but really, I don't see his autism as any source of suffering outside of my own challenges and misunderstandings I've had as a mother in general. There was a Christmas concert or two when I didn't feel that way, but it turns out autism is an incredible way to teach people who care too much what others think that that kind of concern just doesn't work out for anyone ever. I don't want people to empathize with what they think I feel, and I don't want them to tell me to just stop it, neither do I want to do these things for myself.

You can't "just stop it". You aren't neurotic or beta ass, judgements like this only make the attachment stick worse. Be aware of the thoughts and impulses to check her status online, don't judge yourself for them, don't try to control them too much. If you can, find something you really want to do to take your mind off it. Call a friend, go play a sport, etc.

Curiosity, creativity, joy, in tune with and follows their inspiration, lack of self awareness, kind but without care of what people think. Sees challenges as opportunities for growth, takes responsibility for everything but nothing personally. Makes the most of life naturally and effortlessly through inspiration, without motivations of fear or insignificance.

You are Known.

Hell is the thing you think you're already avoiding, but actually thinking about right now.

@LastThursday Do you do or have you done anything artist or creative in nature? I find that men who are musicians or artists in some way generally have an amazing balance if you can call it that. Creativity is about getting in touch with a kind of allowing or receiving energy. It's best if what you're creating isn't for any real purpose that gets in the way of the fun or exploration of it. Women are so creative, we can even make people, we made ourselves and all the men too. Somewhere along the line someone decided making people was important to do or not do, and then it became much less fun I think. ?

It's weird, not one really gets it, infers a loss of sobriety, and yet, it's very inspirational. Just like life.

I'm imaging the reactions I'd get if I served my kids egg and cheese sandwiches with boiled eggs instead of fried. Might be kinda fun to do on April Fools day though...

Good to know. It's really hard to cook eggs everyday in anything but a nonstick pan.

I have a glass frying pan I got that's from the 70's. "Visions" glassware or something like that. You can often find them at Goodwill, Salvation army or eBay. They used to make them out of the real pyrex glass, now most all the baking dishes you get are run of the mill glass and break a lot easier.